Time control.
Title: Time Control.
Pairing: Tao/Kris
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Tao does everything to make Kris's life better.
Guangzhou, near the shopping centre - 1995 (Date unkown)
Your mother held your hand tightly, not letting go of you in whatever occasion. Maybe it was the point that your mom was talking to your neighbor, that you decided to retract your hand from hers. She didn’t even acknowledge the fact that you had left her side, to busy talking about that awful new haircut from some other woman. It was in your nature to be free, your mom only encouraged that fact by being over protective. A man on the park bench near you caught your attention. In between the rushing people, you saw a few glimpses of this man. He was wearing a long red jacket, something like that detective man in that series wore, but red. His hair was slightly curled, messily placed on his head. With every passing car, the man looked slightly alarmed. Your mom always told you not to talk to strangers, especially people that ‘didn’t belong in this society’, but like a five-year old actually knew what that was supposed to mean. Out of pure curiosity, you took a step closer to the man, looking over your shoulder to check if your mom was still in a deep conversation. Because you on your five years didn’t know anything about people being dangerous, nothing could stop you. A ticking sound of the traffic lights rose above all the needless chatter, people started crossing the road. The man in the red coat, left his seat and walked over to the place where people could cross the road. Just on that moment, your mom realized you weren’t on her hand. She stopped at the middle of the street. “WU FAN!” She yelled. Meanwhile, the traffic lights had gone green for the cars. A car came roaring around the corner, too out of control to stop in time. The man in coat almost flew to your mom, pushing her aside. You watched with wide eyes as this happened. After that, the man had magically disappeared.
Macau, on the beach - 12 July 1997
It was your first vacation, how your parents called it. For three days, you were going to Macau with the whole family. The wind was calm, the sea had a nice temperature and the sun was shining bright. You were trying to build a sandcastle with your mother, crouched in front of a pile of sand. Together you were trying to shape it like a building, without much success, but you had fun. Once done with that sandcastle, you actually gave up and got mad, you ran to the sea. Other childeren were playing there too. The warning from your mom was already forgotten when your bare feet touched with the cool water. A little further away from the beach, were people with boats, sailing on the calm sea. You looked at the older kids, swimming in the deeper part of sea. I could just imagine your thoughts when you immediately walked into the water, already until chin immersed in the sea. The only movements you made to keep yourself above the water surface, were mildly floundering of the feet. Slowly, you started sinking into the deep. Panic overtook you as you kept punching the water in attempt to get air. A strong arm went around your waist and you was back above the water surface. You opened your eyes, closing them instantly because the sun was a little too bright. The person carried you to the beach. Once there, the person settled you on the ground. You look up at him, it was the man in the red coat. Was, for only a second, because he was gone after you blinked.
Guangzhou, your house - 23 August 2000
You made a friend, Zitao. Well, it wasn’t really a friend you brought to your house. It was the kid from your mother’s friend, who asked you to play with him while they were on yoga. So, you two were sitting across from each other, observing quietly. “You want something to eat?” You dared to ask the younger boy. He was at least three years younger than you, so he was even quieter than he normally. Zitao nodded. You left him in the room, not caring to say anything to make him feel welcome. When you returned with some snacks, Zitao had moved. He was now standing in front of your posters from basketball players. “What sports do you like to play?” You asked him to alarm the boy that you were back. Zitao rushed back to his previous seat on the floor. “I don’t play sports.” You raised your eyebrows. “Why not?” The boy shrugged. “I do material arts.” That really caught your interest. The snacks were forgotten as you sat right in front of the boy. “Really? Are you good at it?” Zitao shook his head. “I started last year.” “Woah. Can you show me?” The kid you had in front of you really was shy. The floor was mainly the subject of his interests and he barely looked up, but when you asked him that, his eyes flew up. Now you finally had a closer look, you somehow recognized him. Did you meet him earlier? Maybe he had seen him when he was at his mother’s friend house. Zitao stood up. “I will need some space.” You hurriedly put all things in your room aside. A difficult flip followed, you were dumbfounded. A kid, three years younger than you, could do something like that.
Guangzhou, near the basketball court - 6 November 2003
It wasyour birthday, the day you had waited for. You were finally thirteen, that was something that seemed to be really important to you. In the morning your parents had given you a new basketball and some books. Zitao was there too, sitting quietly next to you as you both ate some cake. It was surprising the only friend you invited was Zitao, or maybe that was because your mother wanted you to become good friends with. That shouldn’t be a problem, since you were highly interested in this unreadable boy, who was one moment extremely shy and the other moment really open. Both of you didn’t really enjoy all the other company, so you retracted to your room, playing on the Nintendo there. After that, your mother told you to go outside, test the new basketball. So there you were, walking to the basketball court a few streets away from your house. Zitao protested at first, because he claimed he sucks at basketball, but you were able to convince him by saying he would get another piece of cake later. The streets were almost empty, the only sounds came from the few cars and a party somewhere else. “I will really get cake right?” Zitao asked in affirmation, on which you nodded happily, your friend really liked food. The traffic light went on red, you crossed the road, Zitao stopping to tie his shoelaces. Because you were so excited to play basketball, you didn’t want to wait. The car came as a ‘surprise’, since the driver drove really fast and was drunkenly swaying over the different lanes. Before the car could hit you, the man pushed you aside, just like he did when you mother was about to get hit by a car. Zitao ran to you as the car drove into the darkness. “Wu Fan!” He yelled, falling onto his knees next to you. Your friend looked up at the man who saved you, the man with the red coat.
Guangzhou, Zitao’s house - 10 February 2008
You got just thrown out of your friend’s car, some streets away from your house. It was 2 AM in the morning and you were drunk. There was no way your parents would let you get into your house in this state. A street sign told you, you were near Zitao’s house, so you would just go there. The party had been crazy, girls were rubbing against you, drink after drink was pushed into your hands, but you only liked it because the alcohol made you like it. The girls were annoying, the music too loud, the people to wild. You strolled over the sidewalk, past all the huge houses. It was raining, but you couldn’t really feel the raindrops falling onto you, making your clothes stick to your body. Your friends had found it hilarious to just drop you somewhere, that’s what real friends do right. Finally the house you were looking for came nearer. You practically threw yourself on the door when you tried to knock. No one opened the door. You fished your phone out of your pocket. “Tao.” You mumbled. “It’s cold. Let me in.” ... “Yes, I am.” The door opened exactly a second after he hung up. Zitao was only wearing sweatpants. It wasn’t the right thing to do, you knew, but the alcohol knew different, you let your eyes roam over Zitao’s chest. The guy had abs, not really visible, but they were there. “Are you going to come in?” He asked, his voice was husky from sleep. You looked up at his face again, his eyes stood drowsy and his black hair was a mess. “Looking good.” You said, as you stepped into the hall past your friend. Zitao just hurriedly pushed you to his room. “You’re lucky my mother is a very deep sleeper.” Your friend began to pick some clothes from his wardrobe. “Put this on.” You immediately began undressing yourself. “Hey, in the bathroom, you idiot.” He shoved you to his private bathroom, you’d never been there before. You looked at the clothes in your hands.
You came back into the room in only the boxers Zitao had given you. “Are you crazy? Put on some clothes, you don’t want to get a cold.” Why had you deserved this kind of friend? What did you do in your past life to get this kind of friend? You should reward him for letting you be here. His lips were soft against yours. Your hands were on his hips, holding him in place. “Maybe I do want to get a cold.” You said in between the kisses. “Zitao?” The door opened, Zitao’s mother came in. Your friend pushed you away, his eyes were wide. “Mom, Wu Fan is staying over.” His mother looked at you, being only dressed in boxers. You could see she was in shock, not unexpected since you’d just kissed her son. “Send him home.” She said, eyes narrowing. “But mother, he is drunk, his parents won’t let him in and it’s raining. Please~” His mother kept staring at you. It was weird that Zitao was still trying to help you, after what you’d done. “Then give him his own mattress. I’ll be awake, so I’ll hear everything.” His mother finally left. You just looked at the closed door, and threw up.
You were tucked under some freshly washed blankets on a borrowed mattress. Zitao had cleaned everything up and motherly tucked you under the blankets. He didn’t bother to say anything about what had all just happened, and you were happy about that. Zitao had also made you wear sweatpants, but couldn’t force you on a shirt, since he wasn’t wearing one himself. “Wu Fan, I know that alcohol has the effect on you that you won’t remember anything from this night, so I’ll tell you now. I’m a time traveller. I’ve seen myself that night when you almost got hit by a car. When I was meditating to relax before doing material arts, I was suddenly years back in time, I didn’t know what to do. Somehow I came back. I just wanted to tell someone, and since you will forget...” He trailed off, not finishing his sentence. You had clearly heard everything, didn’t quite know what it meant, but you heard it.
Guangzhou, Zitao’s house - 11 February 2008
“WAKE UP!” Someone yelled into your ear. You opened one of your eyes, immediately awake, because Zitao was hanging closely over you. “Good, you’re awake. I have to go to material arts, make sure you drink enough water. In the cupboard above the stove are some precooked noodles. Don’t get to close to my mom, she doesn’t really like you. She’ll be gone too in a few minutes. I’ll be back soon.” You nodded dumbly as your friend rattled across all the things he had to tell. “Since when do you have that coat?” You looked at Zitao. He wore the coat. The coat the man who he had seen several times, wore. The long, dark red coat. “Since a month or so.” Zitao inspected his coat, nothing seemed wrong with it. “I... recognize it.” “Sure thing, ge. You’re probably hung over, so you might ‘recognize it’.”
Guangzhou, Zitao’s house - 30 March 2008
“What?” Your friend rubbed his eyes sleepily as he opened the door for you. Once again in the middle of the night, but this time, you weren’t drunk. You briefly wondered if Zitao would ever sleep in proper pyjama, seeing him in only sweatpants once again. “My mom kicked me out. I kind of don’t have anyone to go to.” Zitao chuckled humourless. “You have that one friend that kicked you out of the car last time you visited me.” He knows you mean it, he knows there is something wrong. “Come in.” He always obeys in the end. Through the dark halls, you walked to his room. “Why?” He asked, sitting down on his bed. His abs are even more visible than last time. “I came home from work late today. She told me she wanted to talk to me, because she thinks I need a girlfriend.” Zitao listened in silent, head in his hands. “I told her that I don’t like girls. She kicked me out. That is practically it.” You didn’t seem offended or mad about it. “You know you probably can’t stay here.” You nodded. Zitao’s room was neater than last time. The walls were painted dark red, with one panda near the bed. All the books and clothes that lay on the floor before, were now on shelves and in the wardrobe. On the wall behind the bed still hung the photo’s with you and photos of him and some other friends. One of the pictures was empty. “Why did you hung up an empty photo?” You took the thing from the wall. Your friend snatched it out of your hands immediately. “None of you business.” “Sorry.” You dropped your hand. “I’ll pick the spare mattress.” He walked out of the room, keeping the empty photo in his hand.
“You know.” “No, I don’t. Sleep.” “I recognize that coat. This may sound weird, but I’ve seen someone wear it, a few years ago. The person wearing it, saved me and my family several times.” It was silent. “That person really looks like you.” It stayed silent. Then Zitao turned to you and looked at you with a serious frown. “I’ve told you when you were drunk, but I think it’s time to tell you again, while you’re sober.” You turned to your side so you were facing each other. “I can time travel.” A laugh came from your mouth, you closed your eyes, laughing as loud as was possible with Zitao’s mother in the next room. You stopped laughing and looked at your friend, whom still had that serious frown. “You’re serious?” He nodded. “I don’t want to disturb you, but since I knew the fact that I could time travel, I’ve been correcting your life.” He stopped, taking a deep breath. “When you knocked my door that day, while you were drunk. The day before, I went back in time and saved you from getting run over by a car. You’ve been dead since that day for me, but for the others you weren’t. I’m now the only who knows you actually died, with you.” You were silent, not able to say anything. “Then I went back in time to save your mother, because I remember my mother being so sad about it, I didn’t know you yet. I saved you from drowning, because my mother had took you into our house, your father not being able to take care of you. You probably don’t understand, because those things have never happened to you, but they have to me. Those are just life-lines crossing through each other messily. I got to know you when my mother took you into our house, not when our mothers went to yoga. Your mother is alive, because I saved her. You are alive, because I saved you. I’ve fixed everything in one month, but for me, it feels like more. Because I first saved your mother. I came back to check if you were there, you weren’t, so I went back again and saved you from drowning. I came back again, but you still weren’t there, so I went back again and then you were finally here, one my doorstep, drunk. But I was happy to see you. I don’t even know why I saved a childhood friend whom died when I was 10, the drowning accident hadn’t happened. Maybe I just really liked you.” He said it all so fast. It was hard to believe. All those life-lines and happenings you had never experienced, or so you thought. “It’s okay if you don’t say anything. Just go to sleep.” You happily complied.
Guangzhou, the hospital - Present
You heard me crying, even though you were unconscious. I didn’t really know if I should save you again, I wouldn’t even know how to save you from a disease. I can’t redo life, I can only change things. A sigh escapes my lips as I look at your pale face. Your mouth is slightly open, breath going into the plastic-mask-thingie I absolutely have no idea of what it is called. You had said to me not to save your mother from jumping of that building, which I had to agree with because it’s you. But at this time, I wished your mother was here, instead of me, with your hand in hers. My mother is talking to the doctors about you, outside of your hospital room. I had complained to the doctors as long as it had to take me to give you a room for yourself. The doctors first didn’t want to tell my mom about you, because they have to tell family members, but you don’t have any. I’m happy my mother gave in with our relationship and took you into our house like you are her son, just like now, she is as worried about you as she would be over her own son. My mother wouldn’t tell me about your health and what decisions you could take, so I only just heard your surviving chance is minimum. A tear rolls of my cheek into the crispy white hospital blankets. I can’t help but put hospital in front of all the things that I do something with, it is the only word going through my mind. “Honey, can I talk to you?” My mother’s voice comes from the door. With much reluctance, I let go of your thin hand.
“Yes?” She is biting her nails, a habit that comes back when she has to tell bad news. “They say he only has a few days left.” She mutters it into her hand, making it barely audible. Then she is crying, flailing into my arms. The reality hits me, as much as the past I’d tried to change the best way. I put so much effort in making your life as good as possible and now you’re in the hospital, dying because of cancer. “Zitao.” My mother looks up at me. Her mascara is smudged and has been rubbed into the fabric of my shirt. “You have to go back to the day he had to make a decision with me. Make us choose for an operation and not the chemotherapy, please.” So that’s it, it was all the fault of the wrong decision. With the back of my hand, I wipe away my own tears, then taking a tissue for my mother. “I will, but I can’t promise anything.” She nods, hugging me tightly.
“What do you want? It’s your health we’re talking about.” I hear my mother say. Then your low voice “They say it’s metastasized. An operation doesn’t have many chance to succeed. What do you think?” “I honestly have no idea what is best, I think they have equal chances. I just want you to stay alive.” I see you nod. I know I have to go now, have to jump in exactly now. “Wu Fan.” I say, stepping into the scene like I hadn’t listened to their conversation. “Choose to take an operation, for me.” “Why are you here?” My mother asks, looking at the door, that hadn’t opened. “If you take the chemotherapy, you’ll die.” It’s hard to say this, because I just was in your hospital room, watching you die slowly. A hard squeeze in my chest makes the tears come back. My eyes start to sting, but I refuse to let the tears fall. “But it’s metastasized. It probably won’t work.” “Do you want to die and leave me?” You shake your head, blonde strands of hair falling into your eyes as you do so. I hug you tightly, because I don’t know I haven’t hugged you conscious for a long time. “I’ll see you soon.” I try to smile, but instead the tears start flowing and I quickly go back to the present.
I come back, but I’m not in the hospital, I’m at home. “Mom?” I ask loudly. My mother comes into my room. “Yes?” She looks like she hasn’t slept in days, hair standing all directions. “What happened?” She blows her nose in a tissue, tears falling on the ground. I fear for the worst. “Tell me.” My voice cracks. “He has survived the operation, but you’re not in the present. Look, your sleeping.” I look behind me to check my sleeping figure in the bed. “They can’t clearly say anything about what will happen. I put you to sleep with lots of medicines, because you just couldn’t sleep out of yourself.” I nod, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. “I’ll go back to the present then.”
I’m at home again, but this time I’m lying in my bed. It’s too dark in the room to see anything yet, my eyes still need to get used to the dark. When I can finally see, I see the roof, packed with photos. All the photos I’ve ever made with you. Finally, I turn. And there you are, sleeping by my side, snoring lightly. “Wu Fan?” I shake you gently. “Hm?” “You’re alive.” I start to cry again, wrapping my arms around the sleepy figure. “Yes, thanks to you, again.” You’re always grumpy when you’re sleepy, but I don’t care at this moment. “I’ve lost you two times, but this time it was the hardest.” I sigh into your chest. You move to wrap your arms around me too. “It only took me two weeks to recover from the operation, they removed it completely. I still have medicines, but I feel a lot better.” I nod into your chest. I hug you a little tighter and kiss your collarbone. “I love you.” “I love you too.”
Pairing: Tao/Kris
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Tao does everything to make Kris's life better.
Guangzhou, near the shopping centre - 1995 (Date unkown)
Your mother held your hand tightly, not letting go of you in whatever occasion. Maybe it was the point that your mom was talking to your neighbor, that you decided to retract your hand from hers. She didn’t even acknowledge the fact that you had left her side, to busy talking about that awful new haircut from some other woman. It was in your nature to be free, your mom only encouraged that fact by being over protective. A man on the park bench near you caught your attention. In between the rushing people, you saw a few glimpses of this man. He was wearing a long red jacket, something like that detective man in that series wore, but red. His hair was slightly curled, messily placed on his head. With every passing car, the man looked slightly alarmed. Your mom always told you not to talk to strangers, especially people that ‘didn’t belong in this society’, but like a five-year old actually knew what that was supposed to mean. Out of pure curiosity, you took a step closer to the man, looking over your shoulder to check if your mom was still in a deep conversation. Because you on your five years didn’t know anything about people being dangerous, nothing could stop you. A ticking sound of the traffic lights rose above all the needless chatter, people started crossing the road. The man in the red coat, left his seat and walked over to the place where people could cross the road. Just on that moment, your mom realized you weren’t on her hand. She stopped at the middle of the street. “WU FAN!” She yelled. Meanwhile, the traffic lights had gone green for the cars. A car came roaring around the corner, too out of control to stop in time. The man in coat almost flew to your mom, pushing her aside. You watched with wide eyes as this happened. After that, the man had magically disappeared.
Macau, on the beach - 12 July 1997
It was your first vacation, how your parents called it. For three days, you were going to Macau with the whole family. The wind was calm, the sea had a nice temperature and the sun was shining bright. You were trying to build a sandcastle with your mother, crouched in front of a pile of sand. Together you were trying to shape it like a building, without much success, but you had fun. Once done with that sandcastle, you actually gave up and got mad, you ran to the sea. Other childeren were playing there too. The warning from your mom was already forgotten when your bare feet touched with the cool water. A little further away from the beach, were people with boats, sailing on the calm sea. You looked at the older kids, swimming in the deeper part of sea. I could just imagine your thoughts when you immediately walked into the water, already until chin immersed in the sea. The only movements you made to keep yourself above the water surface, were mildly floundering of the feet. Slowly, you started sinking into the deep. Panic overtook you as you kept punching the water in attempt to get air. A strong arm went around your waist and you was back above the water surface. You opened your eyes, closing them instantly because the sun was a little too bright. The person carried you to the beach. Once there, the person settled you on the ground. You look up at him, it was the man in the red coat. Was, for only a second, because he was gone after you blinked.
Guangzhou, your house - 23 August 2000
You made a friend, Zitao. Well, it wasn’t really a friend you brought to your house. It was the kid from your mother’s friend, who asked you to play with him while they were on yoga. So, you two were sitting across from each other, observing quietly. “You want something to eat?” You dared to ask the younger boy. He was at least three years younger than you, so he was even quieter than he normally. Zitao nodded. You left him in the room, not caring to say anything to make him feel welcome. When you returned with some snacks, Zitao had moved. He was now standing in front of your posters from basketball players. “What sports do you like to play?” You asked him to alarm the boy that you were back. Zitao rushed back to his previous seat on the floor. “I don’t play sports.” You raised your eyebrows. “Why not?” The boy shrugged. “I do material arts.” That really caught your interest. The snacks were forgotten as you sat right in front of the boy. “Really? Are you good at it?” Zitao shook his head. “I started last year.” “Woah. Can you show me?” The kid you had in front of you really was shy. The floor was mainly the subject of his interests and he barely looked up, but when you asked him that, his eyes flew up. Now you finally had a closer look, you somehow recognized him. Did you meet him earlier? Maybe he had seen him when he was at his mother’s friend house. Zitao stood up. “I will need some space.” You hurriedly put all things in your room aside. A difficult flip followed, you were dumbfounded. A kid, three years younger than you, could do something like that.
Guangzhou, near the basketball court - 6 November 2003
It wasyour birthday, the day you had waited for. You were finally thirteen, that was something that seemed to be really important to you. In the morning your parents had given you a new basketball and some books. Zitao was there too, sitting quietly next to you as you both ate some cake. It was surprising the only friend you invited was Zitao, or maybe that was because your mother wanted you to become good friends with. That shouldn’t be a problem, since you were highly interested in this unreadable boy, who was one moment extremely shy and the other moment really open. Both of you didn’t really enjoy all the other company, so you retracted to your room, playing on the Nintendo there. After that, your mother told you to go outside, test the new basketball. So there you were, walking to the basketball court a few streets away from your house. Zitao protested at first, because he claimed he sucks at basketball, but you were able to convince him by saying he would get another piece of cake later. The streets were almost empty, the only sounds came from the few cars and a party somewhere else. “I will really get cake right?” Zitao asked in affirmation, on which you nodded happily, your friend really liked food. The traffic light went on red, you crossed the road, Zitao stopping to tie his shoelaces. Because you were so excited to play basketball, you didn’t want to wait. The car came as a ‘surprise’, since the driver drove really fast and was drunkenly swaying over the different lanes. Before the car could hit you, the man pushed you aside, just like he did when you mother was about to get hit by a car. Zitao ran to you as the car drove into the darkness. “Wu Fan!” He yelled, falling onto his knees next to you. Your friend looked up at the man who saved you, the man with the red coat.
Guangzhou, Zitao’s house - 10 February 2008
You got just thrown out of your friend’s car, some streets away from your house. It was 2 AM in the morning and you were drunk. There was no way your parents would let you get into your house in this state. A street sign told you, you were near Zitao’s house, so you would just go there. The party had been crazy, girls were rubbing against you, drink after drink was pushed into your hands, but you only liked it because the alcohol made you like it. The girls were annoying, the music too loud, the people to wild. You strolled over the sidewalk, past all the huge houses. It was raining, but you couldn’t really feel the raindrops falling onto you, making your clothes stick to your body. Your friends had found it hilarious to just drop you somewhere, that’s what real friends do right. Finally the house you were looking for came nearer. You practically threw yourself on the door when you tried to knock. No one opened the door. You fished your phone out of your pocket. “Tao.” You mumbled. “It’s cold. Let me in.” ... “Yes, I am.” The door opened exactly a second after he hung up. Zitao was only wearing sweatpants. It wasn’t the right thing to do, you knew, but the alcohol knew different, you let your eyes roam over Zitao’s chest. The guy had abs, not really visible, but they were there. “Are you going to come in?” He asked, his voice was husky from sleep. You looked up at his face again, his eyes stood drowsy and his black hair was a mess. “Looking good.” You said, as you stepped into the hall past your friend. Zitao just hurriedly pushed you to his room. “You’re lucky my mother is a very deep sleeper.” Your friend began to pick some clothes from his wardrobe. “Put this on.” You immediately began undressing yourself. “Hey, in the bathroom, you idiot.” He shoved you to his private bathroom, you’d never been there before. You looked at the clothes in your hands.
You came back into the room in only the boxers Zitao had given you. “Are you crazy? Put on some clothes, you don’t want to get a cold.” Why had you deserved this kind of friend? What did you do in your past life to get this kind of friend? You should reward him for letting you be here. His lips were soft against yours. Your hands were on his hips, holding him in place. “Maybe I do want to get a cold.” You said in between the kisses. “Zitao?” The door opened, Zitao’s mother came in. Your friend pushed you away, his eyes were wide. “Mom, Wu Fan is staying over.” His mother looked at you, being only dressed in boxers. You could see she was in shock, not unexpected since you’d just kissed her son. “Send him home.” She said, eyes narrowing. “But mother, he is drunk, his parents won’t let him in and it’s raining. Please~” His mother kept staring at you. It was weird that Zitao was still trying to help you, after what you’d done. “Then give him his own mattress. I’ll be awake, so I’ll hear everything.” His mother finally left. You just looked at the closed door, and threw up.
You were tucked under some freshly washed blankets on a borrowed mattress. Zitao had cleaned everything up and motherly tucked you under the blankets. He didn’t bother to say anything about what had all just happened, and you were happy about that. Zitao had also made you wear sweatpants, but couldn’t force you on a shirt, since he wasn’t wearing one himself. “Wu Fan, I know that alcohol has the effect on you that you won’t remember anything from this night, so I’ll tell you now. I’m a time traveller. I’ve seen myself that night when you almost got hit by a car. When I was meditating to relax before doing material arts, I was suddenly years back in time, I didn’t know what to do. Somehow I came back. I just wanted to tell someone, and since you will forget...” He trailed off, not finishing his sentence. You had clearly heard everything, didn’t quite know what it meant, but you heard it.
Guangzhou, Zitao’s house - 11 February 2008
“WAKE UP!” Someone yelled into your ear. You opened one of your eyes, immediately awake, because Zitao was hanging closely over you. “Good, you’re awake. I have to go to material arts, make sure you drink enough water. In the cupboard above the stove are some precooked noodles. Don’t get to close to my mom, she doesn’t really like you. She’ll be gone too in a few minutes. I’ll be back soon.” You nodded dumbly as your friend rattled across all the things he had to tell. “Since when do you have that coat?” You looked at Zitao. He wore the coat. The coat the man who he had seen several times, wore. The long, dark red coat. “Since a month or so.” Zitao inspected his coat, nothing seemed wrong with it. “I... recognize it.” “Sure thing, ge. You’re probably hung over, so you might ‘recognize it’.”
Guangzhou, Zitao’s house - 30 March 2008
“What?” Your friend rubbed his eyes sleepily as he opened the door for you. Once again in the middle of the night, but this time, you weren’t drunk. You briefly wondered if Zitao would ever sleep in proper pyjama, seeing him in only sweatpants once again. “My mom kicked me out. I kind of don’t have anyone to go to.” Zitao chuckled humourless. “You have that one friend that kicked you out of the car last time you visited me.” He knows you mean it, he knows there is something wrong. “Come in.” He always obeys in the end. Through the dark halls, you walked to his room. “Why?” He asked, sitting down on his bed. His abs are even more visible than last time. “I came home from work late today. She told me she wanted to talk to me, because she thinks I need a girlfriend.” Zitao listened in silent, head in his hands. “I told her that I don’t like girls. She kicked me out. That is practically it.” You didn’t seem offended or mad about it. “You know you probably can’t stay here.” You nodded. Zitao’s room was neater than last time. The walls were painted dark red, with one panda near the bed. All the books and clothes that lay on the floor before, were now on shelves and in the wardrobe. On the wall behind the bed still hung the photo’s with you and photos of him and some other friends. One of the pictures was empty. “Why did you hung up an empty photo?” You took the thing from the wall. Your friend snatched it out of your hands immediately. “None of you business.” “Sorry.” You dropped your hand. “I’ll pick the spare mattress.” He walked out of the room, keeping the empty photo in his hand.
“You know.” “No, I don’t. Sleep.” “I recognize that coat. This may sound weird, but I’ve seen someone wear it, a few years ago. The person wearing it, saved me and my family several times.” It was silent. “That person really looks like you.” It stayed silent. Then Zitao turned to you and looked at you with a serious frown. “I’ve told you when you were drunk, but I think it’s time to tell you again, while you’re sober.” You turned to your side so you were facing each other. “I can time travel.” A laugh came from your mouth, you closed your eyes, laughing as loud as was possible with Zitao’s mother in the next room. You stopped laughing and looked at your friend, whom still had that serious frown. “You’re serious?” He nodded. “I don’t want to disturb you, but since I knew the fact that I could time travel, I’ve been correcting your life.” He stopped, taking a deep breath. “When you knocked my door that day, while you were drunk. The day before, I went back in time and saved you from getting run over by a car. You’ve been dead since that day for me, but for the others you weren’t. I’m now the only who knows you actually died, with you.” You were silent, not able to say anything. “Then I went back in time to save your mother, because I remember my mother being so sad about it, I didn’t know you yet. I saved you from drowning, because my mother had took you into our house, your father not being able to take care of you. You probably don’t understand, because those things have never happened to you, but they have to me. Those are just life-lines crossing through each other messily. I got to know you when my mother took you into our house, not when our mothers went to yoga. Your mother is alive, because I saved her. You are alive, because I saved you. I’ve fixed everything in one month, but for me, it feels like more. Because I first saved your mother. I came back to check if you were there, you weren’t, so I went back again and saved you from drowning. I came back again, but you still weren’t there, so I went back again and then you were finally here, one my doorstep, drunk. But I was happy to see you. I don’t even know why I saved a childhood friend whom died when I was 10, the drowning accident hadn’t happened. Maybe I just really liked you.” He said it all so fast. It was hard to believe. All those life-lines and happenings you had never experienced, or so you thought. “It’s okay if you don’t say anything. Just go to sleep.” You happily complied.
Guangzhou, the hospital - Present
You heard me crying, even though you were unconscious. I didn’t really know if I should save you again, I wouldn’t even know how to save you from a disease. I can’t redo life, I can only change things. A sigh escapes my lips as I look at your pale face. Your mouth is slightly open, breath going into the plastic-mask-thingie I absolutely have no idea of what it is called. You had said to me not to save your mother from jumping of that building, which I had to agree with because it’s you. But at this time, I wished your mother was here, instead of me, with your hand in hers. My mother is talking to the doctors about you, outside of your hospital room. I had complained to the doctors as long as it had to take me to give you a room for yourself. The doctors first didn’t want to tell my mom about you, because they have to tell family members, but you don’t have any. I’m happy my mother gave in with our relationship and took you into our house like you are her son, just like now, she is as worried about you as she would be over her own son. My mother wouldn’t tell me about your health and what decisions you could take, so I only just heard your surviving chance is minimum. A tear rolls of my cheek into the crispy white hospital blankets. I can’t help but put hospital in front of all the things that I do something with, it is the only word going through my mind. “Honey, can I talk to you?” My mother’s voice comes from the door. With much reluctance, I let go of your thin hand.
“Yes?” She is biting her nails, a habit that comes back when she has to tell bad news. “They say he only has a few days left.” She mutters it into her hand, making it barely audible. Then she is crying, flailing into my arms. The reality hits me, as much as the past I’d tried to change the best way. I put so much effort in making your life as good as possible and now you’re in the hospital, dying because of cancer. “Zitao.” My mother looks up at me. Her mascara is smudged and has been rubbed into the fabric of my shirt. “You have to go back to the day he had to make a decision with me. Make us choose for an operation and not the chemotherapy, please.” So that’s it, it was all the fault of the wrong decision. With the back of my hand, I wipe away my own tears, then taking a tissue for my mother. “I will, but I can’t promise anything.” She nods, hugging me tightly.
“What do you want? It’s your health we’re talking about.” I hear my mother say. Then your low voice “They say it’s metastasized. An operation doesn’t have many chance to succeed. What do you think?” “I honestly have no idea what is best, I think they have equal chances. I just want you to stay alive.” I see you nod. I know I have to go now, have to jump in exactly now. “Wu Fan.” I say, stepping into the scene like I hadn’t listened to their conversation. “Choose to take an operation, for me.” “Why are you here?” My mother asks, looking at the door, that hadn’t opened. “If you take the chemotherapy, you’ll die.” It’s hard to say this, because I just was in your hospital room, watching you die slowly. A hard squeeze in my chest makes the tears come back. My eyes start to sting, but I refuse to let the tears fall. “But it’s metastasized. It probably won’t work.” “Do you want to die and leave me?” You shake your head, blonde strands of hair falling into your eyes as you do so. I hug you tightly, because I don’t know I haven’t hugged you conscious for a long time. “I’ll see you soon.” I try to smile, but instead the tears start flowing and I quickly go back to the present.
I come back, but I’m not in the hospital, I’m at home. “Mom?” I ask loudly. My mother comes into my room. “Yes?” She looks like she hasn’t slept in days, hair standing all directions. “What happened?” She blows her nose in a tissue, tears falling on the ground. I fear for the worst. “Tell me.” My voice cracks. “He has survived the operation, but you’re not in the present. Look, your sleeping.” I look behind me to check my sleeping figure in the bed. “They can’t clearly say anything about what will happen. I put you to sleep with lots of medicines, because you just couldn’t sleep out of yourself.” I nod, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. “I’ll go back to the present then.”
I’m at home again, but this time I’m lying in my bed. It’s too dark in the room to see anything yet, my eyes still need to get used to the dark. When I can finally see, I see the roof, packed with photos. All the photos I’ve ever made with you. Finally, I turn. And there you are, sleeping by my side, snoring lightly. “Wu Fan?” I shake you gently. “Hm?” “You’re alive.” I start to cry again, wrapping my arms around the sleepy figure. “Yes, thanks to you, again.” You’re always grumpy when you’re sleepy, but I don’t care at this moment. “I’ve lost you two times, but this time it was the hardest.” I sigh into your chest. You move to wrap your arms around me too. “It only took me two weeks to recover from the operation, they removed it completely. I still have medicines, but I feel a lot better.” I nod into your chest. I hug you a little tighter and kiss your collarbone. “I love you.” “I love you too.”