What Makes A Villain a Villain?
Discerning your Enemies, Or How to Not Get Held at Gunpoint By Your Wife
By Christina Lollobrigida
The world of espionage is a dangerous one. Every turn opening up a new opportunity for betrayal, violence and sex. Of course all the glory comes with the price that at any moment your best friend could end up a clone, or worse an enemy.
Being able to determine just who to trust is a two part process, that only requires that you shoot first, and ask questions second. It's quite simple when you come down to it, but perhaps you aren't ready to shoot at the hot guy with the almost nondistinct accent and pale blue eyes. Perhaps you are looking for a more thorough method of finding out just who you can't trust these days. In these cases I am going to offer up more than a few signs that we all can look for, so that in the future we greet our future bedfellows with a hello and a wink, not a .45 caliber bullet and a silencer.
The Bad Boy aka Hot Guy with Accent
He's the one you love to hate, and would love to change so that he could see the error of his ways yet still tie you to the bed at the end of the night. I must warn you though, this man is not a fixer upper. Stuck in his ways there isn't anything about him that you could change over time that wouldn't ruin the overall appeal of him. If you want him bad, he's going to have to stay bad.
However if you are looking for that Bad Boy that you can't take home to Mom? Here are a few things to be on the lookout for:
Accents. Most of the true bad boys, and villainous men that you are looking for have an accent of some sort. I believe this comes from the fact that American Boys are "Good Ol' Boys" and are happy to meet your mother, or even help her with some heavy lifting around the house. Most nefarious men have an accent of some sort, which usually will distract you away from whatever evil scheme he has planned or lure you into believing you know something about him.
The accent however usually doesn't give much away when it comes to how they were raised. Crafting their accents to mask their origins is possibly a course they take at the Bad Boy Academy. I've tried to get in as a Sex Ed. Teacher, but no one's returned my calls yet. Narrowing it down to just a few countries is probably as close as you are going to get to sorting out their hometown without actually asking them.
Charming and Aloof The standard Bad Boy, is well aware of their villainous ways and like the popular girl in High School, knowing that fact just makes them more dangerous. They will use this knowledge against you. They will stare into your eyes, graze the skin upon your arm lightly, place a gentle hand to the small of your back. All to make you feel more secure in the choice you are making to blow up the Mall of America.
When confronted with said wiles they will deny it all, proposing that you are imagining all of it, and that while they know they have their positive attributes that they don't see themselves in the way that you do. They will flatter you and remain uncaring, as if they don't even realize that you would willingly strip down in a heartbeat if they would ask you to.
In Control Without Control The final thing that these Bad Boys will do, is make you feel like you are in complete control of the entire situation. Praise and compliments about how well you performed are mere ploys to get you to admit that they were just as good. They want the upper hand even if it means making you feel like it's in the palm of yours. As quickly as you seize that control, they'll have you handing it over to them thanking you for all your hard work.
***
The MasterMind aka the Crazed Intellectual
You've looked up to him for so long, until you realize that he's been behind everything you hate. Being the thinking man that he is, he will usually beat you to most of your conclusions, always trying to be at least four steps ahead of you. The odds of catching this one are extremely rare, and even if you do detect him reigning him in will prove an even more difficult task. However here are some of the traits that this nefarious man has so that if you should spot one you can quit that cover job at the nail salon and call the CIA for real help.
Family Man One of the Masterminds greatest tools is the use of family. A guise for his true ambitions he will surround himself with people that he adopts into his own sick and twisted version of a family. These people will usually be ones that at one time trusted him until he messed up. Despite any speeches given through gritted teeth and clenched fists he will still believe that in the end these people will show him the kindness that he believes he has given them. In the end though his family will always come second to the greater cause, which is his own agenda.
Ruthless Motivation Nothing will stand in the way of whatever the crazed determined man is after. The previously mentioned family will become disposable if they are standing between them and what they are looking for. A twitchy eyelid during a long intense stare down, or even a moment of pure calmness can sometimes give this Ruthless Motivation away. These moments are your chance to get the hell away from them.
Water Supply They seem to have their own. If they offer you a drink? Take it, because usually it is the safest water in the world. This should also apply to wine, and any beverage. Make sure they drink it as well.
Accessories Always check for stripey Socks.
***
The Vixen aka The Bombshell with Bombshells
She's the one you trust because she has a lovely smile that reveals almost nothing. She's got dresses that cost more than your one bedroom apartment, and she knows that she looks amazing in them. Wigs are playthings, as are men. She'll steal your man, and make him think that if he leaves her? The world will end.
Glamour and Beauty Those dresses she wears? The ones that are too tight and a bit too low cut? She knows they are, and she wears them all the time despite that. When she's good she pulls her hair back, and makes you think that she is just like the girl from next door, but when she's bad? The hair falls down her back, and her eyes are lined with liner. Those in the industry refer to this as "Spy!Liner" It is a tell-tale sign of the Vixen.
Accents Just like those Bad Boys we love to hate, the Vixen also has a telltale accent that is meant to stun you into submission. Similar to the Bad Boy, her accent is not distinguishable from a certain origin, but does give you the sense of good upbringings. Her accent also will allow her tone to seem more compassionate when really she is cold and heartless.
Secretive Cell Phone Calls The Vixen is usually involved in something so devastatingly evil that she is very hard to get a hold of. Cell phones, a modern daydream to the Vixen allow all her alliances to keep in touch, without burdening her down with a paper trail. She will use any hallway, corridor, or empty room to get into contact with someone just as devious as she is. If she has to take the call in private? Make sure to check her caller ID later.
Dead Relatives Generally this is something that everyone has; however The Vixen could go to extreme lengths to gain this trait simply to keep her status well hidden. The death should always seem sudden and unexplainable by normal means. Be wary if her beloved relative is suddenly struck down by a falling piano, or electrocuted in the bathtub. Sympathy is her best friend.
***
By now I have given you the basics that you need to know when encountering someone new. This person could turn out to be your best friend, but then again? She might end up being someone pretending to be your best friend just to kill you later. The safest protocol when encountering someone new in the world of espionage is the two step process discussed in the beginning of this article, but if you are still unsure I hope these guidelines help you out. In the meantime I must change into my Versace gown, and reapply my eyeliner, I believe evenings do require a bit of a more vixeny classy look.
By Christina Lollobrigida
The world of espionage is a dangerous one. Every turn opening up a new opportunity for betrayal, violence and sex. Of course all the glory comes with the price that at any moment your best friend could end up a clone, or worse an enemy.
Being able to determine just who to trust is a two part process, that only requires that you shoot first, and ask questions second. It's quite simple when you come down to it, but perhaps you aren't ready to shoot at the hot guy with the almost nondistinct accent and pale blue eyes. Perhaps you are looking for a more thorough method of finding out just who you can't trust these days. In these cases I am going to offer up more than a few signs that we all can look for, so that in the future we greet our future bedfellows with a hello and a wink, not a .45 caliber bullet and a silencer.
The Bad Boy aka Hot Guy with Accent
He's the one you love to hate, and would love to change so that he could see the error of his ways yet still tie you to the bed at the end of the night. I must warn you though, this man is not a fixer upper. Stuck in his ways there isn't anything about him that you could change over time that wouldn't ruin the overall appeal of him. If you want him bad, he's going to have to stay bad.
However if you are looking for that Bad Boy that you can't take home to Mom? Here are a few things to be on the lookout for:
Accents. Most of the true bad boys, and villainous men that you are looking for have an accent of some sort. I believe this comes from the fact that American Boys are "Good Ol' Boys" and are happy to meet your mother, or even help her with some heavy lifting around the house. Most nefarious men have an accent of some sort, which usually will distract you away from whatever evil scheme he has planned or lure you into believing you know something about him.
The accent however usually doesn't give much away when it comes to how they were raised. Crafting their accents to mask their origins is possibly a course they take at the Bad Boy Academy. I've tried to get in as a Sex Ed. Teacher, but no one's returned my calls yet. Narrowing it down to just a few countries is probably as close as you are going to get to sorting out their hometown without actually asking them.
Charming and Aloof The standard Bad Boy, is well aware of their villainous ways and like the popular girl in High School, knowing that fact just makes them more dangerous. They will use this knowledge against you. They will stare into your eyes, graze the skin upon your arm lightly, place a gentle hand to the small of your back. All to make you feel more secure in the choice you are making to blow up the Mall of America.
When confronted with said wiles they will deny it all, proposing that you are imagining all of it, and that while they know they have their positive attributes that they don't see themselves in the way that you do. They will flatter you and remain uncaring, as if they don't even realize that you would willingly strip down in a heartbeat if they would ask you to.
In Control Without Control The final thing that these Bad Boys will do, is make you feel like you are in complete control of the entire situation. Praise and compliments about how well you performed are mere ploys to get you to admit that they were just as good. They want the upper hand even if it means making you feel like it's in the palm of yours. As quickly as you seize that control, they'll have you handing it over to them thanking you for all your hard work.
***
The MasterMind aka the Crazed Intellectual
You've looked up to him for so long, until you realize that he's been behind everything you hate. Being the thinking man that he is, he will usually beat you to most of your conclusions, always trying to be at least four steps ahead of you. The odds of catching this one are extremely rare, and even if you do detect him reigning him in will prove an even more difficult task. However here are some of the traits that this nefarious man has so that if you should spot one you can quit that cover job at the nail salon and call the CIA for real help.
Family Man One of the Masterminds greatest tools is the use of family. A guise for his true ambitions he will surround himself with people that he adopts into his own sick and twisted version of a family. These people will usually be ones that at one time trusted him until he messed up. Despite any speeches given through gritted teeth and clenched fists he will still believe that in the end these people will show him the kindness that he believes he has given them. In the end though his family will always come second to the greater cause, which is his own agenda.
Ruthless Motivation Nothing will stand in the way of whatever the crazed determined man is after. The previously mentioned family will become disposable if they are standing between them and what they are looking for. A twitchy eyelid during a long intense stare down, or even a moment of pure calmness can sometimes give this Ruthless Motivation away. These moments are your chance to get the hell away from them.
Water Supply They seem to have their own. If they offer you a drink? Take it, because usually it is the safest water in the world. This should also apply to wine, and any beverage. Make sure they drink it as well.
Accessories Always check for stripey Socks.
***
The Vixen aka The Bombshell with Bombshells
She's the one you trust because she has a lovely smile that reveals almost nothing. She's got dresses that cost more than your one bedroom apartment, and she knows that she looks amazing in them. Wigs are playthings, as are men. She'll steal your man, and make him think that if he leaves her? The world will end.
Glamour and Beauty Those dresses she wears? The ones that are too tight and a bit too low cut? She knows they are, and she wears them all the time despite that. When she's good she pulls her hair back, and makes you think that she is just like the girl from next door, but when she's bad? The hair falls down her back, and her eyes are lined with liner. Those in the industry refer to this as "Spy!Liner" It is a tell-tale sign of the Vixen.
Accents Just like those Bad Boys we love to hate, the Vixen also has a telltale accent that is meant to stun you into submission. Similar to the Bad Boy, her accent is not distinguishable from a certain origin, but does give you the sense of good upbringings. Her accent also will allow her tone to seem more compassionate when really she is cold and heartless.
Secretive Cell Phone Calls The Vixen is usually involved in something so devastatingly evil that she is very hard to get a hold of. Cell phones, a modern daydream to the Vixen allow all her alliances to keep in touch, without burdening her down with a paper trail. She will use any hallway, corridor, or empty room to get into contact with someone just as devious as she is. If she has to take the call in private? Make sure to check her caller ID later.
Dead Relatives Generally this is something that everyone has; however The Vixen could go to extreme lengths to gain this trait simply to keep her status well hidden. The death should always seem sudden and unexplainable by normal means. Be wary if her beloved relative is suddenly struck down by a falling piano, or electrocuted in the bathtub. Sympathy is her best friend.
***
By now I have given you the basics that you need to know when encountering someone new. This person could turn out to be your best friend, but then again? She might end up being someone pretending to be your best friend just to kill you later. The safest protocol when encountering someone new in the world of espionage is the two step process discussed in the beginning of this article, but if you are still unsure I hope these guidelines help you out. In the meantime I must change into my Versace gown, and reapply my eyeliner, I believe evenings do require a bit of a more vixeny classy look.