[Captain's Log] - [Stardate: 1313.8] - [voice]

[originalfine]

[OOC - I don't know exactly how I'm handling these logs, yet. Obviously I want interaction, but this is sometimes going to be stuff he'd never tell anyone. For now, I'm going to say, if you feel your character would see this and respond to it, let's see how it goes. I don't want Kirk to totally fail at technology--that would be OOC--and he's not

Comments

[capt_greatcoat]

[accidentally hacked into by the Torchwood Mainframe, and Jack just can't let it lie without saying something first]

...I take it that this Gary was someone very close to you, Jim?

((OOC: If this isn't okay, just say the word, and I can get rid of it. Jack knows what Jim's dealing with here, though, so. Maybe he'll be able to help him feel a little better, at least?))

[originalfine]

Oh god, Jack... Is this just floating out there, open? I didn't mean to do that.

[[OOC - No, this works fine for me! The comm is a crazy place.]]

[capt_greatcoat]

No, no. I mean. I don't think it is. The Mainframe, it likes to hack entries that would've otherwise been private. Normally, I'd just skip over them, because y'know, they did start out as private, but. I couldn't help noticing that you seem to be really upset about something, at least in that recording.

((Great, thanks! And yeah, it definitely is!))

[originalfine]

Oh. At least I'm not... haven't lost it that far.

Hell, the only person around I'd talk to about this is dead. Gary was my best friend, Jack. Got him his posting here. When I posted a week or so ago, about friendship and command... that was about him. We go back to the Academy--he was just seventeen when we met.

I don't... I got him killed.

let's go with the comm itself going DURR IT IS FRIENDSLOCKED

[bittervictor]

...Okay, you know what? I don't think you want to see "Where No Man Has Gone Before" anymore.

Shit. I've... we risk things, on missions. We second-guess ourselves... it's part of the reason that each ANIMa pilot on my world has an Anchor, a psychologist... it's their job to remind us that it's not our fault while telling us what to do better next time. Somehow it works.

You have someone you can talk with on your ship? Or... well, do you wanna talk about it?

[originalfine]

I didn't mean for this to be public, I...

Well, it's here now.

There's a doctor, he's given me the talk. And I'm talking to someone, too. I know we all signed on for this, with full knowledge... It's different, though, to lose your best friend. To kill him in self-defense.

My god. Are you saying this is... this is part of that program?

[bittervictor]

...Yeah. It's... the first episode, Where No Man Has Gone Before, was about... what just happened to you.

Well, first one with you in it. The Pilot was about a Captain Pike. ...Who, it's likely, actually exists too, isn't it. Fuck.

It's... I've never been in a position where I had to take down a friend. God willing I never will. ANNA has, but she doesn't like to talk about it. I can't blame her...

[originalfine]

They made it into... entertainment?

I hope you never have to.

[hands4healing]

I'm sorry, sir.

[originalfine]

It's...

No, it's not all right, but thank you.

[hands4healing]

I know it's not. I've lost people close to me, too.

[originalfine]

I don't suppose it ever gets easier.

[doc_leo_mccoy]

...Well I don't know how close you are with your Bones, Jim...er...captain. Good God, man, this is going to get tangled up worse than...let's just not go there.

But if I'm, that is to say the other me, is on board just yet, then you'd best swing by Medical. I'm not just the Chief Medical Officer but I'm always open to lend an ear for anyone who actually has problems.

[originalfine]

I appreciate that, Dr. McCoy. I have to say, I haven't heard of any plans to transfer you--um, anyone of your name--to the ship, and Dr. Piper hasn't said anything about leaving...

Piper's a good doctor, but we're not really close. But maybe I'll try it.

[doc_leo_mccoy]

Dr. Piper's an idiot if it's the same Piper I've worked with at the Academy.

[originalfine]

That's being... harsh.

But okay.

[merlinastrice]

[there's a bit of static before Merlin's voice comes through] Hello? Hello?

If you can hear me, then it's right for you as the captain to feel. Someone who leads the troops without feeling for each of them wouldn't be a strong leader. Like Arthur. He cares about every single one of his knights and soldiers. When we lose one, we mourn them, it's only natural.

[originalfine]

Maybe I shouldn't be mourning this one quite so much. Or maybe it's a message about putting those I love best in the line of fire. Or maybe that I don't care enough about the others, if this bothers me so much more...

No, I'm running in circles.

Thank you, though. I'm sorry, I don't think I caught your name.

[merlinastrice]

It means that you don't see those below you as just those below you. It means you see them as real people and possibly as equals.

That's because I didn't give it. [laughs a little bit] I'm Merlin.

[originalfine]

Of course I do. I don't think I'd have this job if I didn't. But I know--I accepted this burden with it.

Merlin. And Arthur. Okay.

I'm Jim Kirk. Pleasure.