Auntie?
I found out this weekend that my brother’s fiancée is pregnant.
I have incredibly mixed feelings about this.
When my mother told me, my first response was: "I thought they were trying to avoid this." And I did. My brother is trying to start his own construction business, and his fiancée is working several jobs while trying to get her degree in Criminal Justice. Not long ago she was talking about going to Peru for several weeks to study with a local police department, and said that the only thing that would stop her would be getting pregnant.
But, I guess they talked a long time about it. They had always planned on having kids, so this was an unexpected pregnancy, not an unwanted one. She had gone off the pill almost a year ago because she wasn’t happy with the side effects, and, in my brother’s words, they "weren’t always careful." And in the end, they’ve decided that this will be okay.
My knee-jerk reaction to this news has to do with my "seatbelt" theory of birth control. Using birth control should be like using your seatbelt: you get in the car, you put it on. You shouldn’t have to think about it. (And yes, I practice what I preach.) Obviously, that didn’t happen in this case. That said, both of them are incredibly responsible people (usually, anyway) and I have no doubt that they’ll be great parents.
I guess my ambivalence on this comes from the fact that their lives have now taken this huge left turn, and I’m perhaps mourning what could have been for them. I’m probably projecting way too much. I also think I’m a wee bit jealous. Not because they’re having a baby (trust me, I don’t want one, at least not right now), but because this seems like a huge symbol that they’ve got their lives more together than I do. My baby brother and his fiancée. At least, that’s the way it feels to me.
Is it wrong for me to feel this way? It seems somewhat selfish. But, it’s not like I told them they’ve ruined their lives. First off, it’s not my place, and secondly, it’s not really true. Outwardly, I’ve been congratulatory and supportive.
But, it’s not all hesitancy. My parents are over the moon as this is their first grandchild, and my brother seems at least cautiously happy. And I’d be lying if I said that at least part of me wasn’t happy. It’s good to know that the family genes, if not the name, will go on; I’ve worried about that in passing from time to time. And, despite my mourning the loss of their childless future, they’re in a decent place in their lives. Not perfect, but not bad. Seriously, is there ever a PERFECT time to have a baby? And new life is always a good thing. If they’re happy about it, then I’ll just put my own personal misgivings away (as they really have to do with me, anyway), and be happy for them, too.