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[know_how_u_feel]

Steven Mol. That's the name of the guy I killed. He was 29 years old and it was his second day working for UPS. He had a wife named Megan and 2 kids. A little boy and a brand new little girl. She's never going to know her dad except for stories and pictures

Comments

[2012_approaches]

When it gets easier, it's time to walk away.

I remember my first one still, and I'm old enough to be your mother. I remember the blood on my scrubs and knowing that even though there was nothing I could do, I still felt like I should have been superwoman.

But you aren't. And sometimes we don't go fast enough and sometimes the universe makes decisions and sometimes, just sometimes, it's not our place to save them. It's a hard lesson learned. We take the oath to first do no harm, but you have to remember that sometimes, the harm is already done.

Don't go to the funeral. Go to work tomorrow and do your job. That's how you honor what happened today.

[know_how_u_feel]

Is that what you did? You just went back to work? Tried to forget?

[2012_approaches]

I went back to work. At first I tried to forget and then I realized that in doing that, I only kept repeating mistakes. Don't forget. Learn from it. Move forward. You've made a choice to be in a profession where people's lives are in your hands. Sometimes that means death wins. It sucks.

[know_how_u_feel]

I would never quit. That wasn't an option for me. I guess I feel like I deserve the guilt. I want to forget because I want it to go away but I don't because I should feel guilty. Someone else could have saved him. Hell, the EMT could have. They managed it well enough the first time.

I just thought I would be better than this.