(I’m going to reach way, way back into my memory to some of my elementary school English lessons. This will be a little tricky, because the older I get, the more spotty my memory becomes. Just the other night, I had a ten-minute internal argument with myself over whether the Pleiades is a constellation or an ancient sea creature.)

The only year that really stands out in my memory was when 1999 became 2000. All year long, my friends and I heard the warnings of the threat and danger of the Y2K Bug (remember that?) The horrors it would cause, the calamity! Computers would fail, planes would fall from the sky, electricity would go out, credit card statements would be wiped clean ( Read more... )

"So, in 2008, I made up my own holiday to celebrate."

Friday night, during my dark mood, I wrote some words about depression.

I got good responses on tumblr and reddit, and Sunday I re-worked it a little and turned it into a column for October, especially in recognition of World Mental Health Day on October 10th.

This is a very large, very scary step for me. I titled the column Seriously, because ( Read more... )

July's column is up and ready for reading! Thrill once more as I heavily abuse not only parenthesis, but italics as well!

"I even tried to jog his memory by singing the cat food brand’s jingle, but this was only met by a blank stare as he slowly moved away from me in the aisle until he was of sufficient distance that a casual onlooker would not ( Read more... )

"It took me a few times witnessing this before I accepted she wasn’t actually having a seizure."

... I have years of experience doing esoteric things under my belt (take that however you want, you’ll probably be right regardless) ...

And here it is, my April 2013 column. Last month I was moving on; this month, I'm ... Moving In:

"It’s hard to settle in on a floor of eggshells without making any noise."

Time is relative.

Well … that depends on your relatives, of course. If you enjoy being with them, time moves more quickly than it does when you’re spending time with those relatives you abhor. Every family has its share of each. I enjoy spending (quickly passing)  time with my nephews; but time drags to a crawl when I’m with my hairy aunt.

Read ( Read more... )

And now - the unabridged edition!

"Honestly - why put all that effort into an obsolete biological imperative that ends in nothing more than 15 seconds of involuntary muscle twitching? It’s really just a waste of perfectly good clean sheets."