Side Story - D World Part 2
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Part DEUX! So I figured out after reading this half that Yuuri is apparently telling(re-telling?) the story that Conrad is telling so that’s why there’s this weird mix of 1st and 3rd POV and why the narration keeps switching between ‘Anissina’ and ‘Miss Anissina.’ Now I feel like it was super obvious so apparently I managed to confuse myself over nothing. Although, Takabayashi-sensei really went out of her way to make the names of everything and everyone as confusing as possible so I use that in my defense… somehow XD
Oh, I also learned this week that Poison Lady is actually a pun using kanji. There’s an abbreviation for single woman (dokushin josei/独身女性 -> doku onna/独女) and Poison Lady (doku onna/毒女) has the same pronunciation. That’s pretty mean ^-^;; But yay for learning new things~
Part 2
When I unintentionally drop the pen, a few drops of ink splatter onto the cold desk.
“I, I got a bad feeling. What’s the Poison Lady Palace?”
I have a pretty good idea, but I asked just to be sure.
“It was a building built with the proceeds from Poison Lady from the Countryside.”
Like I thought.
The edges of the documents I had been waging war with until just now float up in the wind coming in through the window. A pretty paperweight was firmly holding the remainder in place on the desk. The writing in the afternoon reports today is tiny, too hastily written and hard to understand! Because of this triple handicap, I can’t really approve of them with a signature.
That’s a lie. The reality is that I was too interested about the details regarding the Poison Lady imitation so I wasn’t processing the information as fast as I normally do.
Consequently, the plan of running to the next telephone pole was a failure. I mean, I really want to know about this trip for two that Miss Anissina and Conrad took together.
And yet, Lord Weller continued his story at each short break without looking displeased.
It’s really lucky that it wasn’t Günter or Gwen on duty today.
“When a movie or drama on Earth is a big hit, they do things like build buildings and such with the proceeds, right?”
“Hm, I wonder. I’m not too sure, but I think there was a Doraemon building. Shouri probably knows more about that sort of thing. But… so it sold that well, that book.”
“It seems to have been quite a best seller.”
The unexpected, absurdly good reception of an imitation. I wonder what the original Poison Lady Miss Anissina felt like at the time. I get harassed for relating everything to baseball, but in this case I really can’t make a comparison.
“Well, what happened next?”
“In short, we met the author of I am a Poison Lady from the Countryside.”
*.*.*.*.*
The ‘Poison Lady Palace’ the stagecoach driver told them about was in a place nearly half a day away from the harbor town by horse. Once they arrived at the area, the surroundings were indeed fields as far as the eye could see and there were traces of the countryside the main character had mentioned repeatedly.
Perhaps this land was a model for the story.
The two-story structure of light brownish, stacked bricks was grander than any in the town they were just in. It had the length and width of a boat that crosses the ocean and inside there were women who seemed to be employees working busily. There were even decorative flowers placed on both sides of the entrance.
“Perhaps it’s more of a print shop than a publisher.”
“It seems so. And quite a large one as well.”
Apparently they had moved to the countryside where land was in excess following their business expansion.
When Miss Anissina threatene-… no, asked at the reception desk, she was immediately allowed to meet the company president. Getting what she wants after visiting without an appointment and furiously demanding that the person in charge be brought out is one of her amazing qualities.
If it were me, I would have been thrown out in the blink of an eye and it would have all been over in three seconds.
“Greetings. I am the Nmosserakkomohirohee Nonnanadoanmitchigroggeyabibaz District's Reading Read Along Society’s Society President, Nhamputty Dumputchanmarchmote.”
If my mom were here with her extensive general knowledge of all fighting styles, she’d ask ‘Where’s Bull Nakano?’ It was the sort of name that would dazzle her. Since I was an idiot who thought that Shinobu Kandori was a man, I was just relieved that the name wasn’t that long. (1)
When proper nouns are unnecessarily long my head gets shaken up even when I just hear them.
The Reading Read Along Society’s (they don’t say publisher?) Society President, Nhamputty Dumputchanmarchmote was an old man with a white beard sitting in a recliner, not at a desk for a company president of a large business.
“I also act as the editor of the Nmosserakkomohirohee Nonnanadoanmitchigroggeyabibaz Occasional Newspaper. Even though I look like this, I was a strapping, young, competent reporter who ran out to ranches and poultry farms to get interviews and wrote articles that were so wonderful that readers would be entranced.”
What sort of newspaper was that? Miss Anissina hated chickens so her cheeks twitched, but she determinedly endured and pressed on.
“They must have thought that I was a special person for being able to write such wonderful articles. Nowadays, I’m the editor and of course I want to leave the Nmosserakkomohirohee Nonnanadoanmitchigroggeyabibaz Occasional Newspaper to my grandchild. If you want to know why, it is because he is also, yet again, a special person.”
Conrad’s heart was pounding wondering when Anissina would explode and he seemed to be impatient thinking ‘Is Miss Anissina going to go off on this old president who likes talking about the past?’
However, as people who belonged to the same industry, they of course could not forget to have respect for each other’s work. The author stoically endured the highly meandering speech of the editor and waited for an opportunity to break in.
“And next, I thought to release military fiction to the world-”
“Yes, yes, speaking of military stories, Poison Lady!” The forcefulness was in proportion to how long she waited. “Actually, I came here to inquire about I am a Poison Lady from the Countryside which was published here. Who is the author of this book? Bring them here immediately!”
“Anissina, be a little nicer…”
The old president seemed to be a bit overwhelmed by the original Poison Lady’s threatening attitude, but he immediately called out to a girl who was passing by outside the door.
“Hey, these guests want to ask about PoCo.”
“Understood.”
PoCo really sounds like the nickname for a beloved story. If so, then The Great Demon Kingdom’s version is PoAni. It kind of sounds like an older brother with a bad attitude. Then maybe AniSeri? Now that kind of sounds like an older brother with a naked butt. (2)
The girl he called out to came in to stand before the guests while carrying a box big enough to hide her face. It might be rude calling her a girl. Up close, she was an adult who had long passed twenty.
“Thank you for waiting, I am Nfurumorifurumorishiryunkeff.”
Apparently there are a lot of names that start with ‘N.’ Also, somehow there are some sounds that sound like Japanese family names in them. Although, not only are they foreigners they’re also from another world so I can only believe that it’s a complete coincidence.
But if their names are this long, it’s amazing that the books they write are so short. They’re probably really good at editing out unnecessary parts.
“Are you the author of Poison Lady from the Countryside?”
“No, it is not me.”
“It, is not you?”
“No, I am not the author.”
After the short exchange that sounded like it was going to continue with ‘then, are you a pen?’ Miss Anissina and Conrad heard something unbelievable. (3)
While putting the box down on the floor, Miss Furumori said, “I couldn’t write a story as long as that one.”
Long!?
If what the two of them were thinking appeared in speech bubbles like in manga, their surprise would have reached all the way to the ceiling. Anissina involuntarily squeezes the booklet she had rolled up into a tube. It’s not thick at all. If this is considered a long story, then what would the Poison Lady Series published in The Great Demon Kingdom be? It would be treated like an ultra-long novel, a hellishly long book, or possibly a lethal weapon, something like a blunt weapon.
“It took a year and a half to write PoCo. It is incredibly long. They started writing the sequel, but the completion is scheduled for two years from now.”
For someone with an excellent writing speed, Anissina shook her head in amazement.
“A year and a half to publish a thin book… If they were in The Great Demon Kingdom they would be branded with the mark of a useless author. Well, they say that publishing circumstances are different in each country so it is not our place to comment. However, the contents of the book are a different matter. I am asking for the author of PoCo. Where is the actual author?”
“Um,” Miss Furumori held her index finger to her chin and checked the calendar on the wall. “They don’t come today. They’ll come tomorrow, maybe. Perhaps in the early morning.”
“I see, a morning person.”
“No, it’s harvest time for the flowers so they are busy now. If you would like, you can stay here. We have an overnight room with beds. We warmly welcome guests from other countries. Especially women.”
---------
(1) Bull Nakano was a female Pro Wrestler. What Yuuri’s referring to is the flashy ring names of Pro Wrestlers. Bull Nakano in particular was in a tag team with another wrestler named Dump Matsumoto and ‘Dump’ is the first part of the second name of the president (in case your eyes just glazed over the names like mine did XD). Shinobu Kandori was also a Pro-Wrestler, but now she’s a member of the House of Councillors which is the upper house of Japan’s National Diet.
(2) Okay, so the abbreviation for PoCo in Japanese is Aidoku -> (atashi wa inaka no doku onna). The abbreviation I made uses the same parts in English minus the ‘a’ from ‘atashi’ (I) because I thought IPoCo/Ipoco sounded weird. As for the PoAni and AniSeri, those are jokes. PoAni was DokuAni -> Poison Ani(ssinna). ‘Ani’ can also mean older brother and the word for poison in Japanese is also used to express ill will or abusive words so that’s where the older brother with a bad attitude comes from. AniSeri was AniShiri, ‘shiri’ here being short for ‘shiriizu’ which is Katakana English for ‘series,’ so it was like an abbreviation for the Anissina Series. However, ‘shiri’ also means butt so it sounds like Big Brother Butt.
(3) This is a joke about learning how to speak English. The typical beginner’s lesson is ‘This is a pen. Is this a pen? Yes, this is a pen. Is this your pen? No, it is not my pen.’ It’s repetitive and annoying and is something that gets made fun of a lot XD
*.*.*.*.*
“The moment I heard that, I felt that my job had just become harder.”
Conrad lightly closed his eyes with his arms crossed and let out a slightly exaggerated sigh. It was really too much like his older brother. He might be mimicking His Excellency Lord Gwendal von Voltaire.
“Hm? Why?”
“I hear the words ‘women are very welcome’ a lot - in lands where the security is poor. You receive a warm reception, get drunk, go to sleep, and in the morning you wake up and the lady that was with you has-”
“Grown a beard or something?”
He frowned at me. What kind of memory did he just remember?
“No, they are gone. They’re kidnapped and in the worst case are sold off.”
“Ah, for sex work? That sort of dangerous story is in period dramas too. No matter how hard I try, I can’t imagine Miss Anissina being a victim of that sort, though. But on the outside she looks like a beautiful lady so there would be the danger that she’d be targeted by people who don’t know how she is on the inside.”
“That’s right, it would endanger the life of the other party.”
If I were to interject, this would be where I would say ‘That’s what you were worried about!?’ and slap him with the back of my hand. However, considering the attack power and HP of Poison Lady Anissina, the risk on the criminal’s side is obviously greater.
“It is indeed a heinous crime, but like you guessed, Anissina would not show the slightest bit of compassion to a villain. Especially if their target was women, she would have been capable of blowing the building away along with the criminals.”
“Yeah.”
Even if she’s rotten, she’s one of The Great Demon Kingdom’s Three Great Witches. Even if she’s not rotten, she’s the world famous Poison Lady Anissina. She’d likely shout that 'offense is the best defense' and crush that building in the middle of the fields with one hit.
“From the beginning, the purpose for me accompanying her was to prevent Anissina from rampaging. Given the situation, my job was very important. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her for even the slightest moment. Therefore…”
Hey now, we’ve come to the part that’s going to be on the test. I instinctively grip the pen I picked up.
“… You stayed the night. With her.”
“Yes. In any case, there was only one overnight room, after all.”
“… You stayed the night. In the same room as someone else’s girlfriend.”
“Yes, there was a big bed but it was the only one… wait, who is whose girlfriend!?” While he had strangely been going along with the joke, Conrad started to actually get flustered. “I’m whose boyfriend and Anissina is whose girlfriend!?”
“I won’t dare comment on that, but… but isn’t that a really inappropriate relationship?”
“Not at all! Not a single suspicious thing happened!”
“But you slept there. An adult man and woman. Overnight. In the same room. Actually, in the same bed. Wow.”
‘Not being able to pretend he didn’t hear’ had now become ‘not being able to let it pass without comment.’
“Wait a minute, what are you getting all excited by yourself for? There was absolutely nothing, not the slightest bit, not the tiniest sliver of anything for you to imagine there!”
I hardly ever get to see Conrad this agitated. He may have realized he was behaving poorly as he slowly and deliberately lifted his cup and drained it of the cold tea. Contrary to the effects of caffeine, he seemed to have regained his composure.
Tch, how boring.
“Listen, when you get to be my age, even if a woman is sleeping next to you, you won’t have that sort of feeling.”
“Eh, but my grandpa always says that the secret to youth and a long life is to always be a pervy human.”
“Is Your Majesty’s grandfather near a hundred?”
“Not yet.”
“Like I thought. You mustn’t underestimate centenarians.”
I’m not sure just what sparks pride in people. Unbelievably, I’ve just been bragged to about being a withered old man.
“Be that as it may, going on a trip for two with a sibling’s fiancé and spending the night with them in the same bed…”
“Please stop, I’m not Gwendal.”
“Gwen’s done something like that!?”
“… Didn’t he?”
“EHHH!?”
Astonished to the very bottom of my heart, I almost flipped over along with my chair. With all the talk about him loving bunnies and loving kitties and then with him looking so straight-laced, he was surprisingly passionate. Well, I could acknowledge that he would be single-minded in love based upon the brothers and their mother.
But, it’s a bit unfortunate so I won’t ask how that turned out. I don’t know which younger brother had the former-fiancé, but since all three of them are living the bachelor’s life at the moment that romance obviously didn’t amount to anything. (1)
“So please,” Conrad points to the envelope near my hand, “don’t write ‘Eldest Brother -> Anissina <- Second Brother.’ You don’t have to remember something like that.”
“Whoa, I did it again. Scribbling while listening to someone.”
Apparently I have that habit. Luckily it was an envelope from something already finished, but it would have been terrible if it was an important document. Maybe this is something I genetically inherited from my mother who draws geometrical designs while she’s on the phone.
“Now that you mention it, you’re taking a lot of notes, aren’t you.”
“It sounds nice calling them notes, but they’re mostly meaningless scribbles. Well, I forget things easily. There’s a lot to remember, after all.”
If I had to say, I’m someone who remembers better when they write things down rather than just looking at them. Before tests, I’d do things like trace all of the English words in my notebooks with a red pen. But, usually I’d get tired of the simple motions and couldn’t pull an all-nighter, so I’d switch over to studying in my sleep.
“In the past I’ve quickly scribbled things like Günter’s explanations and the contents of a speech I was being forced to make the next day onto the pages of an open book in front of me. You can’t erase ink so the pages were so blackened I had to buy a new one later.”
“What speech was that?”
“That was, um, I think at some decade’s anniversary of a civilian benefit society and it was a ceremony praising their hard work. I said things like ‘Without monopolizing the riches amassed over this long time-’ and ‘This pride you have supported amongst each other, shared amongst each other-.’ While I was completely embarrassed. Their savings and investments and loan structures were explained to me in incredible detail, but I had already forgotten most of it.”
“What happened to that book?”
“I wonder. I think it must have been thrown away. Why?”
Conrad gave a short hum and tilted his head to the side. I wonder if he has an idea about that?
-------
(1) Linguistic note~ In Japanese, when a man is unmarried and is making good money or just well-off they’re called ‘single nobles’ (dokushin kizoku). Yuuri says here that ‘… since all three of them are quite literally ‘single nobles’…’ because they’re actual nobility. On a side note, I want to smack Yuuri for not realizing that Conrad was referring to when Gwendal and Yuuri were chained together in Svelera. And also that Wolfram’s not single.
*.*.*.*.*
He had imagined the overnight room as a place where a lot of bunk beds were lined up like in a military camp, but the Nmosserakkomohirohee Nonnanadoanmitchig… it’s no use, I can’t remember it all… that Reading Read Along Society’s room only had one large bed in the middle of it.
“By the way, there is no overnight room in The Central Literary Institute of The Great Demon Kingdom.”
“Ah, so there’s no night shift there.”
“No, they endorse using sleeping bags.”
After buying emergency rations in town and making a meal of that and tea courtesy of the Reading Read Along Society, Miss Anissina brushed her teeth and washed her face and quickly laid down to sleep. There’s no chance that she would say that ‘I can’t sleep if I don’t take a bath’ as she was the Poison Lady whose specialty is setting up camp and sleeping outdoors. Instead, she placed a pillow in the middle of the bed and was muttering something softly. Is that supposed to divide the territory?
While making a place to sleep on the floor with a borrowed blanket, Conrad said with a strained laugh, “You don’t have to go so far as to make a boundary line like that to protect yourself. I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“Huh? What are you saying~?” While knowing the answer, she purposely puts a hand to her ear as she asks again. “The one who needs to defend themselves is you, is it not? If you carelessly roll around on the floor, your head might end up having to greet your body in the morning. Are you listening? I am now going to plant a seed in this pillow and oh, how curious, oh my, how curious!”
After the Poison Lady stuffed a seed about the size of sesame into the pillow, it sprouted before their eyes and a plant like a small sunflower popped up. There is a bud, but it hasn’t bloomed yet.
“Tralalalalalaa! The magic-powered security plant, Mr. Securiflower. When this Mr. Securiflower blooms it patrols around the designated area. And then, it mercilessly eliminates intruders as soon as it discovers them.” (1)
“Eliminates…”
“Yes, mercilessly. No matter how much they hold their breath or silence their footsteps it is useless, useless, useless! After all, Securiflower reacts to light and heat and will turn in that direction. So, Lord Weller, if you’re nervous down on the floor as well, you’ll be completely eliminated.”
At that moment, the magic-powered plant’s bulb opened with a snap. In the center surrounded by yellow petals, there was an eye the size of a fist!
Almost simultaneously, three legs the color of roots popped out of the bottom of the pillow that could be considered the lower half of the plant. Before he could get used to the fibrils that looked like leg hair, it vigorously jumped off of the bed.
Miss Anissina smiled and laughed and then lightly tapped the spot next to her.
“Hurry and come over here.”
It seems that this is the first time in Conrad’s life that he’s received such a terrifying invitation even though he is someone who has lived through many battles. I see, like this there’s no way anything would happen even if an extraordinarily popular man is together with a woman.
It was all well and good that he was lying next to Miss Anissina, but if he closed his eyes to sleep he would hear the heavy and steady footsteps of that brutal plant walking around and if he opened his eyes, his gaze would meet its glaring eye.
“… Um, I apologize for interrupting your sleep, but Anissina… is there a way to stop that plant..?”
“Mupiiiiii, mupiiiii.”
She was sound asleep.
In the end, he realized it had brightened outside the windows without him sleeping at all. As if it were following suit, Mr. Securiflower closed its petals and by the time dawn broke it had returned to a docile bud. Conrad had a brief moment of respite, but then several voices travelled down the hallway as if they had estimated when the security would end.
Are they intruders? No, no, if so then they would have gotten to work during the night instead of waiting until it got bright out. While Conrad was warily coming to a conclusion as an escort, Miss Anissina quickly changed and washed up and opened the door to the overnight room.
There was nothing cautious about it. In other words, it seems these two really don’t work well together.
“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen of Nmosserakkomohirohee Nonnanadoanmitchigroggeyabibaz.”
The Poison Lady, proud from the very beginning of the day, enters the room where the voices were coming from without even so much as knocking. Miss Furumori turns around in surprise. Around thirty women from who knows where had gathered in the excessively large workroom at this early hour.
Starting with Miss Furumori, about seven people sat at the front of the room and the rest were neatly lined up into rows. By all appearances, they were of various ages from teens to old women who would be receiving pensions if they were in Japan. The only common factor was that they all held worn out bundles of paper money.
At that exact moment, the last person, a human around thirty, was handing money to a woman with a baby on her back.
Anissina’s expression turned harsh.
“Certainly you have not planned on dividing your money amongst yourselves and escaping in the middle of the night now that I have found you.”
“Uh, it’s already morning. And moreover, why would we escape in the middle of the night?”
Apparently, even after all this time they still don’t know that the objective of their foreign guests is to investigate the unauthorized use of the Poison Lady Series.
Despite the early hour, Nfurumorifurumorishiryunkeff of the Reading Read Along Society invited the two guests into the work area with a smile and began to introduce the other members.
“Like I said yesterday, these people are the authors. They wrote PoCo while consulting with these seven people including myself, Nyacchamokurofubonki, Nnkumorigarasunomukouha, Nnaseraditokyo…” (2)
The names continued on for six people. Besides the fact that I wouldn’t have remembered, not even Conrad had remembered them.
One was an old woman, one was a girl about twenty or so, another was a child around elementary school age, the other three were middle-aged women. Miss Furumori repeats once again.
“We wrote it together.”
“Ah, so it is not just one person, because it is a production committee system.”
“That’s right. But the one who thought of this long and amazing story first was Miss Nyaccha.”
The most timid of the seven, the girl about twenty, was pushed forward. There was loud applause from the few dozen people who had handed over money. Nyaccha was a girl whose face you couldn’t see unless you moved her bangs out of the way and she was struggling to back up even just one step because she seemed to not be very good at standing in the open.
“Miss Nyaccha is amazing. From just one sheet of paper, she thought up such a long and poignant story.”
“… One sheet, of paper?”
With a smile spread across her entire face, Miss Furumori praised her shy coworker.
“That’s right! And also, after she deciphered the cramped and untidy writing on the backside of the paper, she thought up a way for all the women to be happy in this country. She’s smart. Miss Nyaccha is really amazing!”
“I’m not, I’m not amazing. It was just, that was just um…”
“‘That was just um’ what?” Anissina asked the frightened girl in a calm voice. She hadn’t intended to intimidate or threaten her. However, Miss Nyaccha got scared at once and hid behind Miss Furumori.
Even those who have perfectly normal sociability involuntarily get a cold sweat running down their back when questioned by Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff. A girl with an intense fear of strangers would have no chance.
“Is it something you cannot tell me?”
“No, tha-, that’s not, it.”
“One morning, Miss Nyaccha picked up a piece of paper that came falling down from the sky. She was on her way to work in the fields. Of course it didn’t come falling down, but got blown to her by the wind,” Miss Furumori explained unabashedly with her normal, cheery smile. She might be a simpleton who knew nothing of fear, but in this sort of situation, that was worth more than a will of steel. “A strong woman who could fight men without losing was written about on that paper. Also, share your saved money with everyone, distribute it when needed, and things like methods to gather together if you save too much were written on it as well. Although, the writing was sloppy and I couldn’t read it. PoCo is the story that Miss Nyaccha thought up after reading that. A story where women don’t lose to men because they’re women, where gender is irrelevant. Did you read it to the end?”
As a member of the production committee, that was something she was very interested in. If possible, she’d like to hear your impressions. She’d be even happier if you said it was enjoyable.
“Yes, I did read until the end. I read it, but I cannot believe that actually happened.”
“Eh? What’s wrong with the end of that book?” Conrad asked.
Without answering the question, Anissina silently held out the book. Conrad opens the PoCo that was handed to him to a page near the end. It was an impatient way of reading that accepted spoilers and was against the rules.
The simple composition written there wrapped up with the main character becoming a splendid Poison Lady through a battle with the men who were oppressing women.
However, the Poison Lady was not an unrivalled female warrior who used poison.
Until now, the men stole it from us.
Even if we women work, and work.
The men who are always playing keep all the money to themselves.
But, if it were me, this money, I won’t keep it to myself.
I won’t monopolize it.
I won’t give money to men who won’t work anymore.
I won’t let them keep the money, or the land for themselves.
Therefore, I, Poison Lady.
------
(1) The Mr. Securiflower is an interesting pun because it’s more of a play on the writing itself. In the original Japanese, it’s called Mr. Patrolman (mimawari-kun/ミマワリくん) but it’s written in Katakana like sunflower (himawari/ヒマワリ) normally is. So, it ends up being a pun even though it’s the same pronunciation because patrolman is usually written as 見回り. I hope the name I gave it in English isn’t too lame XD
(2) So the last two names were actually names of songs smashed together. The first is from an anime called Maria-sama ga Miteru, Kumori Garasu no Mukou or The Other Side of the Cloudy Glass. The last one is Una Sera di Tokyo by The Peanuts. Logic would dictate that the first name is also the name of a song, but I can’t find one that matches up.
*.*.*.*.*
“Eh, wait, it’s so different from the original Poison Lady Series that I still can’t figure it out, but that Poison Lady wasn’t actually a Poison Lady, but an Antimonopoly Lady!?” (1)
“In business terms, I believe antimonopoly has a different meaning, but at the very least it meant that no one kept the money made off of how big a hit I am a Poison Lady from the Countryside was to themselves.
“Huh, I had thought that the end result would have been that ‘I was inspired by Poison Lady Anissina and the Sumo Arena Demon to write a short novel and made a huge profit and built a Poison Lady Palace and broke out of my impoverished life!’”
Somehow it seems like I was thinking up a gossipy story so I started to feel guilty. Not everyone yearns for a rich lifestyle and lives for money.
“And then, what did Miss Anissina do after learning the truth? Even though the money they earned was effectively used for everyone, it doesn’t change the fact that they used a part of Poison Lady Anissina and the Unclean Loss of the Slipped Loincloth…” (2)
While prudently telling me that I’ve been getting the title wrong, Conrad squinted his eyes as if avoiding the sunlight. I wonder if he’s laughing.
“Well, Lady von Karbelnikoff said this.”
Anissina squinted her eyes to guard against the early morning sunlight. And then, in a voice that had not the slightest trace of coldheartedness from before, she said ‘Is that so?’ and nodded.
“If a short novel was made that brought happiness to women, then that person who wrote the first story on that piece of paper that came falling down is undoubtedly pleased somewhere far away.”
-----
(1) Poison Lady here is a pun on an abbreviation. I explained in the beginning that doku onna was a pun on the abbreviation for single woman(dokushin josei), and this was a pun on antimonopoly woman (dokusen kinshi onna).
(2) The titles that Yuuri is making up both have to do with sumo. The first is obvious, but the second one refers to the fact that you can actually lose a sumo match if your loincloth comes off.
*.*.*.*.*
I might end up having afternoon tea outside as well, so I pour a warm drink into the magic-powered thermos (it really doesn’t need magic) and left the office.
On the lawn that I was lying on at noon, Wolfram is listening intently to Anissina’s story as if he’s about to sit in a seiza position. The story of the Poison Lady imitation dispute being told by the person herself was nearing the climax.
“And then I made a declaration. Everyone get down on your knees and each and every one of you press your foreheads to the ground and apologize, Poison Lady Production Committee or whatever you are called. All of you, shall I rip your arms from your shoulders so you cannot do something like this ever again? Or shall you repent, beg for atonement, and vow to use all the wealth you have amassed for the women of this country? If so, then I would not neglect to overlook your evil deeds this time.”
The gestures gave the perfect impact, but wait a minute. The story is different.
“And then the women trembled and promised to let go of all of the royalties and use them for the rights and security of women. Because of that, I did not persecute the ones who used the name of Poison Lady to publish a book and let them be. After all, the true Poison Lady’s heart is wider than the ocean and more passionate than a volcano.”
In her trademark pose of her hands on her waist and her chest proudly thrust forward, she sniffed approvingly. In short, this ending is the Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff version. It doesn’t matter which one is true.
Just then there was a pause in the story, so I waved the small thermos with nice timing.
“Hey, it’s already three o’clock. It’s snack time according to Japan time.”
“Yuuri, where did you go!?”
“What do you mean, where? Work. Lunch break ended, after all.”
After hearing that, Wolfram looked slightly embarrassed. There’s nothing for him to be worried about. Various, miscellaneous matters are the king’s job and I usually just make him keep me company.
“Even so, you were gone when I finally realized… you missed most of the important details didn’t you?”
“Not exactly. I know a lot about it.”
“Then you know that Anissina threw candy at the editor and stepped on them with her heel and beat their rotten personality back into shape? How about the room they stayed in being too unsecure and a frightened Conrart cried and begged her to let him sleep with her?”
“… I didn’t know about that.”
‘Right?’ the third son said as he laughed proudly like a puppy.
“The end seemed to be different than I imagined it, too. Tell me all about it later.”
“Of course. I wrote down the main points while I listened. Um, and then what happened?”
His gaze fell to the booklet on his lap and he tried to read the short notes he had taken. However, what he had in his hand was the only copy of I am a Poison Lady from the Countryside.
“Ah! What did you do, Wolf, writing notes in the actual Poison Lady from the Countryside book. Right now it’s important data for Gwendal.”
“Damn… I didn’t have any paper so I just…”
“Even though you spend so much time with me at work, you don’t have to take after that part of me…”
“But it’s okay. I thought something like this might happen so I used this newly developed pencil with the Queen’s seal on it.”
Ah, if so then it should be erasable by the eraser in the King’s seal office supply series. What a relief. We don’t have to buy a new one. Thankfully, pencil use has started to appear in The Great Demon Kingdom.
However, apparently it wasn’t erasing well and Wolfram was shifting the angle of the book and pressing it into his lap while fussing over it again and again. Unable to sit back and watch, Miss Anissina offered help. Or rather, she considered it a perfect opportunity to show off the superiority of her own brand products.
“Oh my, that happened because you didn’t use the Queen’s products together. With this magic-powered character erasing material, Lettersdisappear Butshavingsincrease, I shall completely erase it for you. Here, let me borrow it fo- ah!” (1)
“Ah!”
Because she had stuck her hand in from the side and forcefully pulled on it, the page with notes completely ripped off. The now single sheet of paper of the foreign country’s Poison Lady left Anissina and Wolfram’s hands and without notice was snatched away by the wind.
“Ah.”
The paper lifted into the sky before our eyes like a kite on a windy day.
And then before long, it will probably set down in a country we don’t know.
At that time, another person will likely become a Poison Lady.
-----
(1) The name of the eraser in Japanese was just that, ‘mojikieeru demokasufueeru’ which translates to Lettersdisappe~ar Butshavingsincre~ase. The shavings being the eraser shavings left over when you erase something. The way the end parts are elongated into an ‘-eeru’ kind of make them sound like fancy French names.
And that's the end of D World! Next I'm going to work on the official fanbook Ma Hon which has a bunch of little stories in it, one of which is longish (Getting to Know The Great Demon Kingdom by Walking Through a Ma!Town) and the rest are super short. The super short ones are 20 side stories that were on the Newtype website with misleading titles like 'Anissina x Gwendal' and 'Murata x Yuri x Wolfram' XD They're too short for their own posts so I'll be squishing them all together into one or two. There's also a short interview with Takabayashi-sensei about the territory map of The Great Demon Kingdom (mostly about how little thought she put into making it ^-^;;), but I don't know if I'll do that. It's really short so maybe I'll stick it in with the side stories.
After that, I'll be getting back into the novel series. It doesn't seem like Lrenne has picked up novel 8 again yet, so it looks like I'll be working on that one~
Part DEUX! So I figured out after reading this half that Yuuri is apparently telling(re-telling?) the story that Conrad is telling so that’s why there’s this weird mix of 1st and 3rd POV and why the narration keeps switching between ‘Anissina’ and ‘Miss Anissina.’ Now I feel like it was super obvious so apparently I managed to confuse myself over nothing. Although, Takabayashi-sensei really went out of her way to make the names of everything and everyone as confusing as possible so I use that in my defense… somehow XD
Oh, I also learned this week that Poison Lady is actually a pun using kanji. There’s an abbreviation for single woman (dokushin josei/独身女性 -> doku onna/独女) and Poison Lady (doku onna/毒女) has the same pronunciation. That’s pretty mean ^-^;; But yay for learning new things~
Part 2
When I unintentionally drop the pen, a few drops of ink splatter onto the cold desk.
“I, I got a bad feeling. What’s the Poison Lady Palace?”
I have a pretty good idea, but I asked just to be sure.
“It was a building built with the proceeds from Poison Lady from the Countryside.”
Like I thought.
The edges of the documents I had been waging war with until just now float up in the wind coming in through the window. A pretty paperweight was firmly holding the remainder in place on the desk. The writing in the afternoon reports today is tiny, too hastily written and hard to understand! Because of this triple handicap, I can’t really approve of them with a signature.
That’s a lie. The reality is that I was too interested about the details regarding the Poison Lady imitation so I wasn’t processing the information as fast as I normally do.
Consequently, the plan of running to the next telephone pole was a failure. I mean, I really want to know about this trip for two that Miss Anissina and Conrad took together.
And yet, Lord Weller continued his story at each short break without looking displeased.
It’s really lucky that it wasn’t Günter or Gwen on duty today.
“When a movie or drama on Earth is a big hit, they do things like build buildings and such with the proceeds, right?”
“Hm, I wonder. I’m not too sure, but I think there was a Doraemon building. Shouri probably knows more about that sort of thing. But… so it sold that well, that book.”
“It seems to have been quite a best seller.”
The unexpected, absurdly good reception of an imitation. I wonder what the original Poison Lady Miss Anissina felt like at the time. I get harassed for relating everything to baseball, but in this case I really can’t make a comparison.
“Well, what happened next?”
“In short, we met the author of I am a Poison Lady from the Countryside.”
*.*.*.*.*
The ‘Poison Lady Palace’ the stagecoach driver told them about was in a place nearly half a day away from the harbor town by horse. Once they arrived at the area, the surroundings were indeed fields as far as the eye could see and there were traces of the countryside the main character had mentioned repeatedly.
Perhaps this land was a model for the story.
The two-story structure of light brownish, stacked bricks was grander than any in the town they were just in. It had the length and width of a boat that crosses the ocean and inside there were women who seemed to be employees working busily. There were even decorative flowers placed on both sides of the entrance.
“Perhaps it’s more of a print shop than a publisher.”
“It seems so. And quite a large one as well.”
Apparently they had moved to the countryside where land was in excess following their business expansion.
When Miss Anissina threatene-… no, asked at the reception desk, she was immediately allowed to meet the company president. Getting what she wants after visiting without an appointment and furiously demanding that the person in charge be brought out is one of her amazing qualities.
If it were me, I would have been thrown out in the blink of an eye and it would have all been over in three seconds.
“Greetings. I am the Nmosserakkomohirohee Nonnanadoanmitchigroggeyabibaz District's Reading Read Along Society’s Society President, Nhamputty Dumputchanmarchmote.”
If my mom were here with her extensive general knowledge of all fighting styles, she’d ask ‘Where’s Bull Nakano?’ It was the sort of name that would dazzle her. Since I was an idiot who thought that Shinobu Kandori was a man, I was just relieved that the name wasn’t that long. (1)
When proper nouns are unnecessarily long my head gets shaken up even when I just hear them.
The Reading Read Along Society’s (they don’t say publisher?) Society President, Nhamputty Dumputchanmarchmote was an old man with a white beard sitting in a recliner, not at a desk for a company president of a large business.
“I also act as the editor of the Nmosserakkomohirohee Nonnanadoanmitchigroggeyabibaz Occasional Newspaper. Even though I look like this, I was a strapping, young, competent reporter who ran out to ranches and poultry farms to get interviews and wrote articles that were so wonderful that readers would be entranced.”
What sort of newspaper was that? Miss Anissina hated chickens so her cheeks twitched, but she determinedly endured and pressed on.
“They must have thought that I was a special person for being able to write such wonderful articles. Nowadays, I’m the editor and of course I want to leave the Nmosserakkomohirohee Nonnanadoanmitchigroggeyabibaz Occasional Newspaper to my grandchild. If you want to know why, it is because he is also, yet again, a special person.”
Conrad’s heart was pounding wondering when Anissina would explode and he seemed to be impatient thinking ‘Is Miss Anissina going to go off on this old president who likes talking about the past?’
However, as people who belonged to the same industry, they of course could not forget to have respect for each other’s work. The author stoically endured the highly meandering speech of the editor and waited for an opportunity to break in.
“And next, I thought to release military fiction to the world-”
“Yes, yes, speaking of military stories, Poison Lady!” The forcefulness was in proportion to how long she waited. “Actually, I came here to inquire about I am a Poison Lady from the Countryside which was published here. Who is the author of this book? Bring them here immediately!”
“Anissina, be a little nicer…”
The old president seemed to be a bit overwhelmed by the original Poison Lady’s threatening attitude, but he immediately called out to a girl who was passing by outside the door.
“Hey, these guests want to ask about PoCo.”
“Understood.”
PoCo really sounds like the nickname for a beloved story. If so, then The Great Demon Kingdom’s version is PoAni. It kind of sounds like an older brother with a bad attitude. Then maybe AniSeri? Now that kind of sounds like an older brother with a naked butt. (2)
The girl he called out to came in to stand before the guests while carrying a box big enough to hide her face. It might be rude calling her a girl. Up close, she was an adult who had long passed twenty.
“Thank you for waiting, I am Nfurumorifurumorishiryunkeff.”
Apparently there are a lot of names that start with ‘N.’ Also, somehow there are some sounds that sound like Japanese family names in them. Although, not only are they foreigners they’re also from another world so I can only believe that it’s a complete coincidence.
But if their names are this long, it’s amazing that the books they write are so short. They’re probably really good at editing out unnecessary parts.
“Are you the author of Poison Lady from the Countryside?”
“No, it is not me.”
“It, is not you?”
“No, I am not the author.”
After the short exchange that sounded like it was going to continue with ‘then, are you a pen?’ Miss Anissina and Conrad heard something unbelievable. (3)
While putting the box down on the floor, Miss Furumori said, “I couldn’t write a story as long as that one.”
Long!?
If what the two of them were thinking appeared in speech bubbles like in manga, their surprise would have reached all the way to the ceiling. Anissina involuntarily squeezes the booklet she had rolled up into a tube. It’s not thick at all. If this is considered a long story, then what would the Poison Lady Series published in The Great Demon Kingdom be? It would be treated like an ultra-long novel, a hellishly long book, or possibly a lethal weapon, something like a blunt weapon.
“It took a year and a half to write PoCo. It is incredibly long. They started writing the sequel, but the completion is scheduled for two years from now.”
For someone with an excellent writing speed, Anissina shook her head in amazement.
“A year and a half to publish a thin book… If they were in The Great Demon Kingdom they would be branded with the mark of a useless author. Well, they say that publishing circumstances are different in each country so it is not our place to comment. However, the contents of the book are a different matter. I am asking for the author of PoCo. Where is the actual author?”
“Um,” Miss Furumori held her index finger to her chin and checked the calendar on the wall. “They don’t come today. They’ll come tomorrow, maybe. Perhaps in the early morning.”
“I see, a morning person.”
“No, it’s harvest time for the flowers so they are busy now. If you would like, you can stay here. We have an overnight room with beds. We warmly welcome guests from other countries. Especially women.”
---------
(1) Bull Nakano was a female Pro Wrestler. What Yuuri’s referring to is the flashy ring names of Pro Wrestlers. Bull Nakano in particular was in a tag team with another wrestler named Dump Matsumoto and ‘Dump’ is the first part of the second name of the president (in case your eyes just glazed over the names like mine did XD). Shinobu Kandori was also a Pro-Wrestler, but now she’s a member of the House of Councillors which is the upper house of Japan’s National Diet.
(2) Okay, so the abbreviation for PoCo in Japanese is Aidoku -> (atashi wa inaka no doku onna). The abbreviation I made uses the same parts in English minus the ‘a’ from ‘atashi’ (I) because I thought IPoCo/Ipoco sounded weird. As for the PoAni and AniSeri, those are jokes. PoAni was DokuAni -> Poison Ani(ssinna). ‘Ani’ can also mean older brother and the word for poison in Japanese is also used to express ill will or abusive words so that’s where the older brother with a bad attitude comes from. AniSeri was AniShiri, ‘shiri’ here being short for ‘shiriizu’ which is Katakana English for ‘series,’ so it was like an abbreviation for the Anissina Series. However, ‘shiri’ also means butt so it sounds like Big Brother Butt.
(3) This is a joke about learning how to speak English. The typical beginner’s lesson is ‘This is a pen. Is this a pen? Yes, this is a pen. Is this your pen? No, it is not my pen.’ It’s repetitive and annoying and is something that gets made fun of a lot XD
*.*.*.*.*
“The moment I heard that, I felt that my job had just become harder.”
Conrad lightly closed his eyes with his arms crossed and let out a slightly exaggerated sigh. It was really too much like his older brother. He might be mimicking His Excellency Lord Gwendal von Voltaire.
“Hm? Why?”
“I hear the words ‘women are very welcome’ a lot - in lands where the security is poor. You receive a warm reception, get drunk, go to sleep, and in the morning you wake up and the lady that was with you has-”
“Grown a beard or something?”
He frowned at me. What kind of memory did he just remember?
“No, they are gone. They’re kidnapped and in the worst case are sold off.”
“Ah, for sex work? That sort of dangerous story is in period dramas too. No matter how hard I try, I can’t imagine Miss Anissina being a victim of that sort, though. But on the outside she looks like a beautiful lady so there would be the danger that she’d be targeted by people who don’t know how she is on the inside.”
“That’s right, it would endanger the life of the other party.”
If I were to interject, this would be where I would say ‘That’s what you were worried about!?’ and slap him with the back of my hand. However, considering the attack power and HP of Poison Lady Anissina, the risk on the criminal’s side is obviously greater.
“It is indeed a heinous crime, but like you guessed, Anissina would not show the slightest bit of compassion to a villain. Especially if their target was women, she would have been capable of blowing the building away along with the criminals.”
“Yeah.”
Even if she’s rotten, she’s one of The Great Demon Kingdom’s Three Great Witches. Even if she’s not rotten, she’s the world famous Poison Lady Anissina. She’d likely shout that 'offense is the best defense' and crush that building in the middle of the fields with one hit.
“From the beginning, the purpose for me accompanying her was to prevent Anissina from rampaging. Given the situation, my job was very important. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her for even the slightest moment. Therefore…”
Hey now, we’ve come to the part that’s going to be on the test. I instinctively grip the pen I picked up.
“… You stayed the night. With her.”
“Yes. In any case, there was only one overnight room, after all.”
“… You stayed the night. In the same room as someone else’s girlfriend.”
“Yes, there was a big bed but it was the only one… wait, who is whose girlfriend!?” While he had strangely been going along with the joke, Conrad started to actually get flustered. “I’m whose boyfriend and Anissina is whose girlfriend!?”
“I won’t dare comment on that, but… but isn’t that a really inappropriate relationship?”
“Not at all! Not a single suspicious thing happened!”
“But you slept there. An adult man and woman. Overnight. In the same room. Actually, in the same bed. Wow.”
‘Not being able to pretend he didn’t hear’ had now become ‘not being able to let it pass without comment.’
“Wait a minute, what are you getting all excited by yourself for? There was absolutely nothing, not the slightest bit, not the tiniest sliver of anything for you to imagine there!”
I hardly ever get to see Conrad this agitated. He may have realized he was behaving poorly as he slowly and deliberately lifted his cup and drained it of the cold tea. Contrary to the effects of caffeine, he seemed to have regained his composure.
Tch, how boring.
“Listen, when you get to be my age, even if a woman is sleeping next to you, you won’t have that sort of feeling.”
“Eh, but my grandpa always says that the secret to youth and a long life is to always be a pervy human.”
“Is Your Majesty’s grandfather near a hundred?”
“Not yet.”
“Like I thought. You mustn’t underestimate centenarians.”
I’m not sure just what sparks pride in people. Unbelievably, I’ve just been bragged to about being a withered old man.
“Be that as it may, going on a trip for two with a sibling’s fiancé and spending the night with them in the same bed…”
“Please stop, I’m not Gwendal.”
“Gwen’s done something like that!?”
“… Didn’t he?”
“EHHH!?”
Astonished to the very bottom of my heart, I almost flipped over along with my chair. With all the talk about him loving bunnies and loving kitties and then with him looking so straight-laced, he was surprisingly passionate. Well, I could acknowledge that he would be single-minded in love based upon the brothers and their mother.
But, it’s a bit unfortunate so I won’t ask how that turned out. I don’t know which younger brother had the former-fiancé, but since all three of them are living the bachelor’s life at the moment that romance obviously didn’t amount to anything. (1)
“So please,” Conrad points to the envelope near my hand, “don’t write ‘Eldest Brother -> Anissina <- Second Brother.’ You don’t have to remember something like that.”
“Whoa, I did it again. Scribbling while listening to someone.”
Apparently I have that habit. Luckily it was an envelope from something already finished, but it would have been terrible if it was an important document. Maybe this is something I genetically inherited from my mother who draws geometrical designs while she’s on the phone.
“Now that you mention it, you’re taking a lot of notes, aren’t you.”
“It sounds nice calling them notes, but they’re mostly meaningless scribbles. Well, I forget things easily. There’s a lot to remember, after all.”
If I had to say, I’m someone who remembers better when they write things down rather than just looking at them. Before tests, I’d do things like trace all of the English words in my notebooks with a red pen. But, usually I’d get tired of the simple motions and couldn’t pull an all-nighter, so I’d switch over to studying in my sleep.
“In the past I’ve quickly scribbled things like Günter’s explanations and the contents of a speech I was being forced to make the next day onto the pages of an open book in front of me. You can’t erase ink so the pages were so blackened I had to buy a new one later.”
“What speech was that?”
“That was, um, I think at some decade’s anniversary of a civilian benefit society and it was a ceremony praising their hard work. I said things like ‘Without monopolizing the riches amassed over this long time-’ and ‘This pride you have supported amongst each other, shared amongst each other-.’ While I was completely embarrassed. Their savings and investments and loan structures were explained to me in incredible detail, but I had already forgotten most of it.”
“What happened to that book?”
“I wonder. I think it must have been thrown away. Why?”
Conrad gave a short hum and tilted his head to the side. I wonder if he has an idea about that?
-------
(1) Linguistic note~ In Japanese, when a man is unmarried and is making good money or just well-off they’re called ‘single nobles’ (dokushin kizoku). Yuuri says here that ‘… since all three of them are quite literally ‘single nobles’…’ because they’re actual nobility. On a side note, I want to smack Yuuri for not realizing that Conrad was referring to when Gwendal and Yuuri were chained together in Svelera. And also that Wolfram’s not single.
*.*.*.*.*
He had imagined the overnight room as a place where a lot of bunk beds were lined up like in a military camp, but the Nmosserakkomohirohee Nonnanadoanmitchig… it’s no use, I can’t remember it all… that Reading Read Along Society’s room only had one large bed in the middle of it.
“By the way, there is no overnight room in The Central Literary Institute of The Great Demon Kingdom.”
“Ah, so there’s no night shift there.”
“No, they endorse using sleeping bags.”
After buying emergency rations in town and making a meal of that and tea courtesy of the Reading Read Along Society, Miss Anissina brushed her teeth and washed her face and quickly laid down to sleep. There’s no chance that she would say that ‘I can’t sleep if I don’t take a bath’ as she was the Poison Lady whose specialty is setting up camp and sleeping outdoors. Instead, she placed a pillow in the middle of the bed and was muttering something softly. Is that supposed to divide the territory?
While making a place to sleep on the floor with a borrowed blanket, Conrad said with a strained laugh, “You don’t have to go so far as to make a boundary line like that to protect yourself. I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“Huh? What are you saying~?” While knowing the answer, she purposely puts a hand to her ear as she asks again. “The one who needs to defend themselves is you, is it not? If you carelessly roll around on the floor, your head might end up having to greet your body in the morning. Are you listening? I am now going to plant a seed in this pillow and oh, how curious, oh my, how curious!”
After the Poison Lady stuffed a seed about the size of sesame into the pillow, it sprouted before their eyes and a plant like a small sunflower popped up. There is a bud, but it hasn’t bloomed yet.
“Tralalalalalaa! The magic-powered security plant, Mr. Securiflower. When this Mr. Securiflower blooms it patrols around the designated area. And then, it mercilessly eliminates intruders as soon as it discovers them.” (1)
“Eliminates…”
“Yes, mercilessly. No matter how much they hold their breath or silence their footsteps it is useless, useless, useless! After all, Securiflower reacts to light and heat and will turn in that direction. So, Lord Weller, if you’re nervous down on the floor as well, you’ll be completely eliminated.”
At that moment, the magic-powered plant’s bulb opened with a snap. In the center surrounded by yellow petals, there was an eye the size of a fist!
Almost simultaneously, three legs the color of roots popped out of the bottom of the pillow that could be considered the lower half of the plant. Before he could get used to the fibrils that looked like leg hair, it vigorously jumped off of the bed.
Miss Anissina smiled and laughed and then lightly tapped the spot next to her.
“Hurry and come over here.”
It seems that this is the first time in Conrad’s life that he’s received such a terrifying invitation even though he is someone who has lived through many battles. I see, like this there’s no way anything would happen even if an extraordinarily popular man is together with a woman.
It was all well and good that he was lying next to Miss Anissina, but if he closed his eyes to sleep he would hear the heavy and steady footsteps of that brutal plant walking around and if he opened his eyes, his gaze would meet its glaring eye.
“… Um, I apologize for interrupting your sleep, but Anissina… is there a way to stop that plant..?”
“Mupiiiiii, mupiiiii.”
She was sound asleep.
In the end, he realized it had brightened outside the windows without him sleeping at all. As if it were following suit, Mr. Securiflower closed its petals and by the time dawn broke it had returned to a docile bud. Conrad had a brief moment of respite, but then several voices travelled down the hallway as if they had estimated when the security would end.
Are they intruders? No, no, if so then they would have gotten to work during the night instead of waiting until it got bright out. While Conrad was warily coming to a conclusion as an escort, Miss Anissina quickly changed and washed up and opened the door to the overnight room.
There was nothing cautious about it. In other words, it seems these two really don’t work well together.
“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen of Nmosserakkomohirohee Nonnanadoanmitchigroggeyabibaz.”
The Poison Lady, proud from the very beginning of the day, enters the room where the voices were coming from without even so much as knocking. Miss Furumori turns around in surprise. Around thirty women from who knows where had gathered in the excessively large workroom at this early hour.
Starting with Miss Furumori, about seven people sat at the front of the room and the rest were neatly lined up into rows. By all appearances, they were of various ages from teens to old women who would be receiving pensions if they were in Japan. The only common factor was that they all held worn out bundles of paper money.
At that exact moment, the last person, a human around thirty, was handing money to a woman with a baby on her back.
Anissina’s expression turned harsh.
“Certainly you have not planned on dividing your money amongst yourselves and escaping in the middle of the night now that I have found you.”
“Uh, it’s already morning. And moreover, why would we escape in the middle of the night?”
Apparently, even after all this time they still don’t know that the objective of their foreign guests is to investigate the unauthorized use of the Poison Lady Series.
Despite the early hour, Nfurumorifurumorishiryunkeff of the Reading Read Along Society invited the two guests into the work area with a smile and began to introduce the other members.
“Like I said yesterday, these people are the authors. They wrote PoCo while consulting with these seven people including myself, Nyacchamokurofubonki, Nnkumorigarasunomukouha, Nnaseraditokyo…” (2)
The names continued on for six people. Besides the fact that I wouldn’t have remembered, not even Conrad had remembered them.
One was an old woman, one was a girl about twenty or so, another was a child around elementary school age, the other three were middle-aged women. Miss Furumori repeats once again.
“We wrote it together.”
“Ah, so it is not just one person, because it is a production committee system.”
“That’s right. But the one who thought of this long and amazing story first was Miss Nyaccha.”
The most timid of the seven, the girl about twenty, was pushed forward. There was loud applause from the few dozen people who had handed over money. Nyaccha was a girl whose face you couldn’t see unless you moved her bangs out of the way and she was struggling to back up even just one step because she seemed to not be very good at standing in the open.
“Miss Nyaccha is amazing. From just one sheet of paper, she thought up such a long and poignant story.”
“… One sheet, of paper?”
With a smile spread across her entire face, Miss Furumori praised her shy coworker.
“That’s right! And also, after she deciphered the cramped and untidy writing on the backside of the paper, she thought up a way for all the women to be happy in this country. She’s smart. Miss Nyaccha is really amazing!”
“I’m not, I’m not amazing. It was just, that was just um…”
“‘That was just um’ what?” Anissina asked the frightened girl in a calm voice. She hadn’t intended to intimidate or threaten her. However, Miss Nyaccha got scared at once and hid behind Miss Furumori.
Even those who have perfectly normal sociability involuntarily get a cold sweat running down their back when questioned by Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff. A girl with an intense fear of strangers would have no chance.
“Is it something you cannot tell me?”
“No, tha-, that’s not, it.”
“One morning, Miss Nyaccha picked up a piece of paper that came falling down from the sky. She was on her way to work in the fields. Of course it didn’t come falling down, but got blown to her by the wind,” Miss Furumori explained unabashedly with her normal, cheery smile. She might be a simpleton who knew nothing of fear, but in this sort of situation, that was worth more than a will of steel. “A strong woman who could fight men without losing was written about on that paper. Also, share your saved money with everyone, distribute it when needed, and things like methods to gather together if you save too much were written on it as well. Although, the writing was sloppy and I couldn’t read it. PoCo is the story that Miss Nyaccha thought up after reading that. A story where women don’t lose to men because they’re women, where gender is irrelevant. Did you read it to the end?”
As a member of the production committee, that was something she was very interested in. If possible, she’d like to hear your impressions. She’d be even happier if you said it was enjoyable.
“Yes, I did read until the end. I read it, but I cannot believe that actually happened.”
“Eh? What’s wrong with the end of that book?” Conrad asked.
Without answering the question, Anissina silently held out the book. Conrad opens the PoCo that was handed to him to a page near the end. It was an impatient way of reading that accepted spoilers and was against the rules.
The simple composition written there wrapped up with the main character becoming a splendid Poison Lady through a battle with the men who were oppressing women.
However, the Poison Lady was not an unrivalled female warrior who used poison.
Until now, the men stole it from us.
Even if we women work, and work.
The men who are always playing keep all the money to themselves.
But, if it were me, this money, I won’t keep it to myself.
I won’t monopolize it.
I won’t give money to men who won’t work anymore.
I won’t let them keep the money, or the land for themselves.
Therefore, I, Poison Lady.
------
(1) The Mr. Securiflower is an interesting pun because it’s more of a play on the writing itself. In the original Japanese, it’s called Mr. Patrolman (mimawari-kun/ミマワリくん) but it’s written in Katakana like sunflower (himawari/ヒマワリ) normally is. So, it ends up being a pun even though it’s the same pronunciation because patrolman is usually written as 見回り. I hope the name I gave it in English isn’t too lame XD
(2) So the last two names were actually names of songs smashed together. The first is from an anime called Maria-sama ga Miteru, Kumori Garasu no Mukou or The Other Side of the Cloudy Glass. The last one is Una Sera di Tokyo by The Peanuts. Logic would dictate that the first name is also the name of a song, but I can’t find one that matches up.
*.*.*.*.*
“Eh, wait, it’s so different from the original Poison Lady Series that I still can’t figure it out, but that Poison Lady wasn’t actually a Poison Lady, but an Antimonopoly Lady!?” (1)
“In business terms, I believe antimonopoly has a different meaning, but at the very least it meant that no one kept the money made off of how big a hit I am a Poison Lady from the Countryside was to themselves.
“Huh, I had thought that the end result would have been that ‘I was inspired by Poison Lady Anissina and the Sumo Arena Demon to write a short novel and made a huge profit and built a Poison Lady Palace and broke out of my impoverished life!’”
Somehow it seems like I was thinking up a gossipy story so I started to feel guilty. Not everyone yearns for a rich lifestyle and lives for money.
“And then, what did Miss Anissina do after learning the truth? Even though the money they earned was effectively used for everyone, it doesn’t change the fact that they used a part of Poison Lady Anissina and the Unclean Loss of the Slipped Loincloth…” (2)
While prudently telling me that I’ve been getting the title wrong, Conrad squinted his eyes as if avoiding the sunlight. I wonder if he’s laughing.
“Well, Lady von Karbelnikoff said this.”
Anissina squinted her eyes to guard against the early morning sunlight. And then, in a voice that had not the slightest trace of coldheartedness from before, she said ‘Is that so?’ and nodded.
“If a short novel was made that brought happiness to women, then that person who wrote the first story on that piece of paper that came falling down is undoubtedly pleased somewhere far away.”
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(1) Poison Lady here is a pun on an abbreviation. I explained in the beginning that doku onna was a pun on the abbreviation for single woman(dokushin josei), and this was a pun on antimonopoly woman (dokusen kinshi onna).
(2) The titles that Yuuri is making up both have to do with sumo. The first is obvious, but the second one refers to the fact that you can actually lose a sumo match if your loincloth comes off.
*.*.*.*.*
I might end up having afternoon tea outside as well, so I pour a warm drink into the magic-powered thermos (it really doesn’t need magic) and left the office.
On the lawn that I was lying on at noon, Wolfram is listening intently to Anissina’s story as if he’s about to sit in a seiza position. The story of the Poison Lady imitation dispute being told by the person herself was nearing the climax.
“And then I made a declaration. Everyone get down on your knees and each and every one of you press your foreheads to the ground and apologize, Poison Lady Production Committee or whatever you are called. All of you, shall I rip your arms from your shoulders so you cannot do something like this ever again? Or shall you repent, beg for atonement, and vow to use all the wealth you have amassed for the women of this country? If so, then I would not neglect to overlook your evil deeds this time.”
The gestures gave the perfect impact, but wait a minute. The story is different.
“And then the women trembled and promised to let go of all of the royalties and use them for the rights and security of women. Because of that, I did not persecute the ones who used the name of Poison Lady to publish a book and let them be. After all, the true Poison Lady’s heart is wider than the ocean and more passionate than a volcano.”
In her trademark pose of her hands on her waist and her chest proudly thrust forward, she sniffed approvingly. In short, this ending is the Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff version. It doesn’t matter which one is true.
Just then there was a pause in the story, so I waved the small thermos with nice timing.
“Hey, it’s already three o’clock. It’s snack time according to Japan time.”
“Yuuri, where did you go!?”
“What do you mean, where? Work. Lunch break ended, after all.”
After hearing that, Wolfram looked slightly embarrassed. There’s nothing for him to be worried about. Various, miscellaneous matters are the king’s job and I usually just make him keep me company.
“Even so, you were gone when I finally realized… you missed most of the important details didn’t you?”
“Not exactly. I know a lot about it.”
“Then you know that Anissina threw candy at the editor and stepped on them with her heel and beat their rotten personality back into shape? How about the room they stayed in being too unsecure and a frightened Conrart cried and begged her to let him sleep with her?”
“… I didn’t know about that.”
‘Right?’ the third son said as he laughed proudly like a puppy.
“The end seemed to be different than I imagined it, too. Tell me all about it later.”
“Of course. I wrote down the main points while I listened. Um, and then what happened?”
His gaze fell to the booklet on his lap and he tried to read the short notes he had taken. However, what he had in his hand was the only copy of I am a Poison Lady from the Countryside.
“Ah! What did you do, Wolf, writing notes in the actual Poison Lady from the Countryside book. Right now it’s important data for Gwendal.”
“Damn… I didn’t have any paper so I just…”
“Even though you spend so much time with me at work, you don’t have to take after that part of me…”
“But it’s okay. I thought something like this might happen so I used this newly developed pencil with the Queen’s seal on it.”
Ah, if so then it should be erasable by the eraser in the King’s seal office supply series. What a relief. We don’t have to buy a new one. Thankfully, pencil use has started to appear in The Great Demon Kingdom.
However, apparently it wasn’t erasing well and Wolfram was shifting the angle of the book and pressing it into his lap while fussing over it again and again. Unable to sit back and watch, Miss Anissina offered help. Or rather, she considered it a perfect opportunity to show off the superiority of her own brand products.
“Oh my, that happened because you didn’t use the Queen’s products together. With this magic-powered character erasing material, Lettersdisappear Butshavingsincrease, I shall completely erase it for you. Here, let me borrow it fo- ah!” (1)
“Ah!”
Because she had stuck her hand in from the side and forcefully pulled on it, the page with notes completely ripped off. The now single sheet of paper of the foreign country’s Poison Lady left Anissina and Wolfram’s hands and without notice was snatched away by the wind.
“Ah.”
The paper lifted into the sky before our eyes like a kite on a windy day.
And then before long, it will probably set down in a country we don’t know.
At that time, another person will likely become a Poison Lady.
-----
(1) The name of the eraser in Japanese was just that, ‘mojikieeru demokasufueeru’ which translates to Lettersdisappe~ar Butshavingsincre~ase. The shavings being the eraser shavings left over when you erase something. The way the end parts are elongated into an ‘-eeru’ kind of make them sound like fancy French names.
And that's the end of D World! Next I'm going to work on the official fanbook Ma Hon which has a bunch of little stories in it, one of which is longish (Getting to Know The Great Demon Kingdom by Walking Through a Ma!Town) and the rest are super short. The super short ones are 20 side stories that were on the Newtype website with misleading titles like 'Anissina x Gwendal' and 'Murata x Yuri x Wolfram' XD They're too short for their own posts so I'll be squishing them all together into one or two. There's also a short interview with Takabayashi-sensei about the territory map of The Great Demon Kingdom (mostly about how little thought she put into making it ^-^;;), but I don't know if I'll do that. It's really short so maybe I'll stick it in with the side stories.
After that, I'll be getting back into the novel series. It doesn't seem like Lrenne has picked up novel 8 again yet, so it looks like I'll be working on that one~