people's comments/Can you relate?

[y_not_teach]

I was talking to my dad this afternoon about the power struggles I've been dealing with with Samantha. So he says "What do people do that have 3 kids? They deal with it. You only have one." That is so ignorant. Just because I have only one, I'm not allowed to complain? All my problems should be minimal because I don't have more children? Where do

Comments

[michigangirl30]

I get it occasionally from one of my sisters. It's often said in an offhand manner and yah, it's ignorant.

I often want to snap back with, 'so, having more children than you can actually manage fairly is better than having one child that can reap the benefits of all your attentions?' Sometimes I think having more than one is a great excuse for when your parenting fails- if only I'd had more time to devote to Billy but we had to deal with Suzy and Tommy and Jill! But I don't say it- because, gee, it would be insulting. :/

It's unfortunate that your dad would say something insensitive to you about your avid interest in helping your child learn and grow- but I wonder if his comment was more directed at the fact that he doesn't really know what to say to help you out.

[y_not_teach]

That's very on target. I think men feel the need to tell you what to do instead of just listen. I wasn't even looking for advice, I was just venting.

[michigangirl30]

I have much experience with it, I often put the disclaimer out there when I vent to my husband. "I'm just getting it out, so stay off your white horse." : )

Doesn't help much with the frustration, though does it? But I'm sure everyone here has had experience with someone and how their attitude changes when they find out you've 'only' got one. Like it's a gift and a tragedy rolled into one. I try not to cringe when people say,
'so, she's your only one, huh?' Because they say it a lot, like it verifies something in their mind about me or her. So I feel your Grrr.

[y_not_teach]

If it's any consolation, I think people say "She's your only one?" just to make conversation. But I agree, it is rude when people say stuff like "How come you don't want any more?" That really pisses me off.

[karinablack]

Men tend to not just listen, they try to solve. Women tend more to listen, relate, empathize than to pop out with solutions. Sometimes we need one but get the other. My Mom does something similar, but instead of trying to solve (telling me to just deal with it) she tries to trump me with how much harder she had everything (her attempt at empathizing?)

You're allowed to complain. It's more challenging to "deal with" one because you don't even have the distraction of other children for yours to play with. You can't just yell a blanket statement for everyone to just STFU. You have to deal with it more intensely and more regularly BECAUSE you only have one.

Power struggles are hard, hurtful, and they suck. It's a miracle ANY of us make it to adulthood, with what we put our parents through sometime :)

[beanbclean]

Here here! I totally agree, with one, ALL your attention goes to the kid, and I do find it a challenge to encourage him to play by himself or with other kids, but that is just tough for all kids, and we have every right to vent frustrations about our parenting issues. Parenting is tough, no matter which way you slice it!

[sciontific]

ahahah yeah i have people tell me how EASY I have it! It drives me crazy.

When people ask me why I don't want anymore - I ask them "Why did you have so many" and if they tell me thats rude to ask, I tell them - sorry I was just following your lead lol...