Trip Drabble Challenge
Title: When I Fall
Author: Nicluv1787
Rating: K
Genre: Introspective
Cu/Au: Canonish
Characters: Kyouya
Summary: Kyouya reflects on the things that made him the man he is today.
A/N: I return to contest communities. Huzzah. Special thanks to my beta enigmaticrose4 for beta reading this!
Where were you when I stumbled and fell?
The times I reached out for you, my hand grasped nothing but empty air.
What am I to you but a filler of space; the third unwanted son. Does my very existence offend? And if you hated me this much, then why even waste your breath taunting that I could strive for more?
I learned early on how to shut down and how to push aside my real self, instead embracing cold calculating indifference. My goals and scheming, they’re the drive that fuels the flames of hatred for you.
Did you know that?
I’d be surprised if you did; you never did pay much attention to me.
Most likely, I never would have changed had he not blundered into my life. With that charming smile and outstretched hand, he altered my world.
At times I considered murdering him, between his insistence to travel to every corner of God’s green earth and that damnable optimism he sent me on a real trip.
Could he truly be this way?
And yet, without meaning to, he converted me, by a measure, to his way of thinking and to his understanding of the world.
And I didn’t hate it.
True, I didn’t drop my facade, not even for a second. But my heart that you made sure would never feel again was stirring, it was coming to life. Not with the warmth and understanding that a normal human would feel but alive with a new passion that wasn’t spent on vengeance, but just as satisfying because it was for me and me alone.
At times, I could feel the thumping rhythm beneath my chest and wonder: what is this?
Tamaki, he laid his hand across my chest and looked into my eyes. He asked me if I wanted to know what it was. He called it love and life and passion.
Nonsense, I know, but it gave me substance and it gave me something to hold on to. Through Tamaki, I found a place and a want to strive for my own goals.
Now on this day I stand before your grave, father, and for once, I lay aside the guise I continually wore to let you know: in my hate for you, I loved you. In striving for vengeance against you, I found a drive for life. Your methods were certainly unorthodox, but they made me the successful man I am today.
But don’t think this is all your doing, because if it wasn’t for Tamaki I would still be the former shell of a man I was.
I guess in a twisted way I’m thanking you…
~~~~~~~~~
Kyouya stared at the solitary grave - unmoving - until a hand came down gently on his shoulder.
“Time to go,” Tamaki said, softly.
Head held stiffly, Kyouya joined his companion but not without one last glimpse over his shoulder.
‘I don’t leave the past behind me; I carry it with me, always, and it makes me stronger.’
Author: Nicluv1787
Rating: K
Genre: Introspective
Cu/Au: Canonish
Characters: Kyouya
Summary: Kyouya reflects on the things that made him the man he is today.
A/N: I return to contest communities. Huzzah. Special thanks to my beta enigmaticrose4 for beta reading this!
Where were you when I stumbled and fell?
The times I reached out for you, my hand grasped nothing but empty air.
What am I to you but a filler of space; the third unwanted son. Does my very existence offend? And if you hated me this much, then why even waste your breath taunting that I could strive for more?
I learned early on how to shut down and how to push aside my real self, instead embracing cold calculating indifference. My goals and scheming, they’re the drive that fuels the flames of hatred for you.
Did you know that?
I’d be surprised if you did; you never did pay much attention to me.
Most likely, I never would have changed had he not blundered into my life. With that charming smile and outstretched hand, he altered my world.
At times I considered murdering him, between his insistence to travel to every corner of God’s green earth and that damnable optimism he sent me on a real trip.
Could he truly be this way?
And yet, without meaning to, he converted me, by a measure, to his way of thinking and to his understanding of the world.
And I didn’t hate it.
True, I didn’t drop my facade, not even for a second. But my heart that you made sure would never feel again was stirring, it was coming to life. Not with the warmth and understanding that a normal human would feel but alive with a new passion that wasn’t spent on vengeance, but just as satisfying because it was for me and me alone.
At times, I could feel the thumping rhythm beneath my chest and wonder: what is this?
Tamaki, he laid his hand across my chest and looked into my eyes. He asked me if I wanted to know what it was. He called it love and life and passion.
Nonsense, I know, but it gave me substance and it gave me something to hold on to. Through Tamaki, I found a place and a want to strive for my own goals.
Now on this day I stand before your grave, father, and for once, I lay aside the guise I continually wore to let you know: in my hate for you, I loved you. In striving for vengeance against you, I found a drive for life. Your methods were certainly unorthodox, but they made me the successful man I am today.
But don’t think this is all your doing, because if it wasn’t for Tamaki I would still be the former shell of a man I was.
I guess in a twisted way I’m thanking you…
~~~~~~~~~
Kyouya stared at the solitary grave - unmoving - until a hand came down gently on his shoulder.
“Time to go,” Tamaki said, softly.
Head held stiffly, Kyouya joined his companion but not without one last glimpse over his shoulder.
‘I don’t leave the past behind me; I carry it with me, always, and it makes me stronger.’