HAPPINESS AND HUGS!
last weekend, went to DC to see Ammachi (this indian guru woman who travels the world just to give people hugs! thousands of people line up and its not over until everyone gets hugged). anyway, we had to wait for a long time to get our hugs, but there was nummy indian food and music so it was pretty cool. i felt out of place while i was there though, because it was a religious thing but it wasn't MY religion. it was the same exact feeling i get when i'm in christian churches, like other people are experiencing god but i'm resisting because its in a format i don't identify with so i feel like an outsider (which is silly, because its all the same thing). and i thought it was sort of wacky that all these people were making such a big deal about one person... but here was my actual experience when i went up to hug her: she was short and cutely pudgy, and smiling like a little kid. and then she hugged me for a long time, like she was experiencing great joy from hugging me. it felt like she was loving me as though i was god, and that she was overjoyed to be experiencing god through me. so it was this feeling of infinity, like when you've been praying a long time. or like when you are really full of god, and you feel like you are a mirror reflecting it. i think people are like that all the time but they don't notice because they're thinking about imaginary things like work and time. i think everyone is god, but we cover ourselves up in blankets to hide it. and we think we're protecting it, like its something precious and delicate that we can lose-- but really we're just separating ourselves from it, and separating ourselves from each other. but when we stop holding onto our blankets, all we are is god, glowing fierce and strong, and its something that other people can see in us. i think ammachi is one of those people who's aware of god inside her all the time, and people like to go see her because they can see god in her. but maybe not a lot of them realize that they are that way too, all the time, underneath their people-costumes.