BEST BRIAN EVER
Guess what this is?
THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES, IT'S A BRIAN ORSER APPRECIATION POST.
You're probably thinking to yourself, "But I don't want to fuck Brian Orser. Why the hell should I read this post?"
I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
BECAUSE YOUR QUEEN COMMANDS IT.
SO STFU AND PAY ATTENTION.
Given how ridiculously fucking young most of you are, I'm going to assume that most of you are familiar with Mr. Orser from one or more of the following:
1. Coaching Kim Yu-Na.
2. Being the cuter half of the infamous "Battle of the Brians".
3. Starring in many of my awesome macros.
But did you know that before he did any of that, he was just a qt Canadian skater? IT'S TRUE!
AND ALL OF YOU JUMP WHORES BETTER GIVE THIS MAN SOME RESPECT, BECAUSE HE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST TO LAND A TRIPLE AXEL IN COMPETITION.
He actually landed it as a junior in 1979, but hell if I can find a video of that, so here he is landing it at Worlds in 1981:
He was also the first to land two triple axels (one in combination) in one program (whether in competition or just at Worlds is unclear to me, but w/e, it's here).
BASICALLY HE WAS A REALLY AMAZING SKATER WHO WON A TON OF SHIT:
-1987 World Champion (and World silver medalist every other year from 1984-1988)
-1984 & 1988 Olympic silver medalist
-Eight time national champion (1981-1988)
WHEN HE TURNED PRO AFTER WORLDS IN 1988, HE HAD NOT PLACED OFF THE PODIUM AT ANY COMPETITION SINCE 1982.
Of course for better or worse he is most remembered for that Olympic silver medal on home soil in 1988, when he came in second to Brian Boitano by 1/10th of a point. This was a rather traumatizing experience for Brian. If you would like to feel sad, you can read more about it here.
BUT LET'S FOCUS ON THE AWESOME, SHALL WE? A MONTH LATER HE WENT TO WORLDS AND KNOCKED THIS PROGRAM OUT OF THE PARK.
SERIOUSLY, IF YOU'RE NOT OVERWHELMED BY THE BEAUTY OF THIS PERFORMANCE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU WATCH SKATING.
Brian then embarked on his pro career. What's really pretty cool is that the program he did at the 1988 Olympics exhibition became something of a signature program for him, and you can see how he changed over the years by watching it at different points.
1988 Olympics exhibition (age 26)
1998 cheesy tv program (age 36)
2007 Canadian Stars on Ice (age 45)
ngl, that last one makes me cry. We should all be lucky enough to do what we love throughout our lives.
AND NOW THE PART YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
In 2006 Brian started coaching Kim Yu-Na.
If you would like to learn more about how Brian and the coaching team he assembled made Yu-Na laugh again and brought out her personality in her skating, Google and YouTube will happily provide you with about 800 interviews to that effect (here's one chosen pretty much at random; it has some very nice pictures). What's more relevant for this post is how happy this gig seems to make Brian.
WARNING: THIS VIDEO ALSO CONTAINS FOOTAGE OF NIKOLAI MOROZOV BEING A TOTAL CREEPER. IF YOU ONLY WANT THE ADORABLE, SKIP TO 1:20.
In addition to Yu-Na's excellence, the Kim/Orser partnership brought us a shared endorsement deal for Samsung air conditioners.
If you think the print ad is great--AND I AM SURE THAT YOU DO--wait until you see the video. It features Brian:
1. saying "Orser. Brian Orser" and "license to kill - bacteria and viruses" (extremely awkwardly, if that isn't self-evident);
2. wearing way too much makeup, including lip gloss;
3. doing Yu-Na's air conditioner dance;
4. speaking what sounds like really awful Korean;.
5. JUST DOING AND SAYING SO MANY RIDICULOUS AND AWKWARD THINGS, SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO WATCH TO UNDERSTAND.
(Kim Yu-Na's part is first; Orser comes in at 2:05.)
SO BASICALLY BRIAN ORSER + KIM YU-NA = ALMOST UNBEARABLE AMOUNTS OF ADORABLE.
Brian actually seems to be on a mission to surround himself with as much adorable as physically possible, as evidenced by the following photo (which I am convinced was taken by Brian, don't even try to tell me otherwise).
I'd say he's doing a pretty damned good job.
Ok, one last thing. Some of you may be aware that Brian is openly gay.
What you may not know is that he was outed when an ex-boyfriend sued him for palimony, accusing him of all types of crazy shit, including killing their dogs.
Does this look like the face of a man who kills puppies?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
This was only one of the very sucky things that Brian has had to deal with over the years, including the death of his best friend (ice dancer Rob McCall) from AIDS.
But hopefully the worst of the shittiness has passed. As of a couple years ago, Brian was being adorable with this guy:
Hell if I know what's happened in his personal life since then, but if any of you incredible gossips can tell me, please feel free to share.
BUT I DID NOT MAKE THIS POST TO GOSSIP ABOUT BRIAN ORSER'S PERSONAL LIFE. I MADE IT TO SHOW YOU THAT AS OF LAST YEAR, THIS PUDGY MIDDLE-AGED BASTARD COULD STILL DO A BACK FLIP.
WHAT MORE IS THERE TO SAY?
BRIAN ORSER WITH A HAT AND CANE THANKS YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
Source: all the dates and shit are from Wikipedia, the rest isn't from any particular source.
THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES, IT'S A BRIAN ORSER APPRECIATION POST.
You're probably thinking to yourself, "But I don't want to fuck Brian Orser. Why the hell should I read this post?"
I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
BECAUSE YOUR QUEEN COMMANDS IT.
SO STFU AND PAY ATTENTION.
Given how ridiculously fucking young most of you are, I'm going to assume that most of you are familiar with Mr. Orser from one or more of the following:
1. Coaching Kim Yu-Na.
2. Being the cuter half of the infamous "Battle of the Brians".
3. Starring in many of my awesome macros.
But did you know that before he did any of that, he was just a qt Canadian skater? IT'S TRUE!
AND ALL OF YOU JUMP WHORES BETTER GIVE THIS MAN SOME RESPECT, BECAUSE HE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST TO LAND A TRIPLE AXEL IN COMPETITION.
He actually landed it as a junior in 1979, but hell if I can find a video of that, so here he is landing it at Worlds in 1981:
Click to viewHe was also the first to land two triple axels (one in combination) in one program (whether in competition or just at Worlds is unclear to me, but w/e, it's here).
BASICALLY HE WAS A REALLY AMAZING SKATER WHO WON A TON OF SHIT:
-1987 World Champion (and World silver medalist every other year from 1984-1988)
-1984 & 1988 Olympic silver medalist
-Eight time national champion (1981-1988)
WHEN HE TURNED PRO AFTER WORLDS IN 1988, HE HAD NOT PLACED OFF THE PODIUM AT ANY COMPETITION SINCE 1982.
Of course for better or worse he is most remembered for that Olympic silver medal on home soil in 1988, when he came in second to Brian Boitano by 1/10th of a point. This was a rather traumatizing experience for Brian. If you would like to feel sad, you can read more about it here.
BUT LET'S FOCUS ON THE AWESOME, SHALL WE? A MONTH LATER HE WENT TO WORLDS AND KNOCKED THIS PROGRAM OUT OF THE PARK.
SERIOUSLY, IF YOU'RE NOT OVERWHELMED BY THE BEAUTY OF THIS PERFORMANCE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU WATCH SKATING.
Brian then embarked on his pro career. What's really pretty cool is that the program he did at the 1988 Olympics exhibition became something of a signature program for him, and you can see how he changed over the years by watching it at different points.
1988 Olympics exhibition (age 26)
1998 cheesy tv program (age 36)
2007 Canadian Stars on Ice (age 45)
ngl, that last one makes me cry. We should all be lucky enough to do what we love throughout our lives.
AND NOW THE PART YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
In 2006 Brian started coaching Kim Yu-Na.
If you would like to learn more about how Brian and the coaching team he assembled made Yu-Na laugh again and brought out her personality in her skating, Google and YouTube will happily provide you with about 800 interviews to that effect (here's one chosen pretty much at random; it has some very nice pictures). What's more relevant for this post is how happy this gig seems to make Brian.
WARNING: THIS VIDEO ALSO CONTAINS FOOTAGE OF NIKOLAI MOROZOV BEING A TOTAL CREEPER. IF YOU ONLY WANT THE ADORABLE, SKIP TO 1:20.
In addition to Yu-Na's excellence, the Kim/Orser partnership brought us a shared endorsement deal for Samsung air conditioners.
If you think the print ad is great--AND I AM SURE THAT YOU DO--wait until you see the video. It features Brian:
1. saying "Orser. Brian Orser" and "license to kill - bacteria and viruses" (extremely awkwardly, if that isn't self-evident);
2. wearing way too much makeup, including lip gloss;
3. doing Yu-Na's air conditioner dance;
4. speaking what sounds like really awful Korean;.
5. JUST DOING AND SAYING SO MANY RIDICULOUS AND AWKWARD THINGS, SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO WATCH TO UNDERSTAND.
(Kim Yu-Na's part is first; Orser comes in at 2:05.)
SO BASICALLY BRIAN ORSER + KIM YU-NA = ALMOST UNBEARABLE AMOUNTS OF ADORABLE.
Brian actually seems to be on a mission to surround himself with as much adorable as physically possible, as evidenced by the following photo (which I am convinced was taken by Brian, don't even try to tell me otherwise).
I'd say he's doing a pretty damned good job.
Ok, one last thing. Some of you may be aware that Brian is openly gay.
What you may not know is that he was outed when an ex-boyfriend sued him for palimony, accusing him of all types of crazy shit, including killing their dogs.
Does this look like the face of a man who kills puppies?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
This was only one of the very sucky things that Brian has had to deal with over the years, including the death of his best friend (ice dancer Rob McCall) from AIDS.
But hopefully the worst of the shittiness has passed. As of a couple years ago, Brian was being adorable with this guy:
Hell if I know what's happened in his personal life since then, but if any of you incredible gossips can tell me, please feel free to share.
BUT I DID NOT MAKE THIS POST TO GOSSIP ABOUT BRIAN ORSER'S PERSONAL LIFE. I MADE IT TO SHOW YOU THAT AS OF LAST YEAR, THIS PUDGY MIDDLE-AGED BASTARD COULD STILL DO A BACK FLIP.
WHAT MORE IS THERE TO SAY?
BRIAN ORSER WITH A HAT AND CANE THANKS YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
Source: all the dates and shit are from Wikipedia, the rest isn't from any particular source.