Someone saved my life tonight
Title: Someone saved my life tonight?
Series: Love hurts
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Luke is trying to get a grip on his feelings by writing in his diary (Luke's POV)
Prompt: Fun Fic Friday prompt of Someone saved my life tonight (4-25-2014).
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
previous chapter
When I re-read the things I have written here in this kind-of-diary it’s hard to recognize myself in it, I can’t remember that I have felt that desperate. Looking back, I have felt numb for months, even when I “was” with Noah. I wish I had started this journal earlier, maybe I would have understood my life better if I could have read my own thoughts again. It could have saved my life.
That’s probably why I am typing right now, to get a grip on my life. I am so freaking busy that I have to do it while eating, but I want to recall what has happened to me.
Yesterday Reg, Reid, Scott and I went for a swim. I have talked to Reid alone for quite some time and
It’s hard to describe what happened between him and me. What happens when I am with him. Reid makes that I want to fight everything he says. Reg says that I have to behave around him but that’s hard, he evokes something in me, a fire that makes me edgy. Alert.
I don’t know what happens, but I feel a reaction in my body when I see him, and that’s fucking frightening. That I have a physical reaction on a guy again, although it’s very different than what I felt for Noah.
With Noah, I was a doormat. I did what he wanted, anticipated on whatever he could want, I thought for him. Blamed myself. It’s hard to look back at the guy I was then. Why didn’t Reg say anything at the time? Or did he say it and I refused to listen?
So, back to Reid, I am not acting like that around him, just the opposite, I am telling him what I think and I want him to listen to me. I ask questions about his life.
Or, his love life. Why am I interested? I told Reg that I want to know because I am going through the same phase, but he didn’t believe me, and to be honest, it was bull.
Reid fascinates me.
There, I said it. I don’t know yet if he is just shy or arrogant or minding his own business, I can’t put my finger on it, on him, and that makes me curious. We are challenging each other the whole time. I like that, he brings out the best in me, he drags me out of my swamp.
But when he rolled on his side yesterday I thought I saw something in his eyes that scared the shit out of me. I wanted to walk away, but that made no sense, so I stayed, but it didn’t feel good.
I pretended to be sleeping later, when he was observing me. I felt his gaze on me and it felt good, to be noticed by someone, but I wasn’t ready to open my eyes and look back. What if I was making this up, what if he was just trying to figure out who I was? Did he like what he saw?
I like looking at him, he is not a hunk but he looks good and he knows it. He is wearing city clothes, brands that can’t be bought here. Maybe he shops online. He will change in time, if he stays. He has to buy some boots if he wants to ride the horses with me. Maybe I can buy them for his birthday.
The phone startled me. While the voice of my grandmother said words in my ear, I looked at the last line I had typed. Fuck. This was nonsense. He and I would never be more than fighters, we were alpha’s around each other, I didn’t like him that way, he
I noticed that it was quite on the other side of the line.
“Grandma?”, I asked.
“Well finally darling, I thought you had fainted, or fallen asleep, I didn’t get a reaction from you. I was worried. What happened to you, are you okay? Do I need to come over? Where are you anyway? Hiding in the cabin again?”.
Her warm voice and love for me warmed me. What was going on inside my head? My whole body was in a state of shock, my muscles felt tight and my heart was racing. I had to close my eyes to tear myself away from the words on my screen. They were mine. Writing down my thoughts indeed made that I got a clearer picture of what was going on inside of me, but now I didn’t want to know, I didn’t need this right now, I didn’t want him, he didn’t want me.
My grandmother’s voice made me come back to reality again.
“Nono, you don’t have to come here, I am alright, I was working and I had a few ideas that can help Reid with his space problem”, I lied.
“That’s good honey”, she said. “I want to invite you for dinner this week so we can brainstorm a bit about the ideas you have, can you schedule me in your busy agenda for an hour or two?”.
“Maybe Friday?, I asked. “I have asked Reg if he wanted to look at the financial side of Reid’s wishes, and he needs time to do that, so we need to be patient”.
“That’s good, Friday it is, around 7?”
When I checked my agenda I sighed. I had promised Reg to go to Dolly with him. “Can we eat early, I am going out with the guys”, I asked.
I heard her smile. “That’s good Luke, you have to go out and have a good time with your friends, I am so proud of you that you am pulling yourself together after..well, after the debacle. And I am also glad that you manage to make plans for this new wing. Reid knows what he wants but he only thinks about equipment. Together you and he will come up with a brilliant format”.
“Me and Reid?”, I asked.
“Yes Luke, you are a wonderful combination of …how to say this…think and feel. You complete each other, where he only thinks of the hardware you think of the software so to speak. And the money of course, Reid has no clue about that. I knew you and he could do the job, that’s why I advised Bob to hire Reid”.
next chapter
Series: Love hurts
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Luke is trying to get a grip on his feelings by writing in his diary (Luke's POV)
Prompt: Fun Fic Friday prompt of Someone saved my life tonight (4-25-2014).
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
previous chapter
When I re-read the things I have written here in this kind-of-diary it’s hard to recognize myself in it, I can’t remember that I have felt that desperate. Looking back, I have felt numb for months, even when I “was” with Noah. I wish I had started this journal earlier, maybe I would have understood my life better if I could have read my own thoughts again. It could have saved my life.
That’s probably why I am typing right now, to get a grip on my life. I am so freaking busy that I have to do it while eating, but I want to recall what has happened to me.
Yesterday Reg, Reid, Scott and I went for a swim. I have talked to Reid alone for quite some time and
It’s hard to describe what happened between him and me. What happens when I am with him. Reid makes that I want to fight everything he says. Reg says that I have to behave around him but that’s hard, he evokes something in me, a fire that makes me edgy. Alert.
I don’t know what happens, but I feel a reaction in my body when I see him, and that’s fucking frightening. That I have a physical reaction on a guy again, although it’s very different than what I felt for Noah.
With Noah, I was a doormat. I did what he wanted, anticipated on whatever he could want, I thought for him. Blamed myself. It’s hard to look back at the guy I was then. Why didn’t Reg say anything at the time? Or did he say it and I refused to listen?
So, back to Reid, I am not acting like that around him, just the opposite, I am telling him what I think and I want him to listen to me. I ask questions about his life.
Or, his love life. Why am I interested? I told Reg that I want to know because I am going through the same phase, but he didn’t believe me, and to be honest, it was bull.
Reid fascinates me.
There, I said it. I don’t know yet if he is just shy or arrogant or minding his own business, I can’t put my finger on it, on him, and that makes me curious. We are challenging each other the whole time. I like that, he brings out the best in me, he drags me out of my swamp.
But when he rolled on his side yesterday I thought I saw something in his eyes that scared the shit out of me. I wanted to walk away, but that made no sense, so I stayed, but it didn’t feel good.
I pretended to be sleeping later, when he was observing me. I felt his gaze on me and it felt good, to be noticed by someone, but I wasn’t ready to open my eyes and look back. What if I was making this up, what if he was just trying to figure out who I was? Did he like what he saw?
I like looking at him, he is not a hunk but he looks good and he knows it. He is wearing city clothes, brands that can’t be bought here. Maybe he shops online. He will change in time, if he stays. He has to buy some boots if he wants to ride the horses with me. Maybe I can buy them for his birthday.
The phone startled me. While the voice of my grandmother said words in my ear, I looked at the last line I had typed. Fuck. This was nonsense. He and I would never be more than fighters, we were alpha’s around each other, I didn’t like him that way, he
I noticed that it was quite on the other side of the line.
“Grandma?”, I asked.
“Well finally darling, I thought you had fainted, or fallen asleep, I didn’t get a reaction from you. I was worried. What happened to you, are you okay? Do I need to come over? Where are you anyway? Hiding in the cabin again?”.
Her warm voice and love for me warmed me. What was going on inside my head? My whole body was in a state of shock, my muscles felt tight and my heart was racing. I had to close my eyes to tear myself away from the words on my screen. They were mine. Writing down my thoughts indeed made that I got a clearer picture of what was going on inside of me, but now I didn’t want to know, I didn’t need this right now, I didn’t want him, he didn’t want me.
My grandmother’s voice made me come back to reality again.
“Nono, you don’t have to come here, I am alright, I was working and I had a few ideas that can help Reid with his space problem”, I lied.
“That’s good honey”, she said. “I want to invite you for dinner this week so we can brainstorm a bit about the ideas you have, can you schedule me in your busy agenda for an hour or two?”.
“Maybe Friday?, I asked. “I have asked Reg if he wanted to look at the financial side of Reid’s wishes, and he needs time to do that, so we need to be patient”.
“That’s good, Friday it is, around 7?”
When I checked my agenda I sighed. I had promised Reg to go to Dolly with him. “Can we eat early, I am going out with the guys”, I asked.
I heard her smile. “That’s good Luke, you have to go out and have a good time with your friends, I am so proud of you that you am pulling yourself together after..well, after the debacle. And I am also glad that you manage to make plans for this new wing. Reid knows what he wants but he only thinks about equipment. Together you and he will come up with a brilliant format”.
“Me and Reid?”, I asked.
“Yes Luke, you are a wonderful combination of …how to say this…think and feel. You complete each other, where he only thinks of the hardware you think of the software so to speak. And the money of course, Reid has no clue about that. I knew you and he could do the job, that’s why I advised Bob to hire Reid”.
next chapter