Fic: A Love She Can't Live Without (Criminal Minds)
Fic: A Love She Can’t Live Without
Author: Femvamp
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: JJ/Will, JJ/Emily
Distribution: P&P & CM Femslash can have it anyone else ask I'll say yes.
Disclaimer: Show not mine. Sanity not mine either.
Note: Based on this song: http://www.metrolyrics.com/love-she-cant-live-without-lyrics-clint-black.html which makes me think of JJ feelings for Emily and Will.
Note2: More of a warning really. If you hate Will you might not like this story. I’m not mean to him. Actually I’m kinda nice. I kinda like him. In any other setting I would have liked him.
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She knows he loves her. He tells her all the time. He wants to marry her and not just because she’s pregnant. He wanted to marry her before. He never said so outright but he hinted about their future together. Usually right after they made love and it was love. She couldn’t deny that. He offered her everything.
Everything she never wanted.
Everything she never needed.
JJ knew she loved Will. She also knew deep down she had to find a way out of whatever love she found herself not really in. Every time she looked in the mirror these days it was like looking at a stranger. All the compromises she was making to be with him were beginning to change her. All the things he was asking her to sacrifice were becoming too much.
Things like the FBI.
The BAU.
Emily.
There had been something there she was sure of it. She just had never been sure if it was romantic or just a deep friendship and when Emily had told her to go for Will she wasn’t sure she wanted to ask. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer. Were the feelings she had hers alone?
JJ knew that she couldn’t be Will’s forever. She just didn’t have those kind of feelings for him and saying “I do” would be a mistake. She couldn’t even be his for now. Pretending that they were a happy couple waiting for her to change her mind wasn’t working either, because it wasn’t her mind that needed changing. JJ knew she had to be kind to them both and find some way to let go of Will and the safety he promised to bring her. A safe world. A world her parents could understand. A world where she could be a wife and mother. All things she should have wanted but didn’t.
JJ could live with everything that went with leaving Will. She knew it was the only way to save them both a lifetime of unhappiness and it would be both of them she was saving. It was killing her inside to give up on finally getting that white picket fence but she knew she couldn’t live with herself if she stayed and that was what it came down to. Living with herself.
She could settle for Will, she knew that. There was something there. She did have feeling for him. JJ was never one of those people who slept around. She needed to feel something before she had sex with someone. There had to be something and there was something with Will. JJ knew she could give in and work things out with Will. He was a good man and he would be a good husband and father. Just not to her and she had no intention of keeping him away from the child they were having. They would work something out there.
The hardest part for JJ was the fact that she did love William LaMontagne, Jr. She just didn’t want the kind of love she could live with. She wanted the kind of love she couldn’t live without.
The kind of love she had with Emily.
Now all she had to figure out was if Emily felt the same.
Author: Femvamp
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: JJ/Will, JJ/Emily
Distribution: P&P & CM Femslash can have it anyone else ask I'll say yes.
Disclaimer: Show not mine. Sanity not mine either.
Note: Based on this song: http://www.metrolyrics.com/love-she-cant-live-without-lyrics-clint-black.html which makes me think of JJ feelings for Emily and Will.
Note2: More of a warning really. If you hate Will you might not like this story. I’m not mean to him. Actually I’m kinda nice. I kinda like him. In any other setting I would have liked him.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She knows he loves her. He tells her all the time. He wants to marry her and not just because she’s pregnant. He wanted to marry her before. He never said so outright but he hinted about their future together. Usually right after they made love and it was love. She couldn’t deny that. He offered her everything.
Everything she never wanted.
Everything she never needed.
JJ knew she loved Will. She also knew deep down she had to find a way out of whatever love she found herself not really in. Every time she looked in the mirror these days it was like looking at a stranger. All the compromises she was making to be with him were beginning to change her. All the things he was asking her to sacrifice were becoming too much.
Things like the FBI.
The BAU.
Emily.
There had been something there she was sure of it. She just had never been sure if it was romantic or just a deep friendship and when Emily had told her to go for Will she wasn’t sure she wanted to ask. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer. Were the feelings she had hers alone?
JJ knew that she couldn’t be Will’s forever. She just didn’t have those kind of feelings for him and saying “I do” would be a mistake. She couldn’t even be his for now. Pretending that they were a happy couple waiting for her to change her mind wasn’t working either, because it wasn’t her mind that needed changing. JJ knew she had to be kind to them both and find some way to let go of Will and the safety he promised to bring her. A safe world. A world her parents could understand. A world where she could be a wife and mother. All things she should have wanted but didn’t.
JJ could live with everything that went with leaving Will. She knew it was the only way to save them both a lifetime of unhappiness and it would be both of them she was saving. It was killing her inside to give up on finally getting that white picket fence but she knew she couldn’t live with herself if she stayed and that was what it came down to. Living with herself.
She could settle for Will, she knew that. There was something there. She did have feeling for him. JJ was never one of those people who slept around. She needed to feel something before she had sex with someone. There had to be something and there was something with Will. JJ knew she could give in and work things out with Will. He was a good man and he would be a good husband and father. Just not to her and she had no intention of keeping him away from the child they were having. They would work something out there.
The hardest part for JJ was the fact that she did love William LaMontagne, Jr. She just didn’t want the kind of love she could live with. She wanted the kind of love she couldn’t live without.
The kind of love she had with Emily.
Now all she had to figure out was if Emily felt the same.