That Jerk Castle - Castle/HIMYM
OK, so this is like the first piece of long fan fic I've finished in forever. I'm not 100% sure of it, so please tell me if it's shit or something. Anyway, my first Castle fic.
Title: That Jerk Castle
Fandom: Castle/HIMYM
Pairing: one-sided Barney/Robin
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1270
Warning: mild language
Summary: Barney is irrationally mad at Rick Castle for talking to Robin, and Castle gets Barney completely wrong.
Barney didn’t read much in the way of fiction - he’d read the Harry Potter books (it was amazing how many chicks loved that damn kid. Of course, he’d sided with Voldemort. All he was trying to do was get his power back, and some whiny teenage kid had ruined it for him), and there’d been one or two novels about lesbians (huge disappointments. They were all about discovering womanhood and not about, say, hot girls licking each other. Waste. Of. Paper).
But he knew who Rick Castle was. And he didn’t like him.
Barney hadn’t read any of his books - he’d merely seen him on TV, talking about how successful he was. But he hated him. Barney couldn’t explain it, but there was something deep within him that instinctively loathed the man.
And now here he was, in his bar, talking to Scherbatsky.
“Who’s that man talking to Robin, and why are you glaring at him?” Lily asked, as she sat down across from him.
“Rick Castle.”
“Wait, the mystery writer?” Lily asked. She looked him up and down. “He’s cute.”
“He is not cute. He’s an asshole.”
“Just because he’s talking to Robin?”
“No,” Barney said, although that certainly wasn’t helping. “He just always seems like a dick when he’s giving interviews.”
“Why do you watch his interviews if he’s such a jackass?”
“Because.” Barney turned back to look at Robin and Castle. She was laughing at something he said.
“Oh my God. You’re jealous!”
“Am not.”
“Yes, you are. You’re jealous because that sexy famous guy is talking to Robin.”
“Jealousy is a completely lame emotion, Lil, and therefore I can’t be feeling it. No, I’m just... concerned.”
“Concerned?”
“Concerned that that jerk Castle might end up hanging out with us, cramping my style.” It was a totally lame excuse and he knew it. But, dammit, he wasn’t jealous. How could he be jealous?
Sure, he’d felt it with Ted. But Robin had been with Ted before. He posed a real threat. They could’ve gotten back together, and then gotten married, and Barney might even have to marry them, and he’d go and watch their kids and teach them how to be awesome, because Ted would totally make them lame, and then Robin would get fat and boring and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.
Or something.
But Castle? He was an asshole. Pure and simple. Didn’t like him.
That’s why he cringed whenever Robin laughed at one of his jokes.
“You do realize that this is like watching yourself from the outside, right?” Lily asked, interrupting his thoughts.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Well, he’s a charming womanizing jerk. You’re a charming womanizing jerk. You guys’d probably hit it off.”
Barney watched as Robin went to the bathroom. Castle turned to Carl and ordered a beer.
“I’ll be right back,” Barney said. He had a plan. He went over to the bar and tapped Castle on the shoulder.
“Hey,” Castle said, looking confused. “Do I know you?”
“Barney Stinson. You’re Rick Castle, right?”
“Yes, I am. Are you a fan?”
“No, I am not a fan. I just came to warn you about... that girl.”
“What girl? The one I was talking to?”
“Yeah. Her name’s Robin, by the way. Anyway, I thought I’d warn you - she’s totally clingy.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Really. Like, she’ll sleep with you one time, and then she’ll get feelings for you. How lame is that?”
“Pretty lame,” Castle said, putting down his beer. Barney hated the way he was looking at him - like Castle was sizing him up, figuring him out. Barney turned to Carl and ordered a beer, just so he wouldn’t meet Castle’s eyes. “You know, funny thing. She was telling me about how she never wants to get married.”
“That’s... that’s what she says. So you think you’re safe. But then she snatches you up, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Barney took a swig of beer. Jesus, what was he doing? “So, you know. Fair warning.”
“Yeah,” Castle said, “how long have you been in love with her?”
Barney choked on his beer. “I’m not - ack! - in love with her!”
“Sure you aren’t. So, why were you glaring at us when I was talking to her?”
“I wasn’t glaring. I was... looking. Casually.”
“Looking casually. For like fifteen minutes. Besides, you can tell. You hate me.”
“Do not.”
“Do, too. You were glaring. And, considering that you were talking and laughing with Robin when I came in here, I’m guessing that you don’t hate her - also, you might want to tone down the puppy dog stare. Everyone knows.”
“Yeah. Right.” Barney meant to come off as blasé, but his words sounded more mournful.
“Oh. Right. Everyone except for her.” Castle looked slightly less smug now.
Before Barney could retaliate, Robin was back at the bar.
“I’m back,” she said to Castle. “Hey, Barney.”
“Robin!” Barney couldn’t help but smile back at her. “Hi.”
“Barney, this is Rick Castle. Rick, this is -“
“We’ve met,” said Castle, looking thoughtful.
“Oh. OK. Well, Barney, Rick’s an old friend of mine. We met back in... ’98? He was my first interview.”
“Good times,” Castle said, still looking at Barney.
“Sounds like fun,” Barney said. So, did this mean that they weren’t going to sleep together? Or maybe it just made things worse. Barney didn’t know. Damn Castle.
“Anyway, I’m going over to the booth. Rick, you’re welcome to join us. I’m sure Lily would love to meet you.”
“Sure she would,” Barney said. Castle didn’t say anything. Robin waved goodbye and went over to the booth. She leaned over the table to talk to Lily.
Barney turned back to Castle. He was still looking at him in that infuriating way.
“What?” Castle just shook his head and took a swig of beer. “What?”
“You know, I thought I had you pegged.”
“Excuse me?”
“I figured that you were the blond jerk who provides the romantic complication.”
“What are you talking about?”
“In every story with a pretty girl, there’s always some jerk at the beginning. Usually blond. Almost always wearing a suit. He’s just there to provide conflict for the protagonist. I figured it was you, is all.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Castle rolled his eyes, like he was so much smarter than Barney, like he was going to impart some great wisdom. But then, a hot chick with auburn hair and a suit walked through the door.
“Castle, we’ve gotta go.”
“Yeah, yeah, just a minute,” Castle said. The hot chick rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Castle turned back to Barney. “Head up, buddy.”
“I’m not your buddy,” Barney muttered. Castle smiled and went over to the door. The hot chick followed him. Barney checked her out as she left. She’d be hard to crack, but totally worth the effort. He was kind of disappointed that she hadn’t stayed.
Barney went back over to the booth, sliding in next to Robin. Lily had gone somewhere, probably to the bathroom.
“Hey,” Robin said. “Where’d Rick go?”
“Oh, he went with the hot chick in the suit,” Barney said. “You know how it is.”
“That’s Rick for you. You mad that he got to her first?”
Barney shrugged. “I get to hang out with someone way more awesome.”
“Thanks,” she said. “You know, it’s a shame he didn’t stay. I think you’d like him.”
“Please,” Barney said.
What had he been talking about, with that crap about protagonists and blond jerks?
Damn Castle.
Title: That Jerk Castle
Fandom: Castle/HIMYM
Pairing: one-sided Barney/Robin
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1270
Warning: mild language
Summary: Barney is irrationally mad at Rick Castle for talking to Robin, and Castle gets Barney completely wrong.
Barney didn’t read much in the way of fiction - he’d read the Harry Potter books (it was amazing how many chicks loved that damn kid. Of course, he’d sided with Voldemort. All he was trying to do was get his power back, and some whiny teenage kid had ruined it for him), and there’d been one or two novels about lesbians (huge disappointments. They were all about discovering womanhood and not about, say, hot girls licking each other. Waste. Of. Paper).
But he knew who Rick Castle was. And he didn’t like him.
Barney hadn’t read any of his books - he’d merely seen him on TV, talking about how successful he was. But he hated him. Barney couldn’t explain it, but there was something deep within him that instinctively loathed the man.
And now here he was, in his bar, talking to Scherbatsky.
“Who’s that man talking to Robin, and why are you glaring at him?” Lily asked, as she sat down across from him.
“Rick Castle.”
“Wait, the mystery writer?” Lily asked. She looked him up and down. “He’s cute.”
“He is not cute. He’s an asshole.”
“Just because he’s talking to Robin?”
“No,” Barney said, although that certainly wasn’t helping. “He just always seems like a dick when he’s giving interviews.”
“Why do you watch his interviews if he’s such a jackass?”
“Because.” Barney turned back to look at Robin and Castle. She was laughing at something he said.
“Oh my God. You’re jealous!”
“Am not.”
“Yes, you are. You’re jealous because that sexy famous guy is talking to Robin.”
“Jealousy is a completely lame emotion, Lil, and therefore I can’t be feeling it. No, I’m just... concerned.”
“Concerned?”
“Concerned that that jerk Castle might end up hanging out with us, cramping my style.” It was a totally lame excuse and he knew it. But, dammit, he wasn’t jealous. How could he be jealous?
Sure, he’d felt it with Ted. But Robin had been with Ted before. He posed a real threat. They could’ve gotten back together, and then gotten married, and Barney might even have to marry them, and he’d go and watch their kids and teach them how to be awesome, because Ted would totally make them lame, and then Robin would get fat and boring and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.
Or something.
But Castle? He was an asshole. Pure and simple. Didn’t like him.
That’s why he cringed whenever Robin laughed at one of his jokes.
“You do realize that this is like watching yourself from the outside, right?” Lily asked, interrupting his thoughts.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Well, he’s a charming womanizing jerk. You’re a charming womanizing jerk. You guys’d probably hit it off.”
Barney watched as Robin went to the bathroom. Castle turned to Carl and ordered a beer.
“I’ll be right back,” Barney said. He had a plan. He went over to the bar and tapped Castle on the shoulder.
“Hey,” Castle said, looking confused. “Do I know you?”
“Barney Stinson. You’re Rick Castle, right?”
“Yes, I am. Are you a fan?”
“No, I am not a fan. I just came to warn you about... that girl.”
“What girl? The one I was talking to?”
“Yeah. Her name’s Robin, by the way. Anyway, I thought I’d warn you - she’s totally clingy.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Really. Like, she’ll sleep with you one time, and then she’ll get feelings for you. How lame is that?”
“Pretty lame,” Castle said, putting down his beer. Barney hated the way he was looking at him - like Castle was sizing him up, figuring him out. Barney turned to Carl and ordered a beer, just so he wouldn’t meet Castle’s eyes. “You know, funny thing. She was telling me about how she never wants to get married.”
“That’s... that’s what she says. So you think you’re safe. But then she snatches you up, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Barney took a swig of beer. Jesus, what was he doing? “So, you know. Fair warning.”
“Yeah,” Castle said, “how long have you been in love with her?”
Barney choked on his beer. “I’m not - ack! - in love with her!”
“Sure you aren’t. So, why were you glaring at us when I was talking to her?”
“I wasn’t glaring. I was... looking. Casually.”
“Looking casually. For like fifteen minutes. Besides, you can tell. You hate me.”
“Do not.”
“Do, too. You were glaring. And, considering that you were talking and laughing with Robin when I came in here, I’m guessing that you don’t hate her - also, you might want to tone down the puppy dog stare. Everyone knows.”
“Yeah. Right.” Barney meant to come off as blasé, but his words sounded more mournful.
“Oh. Right. Everyone except for her.” Castle looked slightly less smug now.
Before Barney could retaliate, Robin was back at the bar.
“I’m back,” she said to Castle. “Hey, Barney.”
“Robin!” Barney couldn’t help but smile back at her. “Hi.”
“Barney, this is Rick Castle. Rick, this is -“
“We’ve met,” said Castle, looking thoughtful.
“Oh. OK. Well, Barney, Rick’s an old friend of mine. We met back in... ’98? He was my first interview.”
“Good times,” Castle said, still looking at Barney.
“Sounds like fun,” Barney said. So, did this mean that they weren’t going to sleep together? Or maybe it just made things worse. Barney didn’t know. Damn Castle.
“Anyway, I’m going over to the booth. Rick, you’re welcome to join us. I’m sure Lily would love to meet you.”
“Sure she would,” Barney said. Castle didn’t say anything. Robin waved goodbye and went over to the booth. She leaned over the table to talk to Lily.
Barney turned back to Castle. He was still looking at him in that infuriating way.
“What?” Castle just shook his head and took a swig of beer. “What?”
“You know, I thought I had you pegged.”
“Excuse me?”
“I figured that you were the blond jerk who provides the romantic complication.”
“What are you talking about?”
“In every story with a pretty girl, there’s always some jerk at the beginning. Usually blond. Almost always wearing a suit. He’s just there to provide conflict for the protagonist. I figured it was you, is all.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Castle rolled his eyes, like he was so much smarter than Barney, like he was going to impart some great wisdom. But then, a hot chick with auburn hair and a suit walked through the door.
“Castle, we’ve gotta go.”
“Yeah, yeah, just a minute,” Castle said. The hot chick rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Castle turned back to Barney. “Head up, buddy.”
“I’m not your buddy,” Barney muttered. Castle smiled and went over to the door. The hot chick followed him. Barney checked her out as she left. She’d be hard to crack, but totally worth the effort. He was kind of disappointed that she hadn’t stayed.
Barney went back over to the booth, sliding in next to Robin. Lily had gone somewhere, probably to the bathroom.
“Hey,” Robin said. “Where’d Rick go?”
“Oh, he went with the hot chick in the suit,” Barney said. “You know how it is.”
“That’s Rick for you. You mad that he got to her first?”
Barney shrugged. “I get to hang out with someone way more awesome.”
“Thanks,” she said. “You know, it’s a shame he didn’t stay. I think you’d like him.”
“Please,” Barney said.
What had he been talking about, with that crap about protagonists and blond jerks?
Damn Castle.