Sporking With Mikey : The Chronicles of Sono Asahina Chapter 1
Mikey: It's time for the official first chapter of the horror that is Sono Asahina!
~~~
I Don't Own Haruhi!
Mikey: Good to know that hasn't changed!
Chapter 1
I Just Joined the Brigade(Not By Force)!
Mikey: Wow the sue really is unique! The only person who was like that was... Um... Haruhi? Damn sue. It's an important fact that everyone is there by force except Haruhi and Kyon; and honestly, the Kyon having a choice is stretching it.
So you guys want to know how my sister was forced to join the SOS Dan.
Mikey: Yes - it was quite amusing... why?
One word came out of Haruhi's mouth: Mo~e
Mikey: Your not going to do what I think you are... please dear sue author! I beg of you!
As Haruhi explained to Kyon about my Sister's "Mo~e Aspects".
Mikey: WHAT THE F**K! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO GO THROUGH EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN ANIME SERIES IN THE MOST BORING WAY YOU CAN THINK OF!?
I had to stand up for myself.
Mikey: Yes - how dare our bisexual amoral heroine not see you as a hunk of sex appeal only worthy of serving as a mascot! Damn it all; you're the most important person in the universe! How can the borderline god reality warping girl of whom our lives may depend solely on keeping entertained and happy not notice you the great-iful-tastical sue!? You must fix this completely in character trait of hers as ASAP!
After Haruhi finished explaining, I said to Haruhi
Mikey: Already spitting on canon logic as a big rule in this series is "If your not Kyon Haruhi will not listen to you so only speak when spoken to!" You're a Time Traveler here to observe her you should most certainly know this!
" Aren't you forgetting something? I have 'Mo~e Aspects' too!"
Mikey: First rule - Moe people never use the word Moe to refer to themselves... Mary sues on the other hand describe themselves however they wish as long as they think it will justify their sueish traits in the laziest way possible.
Haruhi replied "Sono? You too?"
Mikey: Okay- she reacted to Sono claiming she had Moe aspects- except the Moe aspects Haruhi likes involve being a clumsy doormat with big breasts so Haruhi should have told her to shove off! Also Haruhi ignored all her classmate except Kyon! He was the only person in class she paid attention to.
Obviously your justification is they knew each other in their old school, but it fails when you take into account this little fact -
LOTS OF THE PEOPLE IN HER CLASS KNEW HER FROM HER OLD SCHOOL! SHE IGNORED THEM TO! SUE WOULD BE TREATED NO DIFFRENTLY! THIS WAS AN IMPORTANT PLOT POINT!
Kyon had to face palm For me.
Mikey: I just imagine Kyon grabbing her by the back of the head and slamming her sue face to the table!
I said to Haruhi "Yeah, and that's my sister."
Mikey: The sue reminds us of how SPECIAL SHE IS!!! Really I doubt Haruhi would care! She’s ‘special’ because she is Mikuru’s sister…it’s uniqueness by proxy… hmmm…
That's when she put her hands on my sisters chest.
Mikey: Of course she does that for sue as opposed to when she did it for Kyon when explaining why she chose Mikuru to join the club. You remember Kyon right, the guy that Haruhi likes- that one who she responds to.
The real main character…
Screw it - who cares about those important facts and plot points! Keep going!
*boing!*
My sister let out a moan.
I thought to myself 'Haruhi admires my sister's knockers,but can she admire mine's?'
Mikey: *Eye twitch* Not getting into the confusing nature of that um... sentence I think... Did she just call her sisters breasts 'knockers?' Mikuru should be used to Haruhi's treatment in this fanfic being that sue here is apparently a total perv who loves when she and others play with her sister's chest!
After Haruhi let go of my sister's chest, I felt a *boing* on my own chest.
I said to Haruhi "Haruhi! You're embarrassing me a bit."
Mikey: Okay she felt a boing in her chest - she felt a sound-effect on her chest! She is a super special snow flake isn’t she!
After she let go of my chest,Haruhi asked Kyon " Wanna touch them?"
Mikey: Okay I'm pissed! This may be small, but I’ve reached a sort of breaking point so this tiny detail is the straw if you will! She asks Kyon if he wants to touch Mikuru's breasts! Damn I'm surprised hers aren’t mentioned as being bigger than Mikuru’s! Then again that would involve describing the character and we don’t want that right! The message of this piss shit attempt at writing is - My sue is way more awesome then Mikuru! LOVE ME!!!
I had no choice but to face palm for myself.
Mikey: She's trying to kill herself now! The sue has becoming self aware!
But that wasn't the only thing.
Mikey: It's the fic that never ends - it goes on in on my friends. I dared to start sporking not knowing it would hurt - and it's feeling like my balls were hit by a foot - cause it's the...
When the SOS Dan invaded the Computer Club I Had to help Haruhi blackmail The Computer Club.
Mikey: No - no you didn’t! It’s like she just copied the script and lopped out anything Kyon thought! In other words everything good!
The President's Hand,By force from Haruhi, Touched one of my sister's melons and *Boing!*
Mikey: That sentence was horrible! Also, how the hell is that you helping Haruhi!?
Frankly I’ve also grown tired of the words *boing*.
The whole club gasped!
Mikey: *Slipping off to sleep*
Kyon said "What's This?"
Mikey: *Wakes up* Did Kyon actually say something!
My sister shouted out loud.
Mikey (Sue): She's my sister! Mine! Everything she does for this 'plot' is by proxy mine as well!
I think I have a name for this type of sue. Proxy-Sue : a sue who starts out standing around doing nothing of importance well claiming to be related to another character in someway. They then starts stealing said characters better scenes - soon that character becomes a meaningless husk. They then move on to drain every other character of importance often one by one.
Depending on this characters sexual preference she will either end the fic as Kyon's lover who can bend reality, Haruhi's Lover and the only one who can hold her back from killing us all, both their lovers (well taking all their vital importance away), or an asexual power mad psychopath who is the only character who does anything.
The only true difference between the other sues and the Proxy-Sue is she will steal things slowly in an attempt to make herself look less sueish. A big tip - the Proxy-sue is selfish. So it will be any scene that happens - no matter how trivial - no matter how small. The sue will connect to herself with few exceptions!
Haruhi takes a picture of that scene.
then I thought to myself 'Haruhi is gonna say "Ok One More shot!"'
I Was right.
Mikey: What did I just say? Not only way that a horrible bit of phrasing, but it only serves to make so seem SOOOO SPECIAL!
Haruhi kept taking Pictures and TCCP Knew that this was blackmail.
But I Will never forget the words Haruhi Said To them making them Surrender.
Mikey: Because it matters so much that you remember them Proxy-Sue!
"Then I'll tell everyone in school that all you geeks ganged up on her and [bleep]ed her!"
Mikey: Anything that isn't the sue stealing spotlight is just going to be copied word for word. Seriously though - you even copied the F**Kin' BEEP! You know the one they have because the show was shown on freakin' television in Japan and because of it's age bracket! Seriously! Haruhi doesn’t actually say BEEP!
They Were shocked to Haruhi's words and Then TCCP Surrendered one Computer To Us. But I had some Things in mind for them.
After They Gave us Internet Access I Said To TCCP "Now someone's a jerk and that's you."
Mikey: YOU ARE F'D UP! Hauhi says "Then I'll tell everyone in school that all you geeks ganged up on her and raped her!" cruelly taking advantage of double standards (no one would believe them) and Mikuru's weak will to get a F**KIN' computer and internet access as Kyon stares on mortified. He feels sorry for everyone involved except HARUHI!
I'm surprised you didn't just rape them well you were adding the insult to injury and tell them that if they told you'd claim they raped you along with Mikuru! Of course in order to do that you would have to form a proper sentence!
Besides that - Haruhi just used your sister as a freakin' pawn and forced a stranger you don't know to touch her breasts and then threatened to possibly ruin both of their lives! You don't even try to stop her!
You being considered MOE BY HARUHI IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN YOUR SISTER'S LIFE AND REPUTATION! I could discard the f**kin computer guys as your sue being sexist and/or the fact that they are strangers to her, but disregarding your sister like that makes you sound like a psychopath more interested in the damn internet than your sister's well being! You are officially worst than pre-character development Haruhi!
TCC: 0
SOS: 1
Mikey: Yeah let's keep score well we are at it!
Sono: One Memory Takes Me into Laughter.
Mikey: Sick bitch!
Rickey: Please Review it and Please Don't Flame Me!
Mikey: No - history has shown me time and time again that when people like you say flame they mean 'Please don't say anything negative'. Screw it - I'm going back to my brooding corner till the next damn chapter!
~~~
Well I am now going to throw up. Yes that gang-rape comment was played for for laughs in show, but not because the characters thought it was funny! More of the madness of the scene type thing... the fact that this sue thinks that boring insult was a the right thing to do let alone funny is just scary!
~~~
<-Back (I ask myself why this button even exists)
Next-> (or this one really)
Table of Content
~~~
I Don't Own Haruhi!
Mikey: Good to know that hasn't changed!
Chapter 1
I Just Joined the Brigade(Not By Force)!
Mikey: Wow the sue really is unique! The only person who was like that was... Um... Haruhi? Damn sue. It's an important fact that everyone is there by force except Haruhi and Kyon; and honestly, the Kyon having a choice is stretching it.
So you guys want to know how my sister was forced to join the SOS Dan.
Mikey: Yes - it was quite amusing... why?
One word came out of Haruhi's mouth: Mo~e
Mikey: Your not going to do what I think you are... please dear sue author! I beg of you!
As Haruhi explained to Kyon about my Sister's "Mo~e Aspects".
Mikey: WHAT THE F**K! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO GO THROUGH EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN ANIME SERIES IN THE MOST BORING WAY YOU CAN THINK OF!?
I had to stand up for myself.
Mikey: Yes - how dare our bisexual amoral heroine not see you as a hunk of sex appeal only worthy of serving as a mascot! Damn it all; you're the most important person in the universe! How can the borderline god reality warping girl of whom our lives may depend solely on keeping entertained and happy not notice you the great-iful-tastical sue!? You must fix this completely in character trait of hers as ASAP!
After Haruhi finished explaining, I said to Haruhi
Mikey: Already spitting on canon logic as a big rule in this series is "If your not Kyon Haruhi will not listen to you so only speak when spoken to!" You're a Time Traveler here to observe her you should most certainly know this!
" Aren't you forgetting something? I have 'Mo~e Aspects' too!"
Mikey: First rule - Moe people never use the word Moe to refer to themselves... Mary sues on the other hand describe themselves however they wish as long as they think it will justify their sueish traits in the laziest way possible.
Haruhi replied "Sono? You too?"
Mikey: Okay- she reacted to Sono claiming she had Moe aspects- except the Moe aspects Haruhi likes involve being a clumsy doormat with big breasts so Haruhi should have told her to shove off! Also Haruhi ignored all her classmate except Kyon! He was the only person in class she paid attention to.
Obviously your justification is they knew each other in their old school, but it fails when you take into account this little fact -
LOTS OF THE PEOPLE IN HER CLASS KNEW HER FROM HER OLD SCHOOL! SHE IGNORED THEM TO! SUE WOULD BE TREATED NO DIFFRENTLY! THIS WAS AN IMPORTANT PLOT POINT!
Kyon had to face palm For me.
Mikey: I just imagine Kyon grabbing her by the back of the head and slamming her sue face to the table!
I said to Haruhi "Yeah, and that's my sister."
Mikey: The sue reminds us of how SPECIAL SHE IS!!! Really I doubt Haruhi would care! She’s ‘special’ because she is Mikuru’s sister…it’s uniqueness by proxy… hmmm…
That's when she put her hands on my sisters chest.
Mikey: Of course she does that for sue as opposed to when she did it for Kyon when explaining why she chose Mikuru to join the club. You remember Kyon right, the guy that Haruhi likes- that one who she responds to.
The real main character…
Screw it - who cares about those important facts and plot points! Keep going!
*boing!*
My sister let out a moan.
I thought to myself 'Haruhi admires my sister's knockers,but can she admire mine's?'
Mikey: *Eye twitch* Not getting into the confusing nature of that um... sentence I think... Did she just call her sisters breasts 'knockers?' Mikuru should be used to Haruhi's treatment in this fanfic being that sue here is apparently a total perv who loves when she and others play with her sister's chest!
After Haruhi let go of my sister's chest, I felt a *boing* on my own chest.
I said to Haruhi "Haruhi! You're embarrassing me a bit."
Mikey: Okay she felt a boing in her chest - she felt a sound-effect on her chest! She is a super special snow flake isn’t she!
After she let go of my chest,Haruhi asked Kyon " Wanna touch them?"
Mikey: Okay I'm pissed! This may be small, but I’ve reached a sort of breaking point so this tiny detail is the straw if you will! She asks Kyon if he wants to touch Mikuru's breasts! Damn I'm surprised hers aren’t mentioned as being bigger than Mikuru’s! Then again that would involve describing the character and we don’t want that right! The message of this piss shit attempt at writing is - My sue is way more awesome then Mikuru! LOVE ME!!!
I had no choice but to face palm for myself.
Mikey: She's trying to kill herself now! The sue has becoming self aware!
But that wasn't the only thing.
Mikey: It's the fic that never ends - it goes on in on my friends. I dared to start sporking not knowing it would hurt - and it's feeling like my balls were hit by a foot - cause it's the...
When the SOS Dan invaded the Computer Club I Had to help Haruhi blackmail The Computer Club.
Mikey: No - no you didn’t! It’s like she just copied the script and lopped out anything Kyon thought! In other words everything good!
The President's Hand,By force from Haruhi, Touched one of my sister's melons and *Boing!*
Mikey: That sentence was horrible! Also, how the hell is that you helping Haruhi!?
Frankly I’ve also grown tired of the words *boing*.
The whole club gasped!
Mikey: *Slipping off to sleep*
Kyon said "What's This?"
Mikey: *Wakes up* Did Kyon actually say something!
My sister shouted out loud.
Mikey (Sue): She's my sister! Mine! Everything she does for this 'plot' is by proxy mine as well!
I think I have a name for this type of sue. Proxy-Sue : a sue who starts out standing around doing nothing of importance well claiming to be related to another character in someway. They then starts stealing said characters better scenes - soon that character becomes a meaningless husk. They then move on to drain every other character of importance often one by one.
Depending on this characters sexual preference she will either end the fic as Kyon's lover who can bend reality, Haruhi's Lover and the only one who can hold her back from killing us all, both their lovers (well taking all their vital importance away), or an asexual power mad psychopath who is the only character who does anything.
The only true difference between the other sues and the Proxy-Sue is she will steal things slowly in an attempt to make herself look less sueish. A big tip - the Proxy-sue is selfish. So it will be any scene that happens - no matter how trivial - no matter how small. The sue will connect to herself with few exceptions!
Haruhi takes a picture of that scene.
then I thought to myself 'Haruhi is gonna say "Ok One More shot!"'
I Was right.
Mikey: What did I just say? Not only way that a horrible bit of phrasing, but it only serves to make so seem SOOOO SPECIAL!
Haruhi kept taking Pictures and TCCP Knew that this was blackmail.
But I Will never forget the words Haruhi Said To them making them Surrender.
Mikey: Because it matters so much that you remember them Proxy-Sue!
"Then I'll tell everyone in school that all you geeks ganged up on her and [bleep]ed her!"
Mikey: Anything that isn't the sue stealing spotlight is just going to be copied word for word. Seriously though - you even copied the F**Kin' BEEP! You know the one they have because the show was shown on freakin' television in Japan and because of it's age bracket! Seriously! Haruhi doesn’t actually say BEEP!
They Were shocked to Haruhi's words and Then TCCP Surrendered one Computer To Us. But I had some Things in mind for them.
After They Gave us Internet Access I Said To TCCP "Now someone's a jerk and that's you."
Mikey: YOU ARE F'D UP! Hauhi says "Then I'll tell everyone in school that all you geeks ganged up on her and raped her!" cruelly taking advantage of double standards (no one would believe them) and Mikuru's weak will to get a F**KIN' computer and internet access as Kyon stares on mortified. He feels sorry for everyone involved except HARUHI!
I'm surprised you didn't just rape them well you were adding the insult to injury and tell them that if they told you'd claim they raped you along with Mikuru! Of course in order to do that you would have to form a proper sentence!
Besides that - Haruhi just used your sister as a freakin' pawn and forced a stranger you don't know to touch her breasts and then threatened to possibly ruin both of their lives! You don't even try to stop her!
You being considered MOE BY HARUHI IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN YOUR SISTER'S LIFE AND REPUTATION! I could discard the f**kin computer guys as your sue being sexist and/or the fact that they are strangers to her, but disregarding your sister like that makes you sound like a psychopath more interested in the damn internet than your sister's well being! You are officially worst than pre-character development Haruhi!
TCC: 0
SOS: 1
Mikey: Yeah let's keep score well we are at it!
Sono: One Memory Takes Me into Laughter.
Mikey: Sick bitch!
Rickey: Please Review it and Please Don't Flame Me!
Mikey: No - history has shown me time and time again that when people like you say flame they mean 'Please don't say anything negative'. Screw it - I'm going back to my brooding corner till the next damn chapter!
~~~
Well I am now going to throw up. Yes that gang-rape comment was played for for laughs in show, but not because the characters thought it was funny! More of the madness of the scene type thing... the fact that this sue thinks that boring insult was a the right thing to do let alone funny is just scary!
~~~
<-Back (I ask myself why this button even exists)
Next-> (or this one really)
Table of Content