Oneshot - Blackout (you are my light)
Blackout (you are my light)
Focus: Junsu
OT5 ; PG
1,977 words.
Based on the recent news of Junsu's condition. (More details here) I hope he feels better really soon. Poor bb ;; ♥
It's been a horribly long day.
He sits at the edge of the stage, legs dangling off the wooden platform, and he stares at the row after row of empty red velvet seats. He imagines the packed audience that'd be seated in the auditorium on his performance night and anticipation that would fill the air. He would hear the hundreds of fans screaming his name excitedly and the proud smiles of his family, friends, loved ones. They'd all be here, waiting, expecting the best from Dong Bang Shin Ki's Xiah Junsu.
And I'll give them a performance they'll never forget.
He lies down on his back and takes a deep breath, eyes looming over the blinding stage lights. They seem to be watching him with sharp glares from above, a devilish kind of light that pierces into his eyes. An abrupt pang of aching suddenly awakens in the back of his head and he's sitting upright quickly to grab his bottle of water. He takes greedy gulps of water, feeling the cool fluid rush down his lungs. He closes his eyes and tries to shake the vertigo away but it doesn't help. The world is nothing but a ship out on the ocean, it seems, rocking right and left, left and right. He tastes salt on his tongue and feels something flip in his stomach. He wants to throw up.
"Junsu-sshi, are you all right?" someone asks.
He hesitates before opening his eyes again. "Yes, I'm fine. Let's run through it all again."
---
He can't remember what day of the week it is. He can't remember how long he's been here. Each day seems to be repeating itself. Like a movie, running from the beginning to its finale. Then the projector stops right before the film credits and rewinds, and it is played again.
"You don't look so good, Junsuyah," his mother shakes her head and rushes toward his son. "Maybe you should stay home today."
"No. I need to go to practice, mom," he sighs and hides his tired yawn behind his hand. "I'm fine."
She puts her hand on Junsu's forehead and after reassuring herself that there is no fever, she nods, but is still worried and uneasy. "Be safe and don't come home too late."
"Okay."
---
from Yoochun
to Junsu (5:14 pm)
suyah, how's rehearsal going?
from Junsu
to Yoochun (5:16 pm)
not too bad. a little tired, but it's nothing to worry about.
from Yoochun
to Junsu (5:19 pm)
aish, don't forget to rest. you're gonna get sick if you keep this up.
from Junsu
to Yoochun (5:21 pm)
i told you there's nothing to worry about!! i'm taking a short break right now, see? ^-^
from Yoochun
to Junsu (5:24 pm)
hm i guess. haha, hey, does it feel lonely without us around~~?
from Junsu
to Yoochun (5:26 pm)
:( a bit...... but i'm going to give it my all for us!! send my love to the others! ^o^
from Yoochun
to Junsu (5:27 pm)
will do! work hard, big butt! fighting~~
from Junsu
to Yoochun (5:29 pm)
thanks, big forehead~~ \(^O^)\
---
He stares back at himself in the dressing room, surrounded by red and gold costumes, wigs, shoes, and overly-frilly white shirts. He frowns at the dark eyebags that hang lazily below his eyes and tries smiling to see if that makes them go away. It doesn't help much, he finds, and after making weird faces at himself in the mirror, he sighs and gives up.
"Let's start, everyone!" someone calls from the main stage outside.
Junsu ignores the headache that is screaming at the back of his head and takes a swig from his water bottle.
"Fighting!" he smiles wearily at his reflection.
---
"Junsuuu~"
"Jaejoooong~" he cooes back.
Laughter is heard from the other end. "Ahh! am I interrupting rehearsal right now?"
"Nope. It's lunch time," he smirks and sneaks some kimchi in his mouth.
"Cool. Just wanted to hear from you. How's everything?"
"Pretty good," he nods and chews his food. "Trying to perfect every last bit down right now."
"Not too tired, are you?"
"Nah, I'm fine."
"Good."
"How're things at your end?"
"Great. A little boring though, but I absolutely love it. Don't you miss that feeling of being bored? Anyway, I was walking by a stand the other day--"
His chopsticks fall and a groan slips from his lips. He grips onto the table and he rubs his left hand against his temple. The pain is starting to get stronger and he feels his face heat up and his fingers shaking.
"Junsu! Junsuyah! Hey, you okay?"
"Y-yeah. yeah, I am. Hyung, I have to go now. Break's over. I'll call you later."
"You sure? You don't sound good."
"I'm fine."
"Hmm, okay then. Work hard! Fighting!"
"Thanks."
He rests his forehead against the cool surface of the table and breathes slowly, the ache biting away inside his head almost seems unbearable. He feels it throbbing and grips the edge of the hardwood table. He wants to smash his head against it but resists the urge to. He doesn't want everything to get messy.
"Oh! Oh my god," a staff member exclaims and rushes over. "Junsu-sshi! Junsu-sshi! What's wrong?"
"Aspirin," he coughs hoarsely. "And get me a bottle of water."
---
He receives heavily concerned looks from all the staff members. Every ten minutes, a noona comes up to him to feel his forehead and checks to see if he's about to faint.
"You sure you don't want the rest of the day off?" he gets asked for the fiftieth time that day.
"No, I don't."
"You really should. You don't look good at all, Junsu-sshi. If you get a good day's rest today, I'm sure you'll feel better."
"I'm perfectly fine now, hyung-nim. Let's start from the top."
---
From: u_know05@citynet.co.kr
To: "junchan"
Date: Sun, January 17, 2010 at 1:37 PM
Subject: Just checking up!
Junsuyah ^_^
Hope everything's going okay. I suspected that you'd be hard at work and stressing yourself out, so here I am. Leader-sshi doing his thing and budging his head into your business. :) I'm here to remind you to eat and sleep and to not overwork that body of yours. I'm sure your bubble butt can't take too much pressure. I know you want to put up the best show, but we all want you to take good care of yourself. Since this is your solo project, there are no other members to take care of you, hmm? The staff members can't tell whether you're too tired or not like we can. So be a little independent and be smart! Work hard, but remember that your body needs a break every once in a while.
Fighting, dongsaeng! You'll rock this musical!! I can't wait to see you in action.
Love from,
U.know Yunho
P.S. Hyung misses you a lot. ♥
---
He wakes up in hell.
The burning pain feels like a metal claw gripping around his head and he wants to scream. He buries his head into his pillow and pants heavily and punches the wall but the aching doesn't get any better, only worse. He groans into the mattress and wants the hurting to end so badly. He can't stand it anymore. Junsu sits up on his bed and, with shaky hands, reaches for a bottle of water. He gulps down the fluid until there is no more and crushes the plastic in his hands.
He stomps towards the bedroom door and finds his mother preparing breakfast at the kitchen.
"Good morning, Junsu--- Oh my goodness. Junsu, are you all right?"
"I-- I feel sick, mom."
The world is a sinking ship. He finds himself leaning forward, reaching his hand out to grab onto something solid but his surroundings blur and shift and then there is nothing but black.
---
When Junsu wakes up, he notices the news being played on the tv placed in the corner of the room. He looks around and finds the IV needle injected into his right arm. At first, he doesn't remember and wonders if this is an odd dream if he is having. He then vaguely recalls the frantic and scared cries of his mother and a van rushing him to the hospital... He scowls and swears at himself for landing into a situation like this. The opening date of the musical is approaching quickly and this is not exactly a great time to fall ill. His manager walks into the hospital room as if he has heard Junsu's thoughts and rushes over quickly.
"Ah, you're awake."
"Manager-hyung... I-I'm sorry. Is it bad?"
The older man shakes his head and pats Junsu's hand softly. "No. The doctor said that it's a viral infection from fatigue, but he highly recommends that you rest in bed for a week."
"A week?!"
"Junsu, your health is very poor right now."
"But the musical--"
"Yes, I know it's coming up, but you fainted, Junsu. It's not the best if you decide to return to rehearsal right now. You're too weak."
"But I need to do this. Besides, the doctor said it's just from being tired, right? That's no big deal."
"You need your proper rest if you want to perform. You won't be able to rehearse properly with a body this frail, Junsuyah."
"But I'm fine."
The older man sighs and shakes his head slowly. "Rest for today at least, Junsu. Just this one day."
He hesitates and stares at the needle in his arm. "All right. Just today."
---
"Hyung!"
"Changminnie!" Junsu exclaims.
"Oh my god, what the hell are you doing with your body?"
"Oh, you heard about it."
"Obviously. Hyung, you're such an idiot. You can't even take care of yourself properly. What're we supposed to do with you?!"
"Yah, I can take care of myself fine. Just got a little tired, is all."
"Pfft, you can't even cook for yourself. Aish, hyung. You're so hopeless. Don't you know when to rest?"
"Of course I do. I just... I want this musical to be really good, Minnie. I want to make you all proud."
"But how are we supposed to be proud of you when you're stuck in a hospital bed? Geez, hyung. Use your brain, all right? I'm not around to be a brain for you so you have to use yours, understand?"
"I'm not a retard, Changmin."
"But you sure as hell act like one." Changmin laughs.
"Yah, shut up. Anyway... Thanks for calling. I miss hearing your annoying voice."
"Hmph, I can't call that often since I'm so busy but... this time was special because you almost killed yourself."
"I'll take care of myself better. I will."
"Okay. If I catch you in a hospital one more time, Kim Junsu, you're not only gonna hear from me, all right? I'm sure Yunho-hyung will have a serious talk about it soon."
"Yeah, yeah. I know."
"All right. Now I have to go back to filming now, so... take care of yourself, hyung."
"Will do, Minnie."
"Eat and rest lots, okay?"
"I know."
"You better. Bye, hyung."
"Bye, Minnie."
"...I love you. Bye." Changmin hangs up the phone.
Junsu cracks a smile, "I love you, too. I'll take care of myself. Promise."
-----
i obviously miss OT5 a lot, lol. :(
Masterlist: here
Focus: Junsu
OT5 ; PG
1,977 words.
Based on the recent news of Junsu's condition. (More details here) I hope he feels better really soon. Poor bb ;; ♥
It's been a horribly long day.
He sits at the edge of the stage, legs dangling off the wooden platform, and he stares at the row after row of empty red velvet seats. He imagines the packed audience that'd be seated in the auditorium on his performance night and anticipation that would fill the air. He would hear the hundreds of fans screaming his name excitedly and the proud smiles of his family, friends, loved ones. They'd all be here, waiting, expecting the best from Dong Bang Shin Ki's Xiah Junsu.
And I'll give them a performance they'll never forget.
He lies down on his back and takes a deep breath, eyes looming over the blinding stage lights. They seem to be watching him with sharp glares from above, a devilish kind of light that pierces into his eyes. An abrupt pang of aching suddenly awakens in the back of his head and he's sitting upright quickly to grab his bottle of water. He takes greedy gulps of water, feeling the cool fluid rush down his lungs. He closes his eyes and tries to shake the vertigo away but it doesn't help. The world is nothing but a ship out on the ocean, it seems, rocking right and left, left and right. He tastes salt on his tongue and feels something flip in his stomach. He wants to throw up.
"Junsu-sshi, are you all right?" someone asks.
He hesitates before opening his eyes again. "Yes, I'm fine. Let's run through it all again."
---
He can't remember what day of the week it is. He can't remember how long he's been here. Each day seems to be repeating itself. Like a movie, running from the beginning to its finale. Then the projector stops right before the film credits and rewinds, and it is played again.
"You don't look so good, Junsuyah," his mother shakes her head and rushes toward his son. "Maybe you should stay home today."
"No. I need to go to practice, mom," he sighs and hides his tired yawn behind his hand. "I'm fine."
She puts her hand on Junsu's forehead and after reassuring herself that there is no fever, she nods, but is still worried and uneasy. "Be safe and don't come home too late."
"Okay."
---
from Yoochun
to Junsu (5:14 pm)
suyah, how's rehearsal going?
from Junsu
to Yoochun (5:16 pm)
not too bad. a little tired, but it's nothing to worry about.
from Yoochun
to Junsu (5:19 pm)
aish, don't forget to rest. you're gonna get sick if you keep this up.
from Junsu
to Yoochun (5:21 pm)
i told you there's nothing to worry about!! i'm taking a short break right now, see? ^-^
from Yoochun
to Junsu (5:24 pm)
hm i guess. haha, hey, does it feel lonely without us around~~?
from Junsu
to Yoochun (5:26 pm)
:( a bit...... but i'm going to give it my all for us!! send my love to the others! ^o^
from Yoochun
to Junsu (5:27 pm)
will do! work hard, big butt! fighting~~
from Junsu
to Yoochun (5:29 pm)
thanks, big forehead~~ \(^O^)\
---
He stares back at himself in the dressing room, surrounded by red and gold costumes, wigs, shoes, and overly-frilly white shirts. He frowns at the dark eyebags that hang lazily below his eyes and tries smiling to see if that makes them go away. It doesn't help much, he finds, and after making weird faces at himself in the mirror, he sighs and gives up.
"Let's start, everyone!" someone calls from the main stage outside.
Junsu ignores the headache that is screaming at the back of his head and takes a swig from his water bottle.
"Fighting!" he smiles wearily at his reflection.
---
"Junsuuu~"
"Jaejoooong~" he cooes back.
Laughter is heard from the other end. "Ahh! am I interrupting rehearsal right now?"
"Nope. It's lunch time," he smirks and sneaks some kimchi in his mouth.
"Cool. Just wanted to hear from you. How's everything?"
"Pretty good," he nods and chews his food. "Trying to perfect every last bit down right now."
"Not too tired, are you?"
"Nah, I'm fine."
"Good."
"How're things at your end?"
"Great. A little boring though, but I absolutely love it. Don't you miss that feeling of being bored? Anyway, I was walking by a stand the other day--"
His chopsticks fall and a groan slips from his lips. He grips onto the table and he rubs his left hand against his temple. The pain is starting to get stronger and he feels his face heat up and his fingers shaking.
"Junsu! Junsuyah! Hey, you okay?"
"Y-yeah. yeah, I am. Hyung, I have to go now. Break's over. I'll call you later."
"You sure? You don't sound good."
"I'm fine."
"Hmm, okay then. Work hard! Fighting!"
"Thanks."
He rests his forehead against the cool surface of the table and breathes slowly, the ache biting away inside his head almost seems unbearable. He feels it throbbing and grips the edge of the hardwood table. He wants to smash his head against it but resists the urge to. He doesn't want everything to get messy.
"Oh! Oh my god," a staff member exclaims and rushes over. "Junsu-sshi! Junsu-sshi! What's wrong?"
"Aspirin," he coughs hoarsely. "And get me a bottle of water."
---
He receives heavily concerned looks from all the staff members. Every ten minutes, a noona comes up to him to feel his forehead and checks to see if he's about to faint.
"You sure you don't want the rest of the day off?" he gets asked for the fiftieth time that day.
"No, I don't."
"You really should. You don't look good at all, Junsu-sshi. If you get a good day's rest today, I'm sure you'll feel better."
"I'm perfectly fine now, hyung-nim. Let's start from the top."
---
From: u_know05@citynet.co.kr
To: "junchan"
Date: Sun, January 17, 2010 at 1:37 PM
Subject: Just checking up!
Junsuyah ^_^
Hope everything's going okay. I suspected that you'd be hard at work and stressing yourself out, so here I am. Leader-sshi doing his thing and budging his head into your business. :) I'm here to remind you to eat and sleep and to not overwork that body of yours. I'm sure your bubble butt can't take too much pressure. I know you want to put up the best show, but we all want you to take good care of yourself. Since this is your solo project, there are no other members to take care of you, hmm? The staff members can't tell whether you're too tired or not like we can. So be a little independent and be smart! Work hard, but remember that your body needs a break every once in a while.
Fighting, dongsaeng! You'll rock this musical!! I can't wait to see you in action.
Love from,
U.know Yunho
P.S. Hyung misses you a lot. ♥
---
He wakes up in hell.
The burning pain feels like a metal claw gripping around his head and he wants to scream. He buries his head into his pillow and pants heavily and punches the wall but the aching doesn't get any better, only worse. He groans into the mattress and wants the hurting to end so badly. He can't stand it anymore. Junsu sits up on his bed and, with shaky hands, reaches for a bottle of water. He gulps down the fluid until there is no more and crushes the plastic in his hands.
He stomps towards the bedroom door and finds his mother preparing breakfast at the kitchen.
"Good morning, Junsu--- Oh my goodness. Junsu, are you all right?"
"I-- I feel sick, mom."
The world is a sinking ship. He finds himself leaning forward, reaching his hand out to grab onto something solid but his surroundings blur and shift and then there is nothing but black.
---
When Junsu wakes up, he notices the news being played on the tv placed in the corner of the room. He looks around and finds the IV needle injected into his right arm. At first, he doesn't remember and wonders if this is an odd dream if he is having. He then vaguely recalls the frantic and scared cries of his mother and a van rushing him to the hospital... He scowls and swears at himself for landing into a situation like this. The opening date of the musical is approaching quickly and this is not exactly a great time to fall ill. His manager walks into the hospital room as if he has heard Junsu's thoughts and rushes over quickly.
"Ah, you're awake."
"Manager-hyung... I-I'm sorry. Is it bad?"
The older man shakes his head and pats Junsu's hand softly. "No. The doctor said that it's a viral infection from fatigue, but he highly recommends that you rest in bed for a week."
"A week?!"
"Junsu, your health is very poor right now."
"But the musical--"
"Yes, I know it's coming up, but you fainted, Junsu. It's not the best if you decide to return to rehearsal right now. You're too weak."
"But I need to do this. Besides, the doctor said it's just from being tired, right? That's no big deal."
"You need your proper rest if you want to perform. You won't be able to rehearse properly with a body this frail, Junsuyah."
"But I'm fine."
The older man sighs and shakes his head slowly. "Rest for today at least, Junsu. Just this one day."
He hesitates and stares at the needle in his arm. "All right. Just today."
---
"Hyung!"
"Changminnie!" Junsu exclaims.
"Oh my god, what the hell are you doing with your body?"
"Oh, you heard about it."
"Obviously. Hyung, you're such an idiot. You can't even take care of yourself properly. What're we supposed to do with you?!"
"Yah, I can take care of myself fine. Just got a little tired, is all."
"Pfft, you can't even cook for yourself. Aish, hyung. You're so hopeless. Don't you know when to rest?"
"Of course I do. I just... I want this musical to be really good, Minnie. I want to make you all proud."
"But how are we supposed to be proud of you when you're stuck in a hospital bed? Geez, hyung. Use your brain, all right? I'm not around to be a brain for you so you have to use yours, understand?"
"I'm not a retard, Changmin."
"But you sure as hell act like one." Changmin laughs.
"Yah, shut up. Anyway... Thanks for calling. I miss hearing your annoying voice."
"Hmph, I can't call that often since I'm so busy but... this time was special because you almost killed yourself."
"I'll take care of myself better. I will."
"Okay. If I catch you in a hospital one more time, Kim Junsu, you're not only gonna hear from me, all right? I'm sure Yunho-hyung will have a serious talk about it soon."
"Yeah, yeah. I know."
"All right. Now I have to go back to filming now, so... take care of yourself, hyung."
"Will do, Minnie."
"Eat and rest lots, okay?"
"I know."
"You better. Bye, hyung."
"Bye, Minnie."
"...I love you. Bye." Changmin hangs up the phone.
Junsu cracks a smile, "I love you, too. I'll take care of myself. Promise."
-----
i obviously miss OT5 a lot, lol. :(
Masterlist: here