Sometimes I like to look at those Facebook memories things and see what stupid shit I said. So, out of curiosity, I went back to last April here to see what I said
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If you want to be there, you'll be there. It's up to you how you do it. It isn't even about talking to your wife, although you should be doing that. But it's about making the active choice to show up. Don't matter if you're only there an hour a day or three months a year. You can show up if you want to.
Ask your friend exactly what he was doing when he was there, and not-present with his wife.
I'm not saying every marriage can be fixed. My own has struggled mightily over the years as we've tried to navigate what it means for two incredibly independent people to also try to share a life. Trust me, when the woman you love threatens to leave you if you rearrange your life to come home when she has cancer, it's a hard road to walk.
But we can make the choice to be present even when we aren't there. Letters, regular check in, a voice message on telegram left to be found later. It's about more than just existing in the same space. It's about wanting to be a presence in the other person's life. It's about wanting to take up emotional space, not just physical space.
Sounds like your friend was more than happy to take up the physical space. Makes me wonder about the emotional space.
I don’t know. I can’t speak to his home life and I don’t really know his wife that well.
There’s nothing that says I should be questioning, but I’m just wondering if what I’m doing is enough. I get a few minutes alone with her in the evening and we’re texting throughout the day. But is it enough? I know she hates it. I know she needs more.
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I'm not saying every marriage can be fixed. My own has struggled mightily over the years as we've tried to navigate what it means for two incredibly independent people to also try to share a life. Trust me, when the woman you love threatens to leave you if you rearrange your life to come home when she has cancer, it's a hard road to walk.
But we can make the choice to be present even when we aren't there. Letters, regular check in, a voice message on telegram left to be found later. It's about more than just existing in the same space. It's about wanting to be a presence in the other person's life. It's about wanting to take up emotional space, not just physical space.
Sounds like your friend was more than happy to take up the physical space. Makes me wonder about the emotional space.
Reply
There’s nothing that says I should be questioning, but I’m just wondering if what I’m doing is enough. I get a few minutes alone with her in the evening and we’re texting throughout the day. But is it enough? I know she hates it. I know she needs more.
Reply
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