Only Children, Sharing, and Then Some

[starnaman]

I worry that my daughter, a six-year old, is less accommodating than her siblinged counterparts. She spends a great deal of time with other kids, so it shouldn't be a question of isolation or socialization, but.... She seems to be rather insistent about having things "her way." However, perhaps I am mistaken in thinking this is about being an only

Comments

[aelf]

I think you're describing standard 6 yr old girl. :) I honestly don't think only children are any more likely to be inflexible or domineering than any other child. Which is to say, MOST children are domineering and inflexible, and much of growing up is learning how to negotiate for what you want, and to engage with others properly.

I think you're right that family size expectations can related to region. I've also found it can also be related to class and ethnicity.

[beanbclean]

I agree, six year olds are like that! And yes, where you live does have an impact, we live in a small town and people just assume that any minute I am going to get pregnant, quit qork and have more babies. Not likely, we made our decision to have just one child quite permanent, and we are happy with our choice!

[y_not_teach]

I live in a suburb in California and most of the people I meet have multiple kids. It's hard defending yourself sometimes when you get comments like "Oh, you should have another because of X, Y, and Z." My sister in law, on the other hand, lives in a more metropolitan area which is a lot pricier. She has an only daughter and she has lots of friends who only have one kid also. So it could be that because my area is more reasonable, it attracts the larger families. Who knows?

[radiantsolace]

I live just outside Seattle and am surrounded by progressive people. Strangely, I've received very little support around our recent decision to limit our family to my son. Attachment parenting and being earthy is really popular here and sometimes I wonder if to be supremely earthly you must have multiple children? I hear the line a lot about how it's selfish of me not to give Finn a playmate or provide that kind of relationship that lasts a lifetime. My brother and I are not close and are totally different. Honestly, I benefited the most from my parents' resources because I was more aggressive/extroverted. I don't know if Finn is missing out, but I think it's wrong to have another child FOR Finn. I love our relationship and I don't want to change the dynamic or put myself through babyhood again when I'm not invested. Blah blah. Sorry to ramble.

My son is only 19 months, so I wish I could be more helpful re: your daughter.

[starnaman]

I am also an only child, but when I look around I see lots of people who have little relationship with their siblings. It seems like a crap shoot whether you are born into a set of siblings that will be close or not. Therefore, it seems to me that the argument that a child need siblings to be their friend, confidante, family-through-life isn't a good one. My daughter's father has a sister, but he doesn't seem to get much from their relationship, doesn't seem to want much from it and this seems to be a source of continual disappointment for his sister (her disappointment seems reasonable to me, since she wants a close relationship and he is apathetic

[michigangirl30]

My daughter just turned 6 and she often tries to have it 'her way', but then she's very willing to share with her friends. I think it's a personality and age thing that all children will go through.

And as to the question of location, I imagine that to be true- I'm from the greater metro Detroit area and most people have large families and I seem to be the odd-mom-out in most instances (and if they find me selfish, oh well). Of course, the type of family you came from (big or small) has a play on how you feel about it too. I came from a large family, but a very practical one, so I've never felt that just because we have more space and/or enough money that that was a good enough reason to have another child.