FIC: The Trick of Finding What You Didn't Lose (6a/7)
FIC: The Trick of Finding What You Didn't Lose (6a/7)
Paring: Andrew Garfield/Jesse Eisenberg
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not true, no profit made.
Author's Note the First: Follow-up to this.
Author's Note the Second: I apologise. But sometimes only ridiculous power ballads will do.
On Oscar night, Andrew flits in and out of Jesse's space, and it's frustrating and distracting, and if there is one thing he regrets about not hearing Sandra Bullock say 'Jesse Eisenberg' when the moment comes, then it's that Andrew would have hugged him if it had been his name and not 'Colin Firth' (again). He's pretty sure Andrew would have. And he could have hugged back and pretended for a moment that not everything between them is fucked up and broken.
But that doesn't happen, and it's like the BAFTAs all over, and the Golden Globes might not have been real for all Jesse can see now. And then there's the after parties. And after-after parties, and finally, the after-after-after party, when it's just their group, back at Justin's place, with the karaoke machine in the den. Jesse believes he can say with some authority that Justin and he owned that big gay rendition of "Don't You Want Me" (not his choice). The fact that one of the biggest pop stars in the world will now be forever filed under 'waitress in a cocktail bar' in his brain is by the by. And he was really almost having fun, and he wasn't even that drunk. Certainly not as drunk as Andrew is right now. Armie is pushing him up off the sofa and onto unsteady legs, and Jesse wants to leave. He's edging towards the door as Andrew just laughs and shakes his head. He's almost out in the hallway when Andrew grabs the microphone and hurls himself into his song. His song is "Against All Odds". And he's not going for Postal Service indie-cool restraint here. He's up to 11. Full-on Mariah Carey levels of all-out heartbreak. Most people are falling down laughing or just have their mouths open. Or both. Jesse isn't falling down laughing. Jesse has his mouth shut. Jesse is having an aneurysm by increments. Bit by hysterical bit. "You're the only one who really knew me at all" by "How can you just walk away from me when all I can do is watch you leave" by "So take a good look at me now 'cos I'll still be standing here". Justin, to his credit, looks faintly alert and faintly sorry, like he's thinking, 'Awww, homie' at Andrew or whatever it is that Justin thinks in moments like this. Some more people are wandering in to see what the noise is.
Andrew is half-crying by the time he's finished. He does a fairly good job of pretending he's crying with laughter like the others as he takes a sweeping bow, but he's not. Jesse knows he's not, but he doesn't know what to do about it. The only thing he knows is that he's not allowed to touch Andrew anymore.