Fresh start: chapter 17
Series: Fresh start
Chapter: 17
Written by: Parishs
Rating: r
Summary: Reid is a neuro surgeon in Dallas with a burn out who tries to figure out what life is really about (Reid's POV).
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta!!!
PREVIOUS CHAPTER
"What does this mean for us?", Luke asked softly.
I looked at him and couldn't love him more than I did right now. The fear in his eyes mirrored mine. The CT scan had been the proof we needed but we both knew what it would show even before we went to the hospital.
When he realized that I was serious about my suspicion I saw the stress leave his body, the work stress that is, and it got replaced by something else, something I had seen by a lot of patients. Numbness, dead fear and the intention of making the best of it: hope.
"It means that I am going to call my best friend in Dallas and ask him to come here ASAP so he can operate on you", I said softly while I pulled him close to me. I kissed his lips and let my fingers slide through his soft hair.
His eyes were watery when he shook his head. "I want you to operate Reid", he said. "You are the best neuro surgeon in the country, please help me".
It was weird that I hadn't even thought about that possibility but I knew I couldn't do it; I couldn't cut open his skull. What if I lost him? Or made a mistake? Suddenly I understood what all the families of my patients had been gone through; I realized what a huge responsibility they had given me. For me it was a daily routine at the time but in retrospect I did have the happiness of so many families in my hands.
I had to lie down to cope with the panic that suddenly took over. I grabbed Luke's hand and pushed him on his bed. I felt tears fall down on his duvet but it didn't bother me, I had to let go of some of the tension in my body. I rolled on top of him and looked at my man.
"Baby I can't do that, please don't ask that of me, I know a lot of excellent surgeons so let me call one of them.".
"But you are the best Reid; can't you do it together with someone? I know that I am asking a lot of you but I trust you, you know what's best in a situation like this. It's so fucking unreal, to know that I have a tumor but not feeling sick".
I caressed the face that was so dear to me, his stubbles and freckles, his earlobe and looked into his trustful eyes. What would I do if the operation wasn't a success? If Luke got brain damage? If he lost his personality?
I couldn't help it but I had to feel him, lust overtook me and made that I opened the buttons of his shirt and pants. I kissed his torso while we grinded against each other. I pushed my own pants down and lowered myself on his hard cock. With everything in me I wanted to show him what he meant to me, what he evoked in me so I moved slowly making sure that I anticipated on every moan that came out of that wonderful mouth.
That night we woke up a lot and talked about important and irrelevant things. Luke worried about his work and I couldn't help him with that, I didn't know a thing about the market but I knew someone who did.
"We have to go to Dallas Luke", I said softly. "My best friend and brilliant neuro surgeon works there so we can plan the surgery. We can form the best neuro team together. And I know a therapist whose boyfriend works in your business, maybe he can help you out. I am going to call Peter first thing in the morning".
"Who is this Peter? Can I talk to him about what is happening to me right now? Not that I can't talk to you Reid but maybe it's good to have someone who's not involved in the whole situation, who can look at things from a distance".
"I have talked to Peter myself when I started to realize that I didn't want to go to work anymore, he made me see that I needed to move on with my life in another direction. He is a very good therapist Luke, but you have to know something. He and I....".
"You had sex with him", Luke concluded.
"No but we were attracted to each other so contacting him will be a bit awkward. I can text him and ask him if he knows another therapist who can help you if you have a problem with it".
"Maybe this is the point where we have to define our relationship Reid", Luke said softly. "I don't care about relationships you had in the past but I want to know what we are going to be to each other from here on, do you want us to be exclusive?".
"I am not interested in other men Luke since we are together, so my answer is yes, I want a monogamous relationship with you".
"What about Aaron?", Luke asked.
"I think he is a really attractive man Luke, that won't change. But since I am seeing you I haven't thought about him, that says enough. What about Noah, what is he to you?".
Luke thought for a moment. "Noah has done a lot for me since we broke up 8 months ago, I guess he still cares for me and I....I have to admit that I let him hover, I accepted that he still took care of me because it was convenient. He pays my bills and took care of a lot of things I didn't have time for".
"Do you still love him?", I asked.
"Now I have you I doubt if I have ever loved him. We had a good time but it always had to go his way, I always had to adjust to what he wanted and to be honest I liked him a lot but compared to what I feel for you it was just that, I liked him".
"That must have been hard being the control freak that you are", I said.
"It's just overcompensation Reid", he joked. "When Noah ended our relationship I promised myself that I would never let anyone walk over me again like he had done. It feels so good to do the things I do my way".
"Can I meet him?", I asked.
"Yes I think that’s okay but you have to know that he is extremely jealous of our relationship".
"He still loves you", I said.
"I guess so, or he misses the control he had over me".
"So what am I to you? You didn't say it yet".
Luke rolled on top of me and looked deeply into my eyes. "I have never felt so safe and complete with anyone before Reid", he said softly. "I am starting to believe that I love you. I want to be yours if you will have me, brain tumor and all".
"So that answers you question from before", I said. "You asked what your tumor meant for us and to me it only brings us closer together. It showed me how scared I am of losing you. I am so happy with you and I want to be with you for as long as I can. I want to be your boyfriend".
His eyes got watery when I said the words that came from the bottom of my heart. "Thank you so much for starting this journey with me boyfriend", he said and kissed me.
NEXT CHAPTER
Chapter: 17
Written by: Parishs
Rating: r
Summary: Reid is a neuro surgeon in Dallas with a burn out who tries to figure out what life is really about (Reid's POV).
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta!!!
PREVIOUS CHAPTER
"What does this mean for us?", Luke asked softly.
I looked at him and couldn't love him more than I did right now. The fear in his eyes mirrored mine. The CT scan had been the proof we needed but we both knew what it would show even before we went to the hospital.
When he realized that I was serious about my suspicion I saw the stress leave his body, the work stress that is, and it got replaced by something else, something I had seen by a lot of patients. Numbness, dead fear and the intention of making the best of it: hope.
"It means that I am going to call my best friend in Dallas and ask him to come here ASAP so he can operate on you", I said softly while I pulled him close to me. I kissed his lips and let my fingers slide through his soft hair.
His eyes were watery when he shook his head. "I want you to operate Reid", he said. "You are the best neuro surgeon in the country, please help me".
It was weird that I hadn't even thought about that possibility but I knew I couldn't do it; I couldn't cut open his skull. What if I lost him? Or made a mistake? Suddenly I understood what all the families of my patients had been gone through; I realized what a huge responsibility they had given me. For me it was a daily routine at the time but in retrospect I did have the happiness of so many families in my hands.
I had to lie down to cope with the panic that suddenly took over. I grabbed Luke's hand and pushed him on his bed. I felt tears fall down on his duvet but it didn't bother me, I had to let go of some of the tension in my body. I rolled on top of him and looked at my man.
"Baby I can't do that, please don't ask that of me, I know a lot of excellent surgeons so let me call one of them.".
"But you are the best Reid; can't you do it together with someone? I know that I am asking a lot of you but I trust you, you know what's best in a situation like this. It's so fucking unreal, to know that I have a tumor but not feeling sick".
I caressed the face that was so dear to me, his stubbles and freckles, his earlobe and looked into his trustful eyes. What would I do if the operation wasn't a success? If Luke got brain damage? If he lost his personality?
I couldn't help it but I had to feel him, lust overtook me and made that I opened the buttons of his shirt and pants. I kissed his torso while we grinded against each other. I pushed my own pants down and lowered myself on his hard cock. With everything in me I wanted to show him what he meant to me, what he evoked in me so I moved slowly making sure that I anticipated on every moan that came out of that wonderful mouth.
That night we woke up a lot and talked about important and irrelevant things. Luke worried about his work and I couldn't help him with that, I didn't know a thing about the market but I knew someone who did.
"We have to go to Dallas Luke", I said softly. "My best friend and brilliant neuro surgeon works there so we can plan the surgery. We can form the best neuro team together. And I know a therapist whose boyfriend works in your business, maybe he can help you out. I am going to call Peter first thing in the morning".
"Who is this Peter? Can I talk to him about what is happening to me right now? Not that I can't talk to you Reid but maybe it's good to have someone who's not involved in the whole situation, who can look at things from a distance".
"I have talked to Peter myself when I started to realize that I didn't want to go to work anymore, he made me see that I needed to move on with my life in another direction. He is a very good therapist Luke, but you have to know something. He and I....".
"You had sex with him", Luke concluded.
"No but we were attracted to each other so contacting him will be a bit awkward. I can text him and ask him if he knows another therapist who can help you if you have a problem with it".
"Maybe this is the point where we have to define our relationship Reid", Luke said softly. "I don't care about relationships you had in the past but I want to know what we are going to be to each other from here on, do you want us to be exclusive?".
"I am not interested in other men Luke since we are together, so my answer is yes, I want a monogamous relationship with you".
"What about Aaron?", Luke asked.
"I think he is a really attractive man Luke, that won't change. But since I am seeing you I haven't thought about him, that says enough. What about Noah, what is he to you?".
Luke thought for a moment. "Noah has done a lot for me since we broke up 8 months ago, I guess he still cares for me and I....I have to admit that I let him hover, I accepted that he still took care of me because it was convenient. He pays my bills and took care of a lot of things I didn't have time for".
"Do you still love him?", I asked.
"Now I have you I doubt if I have ever loved him. We had a good time but it always had to go his way, I always had to adjust to what he wanted and to be honest I liked him a lot but compared to what I feel for you it was just that, I liked him".
"That must have been hard being the control freak that you are", I said.
"It's just overcompensation Reid", he joked. "When Noah ended our relationship I promised myself that I would never let anyone walk over me again like he had done. It feels so good to do the things I do my way".
"Can I meet him?", I asked.
"Yes I think that’s okay but you have to know that he is extremely jealous of our relationship".
"He still loves you", I said.
"I guess so, or he misses the control he had over me".
"So what am I to you? You didn't say it yet".
Luke rolled on top of me and looked deeply into my eyes. "I have never felt so safe and complete with anyone before Reid", he said softly. "I am starting to believe that I love you. I want to be yours if you will have me, brain tumor and all".
"So that answers you question from before", I said. "You asked what your tumor meant for us and to me it only brings us closer together. It showed me how scared I am of losing you. I am so happy with you and I want to be with you for as long as I can. I want to be your boyfriend".
His eyes got watery when I said the words that came from the bottom of my heart. "Thank you so much for starting this journey with me boyfriend", he said and kissed me.
NEXT CHAPTER