Fic: Manly Men, Part One
This is pretty much the fic that ate my brain. It ended up WAY longer than I planned and wouldn't let me do anything else until it was done. So hopefully you enjoy it, and I'll post the next part soonish.
Title: Manly Men
Rating: PG for very very mild language and Gar being Gar
Characters: Titans, Titans, everywhere!
Continuity: 1980s Wolfman/Perez-ish... at least in terms of characterization. Timewise, it's 2011.
Disclaimer: Maybe I can get Zatanna to cast a spell on the folks at DC and persuade them to give me their characters…
Notes: Written for bradygirl_12's DCU Art/Fic Halloween Challenge. :)
Prompts Used: Halloween party; apples; costumes
Synopsis: A Halloween tale of brotherhood and betrayal. And ponies.
“Let it be Star Wars. Let it be Star Wars. Let it be Star Wars.”
“If it is, you better not expect me to wear a gold bikini.”
“Oh! A gold bikini sounds like a marvelous costume!”
“Would you guys be quiet?!”
Gar, Raven, Kory and all the others stood silently while Donna Troy sifted through the little paper strips piled in one of Green Arrow’s old hats that Roy had stolen as a kid and refused to give back. It was that time of year again-exactly one month before Halloween and, more importantly, the Titans Annual Halloween Party. It was a themed party, so to avoid yearly spats over what the theme would be, each Titan would write down their favorite idea on a piece of paper and throw it into the hat. Then Dick would close his eyes and pick a theme at random. Unfortunately, Dick was out with the flu this year (“I told you to get a flu shot, you idiot,” Roy had scolded before spoon/force feeding him soup), so Donna got to do it instead.
“What’s taking so long?” Wally groused, his fingers drumming at super-speed.
“Don’t wear out the table, Fleetfeet, just let the lady work in peace.”
“Thank you, Victor,” Donna said. Eventually, her long slender fingers settled on a strip and pulled it from the hat. The Titans waited breathlessly as the Amazon opened her eyes and unfolded the paper. She read the theme aloud, grinning widely. But just as quickly as the smile came to her face, it was wiped away by a resounding male chorus of “Oh HELL no!”
Two days later…
Dick wandered into monitor room that evening to find Donna and Kory chatting about what he thought was Halloween costumes, though he couldn’t be sure because they stopped talking the moment they noticed he was there.
“Dick!” Kory cried enthusiastically. She bounced up from her chair and flew over to give him a hug. “You’re all better!”
“Of course I’m all better. I wasn’t about to let some flu virus kick my butt for long.”
Donna grumbled something about preventions and cures under her breath, but when Dick came over to her, said “Nice to see you too, Grumpypants” and gave her a hug, she couldn’t help but return it.
“So,” Dick said as he pulled away from the now-smiling Donna, “I hear you guys picked a theme for the party while I was out. What is it this year?”
Donna and Kory exchanged nervous glances.
“Um… My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,” Kory blurted out in a rush. Then she turned her head away, squeezed her eyes shut tight, and held her arms up in front of her face. Even Donna looked tense, as if expecting a fight. Dick just raised an eyebrow.
“Sounds like fun. Why are you flinching?”
“You mean…” Kory said in wonderment, tentatively lowering her arms, “you are not angry?”
“Obviously not. Should I be?”
“Why don’t you take a look at the rec room and see for yourself?” Donna suggested. Dick raised his other eyebrow but did as she asked, making his way down the short corridor until he came to the recreation room. When he peeked inside, both eyebrows went up.
Vic, Roy, Wally, Garth, Joey, and Gar-in other words, all of the male Titans except for Dick-were seated around the giant hi-def television, staring rather determinedly at the football game (except for Joey, who seemed more interested in his sketchpad). They were all decked out in sportswear. Beer (regular, not light), chips, dip, pork rinds and pizza littered the coffee table (and the floor). The scent of Axe and Old Spice perfumed the air to the point where Dick wasn’t quite sure how everybody hadn’t suffocated yet.
Honestly, aside from the stench and the obstinate way in which everybody was staring at the screen, it looked pretty much like Super Bowl weekend at the Tower, except for the fact that the girls weren’t there.
Mildly confused, Dick made his way back to the monitor room where the two princesses were waiting for him.
“Okay, I give. What happened?”
“The moment I announced My Little Pony as this year’s party theme, all the guys went berserk,” Donna explained with obvious disgust. “They refuse to even discuss dressing up as ‘girly-girl’ characters and every time the rest of us bring it up, they all go in there and give themselves a case of testosterone poisoning. Though, to be fair, I don’t think Joey ever goes of his own free will. And I have my doubts about Garth, too. It’s the rest of them that’s the problem.”
“It’s all my fault,” Kory lamented. “If I had known that My Little Pony would make everyone so upset, I never would have suggested it.”
“Don’t apologize for everyone else being morons, Star,” Dick reassured her. “Besides, I think I know how to change their minds. Give me fifteen minutes.”
“Well, good luck,” Donna shrugged, unconvinced. “And start thinking about which character you want to dress up as. I’m making a list.”
“Who’s been taken so far?”
“I’m going as Princess Celestia, Kory’s going as Pinkie Pie, and, well, the only character Raven showed any interest in was Nightmare Moon.”
“I told her Twilight Sparkle was practically her pony twin, but she wouldn’t hear of it,” sighed Kory, disappointed. “Do you have any ideas about who you want to be, Dick?”
“Don’t you think we should give him a little more time to think it over?” Donna said. “He’s only known about it for five minutes, and besides, what if he isn’t familiar with the characters?”
“Why, Donna, you underestimate me,” Dick said on his way out the door. “I’ll be going as Rainbow Dash.”
“Figures,” Donna replied while Kory giggled with delight.
-
By the time Dick made it back to rec room, the football game was just drawing to a close.
“So how was the game?” he asked. This caused the other six Titans to turn abruptly away from the TV and give their newly returned leader a warm and enthusiastic welcome. Once they’d exchanged hellos, Vic answered his question, “As for how to game went, that depends on who you ask.”
“Laugh it up, Tinhead,” Gar grumped at him, switching the channel to another game. “But you still owe me money from the last game we watched.”
“Which I will be able to pay using the money you now own me,” Vic shot back. Then they all settled back down to watch the next game.
“Are those the Rams?” Dick wondered, though he knew perfectly well they were.
“Yup,” Wally replied, puffing out his chest to emphasize the blue-and-gold logo on his jersey. “And they’re about to win me this month’s rent!”
“Hm. Pansies. All of ‘em.”
“WHAT?!!” Wally roared, shooting to his feet. “Pause the game, guys!”
Garth obliged, though he and Roy were very obviously trying not to laugh. Vic and Gar “ooooh”ed as Wally turned to glare at Dick, the wrath of god flashing in his eyes.
“Did you just say what I think you just said?” he snarled. “Because flu or not, if you just dissed my team, you are going down!”
“Cool it, Twinkletoes, I just wanted to get your attention. Now. Why are you making Kory and Donna’s lives so difficult?”
“Huh? Oh. You mean the party,” Wally grumbled. He sat back down as Vic declared, “Look, I’m sorry, but there ain’t no way I’m dressin’ up as no pony.”
“Here, here!” Roy cried out, clinking beer glasses with Vic to the murmurs of agreement from Wally, Gar and Garth. Dick couldn’t help but notice the almost suspicious way Joey was ignoring the conversation in favor of his drawing, and he figured that would be the best place to start.
Walking around the couch to get to Joey’s armchair, Dick snuck a quick glance at the sketchpad. When Joey noticed, he somewhat sheepishly attempted to flip the pad over.
“Whatcha drawin’ there, Joe?” the acrobat ‘innocently’ inquired. After a short pause, Joey signed his reply: “I was planning my costume for the party.”
“Oh yeah? Can I see?”
“Wait, what’d he say?” asked Wally, who hadn’t been paying any attention.
Dick looked over at Joey, waiting to see his response. The blond man was blushing slightly, but he nodded at Dick nonetheless, giving his permission for Dick to answer the question. So Dick said, “He said he’s planning his costume for the party.”
“The p… but you’re supposed to be on our side!” Gar protested.
“I never said that. You just assumed. And you know what they say about assuming.”
“Hold on a second,” Wally put in. “You mean the whole time we’ve been trying to inoculate ourselves against that girly garbage, you’ve been sittin’ there drawing yourself a costume?!”
“What did you think I was doing?” Joey retorted. “I don’t even like football. Kory recommended a character named Fluttershy for me yesterday, and I’ve been working on the costume design ever since.”
“Argh!” Roy groaned, burying his head in his hands.
“You know what?” Garth finally piped up. “I’m with Joey on this one. What’s wrong with dressing up as a girl, anyway? It’s just a party.”
“Look, you-” Wally started.
“And you know something? I don’t like football very much either!”
“But-”
“And you know something else? Dick was right! The Rams do suck! And I’m going to go ask Donna what characters are still available!”
Joey applauded as Garth marched proudly from the room. Then, on second thought, he whistled at Garth to attract his attention and went racing after him, and the two men exited the room together. Wally, somewhat at a loss, screamed after them, “Yeah, you better run!”
“Well, that’s a third of you who’ve come to your senses. Let’s see about the rest of you.”
“Forget it, Robbie,” Roy told him as Wally stewed beside him. “I don’t care what you say. Neither you nor Donna nor Kory nor all three of you together are getting me anywhere close to a show whose main character is named Twilight Sparkle and whose only recurring male cast member is a baby dragon who belches parchment.”
Gar, Vic, and Wally all turned to glare at him suspiciously.
“How do you know all that, Harper?” Vic demanded.
Roy paled ever so slightly. Dick’s lip twitched in glee and triumph. Mostly triumph.
“Uh… Lian likes it, and I get stuck watching it with her… you know… parent stuff.”
“I thought you said Lian wasn’t into that girly frou-frou stuff,” Gar argued, crossing his arms.
“HEY! Just because the main characters are GIRLS doesn’t mean it’s FROU-FROU!”
“Dude!” Wally gasped, downright offended. Vic and Gar could only gape, the shock and betrayal evident on their faces. Roy turned a bit paler and stammered, “Um, that is…”
“You might as well come out of the closet,” Dick said, thoroughly amused. “You’ve already ripped the door off its hinges, so there’s really no point.”
“…I hope Applejack hasn’t been taken yet.”
And with that, he made his getaway.
“I don’t believe this,” Gar sighed.
“Our numbers are waning fast, gentlemen, but we’re far from beaten!” Wally declared. He slapped the empty pork rind bowl on his head like an army helmet and grabbed the remote control Garth had dropped, locking it in a death grip. “We’ll escape this frilly fluff nonsense if it’s the last thing we do!”
“Yeah!” Vic and Gar chorused, thrusting their fists into the air. Dick barely resisted the urge to slap the lot of them and turned his attention to the green shapeshifter.
“I really can’t figure out what your problem is, Gar,” he said. “You can literally turn into a pony. It’d be easy!”
“Gar Logan does not turn into ponies,” the changeling sniffed. “Gar Logan turns into horses. The difference being that horses don’t sparkle or have stupid doodles all over their butts.”
“Oh, come on. You know that as the only actual pony there, you’d be the hit of the party.”
“…I would?”
“Oh no you don’t!!” Vic yelled. He sprung forward, clamping his hands around a surprised Gar’s ears. Turning to glower at Dick, the cyborg added, “You already chased Garth, Joey and Roy away, and you are NOT doin’ the same to my man Logan here!”
“Hold on a minute there, Roboto,” Gar said. He easily removed Vic’s hands from his head and stood up, wearing what he liked to call his Laurence Olivier stare. Everyone else just called it silly. “The Wingnut has a point. Everyone else would be dressed as a pony, but I’m the only one who can actually be a pony. And hey, I’m an actor! I’m versatile! Even if I don’t personally like a part, it is my duty as an entertainer to bring happiness to my audience! Plus, I’ll bet Kory would love to go for pony rides…”
“And so we reach the heart of the matter…” Wally grumbled.
“Sorry, guys,” Gar hastily apologized to his buddies while snagging a handful of chips for the road, “but I have a show to prepare for!”
Vic could only facepalm as Gar took his leave.
“I never thought I’d see the day when my own leader would turn on me,” he said, scowling at Dick once again.
“Yeah,” agreed Wally, also scowling.
“Don’t look at me like that. Do you really think running away from the mere mention of anything pink is the best way to protect your precious masculinity? Really?”
“We aren’t running!” Vic protested. “We’re… hunkering down. Like soldiers in a foxhole. Except we get cable.”
“You know? You’re right. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. Following the crowd and doing exactly what society expects of you is the epitome of manliness. What was I thinking?”
“…Just what are you trying to say?” said Vic.
“I’m saying that if you were really a man, close encounters of the sparkly kind wouldn’t scare you into watching football all day. Obviously, you two aren’t secure enough in your masculinity to be able to handle traditionally girly stuff without having a panic attack!”
“Who you callin’ insecure?! And I sure as hell ain’t scared of a bunch of dang ponies!”
“Oh yeah?! Then prove it!”
“Oh it is ON!” Vic bellowed. “I am going to be the prettiest, sparkliest, most feminine pony this Tower has ever SEEN! And you know why I’m gonna do that? Because I am more secure in my masculinity than you could ever hope to be in yours. Suck on that, Grayson!”
“You sure showed me,” Dick mumbled to himself, suppressing a smile as he watched Vic follow the now well-trodden path out the door.
The couch looked rather pathetically empty now, with Wally, still wearing the bowl on his head, sitting all by himself right in the middle.
Dick stared at him expectantly. Wally stared back (in between bites of pizza). The tension was so thick that even the strongest football player in the world couldn’t have thrown a pass through it.
Finally, Wally raised the remote and hit the play button. The sounds of the Rams game filled the room.
“That reverse psychology junk might work on Vic, but not me,” the speedster announced. “I’ve known you too long.”
“Fine. Then how about we settle this with a nice, manly wager?”
Wally sat up a little straighter. “I’m listening.”
-
If there are any Rams fans out there, I just want to say that I am so so so so sorry for picking on your team I've got nothing against them in fact I know nothing about football but they just happened to be from the midwest like Wally and that's why I picked them and I promise that if I ever write another story with football in it I'll say something nice about the Rams please don't hit me. *hides under bed*
Title: Manly Men
Rating: PG for very very mild language and Gar being Gar
Characters: Titans, Titans, everywhere!
Continuity: 1980s Wolfman/Perez-ish... at least in terms of characterization. Timewise, it's 2011.
Disclaimer: Maybe I can get Zatanna to cast a spell on the folks at DC and persuade them to give me their characters…
Notes: Written for bradygirl_12's DCU Art/Fic Halloween Challenge. :)
Prompts Used: Halloween party; apples; costumes
Synopsis: A Halloween tale of brotherhood and betrayal. And ponies.
“Let it be Star Wars. Let it be Star Wars. Let it be Star Wars.”
“If it is, you better not expect me to wear a gold bikini.”
“Oh! A gold bikini sounds like a marvelous costume!”
“Would you guys be quiet?!”
Gar, Raven, Kory and all the others stood silently while Donna Troy sifted through the little paper strips piled in one of Green Arrow’s old hats that Roy had stolen as a kid and refused to give back. It was that time of year again-exactly one month before Halloween and, more importantly, the Titans Annual Halloween Party. It was a themed party, so to avoid yearly spats over what the theme would be, each Titan would write down their favorite idea on a piece of paper and throw it into the hat. Then Dick would close his eyes and pick a theme at random. Unfortunately, Dick was out with the flu this year (“I told you to get a flu shot, you idiot,” Roy had scolded before spoon/force feeding him soup), so Donna got to do it instead.
“What’s taking so long?” Wally groused, his fingers drumming at super-speed.
“Don’t wear out the table, Fleetfeet, just let the lady work in peace.”
“Thank you, Victor,” Donna said. Eventually, her long slender fingers settled on a strip and pulled it from the hat. The Titans waited breathlessly as the Amazon opened her eyes and unfolded the paper. She read the theme aloud, grinning widely. But just as quickly as the smile came to her face, it was wiped away by a resounding male chorus of “Oh HELL no!”
Two days later…
Dick wandered into monitor room that evening to find Donna and Kory chatting about what he thought was Halloween costumes, though he couldn’t be sure because they stopped talking the moment they noticed he was there.
“Dick!” Kory cried enthusiastically. She bounced up from her chair and flew over to give him a hug. “You’re all better!”
“Of course I’m all better. I wasn’t about to let some flu virus kick my butt for long.”
Donna grumbled something about preventions and cures under her breath, but when Dick came over to her, said “Nice to see you too, Grumpypants” and gave her a hug, she couldn’t help but return it.
“So,” Dick said as he pulled away from the now-smiling Donna, “I hear you guys picked a theme for the party while I was out. What is it this year?”
Donna and Kory exchanged nervous glances.
“Um… My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,” Kory blurted out in a rush. Then she turned her head away, squeezed her eyes shut tight, and held her arms up in front of her face. Even Donna looked tense, as if expecting a fight. Dick just raised an eyebrow.
“Sounds like fun. Why are you flinching?”
“You mean…” Kory said in wonderment, tentatively lowering her arms, “you are not angry?”
“Obviously not. Should I be?”
“Why don’t you take a look at the rec room and see for yourself?” Donna suggested. Dick raised his other eyebrow but did as she asked, making his way down the short corridor until he came to the recreation room. When he peeked inside, both eyebrows went up.
Vic, Roy, Wally, Garth, Joey, and Gar-in other words, all of the male Titans except for Dick-were seated around the giant hi-def television, staring rather determinedly at the football game (except for Joey, who seemed more interested in his sketchpad). They were all decked out in sportswear. Beer (regular, not light), chips, dip, pork rinds and pizza littered the coffee table (and the floor). The scent of Axe and Old Spice perfumed the air to the point where Dick wasn’t quite sure how everybody hadn’t suffocated yet.
Honestly, aside from the stench and the obstinate way in which everybody was staring at the screen, it looked pretty much like Super Bowl weekend at the Tower, except for the fact that the girls weren’t there.
Mildly confused, Dick made his way back to the monitor room where the two princesses were waiting for him.
“Okay, I give. What happened?”
“The moment I announced My Little Pony as this year’s party theme, all the guys went berserk,” Donna explained with obvious disgust. “They refuse to even discuss dressing up as ‘girly-girl’ characters and every time the rest of us bring it up, they all go in there and give themselves a case of testosterone poisoning. Though, to be fair, I don’t think Joey ever goes of his own free will. And I have my doubts about Garth, too. It’s the rest of them that’s the problem.”
“It’s all my fault,” Kory lamented. “If I had known that My Little Pony would make everyone so upset, I never would have suggested it.”
“Don’t apologize for everyone else being morons, Star,” Dick reassured her. “Besides, I think I know how to change their minds. Give me fifteen minutes.”
“Well, good luck,” Donna shrugged, unconvinced. “And start thinking about which character you want to dress up as. I’m making a list.”
“Who’s been taken so far?”
“I’m going as Princess Celestia, Kory’s going as Pinkie Pie, and, well, the only character Raven showed any interest in was Nightmare Moon.”
“I told her Twilight Sparkle was practically her pony twin, but she wouldn’t hear of it,” sighed Kory, disappointed. “Do you have any ideas about who you want to be, Dick?”
“Don’t you think we should give him a little more time to think it over?” Donna said. “He’s only known about it for five minutes, and besides, what if he isn’t familiar with the characters?”
“Why, Donna, you underestimate me,” Dick said on his way out the door. “I’ll be going as Rainbow Dash.”
“Figures,” Donna replied while Kory giggled with delight.
-
By the time Dick made it back to rec room, the football game was just drawing to a close.
“So how was the game?” he asked. This caused the other six Titans to turn abruptly away from the TV and give their newly returned leader a warm and enthusiastic welcome. Once they’d exchanged hellos, Vic answered his question, “As for how to game went, that depends on who you ask.”
“Laugh it up, Tinhead,” Gar grumped at him, switching the channel to another game. “But you still owe me money from the last game we watched.”
“Which I will be able to pay using the money you now own me,” Vic shot back. Then they all settled back down to watch the next game.
“Are those the Rams?” Dick wondered, though he knew perfectly well they were.
“Yup,” Wally replied, puffing out his chest to emphasize the blue-and-gold logo on his jersey. “And they’re about to win me this month’s rent!”
“Hm. Pansies. All of ‘em.”
“WHAT?!!” Wally roared, shooting to his feet. “Pause the game, guys!”
Garth obliged, though he and Roy were very obviously trying not to laugh. Vic and Gar “ooooh”ed as Wally turned to glare at Dick, the wrath of god flashing in his eyes.
“Did you just say what I think you just said?” he snarled. “Because flu or not, if you just dissed my team, you are going down!”
“Cool it, Twinkletoes, I just wanted to get your attention. Now. Why are you making Kory and Donna’s lives so difficult?”
“Huh? Oh. You mean the party,” Wally grumbled. He sat back down as Vic declared, “Look, I’m sorry, but there ain’t no way I’m dressin’ up as no pony.”
“Here, here!” Roy cried out, clinking beer glasses with Vic to the murmurs of agreement from Wally, Gar and Garth. Dick couldn’t help but notice the almost suspicious way Joey was ignoring the conversation in favor of his drawing, and he figured that would be the best place to start.
Walking around the couch to get to Joey’s armchair, Dick snuck a quick glance at the sketchpad. When Joey noticed, he somewhat sheepishly attempted to flip the pad over.
“Whatcha drawin’ there, Joe?” the acrobat ‘innocently’ inquired. After a short pause, Joey signed his reply: “I was planning my costume for the party.”
“Oh yeah? Can I see?”
“Wait, what’d he say?” asked Wally, who hadn’t been paying any attention.
Dick looked over at Joey, waiting to see his response. The blond man was blushing slightly, but he nodded at Dick nonetheless, giving his permission for Dick to answer the question. So Dick said, “He said he’s planning his costume for the party.”
“The p… but you’re supposed to be on our side!” Gar protested.
“I never said that. You just assumed. And you know what they say about assuming.”
“Hold on a second,” Wally put in. “You mean the whole time we’ve been trying to inoculate ourselves against that girly garbage, you’ve been sittin’ there drawing yourself a costume?!”
“What did you think I was doing?” Joey retorted. “I don’t even like football. Kory recommended a character named Fluttershy for me yesterday, and I’ve been working on the costume design ever since.”
“Argh!” Roy groaned, burying his head in his hands.
“You know what?” Garth finally piped up. “I’m with Joey on this one. What’s wrong with dressing up as a girl, anyway? It’s just a party.”
“Look, you-” Wally started.
“And you know something? I don’t like football very much either!”
“But-”
“And you know something else? Dick was right! The Rams do suck! And I’m going to go ask Donna what characters are still available!”
Joey applauded as Garth marched proudly from the room. Then, on second thought, he whistled at Garth to attract his attention and went racing after him, and the two men exited the room together. Wally, somewhat at a loss, screamed after them, “Yeah, you better run!”
“Well, that’s a third of you who’ve come to your senses. Let’s see about the rest of you.”
“Forget it, Robbie,” Roy told him as Wally stewed beside him. “I don’t care what you say. Neither you nor Donna nor Kory nor all three of you together are getting me anywhere close to a show whose main character is named Twilight Sparkle and whose only recurring male cast member is a baby dragon who belches parchment.”
Gar, Vic, and Wally all turned to glare at him suspiciously.
“How do you know all that, Harper?” Vic demanded.
Roy paled ever so slightly. Dick’s lip twitched in glee and triumph. Mostly triumph.
“Uh… Lian likes it, and I get stuck watching it with her… you know… parent stuff.”
“I thought you said Lian wasn’t into that girly frou-frou stuff,” Gar argued, crossing his arms.
“HEY! Just because the main characters are GIRLS doesn’t mean it’s FROU-FROU!”
“Dude!” Wally gasped, downright offended. Vic and Gar could only gape, the shock and betrayal evident on their faces. Roy turned a bit paler and stammered, “Um, that is…”
“You might as well come out of the closet,” Dick said, thoroughly amused. “You’ve already ripped the door off its hinges, so there’s really no point.”
“…I hope Applejack hasn’t been taken yet.”
And with that, he made his getaway.
“I don’t believe this,” Gar sighed.
“Our numbers are waning fast, gentlemen, but we’re far from beaten!” Wally declared. He slapped the empty pork rind bowl on his head like an army helmet and grabbed the remote control Garth had dropped, locking it in a death grip. “We’ll escape this frilly fluff nonsense if it’s the last thing we do!”
“Yeah!” Vic and Gar chorused, thrusting their fists into the air. Dick barely resisted the urge to slap the lot of them and turned his attention to the green shapeshifter.
“I really can’t figure out what your problem is, Gar,” he said. “You can literally turn into a pony. It’d be easy!”
“Gar Logan does not turn into ponies,” the changeling sniffed. “Gar Logan turns into horses. The difference being that horses don’t sparkle or have stupid doodles all over their butts.”
“Oh, come on. You know that as the only actual pony there, you’d be the hit of the party.”
“…I would?”
“Oh no you don’t!!” Vic yelled. He sprung forward, clamping his hands around a surprised Gar’s ears. Turning to glower at Dick, the cyborg added, “You already chased Garth, Joey and Roy away, and you are NOT doin’ the same to my man Logan here!”
“Hold on a minute there, Roboto,” Gar said. He easily removed Vic’s hands from his head and stood up, wearing what he liked to call his Laurence Olivier stare. Everyone else just called it silly. “The Wingnut has a point. Everyone else would be dressed as a pony, but I’m the only one who can actually be a pony. And hey, I’m an actor! I’m versatile! Even if I don’t personally like a part, it is my duty as an entertainer to bring happiness to my audience! Plus, I’ll bet Kory would love to go for pony rides…”
“And so we reach the heart of the matter…” Wally grumbled.
“Sorry, guys,” Gar hastily apologized to his buddies while snagging a handful of chips for the road, “but I have a show to prepare for!”
Vic could only facepalm as Gar took his leave.
“I never thought I’d see the day when my own leader would turn on me,” he said, scowling at Dick once again.
“Yeah,” agreed Wally, also scowling.
“Don’t look at me like that. Do you really think running away from the mere mention of anything pink is the best way to protect your precious masculinity? Really?”
“We aren’t running!” Vic protested. “We’re… hunkering down. Like soldiers in a foxhole. Except we get cable.”
“You know? You’re right. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. Following the crowd and doing exactly what society expects of you is the epitome of manliness. What was I thinking?”
“…Just what are you trying to say?” said Vic.
“I’m saying that if you were really a man, close encounters of the sparkly kind wouldn’t scare you into watching football all day. Obviously, you two aren’t secure enough in your masculinity to be able to handle traditionally girly stuff without having a panic attack!”
“Who you callin’ insecure?! And I sure as hell ain’t scared of a bunch of dang ponies!”
“Oh yeah?! Then prove it!”
“Oh it is ON!” Vic bellowed. “I am going to be the prettiest, sparkliest, most feminine pony this Tower has ever SEEN! And you know why I’m gonna do that? Because I am more secure in my masculinity than you could ever hope to be in yours. Suck on that, Grayson!”
“You sure showed me,” Dick mumbled to himself, suppressing a smile as he watched Vic follow the now well-trodden path out the door.
The couch looked rather pathetically empty now, with Wally, still wearing the bowl on his head, sitting all by himself right in the middle.
Dick stared at him expectantly. Wally stared back (in between bites of pizza). The tension was so thick that even the strongest football player in the world couldn’t have thrown a pass through it.
Finally, Wally raised the remote and hit the play button. The sounds of the Rams game filled the room.
“That reverse psychology junk might work on Vic, but not me,” the speedster announced. “I’ve known you too long.”
“Fine. Then how about we settle this with a nice, manly wager?”
Wally sat up a little straighter. “I’m listening.”
-
If there are any Rams fans out there, I just want to say that I am so so so so sorry for picking on your team I've got nothing against them in fact I know nothing about football but they just happened to be from the midwest like Wally and that's why I picked them and I promise that if I ever write another story with football in it I'll say something nice about the Rams please don't hit me. *hides under bed*