Pulling himself away from David, his lips kiss swollen and his eyes heavy lidded with passion.
struggled to reign in his control
Good story so far, enjoying it muchly. :)
Thought I should draw your attention to the above phrases. The first one needs a subject, as well as a hyphen between kiss and swollen, and another hyphen between heavy and lidded.
In the second phrase, "reign" should be "rein".
There are a number of other places that need hyphens and/or commas.
I'm kind of a grammar nazi. Feel free to pummel me if you like. *dons riot gear*
I know I've been a bad girl. And I've been less than a good writer to you wonderful people that are waiting for the end of WL.
Most of you know I recently lost a close friend and her baby. I've been in a bit of a funk and spending some time with her family, sadly I've had less than zero inclination to spend time away from them and on line, so I've barely been here. I know I've worried some of you, by just up and disappearing, for that I'm sorry. Add to that the fact that I forgot to pack the power cord for my laptop and the remainder of WL is currently held hostage inside my current flat laptop until I can get power for it.
I'm sorry I've been a flake and disappeared, but I promise I'll be back soon. I thought I'd be back by this week but I decided to stay another week.
*is this one better? The other one is a cathedral in Glasgow.*
I had no idea; that's so sad. I'm glad you're spending time with her family. I was thinking you might be ill or just working too hard. Take care of yourself - and them. My condolences...
Hey, maybe I've missed something since I haven't had a chance to read my flist properly lately, but everything alright? You haven't posted the rest of this elsewhere and I've failed to see it, right? Cos that would be bad. *eyeballs internet*
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struggled to reign in his control
Good story so far, enjoying it muchly. :)
Thought I should draw your attention to the above phrases. The first one needs a subject, as well as a hyphen between kiss and swollen, and another hyphen between heavy and lidded.
In the second phrase, "reign" should be "rein".
There are a number of other places that need hyphens and/or commas.
I'm kind of a grammar nazi. Feel free to pummel me if you like. *dons riot gear*
Reply
*eyeballs your current default link*
Uh-oh... have you gone all religious on us and sworn off slash?!?!?! EEEEK!
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Most of you know I recently lost a close friend and her baby. I've been in a bit of a funk and spending some time with her family, sadly I've had less than zero inclination to spend time away from them and on line, so I've barely been here. I know I've worried some of you, by just up and disappearing, for that I'm sorry. Add to that the fact that I forgot to pack the power cord for my laptop and the remainder of WL is currently held hostage inside my current flat laptop until I can get power for it.
I'm sorry I've been a flake and disappeared, but I promise I'll be back soon. I thought I'd be back by this week but I decided to stay another week.
*is this one better? The other one is a cathedral in Glasgow.*
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