Something about this makes me uncomfortable. I agree that her description of the event sounded like rape, but I don't think it's my place to demand she call it that- she has the right to judge and label her own experiences.
As much as I agree with some of the ideas here, the "Dear Bristol" format makes me really uncomfortable, as does the constant repetition of her name. It feels condescending, and it draws so much attention to her personally.
Basically, what's gross is the idea of making someone's hesitant re-account of what comes off as sex assault, the subject of an "open letter" about rape, directed squarely at said person.
Because I dont quite understand how this format would even empower rape survivors who have accepted that they were victimized.
If I suspected someone I knew was raped and was having a hard time coming to terms with it, this is *not* what I'd imagine would be an appropriate way for me to go about broaching that concern, in person, face to face.
Which makes all of this come off especially idiotic as an open letter.
The additional air of weird, subtle dead-pan humour -- or whatever it is that's been substituted for caution and sensitivity -- makes it slightly more irritating.
The "weird, subtle, dead-an humor" really made me side-eye the whole thing all the more. It is as if the letter writer is trying oh so hard to be cool and "down with the youngsters." It rubs me the wrong way.
Bristol is the only person who can say "hey, I have been raped." Others may think she was but, to ehr, she wasn't....and she may never get to that point where she can call it rape. It is her call.
Things like this, in open letter format just irk me. It doesn't change the fact Bristol isn't at that point yet nor will it change her mind about what she calls it to herself.
Oh my god, THANK YOU -- you hit something I didnt know how to quite explain -- the way the 'letter' feels like an attempt to force a potential victim to say or do things they're not ready to say or do.
You'd think that where sexual assault is concerned, a person would know better than to employ that approach.
Another thing that confused me about this- she says that even if he was also drunk, he still raped her. What are the laws regarding that? How can you prove one person took advantage if they were both unable to give consent?
This isn't sarcastic- I'm honestly curious about how it's legally defined.
I don't know about the legal standpoint, but in my mind, if he's the aggressor and she's not conscious, it's still rape regardless of his state of mind. He was clearly aware enough to instigate the sex.
Me too, honestly. I had a friend/co-worker (female) in college who was hanging out with (and had a crush on) a mutual guy friend/co-worker. One night they both got shit-face drunk (personal witness to this) and had sex (was told this by both parties). A month later she was telling me how she was convinced she was raped. I didnt refute her because sometimes it takes a minute for stuff like that so sink in; i just helped her get all the info she needed.
Is it date rape if both parties were heavily under the influence?
Is it date rape if both parties were heavily under the influence?
It really depends on the context. A lot of rapes occur with an intoxicated assailant, usually one who is a) less drunk than the victim, and/or b) got drunk with the express purpose of raping, and/or c) disregarded non-consent and proceeded to force sex on another person. Being drunk doesn't abdicate one of responsibility for crimes. (Obviously this is a very simplified explanation, but that's how I've been led to conceive of it. If others see it differently or have a firmer knowledge of this area, feel free to jump in.)
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Because I dont quite understand how this format would even empower rape survivors who have accepted that they were victimized.
If I suspected someone I knew was raped and was having a hard time coming to terms with it, this is *not* what I'd imagine would be an appropriate way for me to go about broaching that concern, in person, face to face.
Which makes all of this come off especially idiotic as an open letter.
The additional air of weird, subtle dead-pan humour -- or whatever it is that's been substituted for caution and sensitivity -- makes it slightly more irritating.
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Bristol is the only person who can say "hey, I have been raped." Others may think she was but, to ehr, she wasn't....and she may never get to that point where she can call it rape. It is her call.
Things like this, in open letter format just irk me. It doesn't change the fact Bristol isn't at that point yet nor will it change her mind about what she calls it to herself.
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You'd think that where sexual assault is concerned, a person would know better than to employ that approach.
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This isn't sarcastic- I'm honestly curious about how it's legally defined.
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Is it date rape if both parties were heavily under the influence?
Reply
It really depends on the context. A lot of rapes occur with an intoxicated assailant, usually one who is a) less drunk than the victim, and/or b) got drunk with the express purpose of raping, and/or c) disregarded non-consent and proceeded to force sex on another person. Being drunk doesn't abdicate one of responsibility for crimes. (Obviously this is a very simplified explanation, but that's how I've been led to conceive of it. If others see it differently or have a firmer knowledge of this area, feel free to jump in.)
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