FIC: Advanced Secret Identities (Community / Batgirl [DCU], 1/1)
Advanced Secret Identities
Author: Palgrave
Fandom: Community / Batgirl / Batman (DCU / comics)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I’m not Dan Harmon, and if you think I own Batman in anyway, I’ve also got this cool New York bridge property to sell to you.
Author’s Note: My second submission for the community-tv Summer School Fic Battle Thanks to cherrycoloured for this prompt; another fantastic one, and I hope the result is satisfactory!
Summary: There are reports of shadowy forces and a copycat Batman in Colorado. Batgirl is sent to investigate, and in the process discovers a new friend, a co-dependent study group, and a place that rivals Arkham Asylum for sheer lunacy.
“I have an assignment for you,” the Boss said suddenly.
With a concentrated effort, Batgirl maintained her steady vigil of the Gotham streets below and pretended that the Boss’s sudden appearance out of nowhere hadn’t wigged her like it always did. She hadn’t even heard the fluttering of his cape. Some day, she was going to learn how he did that. Probably literally, the way things were going.
He handed her a dossier. Inside was information on a school; slightly shoddy community college by the look of it, kind run-down and goofy by all accounts. Paintball and blanket forts cropped up . All the way in --
“Colorado?”
“I’ve been hearing things,” the Boss explained. Yes, for the Boss, that counted as an ‘explanation’.
“And how am I supposed to explain this to my mother?” Batgirl asked, not unreasonably.
The corner of the Boss’s mouth quirked up slightly. For him, that counted as a laugh.
“I’m sure we’ll think of something.”
Batgirl turned to give a sweep of the street. By the time she turned back, he’d disappeared, silent once again.
Batgirl sighed. She’d have to learn that as well.
*
“I must say, Stephanie,” Crystal Brown said the next morning over breakfast, “I had no idea that community colleges and universities had instant same-day midterm transfer programs.”
“Apparently so,” Stephanie replied, making sure her grin was fixed in place.
*
The dossier the Boss had prepared on Greendale Community College was as in-depth as always. In particular, highlighted were detailed witness reports and sightings suggesting that there was a pretender to the Boss’ cowl running around.Added to this, there were suggestions of some kind of dark secret society operating behind the scenes and lurking in the shadows. The Boss didn’t like dark secret societies lurking in the shadows at the best of times (which was kind of ironic and hypocritical, if you really thought about it), but put the two together, as the dossier clearly did, and it suggested that someone was grooming a malleable Batman of their own.
The Boss, naturally, was not a fan of that idea.
There was, however, one thing that the dossier did not mention.
And that was that Greendale was completely and utterly insane. An epicentre of madness to rival Arkham Asylum. And, just you know, this was a lifelong resident and costumed crime-fighter of Gotham City speaking, so.
*
It didn’t take Stephanie long to find the impostor. Admittedly, this was only because he jumped out of a bush wearing a Batman costume right in front of her on her second day on campus.
“Greetings, fellow crime-fighter!” he rasped at her in a very gravelly voice.
“Um, hi,” she said cautiously, all the while fighting an urge to panic. Shit, he’d made her already? The Boss was gonna be pissed.
“The weed of crime has dug it’s oily tendrils into the very heart of Greendale,” he informed her. “Like an octopus. Or a creature in a very questionable Japanese manga. Or a weed. Or some other such thing with tendrils.”
“I see,” Stephanie replied.
“But with your help, I am confident that we will be able to uncover the true identity of the new Ass-Crack Bandit and the meaning behind the strangely creepy graffiti he keeps scrawling on the library study booths.”
Stephanie was trying to put her increasingly sharp deductive abilities in action to decipher precisely what the hell was going on when a voice called out over the quad. “Abed! I mean, uh, Batman!”
Batman -- I mean, uh, Abed -- turned in the direction of the voice. A young brunette in a yellow cardigan and a sundress was running towards them, a look of alarm on her face. She briefly met Stephanie’s eyes, and you didn’t have to be telepathic to pick up on the sorry sorry sorry about him vibe that was coming off her.
Stephanie recognized her; they’d met briefly, when the Dean was showing her around, and by ‘showing her around’ Stephanie meant actually meant introducing him to the guy he clearly had a not-so-subtle unrequited man-crush on (“And this adonis with a chest of sculpted marble is Jeffrey!”), and by extension his friends, before pointing out a drinks fountain and getting distracted by what seemed to be a raccoon infestation in the history department. In fact, ‘Batman’ here looked distinctly like one of the guys in the study group she’d been part of at the time.
“Yes, concerned citizen?” Abed rasped at the newcomer.
“I... what are you doing?”
“Introducing myself to this new ally in the war against misdemeanors.”
“Well... uh... should you doing it like, well, that? I mean... isn’t it... won’t you...” Abed cocked his head like a spaniel misunderstanding a command while the girl attempted to think of a way out of this scenario.
Her eyes gleamed as she hit on something. “Won’t you compromise her secret identity? I mean, if Batman approaches her in broad daylight in front of everyone...”
Abed nodded sagely. “A wise point, concerned citizen.” He looked back at Stephanie, gravely. “I apologize for my unforgivable oversight. We’re only lucky that no one else is here.”
Stephanie nodded. It seemed like the safest thing to do at that point.
“Anyway,” the girl continued, “I’ve just heard from Troy -- uh, Robin. He thinks he’s got the Bandit pinned down in the Spanish Centre.”
“Then I must away,” Abed declared dramatically. He looked back at Stephanie. “We shall continue this discussion in private, fellow crime-fighter, away from the prying eyes, ears and miscellaneous sensory organs of those who would do wrong.”
He then bowed his head and ran. He had an awkward, stiff run to begin with, but it was clearly a struggle to control the cape without it tripping him over.
The girl turned to Stephanie with an apologetic smile. “You’re the new girl, right? I think we met yesterday, briefly. I’m Annie.”
Stephanie smiled and took the offered hand. “Stephanie.”
“Sorry about Abed. He means well, but he heard you were from Gotham and, well, he got a bit excited.”
Stephanie smiled back. “It’s okay. I’ve seen much worse.” And you have no idea, incidentally. “At least he wasn’t dressed like Catwoman.”
The girl pulled a face. “Yeah, the Dean... gets a bit excited too.”
They began to stroll towards the door of the nearest building.
“So... are you headed to class?”
“Modern European History.”
“Cool! I’m taking that too. They’ve moved the room, though; the old room... well, that’s the raccoon’s room, now. I can show you where, if you like!” The enthusiastic look on Annie’s face was suddenly replaced by apprehension. “If you like, that is. If you don’t have anyone else you’d rather show you around.”
Stephanie considered. By all appearances, the ‘impostor’ was just a guy cosplaying, but there was still the shadowy secret society supposedly lurking around this place to keep in mind. It would probably be best to keep close to him for the time being, and Annie seemed to be in pretty tight with him. Good way to keep an eye on him.
Plus, to take an approach to the subject which wasn’t Bat-Machiavellian, Annie was so far the only person who hadn’t heard the word ‘Gotham’ associated with her and immediately seemed to assume that she was some kind of serial killer. Which was kind of nice.
“Cool,” Stephanie said. “I’d like that.”
Annie beamed happily.
*
“She’s a costumed crime-fighter.”
Jeff sighed. “No, Abed, she isn’t.”
“It makes sense. Why else would she transfer from Gotham U to Greendale in the middle of a semester? She’s undercover.”
“Or, to take a sane approach, she could just be someone who wanted to get out of that crazy hellhole.”
“I went to Gotham once,” Pierce volunteered. “I don’t remember much about it... there was this redhead chick. Huge cans. Woke up tied to the bed with some kind of vine, the window was broke and I’d lost $500.” He chuckled. “Best weekend of my life.”
“Well, whatever she’s doing here,” Britta noted, nodding towards the window of the study room in an attempt to distract everyone from the mental images produced by Pierce’s anecdote, “Annie seems pretty taken with her.”
Everyone turned to the window, through which Annie and the new girl could be seen chatting animatedly. The new girl made a comment, provoking a flurry of giggles between them.
“Yeah,” Troy remarked, a hint of suspicion in his voice. “She is hanging around Annie a lot, isn’t she?”
Shirley hmmmed. “Not sure I approve of that. Type of people who live in Gotham, all those super-clowns and penguins and such. Not sure she’s a good role model for our Annie.”
“Of course she is. She’s a superhero. She’s probably here to track down the Ass-Crack Bandit.”
Jeff rolled his eyes. “Abed, once again, she’s not a superhero. And secondly, you mean that weirdo who keeps doing those creepy doodles on the walls? I’ll solve the mystery for you right now; Pierce, stop doing that.”
Pierce looked offended. “Hey, I’ll have you know I put way more effort into my doodles than that guy.”
“Maybe we should talk to her,” Britta suggested. “I mean, what do we really know about this girl?”
“She’s a superhero.”
“Abed.”
Jeff rolled his eyes again. Seriously, he'd have to stop doing that; the amount of time he spent with these people, he was going to give himself eye-strain. “Guys, are we really gonna be making a huge deal about this? Annie can hang out with whoever she wants.”
“I think we should at least make sure this girl’s on the level,” Britta argued.
“Make sure Annie doesn’t get hurt,” Shirley insisted. “It does look like she’s getting close to this girl, and you know Annie’s track record with this kind of thing.”
“She might be a supervillain,” Troy argued. Jeff snorted dismissively. “No, like with mind control powers or something. Corrupting Annie into doing her bidding. She might be, like, Mind-Girl. Or Psychicess.” His eyes began to gleam. “Or Helen.” He began to fumble in his bag for a pen and a piece of paper. “Oh, man, I gotta write these down.”
Jeff sighed, but threw up his hands. The ‘protecting Annie’ card never failed to work with him. “Okay, fine. We’ll talk to her about it. But let’s not make this a huge deal, okay? She’s just making a new friend, there’s absolutely no reason why any of us should feel concerned or threatened by --”
“Look,” Britta said, hushed. “They’re hugging.”
Annie and the new girl were indeed hugging each other goodbye. Everyone watched, stunned, as Annie waved her goodbye before turned around and hurrying into the room.
“Hey guys!” Annie chirruped nonchalantly as she entered the study room and took her seat.
“Annie,” said Jeff, looking her right in the eye, “we’re concerned your new friend might be some kind of super-villain.”
*
Five minutes of shouting later, Annie stormed out of the study room furiously.
There was a protracted, guilty silence.
“Told you guys Stephanie was a superhero.”
“Shut up, Abed!”
*
“It’s like, how co-dependent is that?!” Annie ranted twenty minutes later over coffee. “Am I not allowed to have friends outside the group now? Does everyone I meet have to be vetted by them?!”
“They’re probably just concerned about you,” Stephanie pointed out reasonably. She couldn’t help feeling a twinge of guilt; she’d started hanging around with Annie partly to keep an eye on her friend, but that didn’t mean she wanted to ruin her friendships with everyone in that group.
Plus, they might have the wrong end of the spectrum, but they weren’t that far off the mark, it turned out.
“Oh come on, you cannot be defending them. They practically accused you of trying to bend me to your evil whims by mind-control.”
“Well, I’m not, if that helps.” Stephanie smiled wickedly. “Of course, if I was, how would you know I wasn’t even if I said I wasn’t?”
Annie snorted and threw a crumpled-up straw wrapper at her.
“Seriously, though, I mean... I get this a lot. I mean, Gotham has a reputation, and it’s kinda deserved, you know?”
Annie sniffed. “That doesn’t matter. They shouldn’t be prejudging you -- particularly since I don’t think any of them have even spoken to you for more than five minutes. I mean, it’s not like everyone from Gotham is a crazed psycho, right?”
Stephanie herself wondered, sometimes. “No, not everyone,” she remarked. “Just the people who live there, it seems like sometimes. Besides,” she added hesitantly. “They’re not too far off, actually.” She wasn’t going to reveal that, of course, but the other thing... the other big secret in her life... well, surely that couldn’t hurt.
Annie raised an eyebrow. “Really? You’re a super-villain? Will you have to kill me now?”
Stephanie sent the mock-stink eye back at her. “Not me! Actually... my dad. You know I told you he was out of the picture? Well... it’s because he spent most of my childhood running around as some kind of third-rate mock-up of the Riddler. It’s kind of why I wanted to get away from Gotham for a while, just... it’s a hard thing to know, you know? And when everything around you seems designed to remind you of it...”
Annie looked sympathetic, reached over and squeezed her hand. Stephanie wasn’t sure what to think; she’d never actually told anyone who wasn’t a costumed crime-fighter that before. There was a brief moment of quiet; the kind of quiet moments between two people who’ve gotten surprisingly comfortable with each other surprisingly quickly.
“I’m sorry, Steph,” Annie said eventually. “I shouldn’t be unloading on you. It’s just... ugh! They make me so mad sometimes! I mean, I love them. I do. They’re literally more like my family than my actual family most of the time -- oh and while we’re on that, not to get into a ‘who’s got the suckiest parents’ competition or anything, but wait till I tell you about mine. It’s just... why do they have to be so clingy and overprotective? Does everything I do have to be about them? I’m an adult now, why can’t they treat me like one?”
Stephanie thought of Cassie, and Tim, and Dick, and Barbara, and Alfred and even that little snot-nose Damien. Thought of the Boss. Thought of everything in her life that didn’t involve a cape or beating up criminals in some way. It was a depressingly short list. The Boss didn’t exactly encourage developing relationships with civilians or people outside the Family.
“I know exactly what you mean,” Stephanie replied.
*
Greendale didn’t exactly have many skyscrapers. It made lurking on the rooftops in costume more dangerous and easier to notice. She’d gotten used to travelling by sky back in Gotham, and it was trickier sneaking around closer to the ground. But hey, the Boss was nothing if not a good teacher.
And speaking off, there was a brief crackle in the earpiece in her cowl. “Batgirl.”
Batgirl sighed, and activated the comm. “Speaking.”
“Progress report.”
“I’ve been scoping out the impostor. Seems to be pretty much a normal guy. Well, ‘normal’ might be a bit of a stretch, but...”
“And the school?”
“Whispers and rumours, mainly. Something about the AC Repair Annex. I’m infiltrating tonight.”
“Good.” a brief pause. “And the girl?”
Batgirl frowned. “The girl?”
“Edison, Annie. Born December 15th 1990 to Daniel and Rebecca Edison. Majoring in hospital administration. You've been seen with her on multiple occasions.”
Batgirl rolled her eyes, gritted her teeth and tried to figure out whether it was Nightwing or Red Robin who’d been keeping tabs on her. “Part of the cover.”
“Be careful. We don’t know yet how far this thing goes.”
Batgirl recalled Annie’s words to her earlier that day and resisted the urge to scream in frustration. “I will.”
“Good. Batman out.”
Batgirl switched the comm off with more force than was strictly necessary, swore violently in her head, and fired her grapple gun at the top of the college clock tower.
*
Greendale was mostly ground-floor, and she wasn’t thrilled about the large windows, but even Night School was mostly finished by this point and there was hardly anyone around. And that included custodial staff, a fact that intrigued Batgirl immensely, since she was pretty sure that the whole point of having an after-hours staff was that they would be around, you know, after hours. And the only person she’d seen was a security guard who appeared to be having an argument with a mannequin leg.
“Don’t lie to me, Lucille!” he screeched. “I know you’ve been playing around! Why do you have to play these games with me?!”
Oh...kay. Just gonna ignore that, and slip right past him into the passageway to the boiler room where -- wait. Hide.
Batgirl sank into the shadows as two men in green boiler suits walked past her, wearing matching “nope-we’re-not-up-to-anything-suspicious-no-sir” expressions. When they were sure they were alone, they huddled together and spoke in loud whispers.
“And you’re sure it was her?” the first man whispered.
“Yes. I recognized her. She’s the one who’s been sniffing around the Chosen One.”
Chosen One? That didn’t sound good. In general, Batgirl’s experience of ‘Chosen Ones’ usually suggested insane cults, blood sacrifices and horrific abominations from beyond the dawn of creation.
“The Vice-Dean will need to learn of this,” the first man declared.
He laid a palm on the wall, and a nearby fan slowed to a halt. The two men slipped through the halted fan and began to walk down what sounded like a metal corridor, their footsteps echoing in the distance.
As the fan began to speed up again, Batgirl ran towards it. She made it through seconds before the speed became lethal.
*
Batgirl had just crawled out of the vent and was scoping the room she’d found herself in with the Detective Vision in her cowl when the neon lighting around her slammed back on. Detective Vision deactivated instantly before she was blinded, but the harsh glare took some adjusting nevertheless. Still, she was in combat stance before her vision had even fully returned.
“This is private property, young lady. But then, I assume from your clothing that the concept is not one you particularly hold to,” a man’s voice boomed out.
Batgirl quickly assessed her surroundings. She was in a large, luxuriously draped chamber filled with extravagant marble plinths, all of which incongruously held what appeared to be various items of air-conditioning equipment. In front of her were five men; four in boiler suits, two of which were the men she’d been following, and an imposing man in a suit. His beard practically screamed ‘evil mastermind’, but the effect was slightly spoiled by the...
“Is that a ponytail?” Batgirl asked.
Evil Mastermind Guy stiffened and twitched slightly. “I’m going through some stuff right now,” he hissed.
“How did you find me?”
“Where there is air, there we be,” Evil Mastermind Guy explained. Well, that didn’t sound pompous and megalomaniacal. “And I’m not sure why the Bat has taken an interest in our affairs, but I tell you now; we will not tolerate any interference from you, he or anyone else in the destiny of the Truest Repairman.”
Batgirl began to pace warily around them, their eyes following her around the room. So, they knew about the Boss. Maybe Abed was their stooge after all. Fine, they wanted a dialogue, she’d dialogue. “Is that why you’ve set this up? Got him running around stirring things up?”
Evil Mastermind Guy chuckled. “Hardly. Once we are done, he will be brought into the fold to take his rightful place among us. Now, I ask you once, and once only; what is the nature of your interest in Troy Barnes?”
Batgirl was about to fire back a snappy retort when she realized that the name he’d uttered wasn’t the name she’d been expecting. “Wait? Troy Barnes? What?” Annie’s other roommate? What did he have to do with any of this? “I was talking about the fake Batman you guys have got running around.”
Evil Mastermind Guy frowned, this time in genuine and honest confusion. “Fake Batman? What? Are you talking about the Truest Repairman’s strange little friend?”
“Yeah. Aren’t you guys having him run around doing your bidding for your own dark and nefarious purposes?”
“No! Quite the opposite, in fact. You mean you aren’t interested in the Truest Repairman?”
“No! Truest Repairman? Aren’t you guys some kind of evil criminal mastermind cult thing?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
“Oh.”
There was a long, rather embarrassed pause.
“So, uh, can I go then?” Batgirl said hopefully.
Vice-Dean Robert Laybourne sighed wearily.
*
A few days later, Annie Edison sat on the couches in the student lounge and sulked miserably. Her attention was drawn away from her gloom by a sheepish throat-clearing. She looked up to see her friends milled around her, looking awkward.
“Hey,” Jeff said.
“Hey,” Annie replied. She hadn’t really spoken to them since the blow-up a few days ago. Truth be told, Annie had long gotten over it, but she wasn’t quite ready to let them know that yet.
“Heard Stephanie went back to Gotham,” Jeff explained. The others made vaguely sympathetic and apologetic sounding noises.
“Yeah,” Annie mumbled. “Some kind of family thing.”
“Sorry to hear that,” Britta said.
Annie raised an eyebrow. “It’s not like you guys were in her fan club or anything.”
“No,” Jeff conceded, “but you liked her.”
“We’re sorry, sweetie,” Shirley said sincerely. “We just didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“We’ll try not to be so co-dependent in future,” Troy promised.
“And I’ll remember not to hook up with redheaded prostitutes next time I go to Gotham,” Pierce said sincerely, earning a disgusted look from everyone else.
“So,” Jeff hinted, “we were gonna go and cram for the final on Friday. We could kind of use the extra brain power.”
“Or at least take weedkiller and spare pants,” Pierce added thoughtfully.
Jeff rolled his eyes. “Or in Pierce’s case, any brain power.” Pierce shot him an offended look.
Annie smiled. “I’ll be right there.”
Jeff smiled and patted her on the shoulder, before getting up. The others turned and walked to the study room, chatting amiably. Before she got up to join them, Annie took her phone out of her pocket and read the last email message, just a mobile number and an email with a short note:
Next time you need to talk to someone on the outside, it read, give me a buzz. ~ Steph.
Annie grinned, and began to type out a reply.
*
The Boss regarded Batgirl implacably as she finished delivering her report. She’d already given him the summary over the comm on the flight back from Colorado, but he insisted on getting it face-to-face. Around them, the cries of bats in the distance echoed throughout the Cave, and the lighting cast strange and disturbing pointed-ear shadows around them.
“It seems rather coincidental,” he finally stated, turning back from her to the bank of computers processing the evening’s criminal reports and sending minute-by-minute updates on the major players in Arkham, Blackgate and the Narrows. Gotham, thought Batgirl, how I have missed you. Compared to Greendale, your murderous lunatics seems like home.
She shrugged. “I checked into it after my meeting with Laybourne. Couldn’t find any signs of wrongdoing like we’ve normally seen around these kinds of things, and the ‘Batman’ who’s running around seems to be on the level. Nice guy, even, if a bit weird. Looks like a bunch of eccentric custodial staff playing at being Freemasons and a guy who’s seen too many movies running around doing their own thing independently of each other; they just happen to be doing it in the same place. Sometimes a coincidence is just a coincidence, I guess.”
“In any case, it seems that this Mr. Nadir is someone to keep an eye on. The last thing we need to be worried about is copycats. If he persists I may have to pay him a visit in person to... discourage him.”
Batgirl struggled to contain a grin. “I’m sure he’d love that.”
The Boss grunted. More she thought about it, Abed and him were actually kind of alike.
“And your friend?” He asked.
“I told her I had family issues, had to come home.” Which was true; she just didn’t mention which Family. Didn’t stop Batgirl feeling bad, however. It had been nice, hanging out with someone with no secret identities whatsoever.
“Well, it wasn’t your fault it was a loose end,” the Boss continued, half turning; his profile was stark against the monitors, but Batgirl swore she could see the corner of his mouth turning up slightly. “Good work.”
It was impossible not to feel a glow of pride right in the chest whenever the Boss said something like that, Batgirl reflected.
“Just a shame that all up it seems to have been a waste,” the Boss reflected, turning back to the computer.
Batgirl thought back to a new background image that graced her phone, of herself and a dark-haired girl grinning cheekily into the camera. And an email that had come in to her inbox when she’d checked it just before going out on patrol, from a community college account in Colorado, with just two words:
Likewise. ~ Annie.
“I wouldn’t say that,” Batgirl replied.
*
Epilogue
The Ass-Crack Bandit turned out to be Leonard. But in his defence, he was bored and the world needed more creepy doodles in his opinion.
Author: Palgrave
Fandom: Community / Batgirl / Batman (DCU / comics)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I’m not Dan Harmon, and if you think I own Batman in anyway, I’ve also got this cool New York bridge property to sell to you.
Author’s Note: My second submission for the community-tv Summer School Fic Battle Thanks to cherrycoloured for this prompt; another fantastic one, and I hope the result is satisfactory!
Summary: There are reports of shadowy forces and a copycat Batman in Colorado. Batgirl is sent to investigate, and in the process discovers a new friend, a co-dependent study group, and a place that rivals Arkham Asylum for sheer lunacy.
“I have an assignment for you,” the Boss said suddenly.
With a concentrated effort, Batgirl maintained her steady vigil of the Gotham streets below and pretended that the Boss’s sudden appearance out of nowhere hadn’t wigged her like it always did. She hadn’t even heard the fluttering of his cape. Some day, she was going to learn how he did that. Probably literally, the way things were going.
He handed her a dossier. Inside was information on a school; slightly shoddy community college by the look of it, kind run-down and goofy by all accounts. Paintball and blanket forts cropped up . All the way in --
“Colorado?”
“I’ve been hearing things,” the Boss explained. Yes, for the Boss, that counted as an ‘explanation’.
“And how am I supposed to explain this to my mother?” Batgirl asked, not unreasonably.
The corner of the Boss’s mouth quirked up slightly. For him, that counted as a laugh.
“I’m sure we’ll think of something.”
Batgirl turned to give a sweep of the street. By the time she turned back, he’d disappeared, silent once again.
Batgirl sighed. She’d have to learn that as well.
*
“I must say, Stephanie,” Crystal Brown said the next morning over breakfast, “I had no idea that community colleges and universities had instant same-day midterm transfer programs.”
“Apparently so,” Stephanie replied, making sure her grin was fixed in place.
*
The dossier the Boss had prepared on Greendale Community College was as in-depth as always. In particular, highlighted were detailed witness reports and sightings suggesting that there was a pretender to the Boss’ cowl running around.Added to this, there were suggestions of some kind of dark secret society operating behind the scenes and lurking in the shadows. The Boss didn’t like dark secret societies lurking in the shadows at the best of times (which was kind of ironic and hypocritical, if you really thought about it), but put the two together, as the dossier clearly did, and it suggested that someone was grooming a malleable Batman of their own.
The Boss, naturally, was not a fan of that idea.
There was, however, one thing that the dossier did not mention.
And that was that Greendale was completely and utterly insane. An epicentre of madness to rival Arkham Asylum. And, just you know, this was a lifelong resident and costumed crime-fighter of Gotham City speaking, so.
*
It didn’t take Stephanie long to find the impostor. Admittedly, this was only because he jumped out of a bush wearing a Batman costume right in front of her on her second day on campus.
“Greetings, fellow crime-fighter!” he rasped at her in a very gravelly voice.
“Um, hi,” she said cautiously, all the while fighting an urge to panic. Shit, he’d made her already? The Boss was gonna be pissed.
“The weed of crime has dug it’s oily tendrils into the very heart of Greendale,” he informed her. “Like an octopus. Or a creature in a very questionable Japanese manga. Or a weed. Or some other such thing with tendrils.”
“I see,” Stephanie replied.
“But with your help, I am confident that we will be able to uncover the true identity of the new Ass-Crack Bandit and the meaning behind the strangely creepy graffiti he keeps scrawling on the library study booths.”
Stephanie was trying to put her increasingly sharp deductive abilities in action to decipher precisely what the hell was going on when a voice called out over the quad. “Abed! I mean, uh, Batman!”
Batman -- I mean, uh, Abed -- turned in the direction of the voice. A young brunette in a yellow cardigan and a sundress was running towards them, a look of alarm on her face. She briefly met Stephanie’s eyes, and you didn’t have to be telepathic to pick up on the sorry sorry sorry about him vibe that was coming off her.
Stephanie recognized her; they’d met briefly, when the Dean was showing her around, and by ‘showing her around’ Stephanie meant actually meant introducing him to the guy he clearly had a not-so-subtle unrequited man-crush on (“And this adonis with a chest of sculpted marble is Jeffrey!”), and by extension his friends, before pointing out a drinks fountain and getting distracted by what seemed to be a raccoon infestation in the history department. In fact, ‘Batman’ here looked distinctly like one of the guys in the study group she’d been part of at the time.
“Yes, concerned citizen?” Abed rasped at the newcomer.
“I... what are you doing?”
“Introducing myself to this new ally in the war against misdemeanors.”
“Well... uh... should you doing it like, well, that? I mean... isn’t it... won’t you...” Abed cocked his head like a spaniel misunderstanding a command while the girl attempted to think of a way out of this scenario.
Her eyes gleamed as she hit on something. “Won’t you compromise her secret identity? I mean, if Batman approaches her in broad daylight in front of everyone...”
Abed nodded sagely. “A wise point, concerned citizen.” He looked back at Stephanie, gravely. “I apologize for my unforgivable oversight. We’re only lucky that no one else is here.”
Stephanie nodded. It seemed like the safest thing to do at that point.
“Anyway,” the girl continued, “I’ve just heard from Troy -- uh, Robin. He thinks he’s got the Bandit pinned down in the Spanish Centre.”
“Then I must away,” Abed declared dramatically. He looked back at Stephanie. “We shall continue this discussion in private, fellow crime-fighter, away from the prying eyes, ears and miscellaneous sensory organs of those who would do wrong.”
He then bowed his head and ran. He had an awkward, stiff run to begin with, but it was clearly a struggle to control the cape without it tripping him over.
The girl turned to Stephanie with an apologetic smile. “You’re the new girl, right? I think we met yesterday, briefly. I’m Annie.”
Stephanie smiled and took the offered hand. “Stephanie.”
“Sorry about Abed. He means well, but he heard you were from Gotham and, well, he got a bit excited.”
Stephanie smiled back. “It’s okay. I’ve seen much worse.” And you have no idea, incidentally. “At least he wasn’t dressed like Catwoman.”
The girl pulled a face. “Yeah, the Dean... gets a bit excited too.”
They began to stroll towards the door of the nearest building.
“So... are you headed to class?”
“Modern European History.”
“Cool! I’m taking that too. They’ve moved the room, though; the old room... well, that’s the raccoon’s room, now. I can show you where, if you like!” The enthusiastic look on Annie’s face was suddenly replaced by apprehension. “If you like, that is. If you don’t have anyone else you’d rather show you around.”
Stephanie considered. By all appearances, the ‘impostor’ was just a guy cosplaying, but there was still the shadowy secret society supposedly lurking around this place to keep in mind. It would probably be best to keep close to him for the time being, and Annie seemed to be in pretty tight with him. Good way to keep an eye on him.
Plus, to take an approach to the subject which wasn’t Bat-Machiavellian, Annie was so far the only person who hadn’t heard the word ‘Gotham’ associated with her and immediately seemed to assume that she was some kind of serial killer. Which was kind of nice.
“Cool,” Stephanie said. “I’d like that.”
Annie beamed happily.
*
“She’s a costumed crime-fighter.”
Jeff sighed. “No, Abed, she isn’t.”
“It makes sense. Why else would she transfer from Gotham U to Greendale in the middle of a semester? She’s undercover.”
“Or, to take a sane approach, she could just be someone who wanted to get out of that crazy hellhole.”
“I went to Gotham once,” Pierce volunteered. “I don’t remember much about it... there was this redhead chick. Huge cans. Woke up tied to the bed with some kind of vine, the window was broke and I’d lost $500.” He chuckled. “Best weekend of my life.”
“Well, whatever she’s doing here,” Britta noted, nodding towards the window of the study room in an attempt to distract everyone from the mental images produced by Pierce’s anecdote, “Annie seems pretty taken with her.”
Everyone turned to the window, through which Annie and the new girl could be seen chatting animatedly. The new girl made a comment, provoking a flurry of giggles between them.
“Yeah,” Troy remarked, a hint of suspicion in his voice. “She is hanging around Annie a lot, isn’t she?”
Shirley hmmmed. “Not sure I approve of that. Type of people who live in Gotham, all those super-clowns and penguins and such. Not sure she’s a good role model for our Annie.”
“Of course she is. She’s a superhero. She’s probably here to track down the Ass-Crack Bandit.”
Jeff rolled his eyes. “Abed, once again, she’s not a superhero. And secondly, you mean that weirdo who keeps doing those creepy doodles on the walls? I’ll solve the mystery for you right now; Pierce, stop doing that.”
Pierce looked offended. “Hey, I’ll have you know I put way more effort into my doodles than that guy.”
“Maybe we should talk to her,” Britta suggested. “I mean, what do we really know about this girl?”
“She’s a superhero.”
“Abed.”
Jeff rolled his eyes again. Seriously, he'd have to stop doing that; the amount of time he spent with these people, he was going to give himself eye-strain. “Guys, are we really gonna be making a huge deal about this? Annie can hang out with whoever she wants.”
“I think we should at least make sure this girl’s on the level,” Britta argued.
“Make sure Annie doesn’t get hurt,” Shirley insisted. “It does look like she’s getting close to this girl, and you know Annie’s track record with this kind of thing.”
“She might be a supervillain,” Troy argued. Jeff snorted dismissively. “No, like with mind control powers or something. Corrupting Annie into doing her bidding. She might be, like, Mind-Girl. Or Psychicess.” His eyes began to gleam. “Or Helen.” He began to fumble in his bag for a pen and a piece of paper. “Oh, man, I gotta write these down.”
Jeff sighed, but threw up his hands. The ‘protecting Annie’ card never failed to work with him. “Okay, fine. We’ll talk to her about it. But let’s not make this a huge deal, okay? She’s just making a new friend, there’s absolutely no reason why any of us should feel concerned or threatened by --”
“Look,” Britta said, hushed. “They’re hugging.”
Annie and the new girl were indeed hugging each other goodbye. Everyone watched, stunned, as Annie waved her goodbye before turned around and hurrying into the room.
“Hey guys!” Annie chirruped nonchalantly as she entered the study room and took her seat.
“Annie,” said Jeff, looking her right in the eye, “we’re concerned your new friend might be some kind of super-villain.”
*
Five minutes of shouting later, Annie stormed out of the study room furiously.
There was a protracted, guilty silence.
“Told you guys Stephanie was a superhero.”
“Shut up, Abed!”
*
“It’s like, how co-dependent is that?!” Annie ranted twenty minutes later over coffee. “Am I not allowed to have friends outside the group now? Does everyone I meet have to be vetted by them?!”
“They’re probably just concerned about you,” Stephanie pointed out reasonably. She couldn’t help feeling a twinge of guilt; she’d started hanging around with Annie partly to keep an eye on her friend, but that didn’t mean she wanted to ruin her friendships with everyone in that group.
Plus, they might have the wrong end of the spectrum, but they weren’t that far off the mark, it turned out.
“Oh come on, you cannot be defending them. They practically accused you of trying to bend me to your evil whims by mind-control.”
“Well, I’m not, if that helps.” Stephanie smiled wickedly. “Of course, if I was, how would you know I wasn’t even if I said I wasn’t?”
Annie snorted and threw a crumpled-up straw wrapper at her.
“Seriously, though, I mean... I get this a lot. I mean, Gotham has a reputation, and it’s kinda deserved, you know?”
Annie sniffed. “That doesn’t matter. They shouldn’t be prejudging you -- particularly since I don’t think any of them have even spoken to you for more than five minutes. I mean, it’s not like everyone from Gotham is a crazed psycho, right?”
Stephanie herself wondered, sometimes. “No, not everyone,” she remarked. “Just the people who live there, it seems like sometimes. Besides,” she added hesitantly. “They’re not too far off, actually.” She wasn’t going to reveal that, of course, but the other thing... the other big secret in her life... well, surely that couldn’t hurt.
Annie raised an eyebrow. “Really? You’re a super-villain? Will you have to kill me now?”
Stephanie sent the mock-stink eye back at her. “Not me! Actually... my dad. You know I told you he was out of the picture? Well... it’s because he spent most of my childhood running around as some kind of third-rate mock-up of the Riddler. It’s kind of why I wanted to get away from Gotham for a while, just... it’s a hard thing to know, you know? And when everything around you seems designed to remind you of it...”
Annie looked sympathetic, reached over and squeezed her hand. Stephanie wasn’t sure what to think; she’d never actually told anyone who wasn’t a costumed crime-fighter that before. There was a brief moment of quiet; the kind of quiet moments between two people who’ve gotten surprisingly comfortable with each other surprisingly quickly.
“I’m sorry, Steph,” Annie said eventually. “I shouldn’t be unloading on you. It’s just... ugh! They make me so mad sometimes! I mean, I love them. I do. They’re literally more like my family than my actual family most of the time -- oh and while we’re on that, not to get into a ‘who’s got the suckiest parents’ competition or anything, but wait till I tell you about mine. It’s just... why do they have to be so clingy and overprotective? Does everything I do have to be about them? I’m an adult now, why can’t they treat me like one?”
Stephanie thought of Cassie, and Tim, and Dick, and Barbara, and Alfred and even that little snot-nose Damien. Thought of the Boss. Thought of everything in her life that didn’t involve a cape or beating up criminals in some way. It was a depressingly short list. The Boss didn’t exactly encourage developing relationships with civilians or people outside the Family.
“I know exactly what you mean,” Stephanie replied.
*
Greendale didn’t exactly have many skyscrapers. It made lurking on the rooftops in costume more dangerous and easier to notice. She’d gotten used to travelling by sky back in Gotham, and it was trickier sneaking around closer to the ground. But hey, the Boss was nothing if not a good teacher.
And speaking off, there was a brief crackle in the earpiece in her cowl. “Batgirl.”
Batgirl sighed, and activated the comm. “Speaking.”
“Progress report.”
“I’ve been scoping out the impostor. Seems to be pretty much a normal guy. Well, ‘normal’ might be a bit of a stretch, but...”
“And the school?”
“Whispers and rumours, mainly. Something about the AC Repair Annex. I’m infiltrating tonight.”
“Good.” a brief pause. “And the girl?”
Batgirl frowned. “The girl?”
“Edison, Annie. Born December 15th 1990 to Daniel and Rebecca Edison. Majoring in hospital administration. You've been seen with her on multiple occasions.”
Batgirl rolled her eyes, gritted her teeth and tried to figure out whether it was Nightwing or Red Robin who’d been keeping tabs on her. “Part of the cover.”
“Be careful. We don’t know yet how far this thing goes.”
Batgirl recalled Annie’s words to her earlier that day and resisted the urge to scream in frustration. “I will.”
“Good. Batman out.”
Batgirl switched the comm off with more force than was strictly necessary, swore violently in her head, and fired her grapple gun at the top of the college clock tower.
*
Greendale was mostly ground-floor, and she wasn’t thrilled about the large windows, but even Night School was mostly finished by this point and there was hardly anyone around. And that included custodial staff, a fact that intrigued Batgirl immensely, since she was pretty sure that the whole point of having an after-hours staff was that they would be around, you know, after hours. And the only person she’d seen was a security guard who appeared to be having an argument with a mannequin leg.
“Don’t lie to me, Lucille!” he screeched. “I know you’ve been playing around! Why do you have to play these games with me?!”
Oh...kay. Just gonna ignore that, and slip right past him into the passageway to the boiler room where -- wait. Hide.
Batgirl sank into the shadows as two men in green boiler suits walked past her, wearing matching “nope-we’re-not-up-to-anything-suspicious-no-sir” expressions. When they were sure they were alone, they huddled together and spoke in loud whispers.
“And you’re sure it was her?” the first man whispered.
“Yes. I recognized her. She’s the one who’s been sniffing around the Chosen One.”
Chosen One? That didn’t sound good. In general, Batgirl’s experience of ‘Chosen Ones’ usually suggested insane cults, blood sacrifices and horrific abominations from beyond the dawn of creation.
“The Vice-Dean will need to learn of this,” the first man declared.
He laid a palm on the wall, and a nearby fan slowed to a halt. The two men slipped through the halted fan and began to walk down what sounded like a metal corridor, their footsteps echoing in the distance.
As the fan began to speed up again, Batgirl ran towards it. She made it through seconds before the speed became lethal.
*
Batgirl had just crawled out of the vent and was scoping the room she’d found herself in with the Detective Vision in her cowl when the neon lighting around her slammed back on. Detective Vision deactivated instantly before she was blinded, but the harsh glare took some adjusting nevertheless. Still, she was in combat stance before her vision had even fully returned.
“This is private property, young lady. But then, I assume from your clothing that the concept is not one you particularly hold to,” a man’s voice boomed out.
Batgirl quickly assessed her surroundings. She was in a large, luxuriously draped chamber filled with extravagant marble plinths, all of which incongruously held what appeared to be various items of air-conditioning equipment. In front of her were five men; four in boiler suits, two of which were the men she’d been following, and an imposing man in a suit. His beard practically screamed ‘evil mastermind’, but the effect was slightly spoiled by the...
“Is that a ponytail?” Batgirl asked.
Evil Mastermind Guy stiffened and twitched slightly. “I’m going through some stuff right now,” he hissed.
“How did you find me?”
“Where there is air, there we be,” Evil Mastermind Guy explained. Well, that didn’t sound pompous and megalomaniacal. “And I’m not sure why the Bat has taken an interest in our affairs, but I tell you now; we will not tolerate any interference from you, he or anyone else in the destiny of the Truest Repairman.”
Batgirl began to pace warily around them, their eyes following her around the room. So, they knew about the Boss. Maybe Abed was their stooge after all. Fine, they wanted a dialogue, she’d dialogue. “Is that why you’ve set this up? Got him running around stirring things up?”
Evil Mastermind Guy chuckled. “Hardly. Once we are done, he will be brought into the fold to take his rightful place among us. Now, I ask you once, and once only; what is the nature of your interest in Troy Barnes?”
Batgirl was about to fire back a snappy retort when she realized that the name he’d uttered wasn’t the name she’d been expecting. “Wait? Troy Barnes? What?” Annie’s other roommate? What did he have to do with any of this? “I was talking about the fake Batman you guys have got running around.”
Evil Mastermind Guy frowned, this time in genuine and honest confusion. “Fake Batman? What? Are you talking about the Truest Repairman’s strange little friend?”
“Yeah. Aren’t you guys having him run around doing your bidding for your own dark and nefarious purposes?”
“No! Quite the opposite, in fact. You mean you aren’t interested in the Truest Repairman?”
“No! Truest Repairman? Aren’t you guys some kind of evil criminal mastermind cult thing?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
“Oh.”
There was a long, rather embarrassed pause.
“So, uh, can I go then?” Batgirl said hopefully.
Vice-Dean Robert Laybourne sighed wearily.
*
A few days later, Annie Edison sat on the couches in the student lounge and sulked miserably. Her attention was drawn away from her gloom by a sheepish throat-clearing. She looked up to see her friends milled around her, looking awkward.
“Hey,” Jeff said.
“Hey,” Annie replied. She hadn’t really spoken to them since the blow-up a few days ago. Truth be told, Annie had long gotten over it, but she wasn’t quite ready to let them know that yet.
“Heard Stephanie went back to Gotham,” Jeff explained. The others made vaguely sympathetic and apologetic sounding noises.
“Yeah,” Annie mumbled. “Some kind of family thing.”
“Sorry to hear that,” Britta said.
Annie raised an eyebrow. “It’s not like you guys were in her fan club or anything.”
“No,” Jeff conceded, “but you liked her.”
“We’re sorry, sweetie,” Shirley said sincerely. “We just didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“We’ll try not to be so co-dependent in future,” Troy promised.
“And I’ll remember not to hook up with redheaded prostitutes next time I go to Gotham,” Pierce said sincerely, earning a disgusted look from everyone else.
“So,” Jeff hinted, “we were gonna go and cram for the final on Friday. We could kind of use the extra brain power.”
“Or at least take weedkiller and spare pants,” Pierce added thoughtfully.
Jeff rolled his eyes. “Or in Pierce’s case, any brain power.” Pierce shot him an offended look.
Annie smiled. “I’ll be right there.”
Jeff smiled and patted her on the shoulder, before getting up. The others turned and walked to the study room, chatting amiably. Before she got up to join them, Annie took her phone out of her pocket and read the last email message, just a mobile number and an email with a short note:
Next time you need to talk to someone on the outside, it read, give me a buzz. ~ Steph.
Annie grinned, and began to type out a reply.
*
The Boss regarded Batgirl implacably as she finished delivering her report. She’d already given him the summary over the comm on the flight back from Colorado, but he insisted on getting it face-to-face. Around them, the cries of bats in the distance echoed throughout the Cave, and the lighting cast strange and disturbing pointed-ear shadows around them.
“It seems rather coincidental,” he finally stated, turning back from her to the bank of computers processing the evening’s criminal reports and sending minute-by-minute updates on the major players in Arkham, Blackgate and the Narrows. Gotham, thought Batgirl, how I have missed you. Compared to Greendale, your murderous lunatics seems like home.
She shrugged. “I checked into it after my meeting with Laybourne. Couldn’t find any signs of wrongdoing like we’ve normally seen around these kinds of things, and the ‘Batman’ who’s running around seems to be on the level. Nice guy, even, if a bit weird. Looks like a bunch of eccentric custodial staff playing at being Freemasons and a guy who’s seen too many movies running around doing their own thing independently of each other; they just happen to be doing it in the same place. Sometimes a coincidence is just a coincidence, I guess.”
“In any case, it seems that this Mr. Nadir is someone to keep an eye on. The last thing we need to be worried about is copycats. If he persists I may have to pay him a visit in person to... discourage him.”
Batgirl struggled to contain a grin. “I’m sure he’d love that.”
The Boss grunted. More she thought about it, Abed and him were actually kind of alike.
“And your friend?” He asked.
“I told her I had family issues, had to come home.” Which was true; she just didn’t mention which Family. Didn’t stop Batgirl feeling bad, however. It had been nice, hanging out with someone with no secret identities whatsoever.
“Well, it wasn’t your fault it was a loose end,” the Boss continued, half turning; his profile was stark against the monitors, but Batgirl swore she could see the corner of his mouth turning up slightly. “Good work.”
It was impossible not to feel a glow of pride right in the chest whenever the Boss said something like that, Batgirl reflected.
“Just a shame that all up it seems to have been a waste,” the Boss reflected, turning back to the computer.
Batgirl thought back to a new background image that graced her phone, of herself and a dark-haired girl grinning cheekily into the camera. And an email that had come in to her inbox when she’d checked it just before going out on patrol, from a community college account in Colorado, with just two words:
Likewise. ~ Annie.
“I wouldn’t say that,” Batgirl replied.
*
Epilogue
The Ass-Crack Bandit turned out to be Leonard. But in his defence, he was bored and the world needed more creepy doodles in his opinion.