is guilt natural?

[y_not_teach]

I've been feeling guilty lately. Even though having only one child is what I REALLY want for a variety of reasons, I feel badly for my girl who is having trouble socializing at preschool. I feel like if I'd given her a sibling, maybe she'd be different. I worry that she will someday hate us for choosing this route (actually my husband wanted more

Comments

[suzaroo]

i think that whenever things aren't going the way you hope they will (in any situation), the "what if's" start. so, yes, it's normal to wonder how your daughter would act if she'd had a sibling.

please don't let that "what if" keep you down, though. we've got to work with what we've got, so finding ways to move forward in the situation we're in is what we should focus on.

also! i have a friend who's daughter just started preschool and has been acting in ways that she normally wouldn't both at school and at home. it's the beginning of the school year, could it be that she's still adjusting? whether you're doing co-op or drop off, preschool is a big adjustment for kids. have you talked to her teacher about how you can help (you and) your daughter feel ok, even if she's not socializing in a way that you expect?

good luck. :)

[y_not_teach]

Thanks for he insight. Sammy has been going to this preschool for 2 years now. Being shy is probably just her personality type. My brother is that way and he grew up in a house with siblings.

[sciontific]

My only child is now 12 years old and I had a few times I let myself think that way - but you know I got out of it by changing some of her scenarios.

If she is alone, I try to stop what I am doing and hang out with her. I plan LOTS of visits to kid infested places and let her run around, make friends. I plan play dates with friends and cousins atleast twice a week.

I also make sure she is present when we have adult company over. We would ask her questions and make her part of our conversations, even though it seemed a bit silly. NOW at 12 she has NO FEAR when talking to adults and is VERY assertive and intelligent when speaking to them!

Good luck - remember MOST of us here think you are doing your child a FAVOR by having just them! Atleast I do!

[lackofgravitas]

She might have been different ... chances are she'd have been pretty much the same. I do worry that my daughter might have had an easier ride of it, socially, with a sibling, but realistically I doubt it. My friend has two children, the older one is very confident and friendly, but the little one (not two yet) is just like my daughter was at that age. I've also just been having a 'making friends' conversation with an LJ friend with SIX kids - her eldest (the one who was an only child for a while, of course!) is friends with everyone, the next two don't have many friends (they're twins, which is possibly an 'issue' in itself), #4 doesn't get a mention (!) and #5 is somewhere in the middle (#6 is just a baby).

It's really tempting, when you're feeling negative, to ascribe every 'flaw' in your child to their being an only (or to your own flaws, or both) but it's really interesting to talk to people with more kids and see how little correlation there can be with their kids' personalities and their own, or with their position in the

[beanbclean]

I think ALL mothers feel guilt, for some reason or another. It's just part of the job description :)