[[oo7]] † :{Accidental Voice}: † :: [[I Want The Fire Back]]

[unsharedburden]

[The NOC, previously nestled in her waistband, clatters to the ground; on the way, the button to make a call is pressed. It's unclear what exactly happening, but if one pauses to listen to the feed, they'll hear a fair amount of crashing, cracking, scuffling, and grunting. There are a few short, strained cries as Buffy's fists collide with walls

Comments

[ Voice ]

[frost_la_magra]

Buffy! [ His voice is sharp, loud, and she better answer him because something isn't right.] We need to talk.

[Action]

[frost_la_magra]

[ He just watches her quietly, hands put into his pockets.]

[Action]

[unsharedburden]

[She slows down her laughing, and drops suddenly back into somber.]

I'm sorry. It's a little hard to feel lucky when everything comes, literally, crashing down around you. Hard to even believe in luck.

.. So what is it you wanted to talk about?

[Action]

[frost_la_magra]

Everything? [His expression turns a little odd before he just shrugs.]

I wanted to know where you had been, you didn't think I'd be bothered to worry if you didn't come back from digging in an abandoned building?

[He gives another shrug head tilting to the side.]

I thought something happened.

[Another frown.] I gave you your space to go look for your... whatever he is...

[Action]

[unsharedburden]

No, not e-.. [Sighs.] Not everything. Just... most of it.

[She looks up to him.] I'm - no, I didn't really think much of anything. It's hard to think past the grief. Lots of feeling lately. Not much with the brain-use.

[And then back down. What if it had?]

Giles. My Watcher. My -.. [Swallows thickly.] Practically my father.

But something tells me you didn't just come down here to ask me where I was.

[Action]

[frost_la_magra]

Actually I did. [ He makes a bit of a face, taking a step back. Something was odd, off, but he couldn't place it yet.]

You haven't answered me, and I've asked twice, so I'm not going to ask again.

[ A pause while he looks at her face before back to the door with a shrug.]

I'm glad your safe.

[ Annndd... He's going to go now.]

[Action]

[unsharedburden]

I was out. Deacon. Out, around. Walking, thinking, waiting. Obviously.

[Off? Way off. Everything's off. Her whole world is just a big fat bunch of off.

Wait. Why is he going? A sharp pang in her stomach, tears fill her eyes.]

... Deacon?

[Action]

[frost_la_magra]

You know. [He pauses, but keeps his tone generally as casual as it had been before.]

I found a place to stay, you're welcome to come to it, if you want to. If not, that's fine too.

When you feel less like... [ There's a long pause as if he can't think of the word.] being alone, I'll be there. As I always have, but I'm not going to force you to be in my company if you're not going to be bothered.

Grieve how you need to.

[Action]

[unsharedburden]

[Quietly.] Was there something else you wanted to talk about?

[Truthfully, she'd rather not be alone. But she's playing the part; pretending to be strong. She's not going to admit it out loud.]

[Action]

[frost_la_magra]

Not when you're like this. No. It can wait.

[He plucks a cigarette out of his coat pocket.]

Need I remind you, I've got all the time in the world?

[His tone isn't as cocky as the first time he said it, but it was still true. He could wait.]

[Action]

[unsharedburden]

Please. Just - .. talk to me about it now. Or at least give me an idea. It's just going to eat at me if you put it off.

[She rakes her hands through her hair, leaning her head back.]

I don't, Deacon. What if the next thing that happens drags me down with it? I've already died twice - who's to say there won't be a third time? And what if I can't be brought back this time? Just talk to me.

[Action]

[frost_la_magra]

[He turns around, and looks so very tired with her for a moment. But he shrugs.]

I came here, with one intention in mind, but I've changed my mind. I don't feel like talking about it.

I'm glad to see you're alright.

[ He leans himself on a wall, keeping a good distance between the set of them.]

Maybe you'll die, maybe I'll die, maybe we'll both die or maybe we'll both live. We never really know do we? I mean, that's part of life. Part of existing, isn't it?

[He tilted his head back watching the roof.]

All of us are tied together by that, vampires, humans, whatever. I mean, we live a lot longer, but we all eventually die don't we? At least in one way or another.

[Action]

[unsharedburden]

[Okay, now she's just angry.]

You changed your mind? So, all the build up. Close, but no cigar? No, Deacon.

[Really, really angry.] Alright? I'm alive. That's a far, far cry from alright. I'm not okay. Do you see what I'm doing? I'm beating the shit out of a building. What part of that is alright?

And I'm well aware of the part death plays in all of this!

[Her voice is raising; he's trying her patience, making her worry. She's already sick to her stomach. She turns away from him and moves back to the wall, cracking into it easily as she speaks. The angrier she is, the easier it is for her to rip it up.]

It should have been - [A heavy punch; she's pretty sure she ripped the skin off of her knuckles, but isn't really caring.] - me! Not him.

[Action]

[frost_la_magra]

Stop acting like a child. [He says, as sharply as he first did when he wanted to get her attention.]

You're not fucking six years old any more Buffy, death is a part of your life, you either handle it or it handles you. And if you act like this with those of us who are still alive what the fuck do you expect?

Do you want me to go away? Because all signs point to yes and I really don't fucking know what you want.

I try and tried to help you.

[He growls, just a little bit.] But you won't let me, so what the hell do you want me to do? Just stand around and wait?

[Action]

[unsharedburden]

[Her jaw sets, and she's --... pretty much furious, yeah.]

Not everyone can be stoic about everything, Deacon! Some people still have feelings.

[She turns to him again, holding her hands up, arms out, to her sides.]

And if I were still six, none of this would be happening. I'd be normal, still. Going to ice shows with my dad, before he decided to disappear from my life. Playing with Barbies. Watching movies with my mom. Being normal.

[Her tone turns bitter, and her volume drops as she glares at him.]

You just told me it could wait because you have forever, right? Or does that only go one way?

[Action]

[frost_la_magra]

[His expression drops and he just stares at her for a good long moment.]

That's how it is then? Fine.

[ He cups one hand around the cigarette and lights it with the other to give him something else to do with his hands. He looks down at it before putting the lighter back in his pocket and watching Buffy.]

With all the fucking issues you've had, not just with me, but in general. I've dealt with them the best I can, fucking gave this whole... bullshit humanity thing a try.

But with everything I do, you just...

[ He pulls the cigarette form his mouth turning it through his fingers.]

Just spit right back in my fucking face.