For a minute, I got confused because when I think of Anne Bishop, I think of her magical cock ring books and so I was like, "There were penis-shaped breadsticks in those? Huh, I don't remember!"
And then I remember she's written other books! Like the aforementioned penis-shaped breadstick one. Which I have read but apparently have forced out of my memory because I can't recall a single thing about it. Even reading your notes in the linked entry made me boggle. Because I have read that book! And I can't remember any of that!
Also, thanks for the Slammerkin link! I've had that book in my TBR pile for ages but I always put it down after a few pages. Maybe my radar senses the impending depression!
Wow...you actually finished the Schone? After about 30 pages, I just started skimming it because I worked in the bookstore at the time and was expected to be familiar with the "big" romance novels because I read them.
Bertrice Small is...it's historical Mary Sue fanfic where the heroine is always the most beautiful and sensual woman alive(and often thinks of herself as such) all female historical figures are evil jealous hags who hate the heroine because she's prettier, and throughout the book, the heroine will at one point be involved with virtually every type of "romantic hero" popular tothat time period. Do not ask me how I know this. It is a secret shame. (What? The sexual stuations are so ridiculous at times that I feel compelled to see what ridiculous thing she'll come up with next.)
Yeeaaaah... that was back in the day when I finished everything.
The only thing I remember about the Small I read was the petite, red-headed, perfectly-formed heroine (they are always "perfectly formed"), who is FIFTEEN. There was skanky villain sex in chapter 1, involving her uncle, who is in lust with her and has skanky villainous incestous thoughts all the time.
I suspect that they are worse, given that most of us maybe have erased them from memory! I try to pretend that they don't exist, because not only are they bad, they taint your memory of the original a little as well.
YES. They are. I pretended so hard that they didn't exist that I had actually forgotten all about them until Oyce reminded me just now! And in addition to being bad, they are also awesomely depressing.
Slammerkin: I still crack up when I think of how I flung it aside in horror at the sharpened-stick abortion and frozen friend... when little did I know that the author was just getting started!
I am so tempted to find the bread dough one again, just because I don't think it's physically possible. Unless you were tied up for two days and your nose was plugged as well.
Slammerkin: OMG I am still traumatized by this book! I just... cleaver! The cleaver!
Maybe we should try it out on each other, just to see if it works? Like how there was a guy who did waterboarding on himself in his basement to find out if it really WAS that awful (answer:yes), but, like, a parody version.
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And then I remember she's written other books! Like the aforementioned penis-shaped breadstick one. Which I have read but apparently have forced out of my memory because I can't recall a single thing about it. Even reading your notes in the linked entry made me boggle. Because I have read that book! And I can't remember any of that!
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(Edit: whoops, wrong" bad book" icon)
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I didn't include her magical cock ring books because those are so bad they end up good! Whereas the others are just bad.
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Bertrice Small is...it's historical Mary Sue fanfic where the heroine is always the most beautiful and sensual woman alive(and often thinks of herself as such) all female historical figures are evil jealous hags who hate the heroine because she's prettier, and throughout the book, the heroine will at one point be involved with virtually every type of "romantic hero" popular tothat time period. Do not ask me how I know this. It is a secret shame. (What? The sexual stuations are so ridiculous at times that I feel compelled to see what ridiculous thing she'll come up with next.)
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The only thing I remember about the Small I read was the petite, red-headed, perfectly-formed heroine (they are always "perfectly formed"), who is FIFTEEN. There was skanky villain sex in chapter 1, involving her uncle, who is in lust with her and has skanky villainous incestous thoughts all the time.
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WOW!
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Though the sample is possibly skewed, since I read way more female authors than male ones.
Still. Rapists != romance novel heroes in my book!
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Slammerkin: I still crack up when I think of how I flung it aside in horror at the sharpened-stick abortion and frozen friend... when little did I know that the author was just getting started!
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Slammerkin: OMG I am still traumatized by this book! I just... cleaver! The cleaver!
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