Wally, chapter 5
Title: Wally
Chapter 5
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid's uncle Angus dies and that brings him to Oakdale. The title will be explained later in the story but I guess you figure out who Wally is....
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta
Did I make the wrong decision? Should I have invited him in my room? I wasn't ready to be the guy I sounded like, I talked as if I was flirting with him and maybe I was but somehow I blocked. Dammit, what was wrong with me? I already thought that Wally asked me out on a date and now I ....
I was a drunken mess, I couldn't form logical explanations or figure out what I thought anymore, I had to go to bed and sleep until the alcohol was gone.
It was nice though, to talk to a Samaritan, to see how lovingly he gave his life a turn into helping others. He had given millions to the hospital. I was curious about the wing hearing how much money was spend already. And he had some budget left....
Would it be something for me to move here? Could I look at him without wanting to hear more, look at him more? He was so different than Andrew, and so different than I had been. He wasn't working on his status and he looked like a slob in real life, something I would have disapproved off in my old life.
But his dedication was so addictive, if only I could step over my shadow and go to Wally’s and teach the kids something, help them with their homework, let them mow my garden....
What the..., was I thinking about mowing a garden here? Did I want to live in the house of my past? Maybe I had to stop thinking and meet Wally there tomorrow, we would make a plan for the house so he could let his pupils live in it.
I slept restless that night, parts of my past with Angus came back and it gave me nightmares. I woke up with a racing heart a few times, realizing that I was a grown up in a hotel room.
But I was shaved and showered at the house at 10. Wally was already there, looking at his phone. He greeted me and I let him in. He had brought his I-pad so we could make some sketches.
"So what are your plans?", he asked me while we walked inside the house.
I got shivers when I thought back at my scary dreams. "I don't know what I want to be honest", I said. "I dreamed about this house last night and they were not good, maybe that is a sign that I am not ready to live here".
He looked worried at me. "Hey Reid, you're in charge here you know, if you want to go back to Dallas that's okay, maybe I can buy this house from you. What if we strip it and make it open, then it won't be the house that freaks you out. What kind of color do you like on the walls?".
I had never had a color on a wall so I had no idea. Wally opened an app and showed me what the living room would look like painted in a soft brown, or a dark purple. With a large wall painted in that color the house got homey all of a sudden, and so different.
"That's a nice one", I said and nodded. "Maybe if we break down the walls between the kitchen and the living room its better, then we have one room left and that can change into a nice bathroom. So maybe we should start there and wait with the first floor until the kids are gone, they need some walls. If you can arrange someone who can do that then I would be very happy".
Wally smirked. "I was thinking about demolishing the place ourselves, the kids can use some stress relief so breaking down the walls will be fantastic. I’ll ask a constructor to help us. And then we are going to paint that large wall purple, and the rest white? Off white? Does it matter?".
I shook my head. "I have seen Wally’s and I love the way you can make a house a home so please use your skills to transform this horror house into something friendly. Do you want me to pay the kids for their work?".
Wally shook his head. "Maybe we can do it with closed wallets, if we do the work then we can live here for free, what do you say?".
He beamed, satisfied with the solution. I knew it was not a matter of money but to show the kids that they had to work for their living. He patted me on the shoulder and smiled.
"I am going to send you video's about our work on Skype or Instagram, do you have that?".
I shook my head. "No, the anti-social me doesn't do social networks Wally", I said.
He held my arm for a minute. "You are so not anti-social Reid", he said. "All I see is a man who doesn't take care of himself and who is kinda lost. Maybe if you come and live here you get a sense of community back, here it's about being part of a bigger whole. Now let's go to Bob and see what you think of the new neurological wing".
Bob turned out to be a nice old man who wanted to retire. Wally introduced us to each other and showed me the new ward with so much enthusiasm that I could only smile.
"You should be a salesman", I said.
"I have been, but it's not my thing", Wally said. "So, when you say yes to the job, what else do you need?".
"At this point it's still "if" and not "when", I weakly replied.
"O yes, don't feel any pressure to make a choice now Reid", Bob said. "A jump like this must be very carefully considered, we don't want you to feel obligated. We know your reputation but we will find someone else if you decide to stay in Dallas".
Suddenly I didn't remember why I wanted to go back. I had still two weeks holiday so I couldn't go to work and then those freaking Christmas days, what would I do now I didn't have a shift? Watch TV on my couch?
I felt Wally’s eyes on me but didn't dare look at him. If he hadn't been here the choice would have been easier, the feelings I slowly discovered deep inside of me were more than just friendship and that irritated the hell out of me. Was I looking for a hook-up or a replacement? His sparkling personality got to me but I fought it.
"I have booked a flight back home tomorrow", I lied. "I have some serious thinking to do and I'll let you know what I am going to do as soon as I know the answer".
Wally and Bob nodded. "Excellent Reid", Wally said. "I am going to go to the kids and we'll make a plan for your house. I'll keep you informed".
Did he see that I was confused by my feelings for him? Did he read my eyes? Did I scare him off? Why did he know so well what I needed?
"Yeah, let me know how things are progressing", I said and walked outside after I shook their hands.
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Being back in Dallas didn't solve anything of course, I was more miserable than I was before I left to Oakdale. I walked through the streets to the bookstore where I had bought books for my man and wanted to hold my hands before my ears, sick and tired already of the Christmas carols. Why was this a nice time of year? People seemed more stressed than usual dragging big bags with food with them.
The store owner saw me and came my way to pat me on the shoulder. "Hey Reid", he said. "What nice of you to come, I have been thinking about you. Can I help you with a book?
I inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent of the paper. Why did I come here? I had no idea but suddenly something boiled up. "I want to know more about run-away kids, do you have something in that direction?
The owner had to think about that for a moment. "I think I have something but it's not in the store, I have brought it to the attic because it didn't sell, let me get it for you".
While I was waiting I realized that the purpose why I had come here was to think about old times but now it had changed, it was no longer a melancholic road but a new beginning.
I was far away from him but Wally was on the forefront of my mind, even stronger than when I was in Oakdale. Here in Dallas I let myself fantasize about him, about who he was and what he had done to me. I saw his green sparkles in brown when I closed my eyes.
And I came up with as many objections as I could think of why I shouldn't go back to Angus' house but it made no sense, I always ended with the vision of me on the porch of my house there, with me on the brand new OR in Memorial. Even the idea of Channing being my boss didn't scare me off.
I didn't know anymore why I refused helping Ethel, I had so much knowledge to share, but I wanted to know more about runaways before I allowed myself to jump in my new life, I didn't want to fuck things up like when I was at Wally’s last time.
It was nice to think of my life filled with so many possibilities but one thing made that I was still with both feet stable on the ground instead of floating and that was the fact that Wally hadn't contacted me since I was back. He had given my phone number to a few kids and they send me videos of the work that was done in my house but not a sign of Wally, not even a glimpse.
I Googled him and saw pages filled with pictures of a much younger Wally in business suites working for Grimaldi shipping. I could see how unhappy he was back then; being someone he didn't want to be. Articles about fraud, white washing and police investigations came up when I dug deeper. The company got sued multiple times but they never could get enough evidence to plead guilty in court. Rumors about bribery and blackmail were circling above the company but nothing was proven.
Now I understood his remark during our dinner in the Lakeview; I don't have to look over my shoulder if I am safe here. At the time I thought it was a bit dramatic but reading this I understood that he had been serious, that he must have been haunted by people who wanted to see him hang because he was the CEO, although not by choice. It was brave of him to sell the whole thing and give the money away.
In a way I was dealing with the same thing, I had a shitty past and wanted to sell the whole thing but I didn't do it, I couldn't decide what to do with my inheritance. What if I hadn't met Wally, would it have been easier then? I knew that whatever I was going to decide I didn't have to do it because of Wally. If I wanted to keep the house I needed to do it for me and I had to stick to the plan even when things between him and me didn't work out.
It was scary to think about him and me because I had no idea what he thought about me. Being in my old house with my old life I missed him, his energy and his compassion. I wanted to call him but I didn't know what he would think of it, maybe he just saw me as a client.
This thinking back and forth was exhausting but also nice. Maybe this was what being in love felt like, I didn't know. All I knew was that it was so different than how I met Andrew and what I felt for my man; maybe these hysterical greeting cards were right and was love worth a try, although I wouldn't have called it love.
That word was so heavy and big that I didn't think of Wally in that light yet, but he was stuck in my brain and he made that I felt enlightened and reborn. Slowly but surely I realized that I wanted to see him again and show him that he was special to me. This was the most reckless action I had ever done but he made me that way, Wally made that I wanted to try, than I wanted to speak it out, maybe making a fool of myself but it was worth it, he had to know that I wanted him to hover over me.
"Here you go", the bookshop owner said while he gave me a few books. "Are you going to specialize in psychology as well?".
I smiled. "No, just filling up the blanks, someone showed me that I have a lot to learn in this area so I thought I will accept the challenge", I said.
"That must be a very special person Reid", he said and winked. "I haven't seen you so focused in years".
"He is", I said.
"Must be difficult for you after what happened to Andrew", the man said.
I nodded. "The first thing I have to decide is where I am going to live, I have inherited a house in Illinois and that's where I met him", I confessed.
"Maybe a fresh start will do you good", the owner said. "I saw how bad you felt, it's hard when you lose someone you love. Andrew was a nice man".
"Thanks", I said. "Yes he was and he was the love of my life, we grew up together and were good to each other".
"But now you are ready for a new beginning", he said.
I shook my head. "Not at all", I said. "I have more doubts than I have ever had in my life. If I should keep the house, if I am going to listen to my feelings, if he likes me as much as I like him. It's easy when you are young but now there are so many unanswered questions".
"Well maybe reading the books will help", he said while he put then in a bag.
I paid and wished him a good new year.
The next days I was absorbed in the world of child-abuse, lack of responsibilities and coping mechanisms. I read everything I could find about the subject and while I gathered information my admiration for Wally grew. What a huge responsibility he took on his shoulders by creating a house for these kids. And that was after he had been a CEO of a very creepy organization. Somehow he was able to turn something bad into something good.
You are your past so I came back and now I am trying to make the best of it. And I have to say that I sometimes have days when I like it here
His words wandered around in my brain as a kind of mantra when I was sad; he made me see that the bad days where a part of life and that you had to enjoy the good ones. I was trying to do that when I sat on my couch looking at pictures of Andrew and me. We had been happy and more and more I could think of that as a good thing.
And finally I had read so much about the runaway subject that I felt I was ready to go back to the one-horse-town. It was amazing that the video's the kids send me were full of joy and fun, they were beating the walls down with hammers and helped the constructor by hauling stones out and cement into the house.
I should bring something for them when I was back, a cake or food, Chinese maybe that we could eat together at Wally’s while I figured out with Wally how I could be useful in his organization.
But it was frustrating that he didn't contact me, what did he think? Had I been just a blip on his very busy radar? Did I see things that weren't there? Maybe I just wanted to be in love again and did I project my feelings on him.
Or was it his drive to be independent that he was so silent? He had been very clear about his commitment, it was only to the children and a few family members that he felt responsible for and I could admire his way of coping with shit because my goodness, he had had his share of problems from what I had read on the internet. He had defined his inner circle and tried to be happy in it, making a new beginning for the kids. He knew what it was to grow up in a family that wasn't to be trusted and to lack a feeling of belonging.
And then I knew what to do, I would spend New Year's Eve in Oakdale with him if he let me. I filled a bag with some clothes and toiletries filled the tank of my Bentley with gas and put the city center of Oakdale on my navigation system, it was 1002 miles.
I had to know, I had to ask him if what I felt was mutual, it was too big for me to let it pass. I recognized his need to hover over someone special, someone that was also thinking about him and put him first. Maybe I had it all wrong, or maybe he wasn't ready to let someone new in his circle but I couldn't wait anymore.
With a nice playlist on my radio I drove through states and for the first time since my leave from the hospital I felt better, whatever the outcome of my trip would be. I was offered a very nice job at a small hospital but with the hyper modern neurological wing that I liked. The salary sucked but I didn't need more money, I would be able to live a good life with it and that was all I needed, I could permit myself to earn less. And I wouldn't have to pay the mortgage of my penthouse in Dallas anymore if I moved to Oakdale, I could sell the place and live a slow life on the countryside.
I liked that idea very much, a slow life with clean air and more people around me already than I knew in Dallas, people who needed me in a way I had never had. If I committed myself to Wally’s and the kids it was for good, I realized that. I tried not to think of the possibility to be there while Wally didn't want me but it popped up in my brain with every corner I took. Maybe I should ask him first what he thought about me, before I promised the kids my time, I wouldn't be able to sit there while Wllie was just a friend.
The closer I came to Oakdale the more I knew where my priorities lay and I was determined to get the answer to the only question that was important. I would see from there what I was going to do when he said yes or no.
It was dark when I parked my car on the driveway of Wally’s. I stepped out and stretched my sore muscles and stiff bones. I could hear the kids laugh and I walked to the window to look inside.
The scenery was homey and cozy and there was candle light and music and tables filled with food. Wally was dancing with Ethel, unaware that I was looking at him. It was so good to see him again, I felt the nerves trickle through my veins with every beat of my heart and for a minute I didn't know what I was doing here but then I just did what I came here for: I entered his life again.
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The look in his eyes when he saw me should have been enough but I had to hear it from his lips, I wanted to be sure. But I had to wait till he was ready, until he and I would be alone.
I greeted the kids and they offered me apple cider and cookies and I listened to their stories about the renovation of the house and looked at video's they had made on their phones.
I was so proud of them because they had worked so hard to make my house look modern again and I praised them for it. I wanted to tell them that I wanted to reward them but I decided not to, I would discuss that with Wally before I made a promise that he had to cancel because it was not of the kid’s best interest. Yeah I had learned a thing or two from the books I had read.
Ir was late already when he gestured with his eyes to meet him outside. My nerves came back in a flash and they made my muscles limp because I knew this was the moment of truth. Could I rely on my instinct and believe in a good ending? Did all the times he touched me tonight indicate something?
When we stood face to face in the snow I looked at him and grabbed his head in my hands and kissed him, just like that, no words were needed, I only wanted him to feel how much I was into him. I let my hands slide through his long hair and pulled him close to me.
And he let me, he was surprised by my action at first but then he let his guard down and kissed me back, wrapping his arms around my waist. It was tender, exploring, hoping and wanting at the same time. When we finally let go of each- others lips we smiled.
"So you came back", he said softly.
"It was the only logical thing to do", I whispered.
He just nodded.
Chapter 6
Chapter 5
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid's uncle Angus dies and that brings him to Oakdale. The title will be explained later in the story but I guess you figure out who Wally is....
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta
Did I make the wrong decision? Should I have invited him in my room? I wasn't ready to be the guy I sounded like, I talked as if I was flirting with him and maybe I was but somehow I blocked. Dammit, what was wrong with me? I already thought that Wally asked me out on a date and now I ....
I was a drunken mess, I couldn't form logical explanations or figure out what I thought anymore, I had to go to bed and sleep until the alcohol was gone.
It was nice though, to talk to a Samaritan, to see how lovingly he gave his life a turn into helping others. He had given millions to the hospital. I was curious about the wing hearing how much money was spend already. And he had some budget left....
Would it be something for me to move here? Could I look at him without wanting to hear more, look at him more? He was so different than Andrew, and so different than I had been. He wasn't working on his status and he looked like a slob in real life, something I would have disapproved off in my old life.
But his dedication was so addictive, if only I could step over my shadow and go to Wally’s and teach the kids something, help them with their homework, let them mow my garden....
What the..., was I thinking about mowing a garden here? Did I want to live in the house of my past? Maybe I had to stop thinking and meet Wally there tomorrow, we would make a plan for the house so he could let his pupils live in it.
I slept restless that night, parts of my past with Angus came back and it gave me nightmares. I woke up with a racing heart a few times, realizing that I was a grown up in a hotel room.
But I was shaved and showered at the house at 10. Wally was already there, looking at his phone. He greeted me and I let him in. He had brought his I-pad so we could make some sketches.
"So what are your plans?", he asked me while we walked inside the house.
I got shivers when I thought back at my scary dreams. "I don't know what I want to be honest", I said. "I dreamed about this house last night and they were not good, maybe that is a sign that I am not ready to live here".
He looked worried at me. "Hey Reid, you're in charge here you know, if you want to go back to Dallas that's okay, maybe I can buy this house from you. What if we strip it and make it open, then it won't be the house that freaks you out. What kind of color do you like on the walls?".
I had never had a color on a wall so I had no idea. Wally opened an app and showed me what the living room would look like painted in a soft brown, or a dark purple. With a large wall painted in that color the house got homey all of a sudden, and so different.
"That's a nice one", I said and nodded. "Maybe if we break down the walls between the kitchen and the living room its better, then we have one room left and that can change into a nice bathroom. So maybe we should start there and wait with the first floor until the kids are gone, they need some walls. If you can arrange someone who can do that then I would be very happy".
Wally smirked. "I was thinking about demolishing the place ourselves, the kids can use some stress relief so breaking down the walls will be fantastic. I’ll ask a constructor to help us. And then we are going to paint that large wall purple, and the rest white? Off white? Does it matter?".
I shook my head. "I have seen Wally’s and I love the way you can make a house a home so please use your skills to transform this horror house into something friendly. Do you want me to pay the kids for their work?".
Wally shook his head. "Maybe we can do it with closed wallets, if we do the work then we can live here for free, what do you say?".
He beamed, satisfied with the solution. I knew it was not a matter of money but to show the kids that they had to work for their living. He patted me on the shoulder and smiled.
"I am going to send you video's about our work on Skype or Instagram, do you have that?".
I shook my head. "No, the anti-social me doesn't do social networks Wally", I said.
He held my arm for a minute. "You are so not anti-social Reid", he said. "All I see is a man who doesn't take care of himself and who is kinda lost. Maybe if you come and live here you get a sense of community back, here it's about being part of a bigger whole. Now let's go to Bob and see what you think of the new neurological wing".
Bob turned out to be a nice old man who wanted to retire. Wally introduced us to each other and showed me the new ward with so much enthusiasm that I could only smile.
"You should be a salesman", I said.
"I have been, but it's not my thing", Wally said. "So, when you say yes to the job, what else do you need?".
"At this point it's still "if" and not "when", I weakly replied.
"O yes, don't feel any pressure to make a choice now Reid", Bob said. "A jump like this must be very carefully considered, we don't want you to feel obligated. We know your reputation but we will find someone else if you decide to stay in Dallas".
Suddenly I didn't remember why I wanted to go back. I had still two weeks holiday so I couldn't go to work and then those freaking Christmas days, what would I do now I didn't have a shift? Watch TV on my couch?
I felt Wally’s eyes on me but didn't dare look at him. If he hadn't been here the choice would have been easier, the feelings I slowly discovered deep inside of me were more than just friendship and that irritated the hell out of me. Was I looking for a hook-up or a replacement? His sparkling personality got to me but I fought it.
"I have booked a flight back home tomorrow", I lied. "I have some serious thinking to do and I'll let you know what I am going to do as soon as I know the answer".
Wally and Bob nodded. "Excellent Reid", Wally said. "I am going to go to the kids and we'll make a plan for your house. I'll keep you informed".
Did he see that I was confused by my feelings for him? Did he read my eyes? Did I scare him off? Why did he know so well what I needed?
"Yeah, let me know how things are progressing", I said and walked outside after I shook their hands.
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Being back in Dallas didn't solve anything of course, I was more miserable than I was before I left to Oakdale. I walked through the streets to the bookstore where I had bought books for my man and wanted to hold my hands before my ears, sick and tired already of the Christmas carols. Why was this a nice time of year? People seemed more stressed than usual dragging big bags with food with them.
The store owner saw me and came my way to pat me on the shoulder. "Hey Reid", he said. "What nice of you to come, I have been thinking about you. Can I help you with a book?
I inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent of the paper. Why did I come here? I had no idea but suddenly something boiled up. "I want to know more about run-away kids, do you have something in that direction?
The owner had to think about that for a moment. "I think I have something but it's not in the store, I have brought it to the attic because it didn't sell, let me get it for you".
While I was waiting I realized that the purpose why I had come here was to think about old times but now it had changed, it was no longer a melancholic road but a new beginning.
I was far away from him but Wally was on the forefront of my mind, even stronger than when I was in Oakdale. Here in Dallas I let myself fantasize about him, about who he was and what he had done to me. I saw his green sparkles in brown when I closed my eyes.
And I came up with as many objections as I could think of why I shouldn't go back to Angus' house but it made no sense, I always ended with the vision of me on the porch of my house there, with me on the brand new OR in Memorial. Even the idea of Channing being my boss didn't scare me off.
I didn't know anymore why I refused helping Ethel, I had so much knowledge to share, but I wanted to know more about runaways before I allowed myself to jump in my new life, I didn't want to fuck things up like when I was at Wally’s last time.
It was nice to think of my life filled with so many possibilities but one thing made that I was still with both feet stable on the ground instead of floating and that was the fact that Wally hadn't contacted me since I was back. He had given my phone number to a few kids and they send me videos of the work that was done in my house but not a sign of Wally, not even a glimpse.
I Googled him and saw pages filled with pictures of a much younger Wally in business suites working for Grimaldi shipping. I could see how unhappy he was back then; being someone he didn't want to be. Articles about fraud, white washing and police investigations came up when I dug deeper. The company got sued multiple times but they never could get enough evidence to plead guilty in court. Rumors about bribery and blackmail were circling above the company but nothing was proven.
Now I understood his remark during our dinner in the Lakeview; I don't have to look over my shoulder if I am safe here. At the time I thought it was a bit dramatic but reading this I understood that he had been serious, that he must have been haunted by people who wanted to see him hang because he was the CEO, although not by choice. It was brave of him to sell the whole thing and give the money away.
In a way I was dealing with the same thing, I had a shitty past and wanted to sell the whole thing but I didn't do it, I couldn't decide what to do with my inheritance. What if I hadn't met Wally, would it have been easier then? I knew that whatever I was going to decide I didn't have to do it because of Wally. If I wanted to keep the house I needed to do it for me and I had to stick to the plan even when things between him and me didn't work out.
It was scary to think about him and me because I had no idea what he thought about me. Being in my old house with my old life I missed him, his energy and his compassion. I wanted to call him but I didn't know what he would think of it, maybe he just saw me as a client.
This thinking back and forth was exhausting but also nice. Maybe this was what being in love felt like, I didn't know. All I knew was that it was so different than how I met Andrew and what I felt for my man; maybe these hysterical greeting cards were right and was love worth a try, although I wouldn't have called it love.
That word was so heavy and big that I didn't think of Wally in that light yet, but he was stuck in my brain and he made that I felt enlightened and reborn. Slowly but surely I realized that I wanted to see him again and show him that he was special to me. This was the most reckless action I had ever done but he made me that way, Wally made that I wanted to try, than I wanted to speak it out, maybe making a fool of myself but it was worth it, he had to know that I wanted him to hover over me.
"Here you go", the bookshop owner said while he gave me a few books. "Are you going to specialize in psychology as well?".
I smiled. "No, just filling up the blanks, someone showed me that I have a lot to learn in this area so I thought I will accept the challenge", I said.
"That must be a very special person Reid", he said and winked. "I haven't seen you so focused in years".
"He is", I said.
"Must be difficult for you after what happened to Andrew", the man said.
I nodded. "The first thing I have to decide is where I am going to live, I have inherited a house in Illinois and that's where I met him", I confessed.
"Maybe a fresh start will do you good", the owner said. "I saw how bad you felt, it's hard when you lose someone you love. Andrew was a nice man".
"Thanks", I said. "Yes he was and he was the love of my life, we grew up together and were good to each other".
"But now you are ready for a new beginning", he said.
I shook my head. "Not at all", I said. "I have more doubts than I have ever had in my life. If I should keep the house, if I am going to listen to my feelings, if he likes me as much as I like him. It's easy when you are young but now there are so many unanswered questions".
"Well maybe reading the books will help", he said while he put then in a bag.
I paid and wished him a good new year.
The next days I was absorbed in the world of child-abuse, lack of responsibilities and coping mechanisms. I read everything I could find about the subject and while I gathered information my admiration for Wally grew. What a huge responsibility he took on his shoulders by creating a house for these kids. And that was after he had been a CEO of a very creepy organization. Somehow he was able to turn something bad into something good.
You are your past so I came back and now I am trying to make the best of it. And I have to say that I sometimes have days when I like it here
His words wandered around in my brain as a kind of mantra when I was sad; he made me see that the bad days where a part of life and that you had to enjoy the good ones. I was trying to do that when I sat on my couch looking at pictures of Andrew and me. We had been happy and more and more I could think of that as a good thing.
And finally I had read so much about the runaway subject that I felt I was ready to go back to the one-horse-town. It was amazing that the video's the kids send me were full of joy and fun, they were beating the walls down with hammers and helped the constructor by hauling stones out and cement into the house.
I should bring something for them when I was back, a cake or food, Chinese maybe that we could eat together at Wally’s while I figured out with Wally how I could be useful in his organization.
But it was frustrating that he didn't contact me, what did he think? Had I been just a blip on his very busy radar? Did I see things that weren't there? Maybe I just wanted to be in love again and did I project my feelings on him.
Or was it his drive to be independent that he was so silent? He had been very clear about his commitment, it was only to the children and a few family members that he felt responsible for and I could admire his way of coping with shit because my goodness, he had had his share of problems from what I had read on the internet. He had defined his inner circle and tried to be happy in it, making a new beginning for the kids. He knew what it was to grow up in a family that wasn't to be trusted and to lack a feeling of belonging.
And then I knew what to do, I would spend New Year's Eve in Oakdale with him if he let me. I filled a bag with some clothes and toiletries filled the tank of my Bentley with gas and put the city center of Oakdale on my navigation system, it was 1002 miles.
I had to know, I had to ask him if what I felt was mutual, it was too big for me to let it pass. I recognized his need to hover over someone special, someone that was also thinking about him and put him first. Maybe I had it all wrong, or maybe he wasn't ready to let someone new in his circle but I couldn't wait anymore.
With a nice playlist on my radio I drove through states and for the first time since my leave from the hospital I felt better, whatever the outcome of my trip would be. I was offered a very nice job at a small hospital but with the hyper modern neurological wing that I liked. The salary sucked but I didn't need more money, I would be able to live a good life with it and that was all I needed, I could permit myself to earn less. And I wouldn't have to pay the mortgage of my penthouse in Dallas anymore if I moved to Oakdale, I could sell the place and live a slow life on the countryside.
I liked that idea very much, a slow life with clean air and more people around me already than I knew in Dallas, people who needed me in a way I had never had. If I committed myself to Wally’s and the kids it was for good, I realized that. I tried not to think of the possibility to be there while Wally didn't want me but it popped up in my brain with every corner I took. Maybe I should ask him first what he thought about me, before I promised the kids my time, I wouldn't be able to sit there while Wllie was just a friend.
The closer I came to Oakdale the more I knew where my priorities lay and I was determined to get the answer to the only question that was important. I would see from there what I was going to do when he said yes or no.
It was dark when I parked my car on the driveway of Wally’s. I stepped out and stretched my sore muscles and stiff bones. I could hear the kids laugh and I walked to the window to look inside.
The scenery was homey and cozy and there was candle light and music and tables filled with food. Wally was dancing with Ethel, unaware that I was looking at him. It was so good to see him again, I felt the nerves trickle through my veins with every beat of my heart and for a minute I didn't know what I was doing here but then I just did what I came here for: I entered his life again.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
The look in his eyes when he saw me should have been enough but I had to hear it from his lips, I wanted to be sure. But I had to wait till he was ready, until he and I would be alone.
I greeted the kids and they offered me apple cider and cookies and I listened to their stories about the renovation of the house and looked at video's they had made on their phones.
I was so proud of them because they had worked so hard to make my house look modern again and I praised them for it. I wanted to tell them that I wanted to reward them but I decided not to, I would discuss that with Wally before I made a promise that he had to cancel because it was not of the kid’s best interest. Yeah I had learned a thing or two from the books I had read.
Ir was late already when he gestured with his eyes to meet him outside. My nerves came back in a flash and they made my muscles limp because I knew this was the moment of truth. Could I rely on my instinct and believe in a good ending? Did all the times he touched me tonight indicate something?
When we stood face to face in the snow I looked at him and grabbed his head in my hands and kissed him, just like that, no words were needed, I only wanted him to feel how much I was into him. I let my hands slide through his long hair and pulled him close to me.
And he let me, he was surprised by my action at first but then he let his guard down and kissed me back, wrapping his arms around my waist. It was tender, exploring, hoping and wanting at the same time. When we finally let go of each- others lips we smiled.
"So you came back", he said softly.
"It was the only logical thing to do", I whispered.
He just nodded.
Chapter 6