That is one of the most light-hearted poems to roll through here in quite some time and it's about time for one so thank you for that. I was half-chuckling the whole time I read it.
Parts of it have a Dr. Seuss feel to it with lines like these: They bite my clothes with their festering teeth They climb my couch with their festering feet which is kind of funny.
Only suggestions I have are: the last stanzaa all the lines rhyme and so it breaks up the previous scheme which I'm sure was intentional but it may have left a better impact had it remained the same; and marines don't leave crime scenes. They don't go around yellow taping Iraq :) I just got done working with CSI's so it kind of stood out in my mind :)
=D Thanks for your comments, except for Anonymous, who didn't really explain why my poem is a piece of shit. I'd like to know please. I have no opinion about Dr. Seuss. I really had a mouse in my room...but I'm clean! Really! It's dead now. Muahahaha.
In short, the anonymous one is being an ass to me for some unknown reason. Apperently (s)he does not find my critiques (aka personal reflections on the poem) to be of any intelligable value. Nevertheless, I will continue to offer my two cents on poems so long as you want me to.
To the Anonymous one: You comments will now be screened, and only I will have a chance to read them unless they are constructively related to the poem.
Comments 12
Reply
Yet so beautiful.
Reply
Parts of it have a Dr. Seuss feel to it with lines like these:
They bite my clothes with their festering teeth
They climb my couch with their festering feet
which is kind of funny.
Only suggestions I have are: the last stanzaa all the lines rhyme and so it breaks up the previous scheme which I'm sure was intentional but it may have left a better impact had it remained the same; and marines don't leave crime scenes. They don't go around yellow taping Iraq :) I just got done working with CSI's so it kind of stood out in my mind :)
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
To the Anonymous one: You comments will now be screened, and only I will have a chance to read them unless they are constructively related to the poem.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment