Unexpected Destinies Chapter 80
Title: Unexpected Destinies
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash, wing!fic
Word Count: 2,648
Summary: Dean asks Castiel about his true form and his animal faces.
PAST
Dean grimaced as he bit into the vegetables, they were nothing like the ones Castiel got when his angel brought him food from God knows where, but then he'd known that when he'd ordered them. Also, to be fair, it wasn't like he'd gotten them from the best place either, so he wasn't even sure what had possessed him to get them in the first place, knowing all of that. He'd ordered them before he'd really thought about it and then he hadn't been able to bring himself to tell them to hold the vegetables knowing that his lover wanted him to eat more of them.
He was so whipped.
He was long past the point of denying that, so instead Dean figured that he might as well enjoy the perks of his relationship. Castiel had joined him on the bed again and he now scooted back to lean against his lover. An arm wrapped around his waist and wings came around to brush his back where he wasn't leaning against Castiel. He pulled the sheets so that they covered his lap once more, just in case he dropped something, before he continued eating. He smiled as his lover stole a few fries with his free hand before Castiel's chin came to rest on his shoulder.
"Comfortable?" Dean teased.
"Yes."
He snorted but Dean knew that he couldn't really complain, not after how often he'd used his angel as a pillow. Nor did he really want to either. He mind wandered as he finished his meal and he winced at the memory of what had happened earlier. He was lucky that his lover was so understanding as the first time it had happened the girl he'd been with had been nothing but cruel, slagging him off for not being able to fully get it up, which hadn't helped the situation any either. He winced even more as he easily recalled his panic from that evening. He hadn't known what was going on and feared that he'd gone impotent somehow. To make matters worse, he just hadn't felt comfortable mentioning it to either his Dad or Sam, so he'd been forced to look into it himself at the library. To this day he still had no words for the relief he'd felt when he'd discovered that it could be a temporary side effect of severe trauma. If only he'd been able to remember that earlier but, to be perfectly honest, his brain had been pretty much fried by that point, so he was lucky his angel hadn't been either offended or deterred by his lack of normal response.
"Dean?" Castiel inquired.
"Just thinking about some things," Dean replied, surprised as always by how in tune his lover was to his moods. "Nothing really important."
Two more bites finished off the burger and Dean had some more fries before allowing Castiel to steal the last two after which he tossed the container into the trash. His angel's wings now fully curled around him and he brought his hands up to run through the feathers, grooming them automatically. The way Castiel melted behind him and all but started purring made him smile before his expression slid into a frown. Could his angel purr in his true form? Was one of his faces that of a cat like Michael and Zachariah's lion face? And what about his other faces?
Dean wasn't sure why the thought bothered him the way it did. Or rather, he knew why- hello, animal faces and all- but he didn't know why this type of reaction was just kicking in now. After all, he'd known his lover wasn't human from the start and that hadn't deterred him from getting involved with him, so why did it happen now? Sure, he hadn't really known about the animal faces bit (well, other than a passing remark from Zach and some of the books on angel lore they'd looked at in the beginning had mentioned it in passing), but he had known that what he saw when he looked at Castiel wasn't his angel's true form but rather a vessel so his lover could be on Earth and interact with him at all. So it was his own fault really for never asking what Castiel's true form looked like.
Still, despite all of that, the reluctance and hesitancy he felt bothered Dean. This was his lover, damnit, his Cas. So what if he had animal faces in his true form? That didn't change anything about who he was as they'd always been there. Hell, it didn't even alter anything as he still couldn't see Castiel's true form anyway unless Michael happened to be in him while his lover was out of his vessel. Besides, the wings were more animal than human and they'd never bothered him, rather the opposite in fact. His fingers tightened in the feathers he was grooming at the thought. He loved Castiel's wings, inhuman or not, and never wanted to lose the ability to see or feel them. Wasn't it possible that he'd feel the same about his angel's faces? He definitely hoped so as he didn't like feeling like his about his lover.
"Something is bothering you," Castiel stated, lifting his head and turning Dean. "What's wrong?"
Dean closed his eyes briefly, kinda wanting to change the topic but knowing it would be the coward's way out. Besides, since he'd cut Michael off before the archangel could tell him what Castiel's faces were, he didn't know that information and while he was a bit afraid that knowing might freak him out even more, he couldn't not know something so essential about his lover either.
"You... uh..." Dean began before he took a deep breath and looked at his lover. "Six faces, huh?"
Castiel blinked once before understanding dawned and Dean hated it. He hated that his angel had to be able to understand what it was about that which bothered him. How would he feel if he learned that something so fundamental about himself bothered Castiel so much? It would fucking hurt like hell that was for sure and it hurt him to know that he was inflicting that kind of pain on his lover.
"Dean," Castiel's voice was firm and commanding. "Stop that now."
"Wha'?"
"Stop berating yourself."
"But I'm-"
"Having an entirely normal, human reaction," Castiel stated.
"That's no excuse. I know what you are, I shouldn't be- Mmuf!"
The kiss effectively silenced him but Dean couldn't really bring himself to care, not with the gentleness and caring behind it.
"Dean, humans were never meant to like anyone beyond your own species. It is completely natural for you to be conflicted when confronted with something so different."
"I don't want to be," Dean declared, pressing his face into his lover's neck. "I love you."
The arms and wings tightened around him.
"I know and I love you, Dean. Rest assured, your very resistance to such a natural impulse tells me all I need to know about how much this bothers you."
"'s not enough."
"It is for me."
Somehow one of his hands had already buried itself into a wing again without any conscious thought and Dean really hoped that such gestures did indeed go towards proving his true feelings to his angel.
"Besides," Castiel continued. "I cannot imagine that Lucifer gave you the best impression of what we look like in our true form, especially not if he was acting the way he was when I observed him."
Dean shuddered as he recalled the sheer power and force of Lucifer when truly enraged. It was nearly impossible to reconcile that image with the being holding him so gently and, yes, lovingly now, though he knew that Castiel was now more like that then not even if he wasn't quite as powerful as his brother. Hell, even before his promotion to archangel, his lover had been more like that than like him and he'd seen his angel furious enough to also know that Castiel had probably been like Lucifer had been. Odd how that knowledge, though needing a moment to fully sink in, didn't bother him as much as the other stuff did; the faces. Guess this got worked away with his absolute trust in his lover and the fact that he'd never been under the illusion that they were equally powerful, even when his angel had been almost entirely human.
"You weren't kidding when you called archangels Heaven's most terrifying weapons," Dean said, suddenly recalling his earlier note to ask his lover about what he thought of now being one of them.
"No, I was not."
"So how's it feel to be one of them now?"
"It is... different," Castiel replied slowly. "Not only can I feel the difference in my own Grace, but others regard me differently now as well."
"In a good way or a bad way?"
It took a shift of the wing he was touching for Dean to realize that his grip had tightened to what was probably painful or at the very least uncomfortable proportions for the delicate tissue and he immediately loosened his hold, caressing the feathers in a silent apology. He just couldn't help it, though, the thought of other angels treating Castiel poorly because of his promotion and all of the sacrifices that his lover had made to get it really bugged him.
"Both and neither," Castiel stated. "I seem to have been placed on a pedestal in some ways as Father has never brought an angel back before, never mind altering one's status, so I believe they are not sure how to treat me until they get to know me."
"Oh."
That wasn't too bad even if he could see how it might have isolated his lover at first. Still, Dean knew it could have been a lot worse.
"In a lot of ways, I am still not able to fully comprehend my new status as an archangel," Castiel continued. "It is hard to think of how I saw them before and to reconcile that with what I am now. To know that I once truly feared what I am now."
"Well, at least it'll mean you think twice before fully unleashing that power," Dean pointed out. "You know what it's like to be on the wrong end of it, to be unable to really defend yourself."
"That is true."
It wasn't until it was too late that Dean realized exactly how badly his angel knew that. He'd just been thinking of the less lethal situations, but those two fatal ones were there as well. At least there was now one archangel who knew what it felt like when that awesome power was abused and he knew that Michael and Raphael at least would listen to Castiel so hopefully there would be less of those abuses in the future.
They slipped into a comfortable silence despite the topic of their conversation with Dean grooming whatever he could reach of his lover's wings and Castiel basically petting him by running a hand through his hair. A yawn made him look up at the clock and he was surprised that it was already nearly ten. It would be so easy to just let them slip naturally into a more comfortable and easy position until he fell asleep and he knew that his lover would let him, but he was determined to take care of this now.
"Michael said that you used to only have two faces," Dean finally began.
"Yes, that is what is normal for Seraphs."
"What was that face?"
There was a slight pause and Dean was almost afraid that Castiel would ask him if he was sure before his angel replied. "A wolf."
"A wolf," Dean repeated as various images of wolves flashed through his mind.
He was surprised by how much that seemed to fit his lover. Wolves were fierce and he'd caught enough glimpses of his angel in warrior mode to know that Castiel could most definitely be fierce. Hell, he didn't think he'd ever forget that second meeting of theirs in Bobby's kitchen even if the memory of it pulled a completely different reaction from him now then it had before. Wolves were also very sociable animals, living together in packs and while he wouldn't call Castiel social in the traditional sense of the word, his angel did clearly get drawn to creating close bonds with people. And then there was also the loyalty aspect that was tied to all canines and that was most definitely something his lover had. Altogether it was easier to take in and accept then he'd feared it would be.
"What color?" Dean asked. "Are you a solid color or mixed?"
"Mixed, white and gray."
Castiel seemed to relax a little against him and Dean realized that even if his lover might understand his natural reactions, it did affect him and he was glad he could help lesson it.
"What are the new ones you've gained?"
"One is a panther, another a phoenix-"
Dean couldn't help it, he laughed. "A phoenix, seriously?"
"Yes, Father is not without a sense of humor."
"Forget humor, that's irony, though I suppose that it helps to remind all of the other angels of your history."
"I had not thought of that."
Surprisingly, Dean found the phoenix face comforting on some level even if the whole beak thing was harder to accept than the wolf muzzle thing. Probably because it was further from being human. The panther was easier to take as it was so similar to the wolf.
"And the last two?" Dean asked.
"A mouse-"
"A mouse?"
"Yes, Dean, all of Father's-"
"- creatures are precious, whether they are large or small. Yeah, Michael already told me. It's just kinda surprising is all."
And he was so not thinking about how Castiel with whiskers and a twitching nose might be cute. Not at all.
"The final one is one that I fear you might misconstrue," Castiel stated.
"What do you mean?"
"It is a creature that used to have a very good to mythical reputation but which has now become almost synonymous with evil for humans in modern times."
The words made the hair on the back of Dean's neck rise as he recalled his earlier thoughts regarding one of Lucifer's faces. But no, it couldn't be, could it? And yet, while he couldn't remember ever having heard that they were once considered good, he couldn't think of another creature that was more often associated with evil than them.
"A snake?" Dean questioned, almost not wanting to know the answer.
"Yes."
"But- Like Lucifer's face?"
"No, we have different kinds. Mine is the ouroboros, which would be another example of my Father's sense of irony, as you put it."
"Huh? A what now?"
"An ouroboros," Castiel repeated patiently. "It is an ancient creature now often seen as either a snake or a dragon eating it's own tail."
"Why would it do that?"
"It is meant to symbolize renewal and recreation, the cyclical nature of so many things and it is also often associated with the phoenix."
"And it's a snake?"
"Yes, Dean."
"Huh."
It was hard to disregard all of the common notions of snakes that he had, but Dean had to admit that the description Castiel gave was very fitting for his lover. Recreation especially. Not to mention the fact that he found it very comforting to have yet another appearance of the life after death in the most literally sense thing. Yes, his angel had already been brought back twice, but it gave him hope that God might be willing to do it a third time if that was ever necessary, though he seriously hoped that it never would be.
"I guess that's the kind of snake that I could get behind," Dean finally admitted.
Chapter 81
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash, wing!fic
Word Count: 2,648
Summary: Dean asks Castiel about his true form and his animal faces.
PAST
Dean grimaced as he bit into the vegetables, they were nothing like the ones Castiel got when his angel brought him food from God knows where, but then he'd known that when he'd ordered them. Also, to be fair, it wasn't like he'd gotten them from the best place either, so he wasn't even sure what had possessed him to get them in the first place, knowing all of that. He'd ordered them before he'd really thought about it and then he hadn't been able to bring himself to tell them to hold the vegetables knowing that his lover wanted him to eat more of them.
He was so whipped.
He was long past the point of denying that, so instead Dean figured that he might as well enjoy the perks of his relationship. Castiel had joined him on the bed again and he now scooted back to lean against his lover. An arm wrapped around his waist and wings came around to brush his back where he wasn't leaning against Castiel. He pulled the sheets so that they covered his lap once more, just in case he dropped something, before he continued eating. He smiled as his lover stole a few fries with his free hand before Castiel's chin came to rest on his shoulder.
"Comfortable?" Dean teased.
"Yes."
He snorted but Dean knew that he couldn't really complain, not after how often he'd used his angel as a pillow. Nor did he really want to either. He mind wandered as he finished his meal and he winced at the memory of what had happened earlier. He was lucky that his lover was so understanding as the first time it had happened the girl he'd been with had been nothing but cruel, slagging him off for not being able to fully get it up, which hadn't helped the situation any either. He winced even more as he easily recalled his panic from that evening. He hadn't known what was going on and feared that he'd gone impotent somehow. To make matters worse, he just hadn't felt comfortable mentioning it to either his Dad or Sam, so he'd been forced to look into it himself at the library. To this day he still had no words for the relief he'd felt when he'd discovered that it could be a temporary side effect of severe trauma. If only he'd been able to remember that earlier but, to be perfectly honest, his brain had been pretty much fried by that point, so he was lucky his angel hadn't been either offended or deterred by his lack of normal response.
"Dean?" Castiel inquired.
"Just thinking about some things," Dean replied, surprised as always by how in tune his lover was to his moods. "Nothing really important."
Two more bites finished off the burger and Dean had some more fries before allowing Castiel to steal the last two after which he tossed the container into the trash. His angel's wings now fully curled around him and he brought his hands up to run through the feathers, grooming them automatically. The way Castiel melted behind him and all but started purring made him smile before his expression slid into a frown. Could his angel purr in his true form? Was one of his faces that of a cat like Michael and Zachariah's lion face? And what about his other faces?
Dean wasn't sure why the thought bothered him the way it did. Or rather, he knew why- hello, animal faces and all- but he didn't know why this type of reaction was just kicking in now. After all, he'd known his lover wasn't human from the start and that hadn't deterred him from getting involved with him, so why did it happen now? Sure, he hadn't really known about the animal faces bit (well, other than a passing remark from Zach and some of the books on angel lore they'd looked at in the beginning had mentioned it in passing), but he had known that what he saw when he looked at Castiel wasn't his angel's true form but rather a vessel so his lover could be on Earth and interact with him at all. So it was his own fault really for never asking what Castiel's true form looked like.
Still, despite all of that, the reluctance and hesitancy he felt bothered Dean. This was his lover, damnit, his Cas. So what if he had animal faces in his true form? That didn't change anything about who he was as they'd always been there. Hell, it didn't even alter anything as he still couldn't see Castiel's true form anyway unless Michael happened to be in him while his lover was out of his vessel. Besides, the wings were more animal than human and they'd never bothered him, rather the opposite in fact. His fingers tightened in the feathers he was grooming at the thought. He loved Castiel's wings, inhuman or not, and never wanted to lose the ability to see or feel them. Wasn't it possible that he'd feel the same about his angel's faces? He definitely hoped so as he didn't like feeling like his about his lover.
"Something is bothering you," Castiel stated, lifting his head and turning Dean. "What's wrong?"
Dean closed his eyes briefly, kinda wanting to change the topic but knowing it would be the coward's way out. Besides, since he'd cut Michael off before the archangel could tell him what Castiel's faces were, he didn't know that information and while he was a bit afraid that knowing might freak him out even more, he couldn't not know something so essential about his lover either.
"You... uh..." Dean began before he took a deep breath and looked at his lover. "Six faces, huh?"
Castiel blinked once before understanding dawned and Dean hated it. He hated that his angel had to be able to understand what it was about that which bothered him. How would he feel if he learned that something so fundamental about himself bothered Castiel so much? It would fucking hurt like hell that was for sure and it hurt him to know that he was inflicting that kind of pain on his lover.
"Dean," Castiel's voice was firm and commanding. "Stop that now."
"Wha'?"
"Stop berating yourself."
"But I'm-"
"Having an entirely normal, human reaction," Castiel stated.
"That's no excuse. I know what you are, I shouldn't be- Mmuf!"
The kiss effectively silenced him but Dean couldn't really bring himself to care, not with the gentleness and caring behind it.
"Dean, humans were never meant to like anyone beyond your own species. It is completely natural for you to be conflicted when confronted with something so different."
"I don't want to be," Dean declared, pressing his face into his lover's neck. "I love you."
The arms and wings tightened around him.
"I know and I love you, Dean. Rest assured, your very resistance to such a natural impulse tells me all I need to know about how much this bothers you."
"'s not enough."
"It is for me."
Somehow one of his hands had already buried itself into a wing again without any conscious thought and Dean really hoped that such gestures did indeed go towards proving his true feelings to his angel.
"Besides," Castiel continued. "I cannot imagine that Lucifer gave you the best impression of what we look like in our true form, especially not if he was acting the way he was when I observed him."
Dean shuddered as he recalled the sheer power and force of Lucifer when truly enraged. It was nearly impossible to reconcile that image with the being holding him so gently and, yes, lovingly now, though he knew that Castiel was now more like that then not even if he wasn't quite as powerful as his brother. Hell, even before his promotion to archangel, his lover had been more like that than like him and he'd seen his angel furious enough to also know that Castiel had probably been like Lucifer had been. Odd how that knowledge, though needing a moment to fully sink in, didn't bother him as much as the other stuff did; the faces. Guess this got worked away with his absolute trust in his lover and the fact that he'd never been under the illusion that they were equally powerful, even when his angel had been almost entirely human.
"You weren't kidding when you called archangels Heaven's most terrifying weapons," Dean said, suddenly recalling his earlier note to ask his lover about what he thought of now being one of them.
"No, I was not."
"So how's it feel to be one of them now?"
"It is... different," Castiel replied slowly. "Not only can I feel the difference in my own Grace, but others regard me differently now as well."
"In a good way or a bad way?"
It took a shift of the wing he was touching for Dean to realize that his grip had tightened to what was probably painful or at the very least uncomfortable proportions for the delicate tissue and he immediately loosened his hold, caressing the feathers in a silent apology. He just couldn't help it, though, the thought of other angels treating Castiel poorly because of his promotion and all of the sacrifices that his lover had made to get it really bugged him.
"Both and neither," Castiel stated. "I seem to have been placed on a pedestal in some ways as Father has never brought an angel back before, never mind altering one's status, so I believe they are not sure how to treat me until they get to know me."
"Oh."
That wasn't too bad even if he could see how it might have isolated his lover at first. Still, Dean knew it could have been a lot worse.
"In a lot of ways, I am still not able to fully comprehend my new status as an archangel," Castiel continued. "It is hard to think of how I saw them before and to reconcile that with what I am now. To know that I once truly feared what I am now."
"Well, at least it'll mean you think twice before fully unleashing that power," Dean pointed out. "You know what it's like to be on the wrong end of it, to be unable to really defend yourself."
"That is true."
It wasn't until it was too late that Dean realized exactly how badly his angel knew that. He'd just been thinking of the less lethal situations, but those two fatal ones were there as well. At least there was now one archangel who knew what it felt like when that awesome power was abused and he knew that Michael and Raphael at least would listen to Castiel so hopefully there would be less of those abuses in the future.
They slipped into a comfortable silence despite the topic of their conversation with Dean grooming whatever he could reach of his lover's wings and Castiel basically petting him by running a hand through his hair. A yawn made him look up at the clock and he was surprised that it was already nearly ten. It would be so easy to just let them slip naturally into a more comfortable and easy position until he fell asleep and he knew that his lover would let him, but he was determined to take care of this now.
"Michael said that you used to only have two faces," Dean finally began.
"Yes, that is what is normal for Seraphs."
"What was that face?"
There was a slight pause and Dean was almost afraid that Castiel would ask him if he was sure before his angel replied. "A wolf."
"A wolf," Dean repeated as various images of wolves flashed through his mind.
He was surprised by how much that seemed to fit his lover. Wolves were fierce and he'd caught enough glimpses of his angel in warrior mode to know that Castiel could most definitely be fierce. Hell, he didn't think he'd ever forget that second meeting of theirs in Bobby's kitchen even if the memory of it pulled a completely different reaction from him now then it had before. Wolves were also very sociable animals, living together in packs and while he wouldn't call Castiel social in the traditional sense of the word, his angel did clearly get drawn to creating close bonds with people. And then there was also the loyalty aspect that was tied to all canines and that was most definitely something his lover had. Altogether it was easier to take in and accept then he'd feared it would be.
"What color?" Dean asked. "Are you a solid color or mixed?"
"Mixed, white and gray."
Castiel seemed to relax a little against him and Dean realized that even if his lover might understand his natural reactions, it did affect him and he was glad he could help lesson it.
"What are the new ones you've gained?"
"One is a panther, another a phoenix-"
Dean couldn't help it, he laughed. "A phoenix, seriously?"
"Yes, Father is not without a sense of humor."
"Forget humor, that's irony, though I suppose that it helps to remind all of the other angels of your history."
"I had not thought of that."
Surprisingly, Dean found the phoenix face comforting on some level even if the whole beak thing was harder to accept than the wolf muzzle thing. Probably because it was further from being human. The panther was easier to take as it was so similar to the wolf.
"And the last two?" Dean asked.
"A mouse-"
"A mouse?"
"Yes, Dean, all of Father's-"
"- creatures are precious, whether they are large or small. Yeah, Michael already told me. It's just kinda surprising is all."
And he was so not thinking about how Castiel with whiskers and a twitching nose might be cute. Not at all.
"The final one is one that I fear you might misconstrue," Castiel stated.
"What do you mean?"
"It is a creature that used to have a very good to mythical reputation but which has now become almost synonymous with evil for humans in modern times."
The words made the hair on the back of Dean's neck rise as he recalled his earlier thoughts regarding one of Lucifer's faces. But no, it couldn't be, could it? And yet, while he couldn't remember ever having heard that they were once considered good, he couldn't think of another creature that was more often associated with evil than them.
"A snake?" Dean questioned, almost not wanting to know the answer.
"Yes."
"But- Like Lucifer's face?"
"No, we have different kinds. Mine is the ouroboros, which would be another example of my Father's sense of irony, as you put it."
"Huh? A what now?"
"An ouroboros," Castiel repeated patiently. "It is an ancient creature now often seen as either a snake or a dragon eating it's own tail."
"Why would it do that?"
"It is meant to symbolize renewal and recreation, the cyclical nature of so many things and it is also often associated with the phoenix."
"And it's a snake?"
"Yes, Dean."
"Huh."
It was hard to disregard all of the common notions of snakes that he had, but Dean had to admit that the description Castiel gave was very fitting for his lover. Recreation especially. Not to mention the fact that he found it very comforting to have yet another appearance of the life after death in the most literally sense thing. Yes, his angel had already been brought back twice, but it gave him hope that God might be willing to do it a third time if that was ever necessary, though he seriously hoped that it never would be.
"I guess that's the kind of snake that I could get behind," Dean finally admitted.
Chapter 81