Fic (Arthur/Merlin): Treading Softly
Title: Treading Softly
Author: heavenlyxbodies
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin
Rating: PG
Spoilers: anything through S3 is fair game, nothing for S4 spoilers/speculation
Feedback: Makes me happy, just play nice
Disclaimer(s) can be found here
Warnings/Squicks: major injury (hearing loss)
Summary: It’s time for some decisions, is Merlin ready to face them, any of them…
AN1: part of the Silence!verse
Silence Glows
Treading Softly
Falling on Deaf Ears
AN2: I mean no disrespect to anyone with direct/intense experience in these matters, I can only base this on my imagination and what little experience ‘ve had.
AN3: Huge, huge thanks and hugs to mialoco for, well, everything. ♥
~~~~~~~~~
Arthur gently shook his sleeping manservant. He chuckled at the disgruntled murphling noise Merlin made. “Merlin,” he turned him over to face him. “It’s time to get up, love,” he purred, when those deep blue eyes opened and looked at him.
“Prat.” He smiled softly, and Arthur beamed- an insolent Merlin in the morning boded well for the rest of the day; he only hoped he wouldn’t darken his mood with what he planned to speak to him about.
“Come on, lazy.” He rolled off the bed in a fluid motion.
Merlin sat up running a hand through his already rumpled bedhair only serving to cause it to stick up in even more random patterns. “You’re one to talk.”
“I’m the Crown Prince, I’m allowed.” He rounded the bed to sit beside Merlin. “Speaking of, I want to talk to you about something,” pointing between them and making a mouthing motion with his hand to make sure Merlin understood. Arthur placed a hand on Merlin’s covered leg, when he began to look nervous. “Hey, it’s nothing bad,” he said shaking his head. “We’re good,” he leaned in to give Merlin a quick kiss to accentuate the point.
Still, nervous though not as worried, Merlin simply nodded.
“You want something to eat?” he asked motioning to his mouth.
“Yeah.”
“Good ‘cause I stopped by the kitchens and got these,” he said pulling the lid off a small plate of ham and fruit.
Merlin smiled when he saw the grapes and strawberries. “Thank you,” he said, taking the plate from Arthur.
He knew he was smiling sappily, but he couldn’t help it, seeing Merlin like this, happy and relaxed- it was a rarity lately and he treasured it.
“What?” Merlin asked quizzically around a strawberry.
“Nothing.” Arthur kept smiling, shaking his head. Just you, he thought.
Merlin gave him a look that Arthur knew meant he didn’t believe him, but didn’t push the matter. Steeling himself, he popped another grape in his mouth, and asked, “What did you want to talk to me about?”
“Finish eating,” Arthur instructed. “It’ll wait.”
Merlin pushed the half eaten plate away, “Talk.”
He chuckled and shook his head, “Impatient.”
Merlin’s brow furrowed, not understanding.
Arthur considered for a moment then grabbed a piece of parchment and scrawled the word out and showed Merlin. He didn’t like resorting to writing, mostly because, while it ensured that Merlin understood, it also seemed to make him feel smaller. He’d noticed it with Gaius. Whenever they’d be talking and Gaius would offer one of his hastily scribble notes, Merlin’s shoulders slouched down the slightest amount. Arthur didn’t want to cause that same slouch in his lover.
Thankfully Merlin chuckled. “Tell me, already; before I worry myself to death,” he said with a smile that he hoped covered at least some of his nerves.
He sat across from him and cupped the back of Merlin’s neck pulling until their foreheads pressed together. “Calm down.” He waited while Merlin took a deep breath and let it out again before he continued. “Better?”
A half chuckle answered him.
“What do you want to do? About this,” he pointed to Merlin’s ear.
Once again Merlin’s brow furrowed, and he made a face. “What can I do?” he asked, confused.
“I mean about your duties,” he explained. “Do you want to continue as my manservant? I know it will take work, probably a lot of work, but I’ll do whatever I can. If you want to move to assisting Gaius fulltime, I’ll arrange that as well.”
One look at Merlin’s confused and fallen face and Arthur was kicking himself. He’d gotten so nervous that the words just tumbled out of his mouth without thinking if Merlin could understand or keep up with him. He waited for Merlin to look at him again. “I’m sorry. I was nervous.” He held his hand up shaking it softly, hoping Merlin would get it.
“Scared?” Merlin arched a questioning eyebrow.
Arthur let out a self-depreciating chuckle and nodded. “Yeah, you could say that.”
This time it was Merlin who reached for Arthur, letting his hand caress his cheek for a moment, before pulling it back and telling Arthur, “Try again?”
“Do you want to keep working here, for me?” He made a sweeping motion and feeling an idiot then waved around the room and pointed at himself.
“Of course I want to!” Merlin snapped indignantly as if it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard, or…
“You don’t have to,” Arthur assured, shaking his head.
“You mean you don’t want me to,” the words were soft and angry and somehow sad.
“Merlin,” he gave a put upon look to his lover. “You were incompetent before, I hardly think you could be worse now,” he teased, hoping to ease some of the defensiveness in Merlin’s voice. It was hard to tell which way to go with Merlin, sometimes his teasing would only send him further into a gloom and on the rare, though disturbingly becoming more frequent, occasion spark his anger. Still, these teasing insults were their way, and Arthur thought it would do more harm than good to change that- he didn’t need Gaius to tell him that treating Merlin normally was the best thing he could do for him.
Merlin glared. “I’m not incompetent!” he growled quietly.
Arthur heaved a sigh, so much for Merlin’s good mood. “Of course you’re not! Merlin I didn’t mean to imply-”
Merlin pushed his way out of bed dressing quickly- it was one thing Arthur had noticed, when Merlin was mad or distracted the rest of the world, the parts that threw him off and overwhelmed him, didn’t affect him nearly as much. On any other day Merlin would have been wobbly getting out of bed, all those audible clues that were taken for granted before, now missing and throwing him off balance- no rustle of bedding or settling of the bed the soft sound as his feet hit the floor a fraction of a second before he felt the stone against his feet, small things, almost imperceptible, but once they were missing it was as if the sound they didn’t make was a scream jostling everything around him.
“-Merlin? Where are you going?”
“Back to Gaius. At least it’s his job to treat me like an invalid.”
Arthur was torn. On one hand he couldn’t bear for Merlin to be so upset and angry with him; on the other, if he was this angry, he might just make it to Gaius’ quarters on his own. It took a fraction of a second before he decided that no matter what benefit it might have, now was not the time for Merlin to go roaming the halls alone. No one save the three of them knew of Merlin’s condition and it wasn’t worth the risk. “Merlin,” he begged. “Come on.” He reached out for his servant, grabbing him loosely around the wrist, careful not to put pressure into the touch. He didn’t want him to feel trapped that would only make matters worse. “Sit. Hear me out.” He mental cringed at his choice of words, but they were said, no point trying to take them back; it would only upset Merlin more. “Please?”
Merlin looked at the barely there hold Arthur had on him and the hot anger seemed to dissipate. Arthur was holding back, it would have been so easy for Arthur to pull him back to the bed or anywhere really, but he hadn’t and that knowledge bled his anger from him. “Arthur.”
This time Arthur did pull, pulling him against his chest. “Idiot,” he said fondly.
“Prat,” came the predictable response causing a low rumbling laugh in Arthur’s chest.
He led Merlin over to the large table and sat him in his fur-lined chair. “If you want to continue serving me there are some things we’ll have to talk about.” He repeated his seemingly ridiculous motions from earlier adding an indication to his mouth and then pointing to Merlin.
Merlin actually giggled at Arthur’s movements, he might have needed them to understand, but it didn’t make them any less amusing. “Like what?” he asked still chortling.
Arthur smiled. “Like how we deal with the other servants? And gods help us, my father? Who do we tell and when? What duties you feel you can accomplish and what needs to be changed, if anything, so you can do those things?”
Merlin’s eyes were wide, by the time Arthur finished rattling off his list, even if he didn’t understand all of it.
“Too much?”
“A little,” he answered.
“Sorry. I just need you to think about it, okay?” He stroked along Merlin’s cheek, secretly wanting to trace the curve of his ear instead, letting Merlin know it didn’t matter to him, but he wasn’t sure Merlin was up for that yet.
Merlin nodded and grabbed Arthur’s wrist as he began to turn away. “Write it down for me?” he asked a slight tremor in his voice.
Arthur simply nodded in response, realizing how much it had taken for Merlin to ask that of him.
That night as Merlin lay with his head on Arthur’s chest, feeling it carry him on its soft rise and fall, he whispered, “I’m not ready for people to know.”
Arthur looked down into Merlin’s sorrowful, but utterly determined blue eyes.
“I want to be able to get by on my own first. I don’t want them tiptoeing around me or going out of their way or feeling sorry for me. I know we’ll have to tell someone, but not everyone, not yet.”
Arthur pulled Merlin a little closer to him. “Okay,” he promised, relieved that Merlin had been thinking about their earlier conversation. One question down a hundred more to go.
Author: heavenlyxbodies
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin
Rating: PG
Spoilers: anything through S3 is fair game, nothing for S4 spoilers/speculation
Feedback: Makes me happy, just play nice
Disclaimer(s) can be found here
Warnings/Squicks: major injury (hearing loss)
Summary: It’s time for some decisions, is Merlin ready to face them, any of them…
AN1: part of the Silence!verse
Silence Glows
Treading Softly
Falling on Deaf Ears
AN2: I mean no disrespect to anyone with direct/intense experience in these matters, I can only base this on my imagination and what little experience ‘ve had.
AN3: Huge, huge thanks and hugs to mialoco for, well, everything. ♥
~~~~~~~~~
Arthur gently shook his sleeping manservant. He chuckled at the disgruntled murphling noise Merlin made. “Merlin,” he turned him over to face him. “It’s time to get up, love,” he purred, when those deep blue eyes opened and looked at him.
“Prat.” He smiled softly, and Arthur beamed- an insolent Merlin in the morning boded well for the rest of the day; he only hoped he wouldn’t darken his mood with what he planned to speak to him about.
“Come on, lazy.” He rolled off the bed in a fluid motion.
Merlin sat up running a hand through his already rumpled bedhair only serving to cause it to stick up in even more random patterns. “You’re one to talk.”
“I’m the Crown Prince, I’m allowed.” He rounded the bed to sit beside Merlin. “Speaking of, I want to talk to you about something,” pointing between them and making a mouthing motion with his hand to make sure Merlin understood. Arthur placed a hand on Merlin’s covered leg, when he began to look nervous. “Hey, it’s nothing bad,” he said shaking his head. “We’re good,” he leaned in to give Merlin a quick kiss to accentuate the point.
Still, nervous though not as worried, Merlin simply nodded.
“You want something to eat?” he asked motioning to his mouth.
“Yeah.”
“Good ‘cause I stopped by the kitchens and got these,” he said pulling the lid off a small plate of ham and fruit.
Merlin smiled when he saw the grapes and strawberries. “Thank you,” he said, taking the plate from Arthur.
He knew he was smiling sappily, but he couldn’t help it, seeing Merlin like this, happy and relaxed- it was a rarity lately and he treasured it.
“What?” Merlin asked quizzically around a strawberry.
“Nothing.” Arthur kept smiling, shaking his head. Just you, he thought.
Merlin gave him a look that Arthur knew meant he didn’t believe him, but didn’t push the matter. Steeling himself, he popped another grape in his mouth, and asked, “What did you want to talk to me about?”
“Finish eating,” Arthur instructed. “It’ll wait.”
Merlin pushed the half eaten plate away, “Talk.”
He chuckled and shook his head, “Impatient.”
Merlin’s brow furrowed, not understanding.
Arthur considered for a moment then grabbed a piece of parchment and scrawled the word out and showed Merlin. He didn’t like resorting to writing, mostly because, while it ensured that Merlin understood, it also seemed to make him feel smaller. He’d noticed it with Gaius. Whenever they’d be talking and Gaius would offer one of his hastily scribble notes, Merlin’s shoulders slouched down the slightest amount. Arthur didn’t want to cause that same slouch in his lover.
Thankfully Merlin chuckled. “Tell me, already; before I worry myself to death,” he said with a smile that he hoped covered at least some of his nerves.
He sat across from him and cupped the back of Merlin’s neck pulling until their foreheads pressed together. “Calm down.” He waited while Merlin took a deep breath and let it out again before he continued. “Better?”
A half chuckle answered him.
“What do you want to do? About this,” he pointed to Merlin’s ear.
Once again Merlin’s brow furrowed, and he made a face. “What can I do?” he asked, confused.
“I mean about your duties,” he explained. “Do you want to continue as my manservant? I know it will take work, probably a lot of work, but I’ll do whatever I can. If you want to move to assisting Gaius fulltime, I’ll arrange that as well.”
One look at Merlin’s confused and fallen face and Arthur was kicking himself. He’d gotten so nervous that the words just tumbled out of his mouth without thinking if Merlin could understand or keep up with him. He waited for Merlin to look at him again. “I’m sorry. I was nervous.” He held his hand up shaking it softly, hoping Merlin would get it.
“Scared?” Merlin arched a questioning eyebrow.
Arthur let out a self-depreciating chuckle and nodded. “Yeah, you could say that.”
This time it was Merlin who reached for Arthur, letting his hand caress his cheek for a moment, before pulling it back and telling Arthur, “Try again?”
“Do you want to keep working here, for me?” He made a sweeping motion and feeling an idiot then waved around the room and pointed at himself.
“Of course I want to!” Merlin snapped indignantly as if it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard, or…
“You don’t have to,” Arthur assured, shaking his head.
“You mean you don’t want me to,” the words were soft and angry and somehow sad.
“Merlin,” he gave a put upon look to his lover. “You were incompetent before, I hardly think you could be worse now,” he teased, hoping to ease some of the defensiveness in Merlin’s voice. It was hard to tell which way to go with Merlin, sometimes his teasing would only send him further into a gloom and on the rare, though disturbingly becoming more frequent, occasion spark his anger. Still, these teasing insults were their way, and Arthur thought it would do more harm than good to change that- he didn’t need Gaius to tell him that treating Merlin normally was the best thing he could do for him.
Merlin glared. “I’m not incompetent!” he growled quietly.
Arthur heaved a sigh, so much for Merlin’s good mood. “Of course you’re not! Merlin I didn’t mean to imply-”
Merlin pushed his way out of bed dressing quickly- it was one thing Arthur had noticed, when Merlin was mad or distracted the rest of the world, the parts that threw him off and overwhelmed him, didn’t affect him nearly as much. On any other day Merlin would have been wobbly getting out of bed, all those audible clues that were taken for granted before, now missing and throwing him off balance- no rustle of bedding or settling of the bed the soft sound as his feet hit the floor a fraction of a second before he felt the stone against his feet, small things, almost imperceptible, but once they were missing it was as if the sound they didn’t make was a scream jostling everything around him.
“-Merlin? Where are you going?”
“Back to Gaius. At least it’s his job to treat me like an invalid.”
Arthur was torn. On one hand he couldn’t bear for Merlin to be so upset and angry with him; on the other, if he was this angry, he might just make it to Gaius’ quarters on his own. It took a fraction of a second before he decided that no matter what benefit it might have, now was not the time for Merlin to go roaming the halls alone. No one save the three of them knew of Merlin’s condition and it wasn’t worth the risk. “Merlin,” he begged. “Come on.” He reached out for his servant, grabbing him loosely around the wrist, careful not to put pressure into the touch. He didn’t want him to feel trapped that would only make matters worse. “Sit. Hear me out.” He mental cringed at his choice of words, but they were said, no point trying to take them back; it would only upset Merlin more. “Please?”
Merlin looked at the barely there hold Arthur had on him and the hot anger seemed to dissipate. Arthur was holding back, it would have been so easy for Arthur to pull him back to the bed or anywhere really, but he hadn’t and that knowledge bled his anger from him. “Arthur.”
This time Arthur did pull, pulling him against his chest. “Idiot,” he said fondly.
“Prat,” came the predictable response causing a low rumbling laugh in Arthur’s chest.
He led Merlin over to the large table and sat him in his fur-lined chair. “If you want to continue serving me there are some things we’ll have to talk about.” He repeated his seemingly ridiculous motions from earlier adding an indication to his mouth and then pointing to Merlin.
Merlin actually giggled at Arthur’s movements, he might have needed them to understand, but it didn’t make them any less amusing. “Like what?” he asked still chortling.
Arthur smiled. “Like how we deal with the other servants? And gods help us, my father? Who do we tell and when? What duties you feel you can accomplish and what needs to be changed, if anything, so you can do those things?”
Merlin’s eyes were wide, by the time Arthur finished rattling off his list, even if he didn’t understand all of it.
“Too much?”
“A little,” he answered.
“Sorry. I just need you to think about it, okay?” He stroked along Merlin’s cheek, secretly wanting to trace the curve of his ear instead, letting Merlin know it didn’t matter to him, but he wasn’t sure Merlin was up for that yet.
Merlin nodded and grabbed Arthur’s wrist as he began to turn away. “Write it down for me?” he asked a slight tremor in his voice.
Arthur simply nodded in response, realizing how much it had taken for Merlin to ask that of him.
That night as Merlin lay with his head on Arthur’s chest, feeling it carry him on its soft rise and fall, he whispered, “I’m not ready for people to know.”
Arthur looked down into Merlin’s sorrowful, but utterly determined blue eyes.
“I want to be able to get by on my own first. I don’t want them tiptoeing around me or going out of their way or feeling sorry for me. I know we’ll have to tell someone, but not everyone, not yet.”
Arthur pulled Merlin a little closer to him. “Okay,” he promised, relieved that Merlin had been thinking about their earlier conversation. One question down a hundred more to go.