Girlfriend (inane oneshot)
Title: Girlfriend
Rating: G
Form: Oneshot
Words: 2 192
Pairings: YunJae
Genre: Crack?
Summary: Hey, hey, you, you! Jaejoong doesn't like your girlfriend! He thinks you need a new one.
AN: this is so completely inane, and I have no idea why I had to write it or oaisjdoi. I'm embarassed that I did write it. >_<;;; I want to write something meaningful, damnit!! ... and I have to say sorry to SeulGi, again. I really have nothing against the girl, I just don't know any Korean female names. ^^;
“Hey Jung!” Yunho’s head spun around at the yell, looking across the courtyard to see who had called him. It was pretty easy to see who it was. Kim Jaejoong was standing near the entrance to the science building, his friend Yoochun tugging half-heartedly on one arm, both of them grinning like idiots. Jaejoong saw he had Yunho’s attention and promptly smacked a kiss against his fingers, throwing it towards Yunho in a flamboyant gesture. He winked, laughing, and Yoochun finally pulled him off, the pair disappearing into the building.
Yunho just stared at the now-empty doorway in a somewhat bemused stupor. Damn but that boy was a strange one… and yet fun. He always flirted outrageously with Yunho, ridiculously forward and teasing. At first, Yunho hadn’t really known what to make of it - well, he still didn’t, but now he at least found it amusing, like a game of some sort. He’d never really felt threatened or strange about the boy’s vigorous advances, which was a bit of an oddity in itself. But it was hard to get angry with someone who was so carefree and friendly to him. An irritated cough from beside him reminded him that others were not so amused by the boy’s behavior.
“Hey SeulGi.” He greeted his girlfriend, turning to the pretty girl and getting an annoyed pout in return.
“That boy is disgusting… what the hell does he think he’s doing?! I don’t know why you put up with it. You should report him or something.” She said with a sniff. Yunho shrugged.
“He doesn’t mean any harm.” He told her. “Come on, don’t we have math now?” He went on to try and distract her from the topic. He responded mindlessly to whatever she said to him as they walked, thinking all the while about her question. Just what was Jaejoong hoping to achieve?
Third period ended, and Yunho gladly gathered his books, looking forward to lunch and a break after mind-numbing calculus. His scattered thoughts wandered over lunch choices, his history essay and the things his mother had asked him to pick up for dinner as he wandered through the halls and began to line up in the cafeteria. He was giving serious thought to the lasagna when someone tugged his shirt from behind, and a playful voice purred practically in his ear.
“Hey you.” A turn to the right brought him face to face with a smirking Jaejoong, who was pushing far into his personal space. Jaejoong’s purple-painted nails twisted into the hem of the front of Yunho’s shirt, and his large eyes, accented by dark eyeliner, peered up at Yunho mischievously.
“Hello Jae.” He said wirily, once more bemused at Jaejoong’s forwardness. “Little close, aren’t you?” He asked, although not much worried by the close proximity. Jaejoong’s plump lips pulled into a cute smile.
“Aw, come on, I know you like me!” Jae said. Yunho had to laugh a little.
“Sure Jae.” He replied easily, and Jaejoong beamed.
“Goodie! So you wanna go have wild debauched sex in the boys’ then?” The shorter asked, face full of innocence even as he moved further into Yunho’s personal space and near cuddled to his chest. Yunho meanwhile was tying very hard not to choke on his own saliva at Jaejoong’s total outrageousness. He untangled himself from Jaejoong, moving forward in the line and away from the pretty boy a little.
“Jaejoong! I’ve got a girlfriend, you know.” He spluttered out, and Jaejoong pouted, looking totally put out. He plucked at the checkered wristbands he was wearing and wrinkled his nose.
“Yeah, but she’s stupid.” Jaejoong said petulantly. “I don’t like your girlfriend. I think you need a new one.”
“What, and you think you’d be good for the position?” Yunho asked, picking up a plate and serving himself some sandwiches and soup (the lasagna looked a little bit like it might eat him instead of the other way around).
“Hell yeah. I can do princess.” Jaejoong said with a wicked little grin, poking Yunho in the arm and batting his eyelashes.
“You’re funny, Jae, you really are.” Yunho said, laughing again. Jaejoong just raised his eyebrows.
“Who said I was kidding?” He said. “Yah, anyway, we’re getting pizza if you come to your senses and want something more then blah boring sandwiches.” Jaejoong went on brightly after a moment. He lent forward and pecked Yunho on the cheek before snagging an apple and vaulting over the metal bars that held the cafeteria line, his bangles and the strings of bright beads and chains hanging from his pants jangling as he did so. The cafeteria lady yelled after him, but Jaejoong was long gone, darting off into the crowd, laughing.
---
“Sexy. Just your colour too.” Came the amused comment from behind, and Yunho hurriedly shoved the dress back onto the rack. Jaejoong floated into view, grinning at Yunho’s embarrassment.
“Jaejoong! You’re shopping here?” Yunho spluttered out stupidly, spouting the first thing that came to mind. A little part of his brain thanked SeulGi for taking so damnably long in the changing rooms.
“Me, shop here? Ha!” He let out a few loud barks of laughter, which Yunho actually found rather adorable, as after the first one he covered his mouth with a hand. “Yeah right. This place is freakin’ crazy. I wouldn’t buy anything in here if you paid me to.”
“You’re just here to provoke security then, I take it?” Yunho asked amusedly, just as Yoochun let out a loud shriek and went flying past, a bright orange dress held high over his head like a streamer. Jaejoong laughed again as he turned to watch, and then turned back to the other boy as Yoochun disappeared into the women’s undergarment section.
“Nah, actually, I’m here to get a new piercing. Short of driving all the way into the city, the jewelry place here is the only shop around that does ‘em.” He explained. Yunho surveyed the impressive set of earrings he had in both ears, the chunky metal of them shining in the fluro lights of the department store.
“Another earring?” He asked, rather curious. Yunho himself only had his lobes pierced, and half the time forgot to put any earrings in, so they regularly nearly closed over. Jaejooong shook his head though, and then gave Yunho a considering look.
“Mm. Actually - maybe you can help? I’m trying to decide. Should I get a belly ring or a tongue ring?” As he listed the options, he reviled the appropriate body part to Yunho. Yunho gulped as he lifted the hem of his shirt and displayed his flat, well toned abdomen and small belly button. It was equally uncomfortable for the taller as he flashed his tongue, and Yunho felt sure Jaejoong was taunting him deliberately. The somewhat cheeky glint in Jaejoong’s eye confirmed it, and he was grinning slightly as he went on. “I think a belly button ring is kinda sexy, and there are a lot of different pieces you can buy for it these days. But then, I hear a tongue ring feels reeeally good, if you know what I mean.” He said with sort of eye twitch that could maybe be a wink, and Yunho had no illusions what he was alluding to. Yunho gulped again and fought the urge to offer himself up as a test dummy. Yunho sure Jaejoong would have been very amenable to the idea, but once again, there was the whole ‘I have a GIRLFRIEND’ factor.
Which he was amply reminded of when a loud voice called his name from somewhere in the vicinity of the fitting rooms.
Jaejoong raised his eyebrows, looking over towards where SeulGi’s voice came from and then back to Yunho, making a little scoffing noise. He made a gesture like pulling on a leash around his neck.
“Better go Boy-o, duty calls.” He said sweetly, looking halfway disgusted, halfway amused. His expression turned coy however as he bit his lip and placed a hand on Yunho’s chest by his shoulder. “Unless, of course, you wanna skip out on her and come help me get pierced?” He suggested brazenly, tilting his head to the side, his large, mischievous eyes almost hypnotizing Yunho.
He was damn tempted, that was for sure. Especially when SeulGi’s voice rang out again, more impatient this time. Jaejoong gave him an expectant look, and Yunho nearly groaned.
Jaejoong obviously saw that he’d decided, and shrugged.
“Ah, next time then. Run off to your girlfriend then… but seriously Yunnie. You could do so much better.” Jaejoong said, trailing the hand down Yunho’s chest and then poking him in the stomach. “Call me when you wanna upgrade.” He said, walking backwards. “Later babe!” He kissed two of his fingers wetly and blew the kiss to Yunho, who make a gesture of catching it. Jaejoong beamed, and then turned to dart off through the clothing racks. A minute later there was a loud crash and Yoochun’s loud bellow, followed by two sets of laughter and the screech of a sales assistant.
---
There was a ruckus outside, and kids started clambering over towards the windows, peering out onto the courtyard and gossiping to each other. Brow furrowed with curiosity, Yunho tried to get close enough to see out himself.
“Oh my god, the freaks! What the hell are they doing that there for?!” One boy exclaimed excitedly.
“What the hell are they singing?” A girl asked, her eyes wide.
Jaejoong was dancing up and down the brick wall that surrounded the school, singing at the top of his lungs and generally rocking out to the music blaring from the small radio that sat on the ground. Yoochun was on the ground too, singing and dancing as well, although more reservedly on both accounts. A few of their other friends were also there, dancing and singing and generally acting moronically as well, totally uncaring that it was the middle of a lesson, and everyone was staring.
Even as he watched, Jaejoong leaned over and hauled Yoochun up, helping him onto the top of the wall. Jaejoong then started singing to Yoochun, grinning madly as he danced wildly, all arms and hips and tapping feet. Yoochun laughed, catching him and pulling him back as he danced away. They leaned drunkenly on each other for a while, Jaejoong turning to sing into Yoochun’s neck and then flopping away, bangles flying everywhere as he danced off. Yoochun began to do a little jig of his own, and Jaejoong instead looked up at the audience they’d garnered, half the school hanging out of the building windows and watching with gaping mouths.
He grinned widely at the attention, his hands thrusting into the air and twisting about as he sang. His eyes raked over the faces, and Yunho almost jumped when the piercing gaze fastened on to him, a wicked smirk appearing on Jae’s face.
Yunho was acutely aware that as of that moment, Jaejoong was singing directly at him. Long fingers pointed straight at him and curled into a beckoning gesture.
“hey hey, you you, I don’t like your girlfriend
No way no way, I think you need a new one.
hey hey, you you, I could be your girlfriend!
hey hey, you you, I know that you like me
no way no way, you know it’s not a secret
hey hey you you I want to be your girlfriend!”
The song belted out, with Jaejoong singing along just as loud and emphatically. Except, on the last word, he bellowed out ‘boyfriend!’ and then laughed, covering his face up and doubling over. Yoochun came over and nudged him in the hip, pulling him up, and they slung their arms around each other, jumping around to the music.
Jaejoong used his free hand to keep pointing at Yunho, singing along with the song as the chorus kept repeating and repeating.
Unfortunately, before the song could end properly, a teacher raced out from the building and practically stomped on the radio in his haste to turn off the machine. The music came to an abrupt halt, and though all of them tried to keep singing, that too was soon stifled as more teachers came out to yell and herd them inside.
And all the while, Yunho couldn’t help the mad grin on his face.
---
As it happened, Jaejoong, Yoochun and all their friends got suspended for a week, and then largely laughed at by most of the student body when they returned. They didn’t seem to much care about that though, still smiling and laughing and being the people they had always been.
When Jaejoong cornered Yunho by his locker, a coy, hopeful smile on his face, Yunho cupped his face, kissed his brow and told him he had a girlfriend.
Pouting, Jaejoong let him go without too much protest. He wasn’t about to give up though.
---
Come September the next year, Jaejoong arrived to orientation at university with Jung Yunho’s arm slung around his waist. He had a new tongue piercing, which was every bit as fun as he’d heard; while his boyfriend sported a brand new pair of sparkling silver earrings in his newly pierced ears.
Kim Jaejoong did always get what he wanted. Eventually.
Rating: G
Form: Oneshot
Words: 2 192
Pairings: YunJae
Genre: Crack?
Summary: Hey, hey, you, you! Jaejoong doesn't like your girlfriend! He thinks you need a new one.
AN: this is so completely inane, and I have no idea why I had to write it or oaisjdoi. I'm embarassed that I did write it. >_<;;; I want to write something meaningful, damnit!! ... and I have to say sorry to SeulGi, again. I really have nothing against the girl, I just don't know any Korean female names. ^^;
“Hey Jung!” Yunho’s head spun around at the yell, looking across the courtyard to see who had called him. It was pretty easy to see who it was. Kim Jaejoong was standing near the entrance to the science building, his friend Yoochun tugging half-heartedly on one arm, both of them grinning like idiots. Jaejoong saw he had Yunho’s attention and promptly smacked a kiss against his fingers, throwing it towards Yunho in a flamboyant gesture. He winked, laughing, and Yoochun finally pulled him off, the pair disappearing into the building.
Yunho just stared at the now-empty doorway in a somewhat bemused stupor. Damn but that boy was a strange one… and yet fun. He always flirted outrageously with Yunho, ridiculously forward and teasing. At first, Yunho hadn’t really known what to make of it - well, he still didn’t, but now he at least found it amusing, like a game of some sort. He’d never really felt threatened or strange about the boy’s vigorous advances, which was a bit of an oddity in itself. But it was hard to get angry with someone who was so carefree and friendly to him. An irritated cough from beside him reminded him that others were not so amused by the boy’s behavior.
“Hey SeulGi.” He greeted his girlfriend, turning to the pretty girl and getting an annoyed pout in return.
“That boy is disgusting… what the hell does he think he’s doing?! I don’t know why you put up with it. You should report him or something.” She said with a sniff. Yunho shrugged.
“He doesn’t mean any harm.” He told her. “Come on, don’t we have math now?” He went on to try and distract her from the topic. He responded mindlessly to whatever she said to him as they walked, thinking all the while about her question. Just what was Jaejoong hoping to achieve?
Third period ended, and Yunho gladly gathered his books, looking forward to lunch and a break after mind-numbing calculus. His scattered thoughts wandered over lunch choices, his history essay and the things his mother had asked him to pick up for dinner as he wandered through the halls and began to line up in the cafeteria. He was giving serious thought to the lasagna when someone tugged his shirt from behind, and a playful voice purred practically in his ear.
“Hey you.” A turn to the right brought him face to face with a smirking Jaejoong, who was pushing far into his personal space. Jaejoong’s purple-painted nails twisted into the hem of the front of Yunho’s shirt, and his large eyes, accented by dark eyeliner, peered up at Yunho mischievously.
“Hello Jae.” He said wirily, once more bemused at Jaejoong’s forwardness. “Little close, aren’t you?” He asked, although not much worried by the close proximity. Jaejoong’s plump lips pulled into a cute smile.
“Aw, come on, I know you like me!” Jae said. Yunho had to laugh a little.
“Sure Jae.” He replied easily, and Jaejoong beamed.
“Goodie! So you wanna go have wild debauched sex in the boys’ then?” The shorter asked, face full of innocence even as he moved further into Yunho’s personal space and near cuddled to his chest. Yunho meanwhile was tying very hard not to choke on his own saliva at Jaejoong’s total outrageousness. He untangled himself from Jaejoong, moving forward in the line and away from the pretty boy a little.
“Jaejoong! I’ve got a girlfriend, you know.” He spluttered out, and Jaejoong pouted, looking totally put out. He plucked at the checkered wristbands he was wearing and wrinkled his nose.
“Yeah, but she’s stupid.” Jaejoong said petulantly. “I don’t like your girlfriend. I think you need a new one.”
“What, and you think you’d be good for the position?” Yunho asked, picking up a plate and serving himself some sandwiches and soup (the lasagna looked a little bit like it might eat him instead of the other way around).
“Hell yeah. I can do princess.” Jaejoong said with a wicked little grin, poking Yunho in the arm and batting his eyelashes.
“You’re funny, Jae, you really are.” Yunho said, laughing again. Jaejoong just raised his eyebrows.
“Who said I was kidding?” He said. “Yah, anyway, we’re getting pizza if you come to your senses and want something more then blah boring sandwiches.” Jaejoong went on brightly after a moment. He lent forward and pecked Yunho on the cheek before snagging an apple and vaulting over the metal bars that held the cafeteria line, his bangles and the strings of bright beads and chains hanging from his pants jangling as he did so. The cafeteria lady yelled after him, but Jaejoong was long gone, darting off into the crowd, laughing.
---
“Sexy. Just your colour too.” Came the amused comment from behind, and Yunho hurriedly shoved the dress back onto the rack. Jaejoong floated into view, grinning at Yunho’s embarrassment.
“Jaejoong! You’re shopping here?” Yunho spluttered out stupidly, spouting the first thing that came to mind. A little part of his brain thanked SeulGi for taking so damnably long in the changing rooms.
“Me, shop here? Ha!” He let out a few loud barks of laughter, which Yunho actually found rather adorable, as after the first one he covered his mouth with a hand. “Yeah right. This place is freakin’ crazy. I wouldn’t buy anything in here if you paid me to.”
“You’re just here to provoke security then, I take it?” Yunho asked amusedly, just as Yoochun let out a loud shriek and went flying past, a bright orange dress held high over his head like a streamer. Jaejoong laughed again as he turned to watch, and then turned back to the other boy as Yoochun disappeared into the women’s undergarment section.
“Nah, actually, I’m here to get a new piercing. Short of driving all the way into the city, the jewelry place here is the only shop around that does ‘em.” He explained. Yunho surveyed the impressive set of earrings he had in both ears, the chunky metal of them shining in the fluro lights of the department store.
“Another earring?” He asked, rather curious. Yunho himself only had his lobes pierced, and half the time forgot to put any earrings in, so they regularly nearly closed over. Jaejooong shook his head though, and then gave Yunho a considering look.
“Mm. Actually - maybe you can help? I’m trying to decide. Should I get a belly ring or a tongue ring?” As he listed the options, he reviled the appropriate body part to Yunho. Yunho gulped as he lifted the hem of his shirt and displayed his flat, well toned abdomen and small belly button. It was equally uncomfortable for the taller as he flashed his tongue, and Yunho felt sure Jaejoong was taunting him deliberately. The somewhat cheeky glint in Jaejoong’s eye confirmed it, and he was grinning slightly as he went on. “I think a belly button ring is kinda sexy, and there are a lot of different pieces you can buy for it these days. But then, I hear a tongue ring feels reeeally good, if you know what I mean.” He said with sort of eye twitch that could maybe be a wink, and Yunho had no illusions what he was alluding to. Yunho gulped again and fought the urge to offer himself up as a test dummy. Yunho sure Jaejoong would have been very amenable to the idea, but once again, there was the whole ‘I have a GIRLFRIEND’ factor.
Which he was amply reminded of when a loud voice called his name from somewhere in the vicinity of the fitting rooms.
Jaejoong raised his eyebrows, looking over towards where SeulGi’s voice came from and then back to Yunho, making a little scoffing noise. He made a gesture like pulling on a leash around his neck.
“Better go Boy-o, duty calls.” He said sweetly, looking halfway disgusted, halfway amused. His expression turned coy however as he bit his lip and placed a hand on Yunho’s chest by his shoulder. “Unless, of course, you wanna skip out on her and come help me get pierced?” He suggested brazenly, tilting his head to the side, his large, mischievous eyes almost hypnotizing Yunho.
He was damn tempted, that was for sure. Especially when SeulGi’s voice rang out again, more impatient this time. Jaejoong gave him an expectant look, and Yunho nearly groaned.
Jaejoong obviously saw that he’d decided, and shrugged.
“Ah, next time then. Run off to your girlfriend then… but seriously Yunnie. You could do so much better.” Jaejoong said, trailing the hand down Yunho’s chest and then poking him in the stomach. “Call me when you wanna upgrade.” He said, walking backwards. “Later babe!” He kissed two of his fingers wetly and blew the kiss to Yunho, who make a gesture of catching it. Jaejoong beamed, and then turned to dart off through the clothing racks. A minute later there was a loud crash and Yoochun’s loud bellow, followed by two sets of laughter and the screech of a sales assistant.
---
There was a ruckus outside, and kids started clambering over towards the windows, peering out onto the courtyard and gossiping to each other. Brow furrowed with curiosity, Yunho tried to get close enough to see out himself.
“Oh my god, the freaks! What the hell are they doing that there for?!” One boy exclaimed excitedly.
“What the hell are they singing?” A girl asked, her eyes wide.
Jaejoong was dancing up and down the brick wall that surrounded the school, singing at the top of his lungs and generally rocking out to the music blaring from the small radio that sat on the ground. Yoochun was on the ground too, singing and dancing as well, although more reservedly on both accounts. A few of their other friends were also there, dancing and singing and generally acting moronically as well, totally uncaring that it was the middle of a lesson, and everyone was staring.
Even as he watched, Jaejoong leaned over and hauled Yoochun up, helping him onto the top of the wall. Jaejoong then started singing to Yoochun, grinning madly as he danced wildly, all arms and hips and tapping feet. Yoochun laughed, catching him and pulling him back as he danced away. They leaned drunkenly on each other for a while, Jaejoong turning to sing into Yoochun’s neck and then flopping away, bangles flying everywhere as he danced off. Yoochun began to do a little jig of his own, and Jaejoong instead looked up at the audience they’d garnered, half the school hanging out of the building windows and watching with gaping mouths.
He grinned widely at the attention, his hands thrusting into the air and twisting about as he sang. His eyes raked over the faces, and Yunho almost jumped when the piercing gaze fastened on to him, a wicked smirk appearing on Jae’s face.
Yunho was acutely aware that as of that moment, Jaejoong was singing directly at him. Long fingers pointed straight at him and curled into a beckoning gesture.
“hey hey, you you, I don’t like your girlfriend
No way no way, I think you need a new one.
hey hey, you you, I could be your girlfriend!
hey hey, you you, I know that you like me
no way no way, you know it’s not a secret
hey hey you you I want to be your girlfriend!”
The song belted out, with Jaejoong singing along just as loud and emphatically. Except, on the last word, he bellowed out ‘boyfriend!’ and then laughed, covering his face up and doubling over. Yoochun came over and nudged him in the hip, pulling him up, and they slung their arms around each other, jumping around to the music.
Jaejoong used his free hand to keep pointing at Yunho, singing along with the song as the chorus kept repeating and repeating.
Unfortunately, before the song could end properly, a teacher raced out from the building and practically stomped on the radio in his haste to turn off the machine. The music came to an abrupt halt, and though all of them tried to keep singing, that too was soon stifled as more teachers came out to yell and herd them inside.
And all the while, Yunho couldn’t help the mad grin on his face.
---
As it happened, Jaejoong, Yoochun and all their friends got suspended for a week, and then largely laughed at by most of the student body when they returned. They didn’t seem to much care about that though, still smiling and laughing and being the people they had always been.
When Jaejoong cornered Yunho by his locker, a coy, hopeful smile on his face, Yunho cupped his face, kissed his brow and told him he had a girlfriend.
Pouting, Jaejoong let him go without too much protest. He wasn’t about to give up though.
---
Come September the next year, Jaejoong arrived to orientation at university with Jung Yunho’s arm slung around his waist. He had a new tongue piercing, which was every bit as fun as he’d heard; while his boyfriend sported a brand new pair of sparkling silver earrings in his newly pierced ears.
Kim Jaejoong did always get what he wanted. Eventually.