haec olim meminisse iuvabit
Pairing: Chad Michael Murray/Jensen Ackles [Actors]
Date Written: May 11-May 30, 2009
Jensen arrives at Massey Prep in the middle of October where football season is already in full swing and the homecoming dance is only weeks away. At his last school, he hadn't bothered to make friends and he's pretty sure it would be a waste of time here too. Before long, his mom will get a grant to go to somewhere else, so what's the point? No matter how many times they settle in some college town where she claims they'll stay until at least the end of the semester, it never works out that way.
The only friend he's kept in touch with all these years is the one he had before his mom became a hot-shot expert in sociolinguistics. Up until age 10, when his mom took a position at Oxford, Jared was his whole world. Now he only sees him when they visit his grandparents for the holidays; the rest of their contact comes via texts and chats during marathon World of Warcraft games.
This new school looks like something out of a movie. Groups of teenagers walk across the lawn with books in their arms, heading into ivy-covered brick buildings. Even though there's no official school uniform, all of the guys look like they stepped out of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue and the girls seem to range between video vixen and real housewife in training. Jensen discretely snaps a picture of a group of them under the tree and sends it to Jared.
in case you were wondering, hell is located in new england
Jared's response comes five seconds later along with a picture of what Jensen thinks is the football field back home, complete with jock assholes.
suck it up, jen. this is what i have to look at all day.
Snickering to himself, Jensen makes his way into the main hall. There's an imposing staircase made of dark wood curving up the far walls and a brass sign in front of him directing him through double-doors to the headmaster's office. This place is more pretentious than the last school he went to and for once he hopes his mom picks up and moves them early.
Inside the doors are miles of plush purple carpeting leading to another set of double-doors. Evenly spaced down the whole hall are paintings of past headmasters going back to the eighteenth century. In a small alcove halfway down, there's a horseshoe-shaped desk where an older woman sits typing away without even looking up as Jensen approaches.
"Mr. Kripke is waiting for you," she says without really acknowledging him.
Sighing, Jensen trudges down the rest of the hallway and opens the door without bothering to knock. The headmaster is sitting at a desk the size of a small house, surrounded by stacks of books, which Jensen soon realizes are all the same book, by Mr. Kripke himself.
"Ackles, right?" Mr. Kripke doesn't look up either. "Have you read my book?"
"No."
That gets the headmaster's attention. He frowns deeply and Jensen just stares back, waiting for the man to say something. They always say something about how he dresses or wears his hair or his tattoos or piercings. Right now his hair is on the long side with a streak of pink hanging over one eye, so not all that offensive, he would assume. Maybe it's the labret or the eyeliner or the kilt or his sleeve. They usually want him to take the piercings out; once his mom filed a lawsuit over it.
Finally, Mr. Kripke just shakes his head as if to say 'kids these days' and then slides a piece of paper across the desk along with a copy of his book. The paper is Jensen's schedule which is just full of boring shit, he's sure. He salutes the headmaster with the paper and walks back out without a word.
latin. who the fuck takes latin?!
your momma.
shut up about my momma.
carpe diem, jen.
Jensen snaps his phone shut and tries to figure out where South Hall is located since it certainly isn't in the direction it's named after. He's walking and turning the map in circles when he runs into a tree. Only when he looks up, he realizes that the tree is actually a guy.
"Dude, where's South Hall?" Jensen asks without bothering to apologize. He waves his map around when the guy just stares at him. "Hello?"
The guy finally blinks. "Oh, umm, next to the library."
The map has several libraries which is just ridiculous. "Which one?"
"Murray."
Looking up from trying to figure out the map again, Jensen notices that the guy is kind of smirking at him. He's got that blue blood thing going on to the extreme. It's pretty obvious that his clothes are tailor-made and his eyes burn in that jaded kind of way.
"Murray?" Jensen repeats. He could've sworn he saw that somewhere on the map.
"It's named after my family," the guy, Murray apparently, explains looking almost sheepish.
"Guess that means you're obligated to show me where it is then, huh?" Jensen grabs Murray's arm and starts dragging him in the vague direction of the library. "You got a first name?"
"Chad." He raises an eyebrow at Jensen. "Is pink your signature color?"
"Oh, I like you." Jensen winks at Chad. "This week it is, anyway."
"I'm going to assume you're Jensen Ackles," Chad almost mutters, a faint blush staining his cheeks.
"Does my reputation precede me?" Jensen laughs as Chad leads them across the quad. "The rumors are all true. Except for the one about the strawberry-flavored lube."
Chad just kind of looks at him like he's insane. "Right. So are you egregia cum laude?"
Jensen just can't help himself. "Come again?"
"Hilarious," Chad says dryly as he snatches Jensen's schedule. "Egregia, as I thought. We have the same schedule then."
"What is with all the fucking Latin?" Jensen complains.
"I'm pretty sure that was French," Chad snorts.
So Jensen wasn't planning on making friends, but Chad is apparently irresistible.
**
Most of the students at Massey live in dorms, the exception being townies, which apparently are considered second-class citizens. Jensen lives in the town, but spends almost his whole day at the school and goes home only to sleep. Home is really a building on the historical register with drafty windows and horrible plumbing. His mom's address is listed as this building, but she's never there. Instead, her personal/research assistant, Jeff Dean Morgan, is the one acting as his guardian.
Jeff isn't actually all that bad. Once Jensen's mom left him at a boarding school in India while she was at a conference in Berlin and Jeff was on vacation in Thailand. Being the quintessential absent-minded professor, she forgot where she left Jensen, but Jeff swept in like a very tan, very gay hero and took Jensen with him to some conference in Budapest.
Somewhere in there Jensen realized he's gay. And that boarding schools are never a good idea.
**
Between Calculus and European History, there's a free period that's supposed to be used to study or contemplate life or something, but Jensen uses it to veg out on the lawn just east of the Quad. The west lawn is usually occupied by Abercrombie zombies and their ilk and the Quad itself is always in the midst of some event. Today he thinks it might be some homecoming election thing.
Chad finds him there and flops next to him, stretching himself out against the grass despite the fact that it's probably ruining his perfectly white dress shirt. This is one of many things that confuse Jensen; Chad is a ball of contradictions and insecurities and cockiness wrapped up in layer of douche bag. He's also kind of hot. So naturally, Jensen is halfway in love with him.
"You going to homecoming?"
Jensen snorts and throws a handful of grass at Chad's head. "Don't have a date."
Which is true, but also avoids the whole gay thing since somehow he doesn't think Massey Prep is going to be big on dudes taking dudes to the dance. What would the alumni think? Not to mention that the only date Jensen would take is Chad.
"Are you kidding me?" Chad brushes the grass off. "Harris would go with you in a heartbeat."
"Not my type." Jensen braids a couple of pieces of grass together and avoids Chad's eyes. "Even if she was, I don't really want to go."
"Why not?"
"Kind of pointless." Jensen takes the ring he's made and slips it on his finger. "I'll probably be gone soon enough."
"Can't you stay, even if your mom goes?" Chad is sitting up now, playing with the grass between them. "I mean, we do have dorms."
"I'll see what Jeff thinks," Jensen says, more to get Chad off his back than anything else.
Chad laughs. "Your butler?"
Jensen pokes him in the shoulder. "He's not my butler. He's my mom's assistant."
"Seems like he's assisting you more than her." Chad's got this glint in his eye that makes what he said sound so dirty.
"I wish," Jensen mutters.
"Dude." Chad grabs Jensen's arm suddenly. "You're totally gay, aren't you?"
"I--"
Before Jensen can finish his protest or confession or diversion, Chad is tackling him to the ground.
"This is so awesome."
"You're okay with it?" Jensen blinks up at him in shock.
"Duh."
That's when Chad kisses him. It's almost a chaste kiss, just a dry brush of lips, but it gets Jensen from confused to turned-on in zero point six seconds. He digs his fingers into Chad's back to keep him there and kisses him back. It's all tentative because this wouldn't be the first time it all turned out to be a joke. But then Chad swipes his tongue along Jensen's lower lip and all that kind of flies out the window.
**
Jeff is cooking some kind of Thai dish that may or may not be edible depending on whether he was actually paying attention while doing it or not. The incident with the scrambled eggs, including egg shells, still haunts Jensen to this day.
"You seem to be in a good mood," Jeff comments.
Jensen shrugs and takes a seat at the kitchenette table. He takes out his Latin book because his teacher is a sadist who thinks doing hours of conjugations is so much fun.
"Making friends?" Jeff continues, ignoring Jensen's non-answer.
"Yeah, I guess."
Making conversation with Jeff is always awkward. Mainly because Jensen can't help picturing Jeff naked and that just gives him a hard-on and even more of a reason to be awkward and shy. Once, Jeff spent a whole summer wearing nothing but swim trunks while Mom did research on dialect changes among Pacific island natives and Jensen just about died.
"You guess?"
"There's this guy." Jensen steadfastly refuses to look in Jeff's direction. "He's kind of cool."
"He give you that hickey?"
Reflexively, Jensen slaps his palm over the mark and then yelps when it stings. He had hoped Jeff would be his ever oblivious self and just not notice it. Jensen quickly packs up his stuff, holding his bag down over his groin.
"Got homework to do," Jensen mutters as he flees the kitchen for the relative safety of his bedroom.
**
what's shakin ackles?
my booty
does it bring all the boys 2 the yard?
1 boy
u have a bf?!
stfu jay-red
is he totes dreamy?
he has a big dick
tmi
u asked 4 it
So Jensen doesn't know the size of Chad's dick, but he really, really wishes he did.
**
Chad has basketball practice after school so Jensen hangs out in the bleachers pretending to read Dickens but he's really checking out Chad's ass. He's got pretty wicked arms too and Jensen gets lost in the thought of them spreading his legs wide, holding him down.
He's also a complete dick to the other guys on the team. Even the ones he's supposed to be playing with, not against. He shoves them, spins around them and taunts them all while making baskets from all over the key. The other guys seem used to Chad's foul mouth and aggressive game and just roll their eyes and try to keep up. Jensen, on the other hand, can't help but picture Chad whispering filth in his ear while teasing Jensen with his cock.
By the time Chad jogs up the bleachers to sit down next to him, Jensen's pretty sure he's going to come in his pants.
"Hey, so," Chad pants. "My roommate's out of town."
"Ngh," is about all Jensen can say to that.
**
They're making out on Chad's bed, all slow kisses and butterfly touches, and Jensen wants more but is afraid to ask for it. As far as he knows, Chad's never been with a guy before and Jensen knows all about straight guys freaking the fuck out over a gay guy touching their dick. There was that guy Tom three schools ago who actually started sobbing which was really just awkward.
"I wanna…" Chad is panting into Jensen's mouth with his hands on Jensen's belt buckle.
"Yeah, yeah," Jensen encourages.
Chad makes quick work of his pants, stripping them and his boxers off before throwing them to the floor, and then he's got the head of Jensen's cock in his mouth. So maybe freaking out isn't on the agenda. Jensen clenches his fists in the sheets to stop himself from grabbing Chad's head or bucking his hips or doing anything else to disturb the wet, wet heat around his dick.
Then Chad starts playing with his balls and stroking his perineum and that's about all Jensen can take. He tugs at Chad's shirt, tries to warn him, but Chad doesn't let up, just kind of winks at him and swallows.
Jensen feels liquid, his heart still beating like crazy, but he makes himself move. He grabs at Chad's jeans, ripping them down before jacking his cock, twisting on the upstroke. Chad's moaning and pressing sloppy kisses to Jensen's neck. Jensen pushes him back on the bed and returns the favor, sinking his mouth slowly down Chad's cock. His tongue presses against the slit and then Chad is calling his name and coming. Jensen swallows it all and then surges up to kiss Chad.
"Man, that was hot," Chad moans as he grabs Jensen's ass and yanks him closer.
"So, like, you've…" Jensen waves his hand vaguely hoping he doesn't have to compose a full sentence.
Chad laughs. "Dude, I've been in boarding schools my whole life, what do you think?"
"I wasn't aware that boarding schools are a hotbed of homosexual activity," Jensen says with a small smirk. "Then again, the only ones I've ever gone to are in Southeast Asia."
"Well…" Chad bites his lip. "You could try out this one."
Jensen nuzzles Chad's neck. "There's a reason I hate boarding schools."
"Yeah?" Chad strokes his shoulder, clearly encouraging him to continue.
"My mom is really smart, but when it comes to real life stuff, she's a total ditz. She left me at a boarding school in India when I was fifteen. Like just completely forgot where I was like losing a pair of sunglasses or something."
Jensen takes a deep breath and then lets it out slow against Chad's skin. He smiles a little when Chad shivers.
"But Jeff remembered and he came and got me. He's been like my guardian ever since," Jensen finishes.
"And you don't want to leave him?"
"It's not that." Jensen sits up a bit and touches his index finger to Chad's nose. "It's just that he's all I really know. I see him more than Mom."
Chad surges up and kisses him. "Think about it, okay? Promise me you'll think about it."
"Yeah, I'll think about it," Jensen placates.
**
He does think about it while he's trying to avoid doing Calculus homework. It would be nice to not get uprooted, again, and have to make new friends, again, and have to re-alphabetize his record collection for the five hundredth time. The idea is becoming more and more appealing when he thinks about Chad and how his stomach flips at just the mention of his name.
But then at dinner, Jeff tells him they're moving back to Texas in a month.
No matter how far they've traveled, Texas has always been home. His grandparents are there, his friends are there and he misses good barbecue and sweet tea.
Now Jensen's not so much thinking about staying at Massey as he's thinking about how to let Chad down easy.
moving again
where 2?
texas
fuck yeah
Before Jensen can text back he gets another one from Jared.
what about ur bf?
idk :(
**
Chad is attempting to help Jensen study but they're really playing footsie under the table. It's hard to hold down giggles despite the librarian shooting them dirty looks. It's even harder to bring up the whole moving thing when Chad's smiling at him like that.
"We have to talk," Jensen whispers as he traps Chad's foot between his ankles.
"That's never a good thing," Chad mutters, moving his leg away.
"Yeah." Jensen plays with a paperclip in lieu of meeting Chad's eyes. "I'm moving in a couple of weeks. Back home to Texas."
Of all the responses Jensen was expecting, it wasn't for Chad to kick him in the shin before running away down one of the aisles. Wincing, Jensen hops after him. After a few wrong turns, he finds Chad sitting on the floor in the Roman History section, his knees drawn up to his chest.
"Go away," Chad bites out as Jensen starts to enter the aisle.
"I told you I'd end up moving," Jensen reminds him as he inches closer.
"You also said you'd think about staying." Chad's voice is muffled by his arms now but Jensen is pretty sure he's crying.
Jensen crouches down next to Chad and touches his forearm. "I did think about it."
Chad looks up, his eyes brimming with tears. "Guess I wasn't worth staying though, huh?"
"That's not it." Jensen swallows hard. "It's not it at all."
"Whatever," Chad huffs.
Second by second, he's turning into the douche bag that everyone else sees and it breaks Jensen's heart. He reaches out but Chad pushes him away and stands up.
"Just stay the fuck away from me, Ackles."
Jensen lets him stomp off. He sits there with his back against the stacks and tries to compose himself. Maybe he acted like it was no big deal to leave Chad behind, but it is. Chad's the first boy who's ever liked him for him.
**
For the next couple of days, Chad avoids him like the plague. It's kind of impressive considering they share all of their classes. He's never in his room and completely ignores Jensen's existence at basketball practice. So Jensen's getting a bit desperate because they can't just leave it like this. It's not like it's his fault that his mom is a total flake who moves around all the time.
Finally, Jensen manages to corner Chad as he's coming out of the showers in the locker room. All the other guys have left already, which Jensen arranged by paying off James Lafferty, the team captain. Chad is oblivious to Jensen's presence as he drops his towel and opens his locker. Jensen can't help but admire the view before speaking up.
"Are you really gonna stay mad at me forever?"
Chad whirls around while trying to cover himself up and winds up slipping on the wet floor. Jensen grabs him to stop him from falling down and they end up pressed together against Chad's locker.
"Fuck, don't sneak up on me like that," Chad swears as he punches Jensen's shoulder lightly.
"It always looks so hot in porn," Jensen smirks.
"Wait, I hate you," Chad frowns and pushes Jensen away. "Get out of here."
"If you had to remind yourself, I don't think it's really true," Jensen says gently as he moves right back up into Chad's personal space.
Jensen's wearing his favorite pair of leather pants and a thin shirt so they might as well both be naked. Chad kind of whimpers and his arms flail like he's trying not to grab Jensen and haul him closer. It's good enough. Jensen kisses him softly in apology.
"It's not like I want to go," Jensen half-lies.
"I know," Chad whispers.
**
They go back to Jensen's house because Jeff is at some conference in Belfast or Bucharest or some other city that starts with a B and Chad's roommate has a sock on the door. It's kind of tense in the car but once they get in the door, they're all over each other. Chad's kissing him like he needs it more than breathing and Jensen's trying to shove him in the general direction of the bedroom. They've lost most of their clothes by then.
Once they're in bed, Jensen rolls them so he's on top and then grinds his ass down into Chad's lap. Chad keens and arches up, his fingers grasping and releasing Jensen's hips. Jensen's never been fucked, has never fucked anyone, but he wants Chad to be his first. He dives for the nightstand and searches blindly for lube and a condom, both of which he deposits on Chad's chest.
"Please," he whispers as he presses his forehead to Chad's.
"Have you ever?" Chad whispers back, still rolling his hips up into Jensen.
"No." Jensen takes a deep breath. "Have you?"
"No."
Jensen feels relieved by that for some reason. Chad maneuvers them until Jensen is on his hands and knees in the center of the bed with Chad behind him. The prep isn't enough and Jensen goes soft while Chad slides inside him. They have no rhythm but Jensen's getting hard again and he has to jack himself because Chad apparently has never heard of the reach around. It's completely awkward, nothing like porn or movies would have you believe, and it's all over too soon.
But all of that's kind of what makes it perfect.
**
Chad shows up just as Jeff's packing up the last of the house into his truck. They’ve always gotten furnished places and none of them carry more than can fit in a couple of boxes. Mom's stuff, on the other hand, takes a moving truck despite the fact she's never around.
After making a vague 'just a minute' gestures at Jeff, Jensen leads Chad into the backyard so they can sit on the porch swing and get some privacy. It's late November now, almost Thanksgiving, and Jensen is freezing his ass off thinking that maybe wearing a kilt today wasn't such a great idea.
"So, umm, if you want to keep in touch…" Chad hands Jensen a scrap of paper with numbers and addresses on it.
"Yeah." Jensen slips the paper into his jacket pocket. "Of course."
They sit there silently, just rocking back and forth, watching squirrels chase each other up and down the trees. Slowly, Jensen inches his hand over until he's covering Chad's. Chad flips his hand over and grasps Jensen's hand tightly.
"Have fun roping cattle or whatever," Chad says as he takes his hand back.
It's snarky but Jensen knows it means Chad will miss him, so he just leans over and kisses Chad's cheek before jumping off the porch. He heads to the truck where Jeff is waiting and climbs inside so they can head on to the next college town. For the first time ever, Jensen feels like he's leaving something important behind, like he's left a mark someplace. It's heartening and heartbreaking all at once.
Date Written: May 11-May 30, 2009
Jensen arrives at Massey Prep in the middle of October where football season is already in full swing and the homecoming dance is only weeks away. At his last school, he hadn't bothered to make friends and he's pretty sure it would be a waste of time here too. Before long, his mom will get a grant to go to somewhere else, so what's the point? No matter how many times they settle in some college town where she claims they'll stay until at least the end of the semester, it never works out that way.
The only friend he's kept in touch with all these years is the one he had before his mom became a hot-shot expert in sociolinguistics. Up until age 10, when his mom took a position at Oxford, Jared was his whole world. Now he only sees him when they visit his grandparents for the holidays; the rest of their contact comes via texts and chats during marathon World of Warcraft games.
This new school looks like something out of a movie. Groups of teenagers walk across the lawn with books in their arms, heading into ivy-covered brick buildings. Even though there's no official school uniform, all of the guys look like they stepped out of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue and the girls seem to range between video vixen and real housewife in training. Jensen discretely snaps a picture of a group of them under the tree and sends it to Jared.
in case you were wondering, hell is located in new england
Jared's response comes five seconds later along with a picture of what Jensen thinks is the football field back home, complete with jock assholes.
suck it up, jen. this is what i have to look at all day.
Snickering to himself, Jensen makes his way into the main hall. There's an imposing staircase made of dark wood curving up the far walls and a brass sign in front of him directing him through double-doors to the headmaster's office. This place is more pretentious than the last school he went to and for once he hopes his mom picks up and moves them early.
Inside the doors are miles of plush purple carpeting leading to another set of double-doors. Evenly spaced down the whole hall are paintings of past headmasters going back to the eighteenth century. In a small alcove halfway down, there's a horseshoe-shaped desk where an older woman sits typing away without even looking up as Jensen approaches.
"Mr. Kripke is waiting for you," she says without really acknowledging him.
Sighing, Jensen trudges down the rest of the hallway and opens the door without bothering to knock. The headmaster is sitting at a desk the size of a small house, surrounded by stacks of books, which Jensen soon realizes are all the same book, by Mr. Kripke himself.
"Ackles, right?" Mr. Kripke doesn't look up either. "Have you read my book?"
"No."
That gets the headmaster's attention. He frowns deeply and Jensen just stares back, waiting for the man to say something. They always say something about how he dresses or wears his hair or his tattoos or piercings. Right now his hair is on the long side with a streak of pink hanging over one eye, so not all that offensive, he would assume. Maybe it's the labret or the eyeliner or the kilt or his sleeve. They usually want him to take the piercings out; once his mom filed a lawsuit over it.
Finally, Mr. Kripke just shakes his head as if to say 'kids these days' and then slides a piece of paper across the desk along with a copy of his book. The paper is Jensen's schedule which is just full of boring shit, he's sure. He salutes the headmaster with the paper and walks back out without a word.
latin. who the fuck takes latin?!
your momma.
shut up about my momma.
carpe diem, jen.
Jensen snaps his phone shut and tries to figure out where South Hall is located since it certainly isn't in the direction it's named after. He's walking and turning the map in circles when he runs into a tree. Only when he looks up, he realizes that the tree is actually a guy.
"Dude, where's South Hall?" Jensen asks without bothering to apologize. He waves his map around when the guy just stares at him. "Hello?"
The guy finally blinks. "Oh, umm, next to the library."
The map has several libraries which is just ridiculous. "Which one?"
"Murray."
Looking up from trying to figure out the map again, Jensen notices that the guy is kind of smirking at him. He's got that blue blood thing going on to the extreme. It's pretty obvious that his clothes are tailor-made and his eyes burn in that jaded kind of way.
"Murray?" Jensen repeats. He could've sworn he saw that somewhere on the map.
"It's named after my family," the guy, Murray apparently, explains looking almost sheepish.
"Guess that means you're obligated to show me where it is then, huh?" Jensen grabs Murray's arm and starts dragging him in the vague direction of the library. "You got a first name?"
"Chad." He raises an eyebrow at Jensen. "Is pink your signature color?"
"Oh, I like you." Jensen winks at Chad. "This week it is, anyway."
"I'm going to assume you're Jensen Ackles," Chad almost mutters, a faint blush staining his cheeks.
"Does my reputation precede me?" Jensen laughs as Chad leads them across the quad. "The rumors are all true. Except for the one about the strawberry-flavored lube."
Chad just kind of looks at him like he's insane. "Right. So are you egregia cum laude?"
Jensen just can't help himself. "Come again?"
"Hilarious," Chad says dryly as he snatches Jensen's schedule. "Egregia, as I thought. We have the same schedule then."
"What is with all the fucking Latin?" Jensen complains.
"I'm pretty sure that was French," Chad snorts.
So Jensen wasn't planning on making friends, but Chad is apparently irresistible.
**
Most of the students at Massey live in dorms, the exception being townies, which apparently are considered second-class citizens. Jensen lives in the town, but spends almost his whole day at the school and goes home only to sleep. Home is really a building on the historical register with drafty windows and horrible plumbing. His mom's address is listed as this building, but she's never there. Instead, her personal/research assistant, Jeff Dean Morgan, is the one acting as his guardian.
Jeff isn't actually all that bad. Once Jensen's mom left him at a boarding school in India while she was at a conference in Berlin and Jeff was on vacation in Thailand. Being the quintessential absent-minded professor, she forgot where she left Jensen, but Jeff swept in like a very tan, very gay hero and took Jensen with him to some conference in Budapest.
Somewhere in there Jensen realized he's gay. And that boarding schools are never a good idea.
**
Between Calculus and European History, there's a free period that's supposed to be used to study or contemplate life or something, but Jensen uses it to veg out on the lawn just east of the Quad. The west lawn is usually occupied by Abercrombie zombies and their ilk and the Quad itself is always in the midst of some event. Today he thinks it might be some homecoming election thing.
Chad finds him there and flops next to him, stretching himself out against the grass despite the fact that it's probably ruining his perfectly white dress shirt. This is one of many things that confuse Jensen; Chad is a ball of contradictions and insecurities and cockiness wrapped up in layer of douche bag. He's also kind of hot. So naturally, Jensen is halfway in love with him.
"You going to homecoming?"
Jensen snorts and throws a handful of grass at Chad's head. "Don't have a date."
Which is true, but also avoids the whole gay thing since somehow he doesn't think Massey Prep is going to be big on dudes taking dudes to the dance. What would the alumni think? Not to mention that the only date Jensen would take is Chad.
"Are you kidding me?" Chad brushes the grass off. "Harris would go with you in a heartbeat."
"Not my type." Jensen braids a couple of pieces of grass together and avoids Chad's eyes. "Even if she was, I don't really want to go."
"Why not?"
"Kind of pointless." Jensen takes the ring he's made and slips it on his finger. "I'll probably be gone soon enough."
"Can't you stay, even if your mom goes?" Chad is sitting up now, playing with the grass between them. "I mean, we do have dorms."
"I'll see what Jeff thinks," Jensen says, more to get Chad off his back than anything else.
Chad laughs. "Your butler?"
Jensen pokes him in the shoulder. "He's not my butler. He's my mom's assistant."
"Seems like he's assisting you more than her." Chad's got this glint in his eye that makes what he said sound so dirty.
"I wish," Jensen mutters.
"Dude." Chad grabs Jensen's arm suddenly. "You're totally gay, aren't you?"
"I--"
Before Jensen can finish his protest or confession or diversion, Chad is tackling him to the ground.
"This is so awesome."
"You're okay with it?" Jensen blinks up at him in shock.
"Duh."
That's when Chad kisses him. It's almost a chaste kiss, just a dry brush of lips, but it gets Jensen from confused to turned-on in zero point six seconds. He digs his fingers into Chad's back to keep him there and kisses him back. It's all tentative because this wouldn't be the first time it all turned out to be a joke. But then Chad swipes his tongue along Jensen's lower lip and all that kind of flies out the window.
**
Jeff is cooking some kind of Thai dish that may or may not be edible depending on whether he was actually paying attention while doing it or not. The incident with the scrambled eggs, including egg shells, still haunts Jensen to this day.
"You seem to be in a good mood," Jeff comments.
Jensen shrugs and takes a seat at the kitchenette table. He takes out his Latin book because his teacher is a sadist who thinks doing hours of conjugations is so much fun.
"Making friends?" Jeff continues, ignoring Jensen's non-answer.
"Yeah, I guess."
Making conversation with Jeff is always awkward. Mainly because Jensen can't help picturing Jeff naked and that just gives him a hard-on and even more of a reason to be awkward and shy. Once, Jeff spent a whole summer wearing nothing but swim trunks while Mom did research on dialect changes among Pacific island natives and Jensen just about died.
"You guess?"
"There's this guy." Jensen steadfastly refuses to look in Jeff's direction. "He's kind of cool."
"He give you that hickey?"
Reflexively, Jensen slaps his palm over the mark and then yelps when it stings. He had hoped Jeff would be his ever oblivious self and just not notice it. Jensen quickly packs up his stuff, holding his bag down over his groin.
"Got homework to do," Jensen mutters as he flees the kitchen for the relative safety of his bedroom.
**
what's shakin ackles?
my booty
does it bring all the boys 2 the yard?
1 boy
u have a bf?!
stfu jay-red
is he totes dreamy?
he has a big dick
tmi
u asked 4 it
So Jensen doesn't know the size of Chad's dick, but he really, really wishes he did.
**
Chad has basketball practice after school so Jensen hangs out in the bleachers pretending to read Dickens but he's really checking out Chad's ass. He's got pretty wicked arms too and Jensen gets lost in the thought of them spreading his legs wide, holding him down.
He's also a complete dick to the other guys on the team. Even the ones he's supposed to be playing with, not against. He shoves them, spins around them and taunts them all while making baskets from all over the key. The other guys seem used to Chad's foul mouth and aggressive game and just roll their eyes and try to keep up. Jensen, on the other hand, can't help but picture Chad whispering filth in his ear while teasing Jensen with his cock.
By the time Chad jogs up the bleachers to sit down next to him, Jensen's pretty sure he's going to come in his pants.
"Hey, so," Chad pants. "My roommate's out of town."
"Ngh," is about all Jensen can say to that.
**
They're making out on Chad's bed, all slow kisses and butterfly touches, and Jensen wants more but is afraid to ask for it. As far as he knows, Chad's never been with a guy before and Jensen knows all about straight guys freaking the fuck out over a gay guy touching their dick. There was that guy Tom three schools ago who actually started sobbing which was really just awkward.
"I wanna…" Chad is panting into Jensen's mouth with his hands on Jensen's belt buckle.
"Yeah, yeah," Jensen encourages.
Chad makes quick work of his pants, stripping them and his boxers off before throwing them to the floor, and then he's got the head of Jensen's cock in his mouth. So maybe freaking out isn't on the agenda. Jensen clenches his fists in the sheets to stop himself from grabbing Chad's head or bucking his hips or doing anything else to disturb the wet, wet heat around his dick.
Then Chad starts playing with his balls and stroking his perineum and that's about all Jensen can take. He tugs at Chad's shirt, tries to warn him, but Chad doesn't let up, just kind of winks at him and swallows.
Jensen feels liquid, his heart still beating like crazy, but he makes himself move. He grabs at Chad's jeans, ripping them down before jacking his cock, twisting on the upstroke. Chad's moaning and pressing sloppy kisses to Jensen's neck. Jensen pushes him back on the bed and returns the favor, sinking his mouth slowly down Chad's cock. His tongue presses against the slit and then Chad is calling his name and coming. Jensen swallows it all and then surges up to kiss Chad.
"Man, that was hot," Chad moans as he grabs Jensen's ass and yanks him closer.
"So, like, you've…" Jensen waves his hand vaguely hoping he doesn't have to compose a full sentence.
Chad laughs. "Dude, I've been in boarding schools my whole life, what do you think?"
"I wasn't aware that boarding schools are a hotbed of homosexual activity," Jensen says with a small smirk. "Then again, the only ones I've ever gone to are in Southeast Asia."
"Well…" Chad bites his lip. "You could try out this one."
Jensen nuzzles Chad's neck. "There's a reason I hate boarding schools."
"Yeah?" Chad strokes his shoulder, clearly encouraging him to continue.
"My mom is really smart, but when it comes to real life stuff, she's a total ditz. She left me at a boarding school in India when I was fifteen. Like just completely forgot where I was like losing a pair of sunglasses or something."
Jensen takes a deep breath and then lets it out slow against Chad's skin. He smiles a little when Chad shivers.
"But Jeff remembered and he came and got me. He's been like my guardian ever since," Jensen finishes.
"And you don't want to leave him?"
"It's not that." Jensen sits up a bit and touches his index finger to Chad's nose. "It's just that he's all I really know. I see him more than Mom."
Chad surges up and kisses him. "Think about it, okay? Promise me you'll think about it."
"Yeah, I'll think about it," Jensen placates.
**
He does think about it while he's trying to avoid doing Calculus homework. It would be nice to not get uprooted, again, and have to make new friends, again, and have to re-alphabetize his record collection for the five hundredth time. The idea is becoming more and more appealing when he thinks about Chad and how his stomach flips at just the mention of his name.
But then at dinner, Jeff tells him they're moving back to Texas in a month.
No matter how far they've traveled, Texas has always been home. His grandparents are there, his friends are there and he misses good barbecue and sweet tea.
Now Jensen's not so much thinking about staying at Massey as he's thinking about how to let Chad down easy.
moving again
where 2?
texas
fuck yeah
Before Jensen can text back he gets another one from Jared.
what about ur bf?
idk :(
**
Chad is attempting to help Jensen study but they're really playing footsie under the table. It's hard to hold down giggles despite the librarian shooting them dirty looks. It's even harder to bring up the whole moving thing when Chad's smiling at him like that.
"We have to talk," Jensen whispers as he traps Chad's foot between his ankles.
"That's never a good thing," Chad mutters, moving his leg away.
"Yeah." Jensen plays with a paperclip in lieu of meeting Chad's eyes. "I'm moving in a couple of weeks. Back home to Texas."
Of all the responses Jensen was expecting, it wasn't for Chad to kick him in the shin before running away down one of the aisles. Wincing, Jensen hops after him. After a few wrong turns, he finds Chad sitting on the floor in the Roman History section, his knees drawn up to his chest.
"Go away," Chad bites out as Jensen starts to enter the aisle.
"I told you I'd end up moving," Jensen reminds him as he inches closer.
"You also said you'd think about staying." Chad's voice is muffled by his arms now but Jensen is pretty sure he's crying.
Jensen crouches down next to Chad and touches his forearm. "I did think about it."
Chad looks up, his eyes brimming with tears. "Guess I wasn't worth staying though, huh?"
"That's not it." Jensen swallows hard. "It's not it at all."
"Whatever," Chad huffs.
Second by second, he's turning into the douche bag that everyone else sees and it breaks Jensen's heart. He reaches out but Chad pushes him away and stands up.
"Just stay the fuck away from me, Ackles."
Jensen lets him stomp off. He sits there with his back against the stacks and tries to compose himself. Maybe he acted like it was no big deal to leave Chad behind, but it is. Chad's the first boy who's ever liked him for him.
**
For the next couple of days, Chad avoids him like the plague. It's kind of impressive considering they share all of their classes. He's never in his room and completely ignores Jensen's existence at basketball practice. So Jensen's getting a bit desperate because they can't just leave it like this. It's not like it's his fault that his mom is a total flake who moves around all the time.
Finally, Jensen manages to corner Chad as he's coming out of the showers in the locker room. All the other guys have left already, which Jensen arranged by paying off James Lafferty, the team captain. Chad is oblivious to Jensen's presence as he drops his towel and opens his locker. Jensen can't help but admire the view before speaking up.
"Are you really gonna stay mad at me forever?"
Chad whirls around while trying to cover himself up and winds up slipping on the wet floor. Jensen grabs him to stop him from falling down and they end up pressed together against Chad's locker.
"Fuck, don't sneak up on me like that," Chad swears as he punches Jensen's shoulder lightly.
"It always looks so hot in porn," Jensen smirks.
"Wait, I hate you," Chad frowns and pushes Jensen away. "Get out of here."
"If you had to remind yourself, I don't think it's really true," Jensen says gently as he moves right back up into Chad's personal space.
Jensen's wearing his favorite pair of leather pants and a thin shirt so they might as well both be naked. Chad kind of whimpers and his arms flail like he's trying not to grab Jensen and haul him closer. It's good enough. Jensen kisses him softly in apology.
"It's not like I want to go," Jensen half-lies.
"I know," Chad whispers.
**
They go back to Jensen's house because Jeff is at some conference in Belfast or Bucharest or some other city that starts with a B and Chad's roommate has a sock on the door. It's kind of tense in the car but once they get in the door, they're all over each other. Chad's kissing him like he needs it more than breathing and Jensen's trying to shove him in the general direction of the bedroom. They've lost most of their clothes by then.
Once they're in bed, Jensen rolls them so he's on top and then grinds his ass down into Chad's lap. Chad keens and arches up, his fingers grasping and releasing Jensen's hips. Jensen's never been fucked, has never fucked anyone, but he wants Chad to be his first. He dives for the nightstand and searches blindly for lube and a condom, both of which he deposits on Chad's chest.
"Please," he whispers as he presses his forehead to Chad's.
"Have you ever?" Chad whispers back, still rolling his hips up into Jensen.
"No." Jensen takes a deep breath. "Have you?"
"No."
Jensen feels relieved by that for some reason. Chad maneuvers them until Jensen is on his hands and knees in the center of the bed with Chad behind him. The prep isn't enough and Jensen goes soft while Chad slides inside him. They have no rhythm but Jensen's getting hard again and he has to jack himself because Chad apparently has never heard of the reach around. It's completely awkward, nothing like porn or movies would have you believe, and it's all over too soon.
But all of that's kind of what makes it perfect.
**
Chad shows up just as Jeff's packing up the last of the house into his truck. They’ve always gotten furnished places and none of them carry more than can fit in a couple of boxes. Mom's stuff, on the other hand, takes a moving truck despite the fact she's never around.
After making a vague 'just a minute' gestures at Jeff, Jensen leads Chad into the backyard so they can sit on the porch swing and get some privacy. It's late November now, almost Thanksgiving, and Jensen is freezing his ass off thinking that maybe wearing a kilt today wasn't such a great idea.
"So, umm, if you want to keep in touch…" Chad hands Jensen a scrap of paper with numbers and addresses on it.
"Yeah." Jensen slips the paper into his jacket pocket. "Of course."
They sit there silently, just rocking back and forth, watching squirrels chase each other up and down the trees. Slowly, Jensen inches his hand over until he's covering Chad's. Chad flips his hand over and grasps Jensen's hand tightly.
"Have fun roping cattle or whatever," Chad says as he takes his hand back.
It's snarky but Jensen knows it means Chad will miss him, so he just leans over and kisses Chad's cheek before jumping off the porch. He heads to the truck where Jeff is waiting and climbs inside so they can head on to the next college town. For the first time ever, Jensen feels like he's leaving something important behind, like he's left a mark someplace. It's heartening and heartbreaking all at once.