When Katie goes out and gets shitfaced every day in a week and Mum says she's "just going through a rough patch." I do it twice and it's the end of the fucking world and I need to stop before it's a problem. I tell her "Yeah, Mum, I'm a real bloody alcoholic." And she bursts into tears screaming about how I shouldn't joke about things like that.
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But don't you worry, old man. There's an entire ocean separating us. You'll never have lower yourself to being anywhere near me. Go celebrate with your very old port out of your finest crystal and be thrilled that you are still so superior.
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