I remember you posting about going to the beach with your family, fond reading - I think you can have moments of joy with no sadness as an adult, maybe more fleeting but they can still happen - but the grief you describe is a hard road, cariad, no mistake. Swimming in the sea - awesome! haven't done that in years, we have very iffy sand here, like sinking mud! although people do swim, I'm dubious.
good to see you posting, I've been thinking of you, meaning to email :) x
Oh, bb, I know what you mean about it being hard - and sad - to be an adult. But I do think it has been especially hard for you, because you're going through a long, drawn out traumatic situation with your parents - especially your mother - which must be both driving you crazy and hurting you deeply. No wonder you are caught up in grief and exhaustion/// As for the grieving that comes with the realisation that some times are past, and will never return, god, that's definitely part of the everyday sadness of watching time pass like grains of sand through our fingers, sigh.
WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE OMG
(no, really. And the aging process is a total suckfest)
I'm glad you're getting love, peace, a big dose of the giant ocean pill (something I haven't been getting for too long) and plenty of delightful Miss B and her fabulous family. You deserve it. Love to you all....
I know what you mean--when my father passed away, it was brutal and unexpected, even though he'd been sick, but in many ways, we were grateful (for his sake and for ours) that it had been quick and unexpected. I think losing him bit by bit, watching him fade away, would have been so much harder on all of us. It was hard enough, and it hurt then, and it still does, and things aren't the same and we miss him, but at least, we got to grieve and have closure, instead of suffering in a situation that went on and on and on.
Good, better times will come again--it's hard to believe when you're stuck in a situation, but they will.
I hope you're enjoying your holiday. You certainly deserve it.
I sometimes wonder why I was so eager to grow up. It always seemed so much better to be an adult. But these days I think it would be better to be a carefree child again. Even with all the NOs! You're every care is taken care of. But to have to care for your parent, in a way, like their the child sucks to no end.
When reading your post an odd thought struck me. That when I think of my mom and cry for her, I cry so I can talk to her and so that I can share about how hard it is to raise kids and finance a family and all of life's other "petty" things. But the mom I had in the last few years of her life wasn't a person I could do that to. I didn't recognize that though, when she was alive. So if you've already felt it and sensed it, then it's not surprising that the grieving process has in a sense started.
I totally inderstand your need to be near the ocean. I feel the same, and don't think anyone who has never grown up by/on the water can get this.
I think there can be many perfect moments in life, but they can be fleeting when *life* intrudes. We need to savor those moments for what they are. But I do understand your grief. It's not for the dead, but for the death of what was/what could or should be.
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good to see you posting, I've been thinking of you, meaning to email :) x
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WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE OMG
(no, really. And the aging process is a total suckfest)
I'm glad you're getting love, peace, a big dose of the giant ocean pill (something I haven't been getting for too long) and plenty of delightful Miss B and her fabulous family. You deserve it. Love to you all....
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Good, better times will come again--it's hard to believe when you're stuck in a situation, but they will.
I hope you're enjoying your holiday. You certainly deserve it.
((hugs))
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When reading your post an odd thought struck me. That when I think of my mom and cry for her, I cry so I can talk to her and so that I can share about how hard it is to raise kids and finance a family and all of life's other "petty" things. But the mom I had in the last few years of her life wasn't a person I could do that to. I didn't recognize that though, when she was alive. So if you've already felt it and sensed it, then it's not surprising that the grieving process has in a sense started.
I don't know if I'm making sense.
*hugs*
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I think there can be many perfect moments in life, but they can be fleeting when *life* intrudes. We need to savor those moments for what they are. But I do understand your grief. It's not for the dead, but for the death of what was/what could or should be.
Blessings on you and missB's family.
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