Everything and more
Title: Everything and more
Series: Love hurts
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid get confused by a certain blond and does something very stupid (Reid's POV), continuation of the fff chapters from previous weeks (see links to them below)
Prompt: Fun Fic Friday prompt of Everything and more (4-11-2014).
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
previous chapter
“Don’t get your hopes up”, I said and smiled. “I am not a therapist. I am an alcoholic who is given a last chance. I wouldn’t listen to my advice if I were you. Start running for your life if you don’t want to get all depressed”.
“I have been depressed already, so I know how that feels”, he said. “ It’s comforting to see that I am not the only one who is hurt by love. And time will tell if I can share my story with you. I want to, but you have to stop being so rude. I have been pushed around enough for a life time”.
It was the tone of his voice that got to me, the desperate undertone that tried to hide so many things. Although he forced himself to look like a happy go lucky guy, his voice exposed him. I rolled on my side to look at him, ready to make a snark remark, but I swallowed it because of the look in his eyes.
I had seen it much too often, the I-am-done-talking-to-you glare, he wanted to go away, talk to his FWB Reg, or his intern. But he was stuck with me here, we had to wait till the swimmers were back. The awkwardness of the moment grabbed me by the throat.
So I lay down again, on my back, and yawned. I closed my eyes and listened to his slow breathing. What had happened that I pissed him off all of a sudden? I really tried to be civil, and answered his questions, but obviously I had hit a nerve.
He should be a therapist, the way he sucked things out of me, things I had never realized before. With his simple questions he made me talk about very personal matters. It was ridiculous that I had told him about my sex life, or the lack of it at the end of my relationship with Marc.
Why was I still so hurt about an affair that was spiraling down for months already? Was it because of the booze that I didn’t see it coming? Or denial? Did Marc have sex with others? Was that the reason he didn’t want me anymore?
So many questions and I would never find the answers, because the last few months with Marc were foggy. And somehow it didn’t seem that important anymore, what he had done, or not done. We would never see each other again.
I had to start making a living here in Podunk. Trying to be a nicer version of myself. I had to start working on the renovation, I knew many people in the business so I had to start using my network again.
I sat up and looked at the design in the sand. Suddenly my past wasn’t freezing me anymore, the adrenalin rushed through my veins and I wanted to go home, and mail Luke’s grandmother. We had to set up a way to raise money. We could do this, this immense project.
I wanted to explain something to Luke, but he seemed to be sleeping, so I kept my mouth shut, although I wanted to shake his shoulder and ask for his opinion. He looked peaceful and younger than he could be. I rolled on my side again and studied his face. His stubbles were only half a day old, but they made him….
The word I was thinking of froze in my brain. No, don’t think that. The opportunity Bob gave me was too big to blow it. I didn’t need this in my life right now, I wanted to work and focus on a subject that slowly got under my skin. Falling for him would ruin everything and more. He didn’t want me, he didn’t even like me, he just asked me things to be polite.
Where was Reg, my fucking date? Where did he and Scott go? I stood up and looked at my host one more time, realizing that I couldn’t wait till the guys were back, I had to go home and lock the door and …fuck, I wanted to drink, beer, vodka, anything …..
***********
The bottle stood in front of me on my table. The alcohol called me, and I wanted to give in so badly, but a voice in my head called me too, yelled at me to think. To not give in. I closed my eyes and inhaled, trying to ignore the images that invaded my brain. Brown eyes. Stubbles. Chest hair. Small calves. Blond hair spread out in the grass.
I don’t know how I got on my horse, but I did, and the way back to his home was long, but I remembered, benefits of a photographic memory. I was glad that his dad helped me on the ground again. He was surprised that I was back so soon, alone.
“Emergency call”, I said and walked in the direction of the kitchen.
He walked next to me. “Then you must have a hell of a phone, I don’t have any service out there”, he said softly. Fuck. He was as smart as his son.
“I thought you didn’t do operations anymore”, Holden said while he tried to keep up with me. It was too much, the heat and my confusion and everyone here knowing that I was an addict and…
“Mind your own business”, I said and stomped into the kitchen to get my bag. In one quick move I grabbed the whisky bottle that Luke had left on the counter and let it slip in my bag, right before Holden came in.
I took the bottle in my hand and opened it. When I smelled the alcohol, I could breathe again, knowing that soon I could think again, if only I drank one zip. I placed the bottle against my lips ….
************
It was dark already when I heard someone knocking on my door. I stumbled to it and opened it. The hallway light shone on his hair, he was just a shadow, but I could feel his worry. He pushed me inside my house and turned on the light.
“Are you okay?”, Reg asked.
I just nodded.
“What has happened Reid?”, he asked. He looked at the mess in my room and walked to the wet wall in front of me. Kneeling, he collected the glass from the floor. I watched him cleaning up my room.
And then finally he walked to me and grabbed my face in his hands. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he just smelled my breathe.
“You didn’t drink?”, he asked softly.
I shook my head. “But you wanted to, right?”, he continued.
I nodded.
He took me in his arms and hugged me. “I am so proud of you Reid”, he whispered. “Call me if you want to drink again, I will come here and talk to you till the urge is gone. I am so happy that you threw the bottle against the wall instead of drinking it. You can do it Reid, with our help. Just tell us when you need us”.
“But why?”, I asked softly, ashamed that he saw me this way. “Why do you care?”.
“That’s the way we work around here Reid, get used to it”, he said, bossy. “We look after our own, and you are one of us now, so we won’t let you go, until you are strong enough to be on your own again”.
“But what if I don’t want to be on my own again?”, I asked.
“Then open your heart for us, like we have done for you”, he said.
next chapter
Series: Love hurts
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid get confused by a certain blond and does something very stupid (Reid's POV), continuation of the fff chapters from previous weeks (see links to them below)
Prompt: Fun Fic Friday prompt of Everything and more (4-11-2014).
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
previous chapter
“Don’t get your hopes up”, I said and smiled. “I am not a therapist. I am an alcoholic who is given a last chance. I wouldn’t listen to my advice if I were you. Start running for your life if you don’t want to get all depressed”.
“I have been depressed already, so I know how that feels”, he said. “ It’s comforting to see that I am not the only one who is hurt by love. And time will tell if I can share my story with you. I want to, but you have to stop being so rude. I have been pushed around enough for a life time”.
It was the tone of his voice that got to me, the desperate undertone that tried to hide so many things. Although he forced himself to look like a happy go lucky guy, his voice exposed him. I rolled on my side to look at him, ready to make a snark remark, but I swallowed it because of the look in his eyes.
I had seen it much too often, the I-am-done-talking-to-you glare, he wanted to go away, talk to his FWB Reg, or his intern. But he was stuck with me here, we had to wait till the swimmers were back. The awkwardness of the moment grabbed me by the throat.
So I lay down again, on my back, and yawned. I closed my eyes and listened to his slow breathing. What had happened that I pissed him off all of a sudden? I really tried to be civil, and answered his questions, but obviously I had hit a nerve.
He should be a therapist, the way he sucked things out of me, things I had never realized before. With his simple questions he made me talk about very personal matters. It was ridiculous that I had told him about my sex life, or the lack of it at the end of my relationship with Marc.
Why was I still so hurt about an affair that was spiraling down for months already? Was it because of the booze that I didn’t see it coming? Or denial? Did Marc have sex with others? Was that the reason he didn’t want me anymore?
So many questions and I would never find the answers, because the last few months with Marc were foggy. And somehow it didn’t seem that important anymore, what he had done, or not done. We would never see each other again.
I had to start making a living here in Podunk. Trying to be a nicer version of myself. I had to start working on the renovation, I knew many people in the business so I had to start using my network again.
I sat up and looked at the design in the sand. Suddenly my past wasn’t freezing me anymore, the adrenalin rushed through my veins and I wanted to go home, and mail Luke’s grandmother. We had to set up a way to raise money. We could do this, this immense project.
I wanted to explain something to Luke, but he seemed to be sleeping, so I kept my mouth shut, although I wanted to shake his shoulder and ask for his opinion. He looked peaceful and younger than he could be. I rolled on my side again and studied his face. His stubbles were only half a day old, but they made him….
The word I was thinking of froze in my brain. No, don’t think that. The opportunity Bob gave me was too big to blow it. I didn’t need this in my life right now, I wanted to work and focus on a subject that slowly got under my skin. Falling for him would ruin everything and more. He didn’t want me, he didn’t even like me, he just asked me things to be polite.
Where was Reg, my fucking date? Where did he and Scott go? I stood up and looked at my host one more time, realizing that I couldn’t wait till the guys were back, I had to go home and lock the door and …fuck, I wanted to drink, beer, vodka, anything …..
***********
The bottle stood in front of me on my table. The alcohol called me, and I wanted to give in so badly, but a voice in my head called me too, yelled at me to think. To not give in. I closed my eyes and inhaled, trying to ignore the images that invaded my brain. Brown eyes. Stubbles. Chest hair. Small calves. Blond hair spread out in the grass.
I don’t know how I got on my horse, but I did, and the way back to his home was long, but I remembered, benefits of a photographic memory. I was glad that his dad helped me on the ground again. He was surprised that I was back so soon, alone.
“Emergency call”, I said and walked in the direction of the kitchen.
He walked next to me. “Then you must have a hell of a phone, I don’t have any service out there”, he said softly. Fuck. He was as smart as his son.
“I thought you didn’t do operations anymore”, Holden said while he tried to keep up with me. It was too much, the heat and my confusion and everyone here knowing that I was an addict and…
“Mind your own business”, I said and stomped into the kitchen to get my bag. In one quick move I grabbed the whisky bottle that Luke had left on the counter and let it slip in my bag, right before Holden came in.
I took the bottle in my hand and opened it. When I smelled the alcohol, I could breathe again, knowing that soon I could think again, if only I drank one zip. I placed the bottle against my lips ….
************
It was dark already when I heard someone knocking on my door. I stumbled to it and opened it. The hallway light shone on his hair, he was just a shadow, but I could feel his worry. He pushed me inside my house and turned on the light.
“Are you okay?”, Reg asked.
I just nodded.
“What has happened Reid?”, he asked. He looked at the mess in my room and walked to the wet wall in front of me. Kneeling, he collected the glass from the floor. I watched him cleaning up my room.
And then finally he walked to me and grabbed my face in his hands. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he just smelled my breathe.
“You didn’t drink?”, he asked softly.
I shook my head. “But you wanted to, right?”, he continued.
I nodded.
He took me in his arms and hugged me. “I am so proud of you Reid”, he whispered. “Call me if you want to drink again, I will come here and talk to you till the urge is gone. I am so happy that you threw the bottle against the wall instead of drinking it. You can do it Reid, with our help. Just tell us when you need us”.
“But why?”, I asked softly, ashamed that he saw me this way. “Why do you care?”.
“That’s the way we work around here Reid, get used to it”, he said, bossy. “We look after our own, and you are one of us now, so we won’t let you go, until you are strong enough to be on your own again”.
“But what if I don’t want to be on my own again?”, I asked.
“Then open your heart for us, like we have done for you”, he said.
next chapter