BEAUTIFUL SWISS HAIR: ontd

skatingncrying in ontd_skating

BEAUTIFUL SWISS HAIR

Jun 26, 2010 03:11

IT'S TIME FOR A LOOK AT THE HISTORY OF THE LUSCIOUS LOCKS OF OUR FAVOURITE SWISS ATHLETE

LOL JK

PART ONE 1985-1997 - BB STÉPHANE, OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, 'THE PUDDINGBOWL':

CONS: SORT OF FUGLY, LOOKS LIKE HE HAD HIS HAIR CUT BY HIS MOTHER

PROS: CUTER THAN A BASKET FULL OF KITTENS AND PUPPIES BEING CARRIED BY A UNICORN

VERDICT: PROBABLY HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING FOR ANY OTHER PERSON, BUT STÉPH PULLS IT OFF WITH HIS ADORABLE BB SMILE, GOLD LEGGINGS, AND SHAMELESS WHORING.

PART TWO 1997-2001 - THE AWKWARD TEENAGE YEARS, IN WHICH OUR INTREPID HERO ATTEMPTS THE JUNIOR GRAND PRIX AND SPORTS A SHORT BACK AND SIDES

CONS: IT STILL LOOKS LIKE HIS MOTHER IS CUTTING HIS HAIR

PROS: NOT MANY PHOTOS OF THIS PERIOD EXIST.

VERDICT: THOUGH ADORABLE IN RETROSPECT, THIS PERIOD OF TIME IS NOT A HEPPI ONE FOR COIFFURE DE LAMBIEL. POOR BB HAS YET TO GROW INTO HIS EYEBROWS.

PART THREE 2001-2002 - THE EVEN MORE AWKWARD TEENAGE YEARS, AKA PUBERTY STRIKES BACK

CONS: STÉPH HAS STILL TO GROW INTO HIS EYEBROWS

PROS: _SKATING AND THE ASSEMBLED HOUSEWIVES OF GERMAN SPEAKING NATIONS FEEL MILDLY LESS LIKE CHILD MOLESTERS

VERDICT: WHILE WE ARE DELIGHTED THAT OUR BB HAS DISCOVERED HAIR GEL, IS WURKING THE FLIPPED-UP-FRINGE, AND HAS MADE HIS OLYMPIC DEBUT, THERE IS STILL SOMETHING LACKING. NEEDS MOAR ... FLOP.

PART FOUR 2002-2005 - CHOCOLAT ISN'T THE ONLY YUMMY THING AROUND HERE

INTRODUCING ... LE FLOP

Ì AM CONVINCED LE FLOP IS THE SOURCE OF HIS SKATING GREATNESS. OBSERVE:

2003 JUST SAYIN

WHY DO YOU COVER YOUR BEAUTIFUL HAIR, STÉPH?

VERDICT: FLOPPY HAIR FOR THE WIN, Y/Y?

PART FIVE 2005 - LE FLOP VERTICAL

POSSIBLY IN AN ATTEMPT TO SCARE THE BLONDE MULLET AWAY FROM THE 2005 WORLDS COMPETITION, COIFFURE DE LAMBIEL TOOK A DECIDEDLY ANTI-GRAVITATIONAL STANCE

IS IT TRYING TO MAKE A BREAK FOR FREEDOM? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO THINK.

VERDICT: ON THE ONE HAND, HE LOOKS LIKE HE LICKED HIS FINGER AND STUCK IT IN AN ELECTRICAL SOCKET. ON THE OTHER HAND, HE WAS BEING SUCH A BAMF MF WINNING WORLDS WITH HIS KING ARTHUR PROGRAM THAT I DON'T GIVE A CRAP.

PART SIX 2006 - THE OLYMPIC MULLET

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A MAGICAL ZEBRA WITH WINGS WITH A MULLET?

PROS: THE SOFTLY CURLING HAIR AT THE BASE OF HIS NECK DRAWS ATTENTION TO THAT GLORIOUS ORGAN

CONS: THIS IS THE MAGICAL SPACE ZEBRA WITH WINGS. THERE IS NO SUCH THING.

VERDICT: AGAIN, A HAIRSTYLE (MUCH LIKE THE ENTIRE COSTUME) THAT WOULD LOOK RIDICULOUS ON ANYONE ELSE BUT SIMPLY LOOKS ADORABLE ON OUR BB ZEBRA *SNIFF*

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS PORES, BUT HIS HAIR IS DELICIOUS

PART SEVEN 2007 - GREASE LIGHTNING

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE LIVED A BALLET DANCER CALLED ANTONIO AND A FIGURE SKATER CALLED STÉPHANE. THEY MET AND CHOREOGRAPHED SOME SHIT AND THEN THIS HAPPENED:

REMINDS ME OF

AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY

CONS: THIS GREASY HAIRSTYLE AND MOUSTACHE COMBO SCREAMS SEEDY

PROS: HAVE YOU MET ANY HOUSEWIVES FROM GERMAN SPEAKING NATIONS RECENTLY?

VERDICT: OVERALL, DNW, BUT IT LEAVES SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO DISCUSS THE GREASING OF LIGHTING BOLT TATTOOS.

PART EIGHT 2008 - THE BRITNEY YEARS IN WHICH MON BÉBÉ GOES SLIGHTLY CRAY CRAY AND CUTS OFF ALL HIS HAIR AND MOVES TO AMERICA AND GETS MARRIED IN VEGAS

SO, AT FIRST THE WORLD WAS LIKE DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

BUT THEN THIS HAPPENED:

AND THE MEMBERS OF _SKATING AND THE GERMAN HOUSEWIVES FAPPED AND FAPPED UNTIL THEY COULD FAP NO MORE, AND WERE RESTING WEARILY WHEN A VOICE CRIED, OH MY FUCKING GOD HE'S WEARING SUNGLASSES