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lamardeuse December 28 2012, 23:43:04 UTC
Over the past 20 years, 60,000 Russians have been adopted by Americans

This isn't anything but traficking of children across international boundaries. There's money involved - the American families have it, and the Russian adoption agencies/government agencies need it. Enough already.

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ebay313 December 29 2012, 23:42:03 UTC
Was it a case of a mother choosing adoption and it took that long or was it a case of fostering with the intent to adopt, where it was expected that the birth mother would have her parental rights terminated?

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pleasure_past December 29 2012, 21:05:20 UTC
Exactly. Once your rights are terminated, they're gone. But rights aren't always terminated immediately after the child is born, regardless of who the child went home from the hospital with.

Yeah, birth fathers having no rights at all is definitely an exception to the rule. Utah sounds super fucked up on that point. O_o

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ebay313 December 29 2012, 23:47:17 UTC
I don't know about laws in general but it seems whether because of laws or in violation of laws but with an incredibly slow court system in which to fight such violations, that this is actually fairly common :(
I read a lot of horror stories about stuff like that, and other things, when reading reviews for a specific adoption agency.
It's terrible :(

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sio December 29 2012, 01:16:54 UTC
thank you. this was my point, NOT that birth parents should have no rights. but why should they get to play games with the child's life?

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pleasure_past December 29 2012, 01:23:50 UTC
It isn't playing a god-damn game to decide you want to raise your own child. It is like the furthest thing in the world from playing a fucking game.

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idemandjustice December 29 2012, 03:00:15 UTC
I'm right there with you.

And that's not to say I have no sympathy for adoptive families. I have relatives who are adopted. It's just a really complicated situation.

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illusivevenstar December 29 2012, 02:54:16 UTC

Idk why you're demonizing birth parents but it's just gross.

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sio December 29 2012, 01:18:10 UTC
show me where i said birth parents should have no rights. i didn't. but they should not have rights to use the child like a fucking pawn because they've "changed their mind", either.

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pleasure_past December 29 2012, 01:22:15 UTC
use the child like a fucking pawn because they've "changed their mind"

Well, that sure showed me that you're not a misogynist who favors exactly the sort of immoral exploitation in the adoption industry that I was objecting to.

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sio December 29 2012, 01:28:51 UTC
"immoral exploitation in the adoption industry"?

so i'm a misogynist because i don't subscribe to Jessy-style logic about adoption? yea okay. whatever, LOL.

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pleasure_past December 29 2012, 01:33:06 UTC
You are straw-manning so fucking hard right now. Jessy believes that it is better to kill children than to put them up for adoption. I believe that adoption is wonderful as long as it is mutually desired, but I hate the way birth mothers (and any pregnant young woman who would be considered an "ideal" birth mother) are treated and spoken of like breeding mares who owe potential adoptive parents their bodies and their children.

You may not have said that birth parents shouldn't have rights, but you sure as Hell are attacking the very idea of those rights.

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sio December 29 2012, 01:42:05 UTC
You may not have said that birth parents shouldn't have rights, but you sure as Hell are attacking the very idea of those rights.

wrong. i simply have a problem with birth parents who are ready and willing and decide (for whatever reason that is their business) that their child would be better off being adopted--and willingly sign all the legal mumbo-jumbo paperwork that goes along with such things. and then months or a year/two/three later, want their child back.

also i'm not talking about cases where the adoptive parents never see or spend a day with the child in their home. i'm talking about cases where the child has become part of his or her adoptive family and then faces or IS ripped away from the only family they have known because their birth parents have supposedly changed their minds.

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pleasure_past December 29 2012, 01:52:14 UTC
You literally have not made a single comment to me that doesn't in some way demonize birth mothers and somehow assume that they have less of a right to their own children than potential adoptive parents do and that they must have suspicious or malicious reasons for wanting to raise their own children.

Where exactly is there a three year waiting period between filling out the paper work and terminating the birth parents' rights? In Colorado the birth parents' rights are usually terminated within 30 days of a child's birth (assuming, of course, that it wasn't always intended to be a foster-to-adopt situation), and can in some circumstances be terminated the day of a child's birth. This whole "waiting three years and then changing your mind" thing is not going to happen unless there are some very special circumstances or everyone involved was just negligent with the paper work and the adoption was never really legal to begin with.

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idemandjustice December 29 2012, 03:03:57 UTC
Colorado is where I live, and I can vouch for what you've said here. My niece is adopted, and I remember the process pretty well.

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