Sunnydale High Drama Presents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
"Great." Joe muttered. "Our first late night rehearsal, and we're missing one Soul Girl, Audrey II and two crew people." He sighed. "What did you say they were doing Mickey?"
"Something about an emergency meeting of the crime club." Mickey told him. "Actor."
"Right, whatever. Okay understudies, guess you're up. Mickey, guess you'd better get the crew going on that set. You're a bit behind schedule. Techie."
"Yes sir Mr. Assistant Director Sir. Actor."
*****
"Explain this to me again." Spike grumbled. "We're attacking a bunch of Theater Nerds why?"
"Because Roller Derby Queen," Angel said, "Buffy and her friends are bonding with them. When they get back from the wild goose chase we sent them on, and find all their new friends slaughtered..."
"It'll ever so dramatic." Drusilla grinned. "Let's go."
*****
Marty sat in the light booth, napping. Joe had called a short break before they rehearsed the curtain calls. Thank God this rehearsal's almost over. It was almost nine.
"Now remember," a British accented voice behind him said, "If anybody says `It's curtains` I'll personally stake them."
Marty sat bolt upright in his seat. Spinning in his chair, (it was the kind that turned, obviously) he saw a paraplegic Vampire, and two more.
Marty knew he probably didn't have much time. He dove for the console, hitting the button next to the suck button. The red one that Mickey had installed in case of just such an occurrence.
*****
Joe leaped from his seat backstage where he'd been enjoying his break. The alarm had been sounded. There could be no mistaking the "Red Alert" noise from Star Trek overlaid with "Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"
"This is it!" he shouted.
*****
The Following is Written in Script Form because I can.
Author's note: Music played during the scripted sequence: lots of horror and suspense music, with bits of Super Mario Bros., Seinfeld, Benny Hill, and other recognizable if usually inappropriate stuff mixed in.
Vamps charge the stage. There is absolute chaos of people, cast and crew scrambling to escape.
Ben (and others): Run Away! Run Away!
Short Montage of scenes: Mickey and the Crew remove Vamp Fighting weapons from clever hiding places.
Another Montage of Scenes: Mickey and Crew using said weapons.
Chris dives for the prop table but slips. A Vamp lunges for him, but, Ziggy, thinking fast, dumps a trash can of Sawdust in front of it. The Vamp slips, and Chris slides on the dust under the Vamp's legs, and climbs it's back, jumping onto the table. Chris grabs a seltzer
bottle.
Chris: (Curly (Three Stooges) noise)
Chris sprays the Vampire with the holy water contained in the bottle.
Chris: Cool, I just did a stunt.
More Vamps attack, switch to Quake or Doomlike viewpoint, as Chris sprays Vamps and runs along hallways.
Dissolve to view of actual Quake game. Soldier gets blasted. Pull back to reveal a Vamp and Justin Mason playing quake against each other, computers are facing each other.
Vamp: Dammit! Got me again!
Cut to: Aaron Derby cornered by a huge vamp.
Aaron: Hi.
Vamp disintegrates.
A Vamp stalks the hallways. Before him, he sees several crew members set up what looks like a long white plastic pipe.
Vamp: Oh my, a buffet!
Michael: Fire in the hole!
There is a muffled explosion as the pipe is fired. A potato erupts from it, striking the Vamp in the stomach.
Ziggy and Andy sit perched on the catwalks, each holding a prop sword in one hand, and a rope in the other. They nod at each other and swing off towards the stage.
Andy: Spooooooon!!
Ziggy: (camel noise)
They neatly take out two vamps. Ziggy falls from the rope and slides along the stage, hitting the wall. Andy lands gracefully and strikes a heroic pose.
Izzy and Nicole sit in a balcony (that has conveniently and miraculously appeared).
Izzy: Ziggy was doing okay till he fell onto the stage.
Nicole: Wrong, he was doing okay till he approached the stage!
Both: (Statler and Waldorf type laughter)
Angel and Drusilla jump out of a dark corner in front of Steve Luber and Ben.
Ben: Zoinks!
Ben and Steve run in place for a moment then take off. Bad 70's music starts as Angel and Drusilla chase after them. They enter a hallway with lots of doors, resulting in a Scooby Doo chase scene. In the middle of this scene, Armand runs down the hall chased by two Vamps in business suits.
Vamps: CONFORM! CONFORM!
Armand: Nooooo!!
Rick stands calmly in the lobby drinking a slurpy. He's wearing shades with Bugs Bunny Ears attached. The Vamps take one look at him and shrug.
Vamp 1: I ain't bitin' him.
Vamp 2: Me neither.
They leave him alone.
Stefan is in the isles, he is dressed like a concession worker. Suddenly there is an
audience. Mostly Vamps, watching the action on stage.
Stefan: Popcorn! Programs! Blood!
Random Vamp: Hey I'll have a blood!
Stefan tosses a red can off screen.
Brian Connor dances to the music playing on the soundtrack. His dance style is much like Xander's. Two Vampires stop short upon seeing him.
Vamp 1: Is that, that Xander kid?
Vamp 2: I don't know. Where's that music coming from?
Cut To:
Fitz is blind sided by a huge vamp, and he is soon pinned to the floor by three others.
Announcer: Is this curtains for Fitz? How will he escape?
Fitz: Must...reach...pocket!
With great effort, Fitz reaches into his pocket and pulls a flask out. He unscrews the top with his teeth, as his other hand is busy warding off Vampire bites. He drinks from it.
Popeye music plays as Fitz throws his attackers off, and single handedly takes out all four.
Fitz then holds the flask up to camera and smiles.
Announcer: When in doubt, choose Booze.
Pan Camera to right, revealing the announcer, who is actually Dustin.
Cut To:
Steve Mossberg, Joe, Mickey and Talon are ambushed by Vamps. Soundtrack begins playing Auntie Grazelda (note: As you may or may not know, this is the song that is always playing during the Monkees' chase scenes).
Begin a chase montage. Three times during which, cut to scene of all four in Monkees' clothes (picture the usual monkees' background) and singing the aforementioned song. Just like the Monkees', some of themare only pretending to play the instruments. At the last time, have Angel and Drusilla burst into the scene. The cheesy 70's backdrop vanishes and the four students drop their respective instruments and flee.
Two vamps take a break from terrorizing. One sets a glass of blood on a set piece.
Vamp 1: Who would have thought a bunch of theater geeks would be so hard to kill?
There is a dull thud.
Vamp2: Wait, did you feel that?
Close up of the glass. On the next thump, the blood ripples. From off camera a very good imitation of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park can be heard. Vamps panic and run.
After they're gone, Dan O'Brian comes into sight, walking like the T-Rex. He does the roar again.
In the audience, Spike sits with Sam Richardson at tea. Or blood in Spike's case.
Sam: Look at them all, running around like savages.
Spike: I know. Sad really. I mean Angel I'm not really surprised is so excitable. But Dru's English. More tea?
Sam: No, thank you.
Spike: Shall we get to it then?
Sam: Yes all right.
Spike: Now then, where were we?
Sam: I believe it was, Ahhhhh!
Spike chases Sam off.
A Vamp backs into the theater, hissing as if he were being warded off. As he comes into the theater we see that he is. By a Star of David held by Matt.
Eric, Kevin, Kamau, and a random extra are standing calmly in the lobby. A Vampire walks up and attacks the random extra.
Kamau: Oh my God! He's killing Kenny!
Eric: You bastard!
Kevin: Oh, he's not dead. He's-
Off Screen Voice: All right! That's it! Stop it, it's gone much too silly!
The Col. from Monty Python steps into veiw.
Col.: Right! We wish to apologize for that last bit. Now, cut to the next little...bit.
Andrea and-
Col: Wait for it!.........Cue!
Andrea and Miriam stand their ground as four Vamps approach.
Andrea: Now?
Miriam: Wait...now! Belt!
Miriam and Andrea: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
All the Vamps are knocked off their feet.
Vince stands all tough and Football Quarterbacky.
Dru: Is that supposed to frighten me? (she giggles) The stars are screaming. Don't they sound pretty? (she approaches Vince in full Vampiric glory.)
Vince: (Jerry Lewis imitation) Hey Lady!!
Dru screams and runs away.
Announcer: (this time it's Marty Lynch) Finally, after a fierce battle in which no one really died, the cast and crew were rounded up and captured. And now a word from our sponsor.
(Commercial Break)
I Wake up in the morning and I think, I'm bald.
(Commercials end)
The cast and crew are tied up on the stage. Spike is no where to be seen, but Angel and Dru, the only remaining Vamps stand triumphantly before their captives.
Angel: Well, you put up a good fight. I hope you feel good about that as me and Dru drain you dry. But first, are there any final thoughts?
Ben: Oemaway, owemaway, owemaway, owemaway...
Fitz joins in on the higher part as Joe begins to sing.
Joe: In the jungle, the mighty Jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!
The others join in as the song progresses, including Angel and Dru. As the song reaches the third verse, all the cast and crew get up, shedding their bonds and conga line off stage. The music continues however as Angel and Dru dance the Cha-Cha, and Spike wheels on (think Dr. Scott in Rocky Horror)
Music scratches to a stop as Angel realizes what just happened.
Angel: Wait a minute! (he runs off)
Dru: That was fun. The souls of the dead joined in! (she follows Angel)
Spike: At least no one noticed I was wearing fishnets.
Off Stage Voice: Ha ha!
Spike: D'oh!
Cut To:
Spike grabs Mickey from behind.
Spike: I'm gonna eat at least one of you little freaks.
Mickey: Weren't you supposed to be in a wheel chair?
Spike: Oh yeah, well, this will be our little secret eh?
Mickey grabs the Pentacle around his neck and presses it against Spike's head. Spike screams and smokes. Mickey gets away.
Dru cuts off Joe's retreat.
Dru: You sing divinely. Won't you sing for me?
Joe gives her THE LOOK. She cringes away. He escapes.
Angel finds himself between Ziggy and Aaron.
Ziggy: Uh, hi.
Angel blinks, his soul returned.
Angel: What, what am I doing here?
Aaron: Ziggy that was amazing!
Angel blinks, his soul taken away.
Angel: Hey! How'd you do that?!
Ziggy: I don't know, It just happens.
Angel blinks, his soul returned.
Angel: What's going on?
Aaron: This could get weird.
Angel blinks, his soul taken away.
Angel: Now stop that!
This continues for several minutes till Angel (without his soul) screams and escapes.
Fade to Black.
Fade back into the girls dressing room:
Lisa, Kathleen and Christie lie sprawled on the floor. Dead?
Christie: Can we stop playing dead yet?
Kathleen: Yeah, are they gone yet?
Lisa: Shhh! They'll hear you!
Fade to Black.
End Scripted section.
Ben put down the script giggling. "Izzy this is hilarious!"
"I thought so." Izzy said. "It was hard to think of things for everyone to do. I ended up leaving out some usual plot threads."
"That's all right, I don't know how Nicole taking over the world would have fit in there."
"Well anyway it's a lot cooler than what did happen."
"What did happen?" Mr. Dean asked.
"The Vamps took one look at how weird we were, the spooky girl said we were all nuts, and they left." Ben answered.
To Be Continued...
Disclaimer by Casix Thistlebane (these days known as bellatemple): Hi, this is Izzy here. That's right, the deranged script writer. What do you mean "who?"? The script writer! I've been in there several times! Sigh. Anyway, I'd just like to clue you, our beloved audience, in on a few facts about my scripts: first of all, they are almost always like this one. Secondly, on the topic of Ziggy, whenever he has a line in my script, someone comes back to life (or in this case gets their soul back.) As for Aaron, whenever he talks, someone dies. Hey, it's my world, I can do what I want.
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
"Great." Joe muttered. "Our first late night rehearsal, and we're missing one Soul Girl, Audrey II and two crew people." He sighed. "What did you say they were doing Mickey?"
"Something about an emergency meeting of the crime club." Mickey told him. "Actor."
"Right, whatever. Okay understudies, guess you're up. Mickey, guess you'd better get the crew going on that set. You're a bit behind schedule. Techie."
"Yes sir Mr. Assistant Director Sir. Actor."
*****
"Explain this to me again." Spike grumbled. "We're attacking a bunch of Theater Nerds why?"
"Because Roller Derby Queen," Angel said, "Buffy and her friends are bonding with them. When they get back from the wild goose chase we sent them on, and find all their new friends slaughtered..."
"It'll ever so dramatic." Drusilla grinned. "Let's go."
*****
Marty sat in the light booth, napping. Joe had called a short break before they rehearsed the curtain calls. Thank God this rehearsal's almost over. It was almost nine.
"Now remember," a British accented voice behind him said, "If anybody says `It's curtains` I'll personally stake them."
Marty sat bolt upright in his seat. Spinning in his chair, (it was the kind that turned, obviously) he saw a paraplegic Vampire, and two more.
Marty knew he probably didn't have much time. He dove for the console, hitting the button next to the suck button. The red one that Mickey had installed in case of just such an occurrence.
*****
Joe leaped from his seat backstage where he'd been enjoying his break. The alarm had been sounded. There could be no mistaking the "Red Alert" noise from Star Trek overlaid with "Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"
"This is it!" he shouted.
*****
The Following is Written in Script Form because I can.
Author's note: Music played during the scripted sequence: lots of horror and suspense music, with bits of Super Mario Bros., Seinfeld, Benny Hill, and other recognizable if usually inappropriate stuff mixed in.
Vamps charge the stage. There is absolute chaos of people, cast and crew scrambling to escape.
Ben (and others): Run Away! Run Away!
Short Montage of scenes: Mickey and the Crew remove Vamp Fighting weapons from clever hiding places.
Another Montage of Scenes: Mickey and Crew using said weapons.
Chris dives for the prop table but slips. A Vamp lunges for him, but, Ziggy, thinking fast, dumps a trash can of Sawdust in front of it. The Vamp slips, and Chris slides on the dust under the Vamp's legs, and climbs it's back, jumping onto the table. Chris grabs a seltzer
bottle.
Chris: (Curly (Three Stooges) noise)
Chris sprays the Vampire with the holy water contained in the bottle.
Chris: Cool, I just did a stunt.
More Vamps attack, switch to Quake or Doomlike viewpoint, as Chris sprays Vamps and runs along hallways.
Dissolve to view of actual Quake game. Soldier gets blasted. Pull back to reveal a Vamp and Justin Mason playing quake against each other, computers are facing each other.
Vamp: Dammit! Got me again!
Cut to: Aaron Derby cornered by a huge vamp.
Aaron: Hi.
Vamp disintegrates.
A Vamp stalks the hallways. Before him, he sees several crew members set up what looks like a long white plastic pipe.
Vamp: Oh my, a buffet!
Michael: Fire in the hole!
There is a muffled explosion as the pipe is fired. A potato erupts from it, striking the Vamp in the stomach.
Ziggy and Andy sit perched on the catwalks, each holding a prop sword in one hand, and a rope in the other. They nod at each other and swing off towards the stage.
Andy: Spooooooon!!
Ziggy: (camel noise)
They neatly take out two vamps. Ziggy falls from the rope and slides along the stage, hitting the wall. Andy lands gracefully and strikes a heroic pose.
Izzy and Nicole sit in a balcony (that has conveniently and miraculously appeared).
Izzy: Ziggy was doing okay till he fell onto the stage.
Nicole: Wrong, he was doing okay till he approached the stage!
Both: (Statler and Waldorf type laughter)
Angel and Drusilla jump out of a dark corner in front of Steve Luber and Ben.
Ben: Zoinks!
Ben and Steve run in place for a moment then take off. Bad 70's music starts as Angel and Drusilla chase after them. They enter a hallway with lots of doors, resulting in a Scooby Doo chase scene. In the middle of this scene, Armand runs down the hall chased by two Vamps in business suits.
Vamps: CONFORM! CONFORM!
Armand: Nooooo!!
Rick stands calmly in the lobby drinking a slurpy. He's wearing shades with Bugs Bunny Ears attached. The Vamps take one look at him and shrug.
Vamp 1: I ain't bitin' him.
Vamp 2: Me neither.
They leave him alone.
Stefan is in the isles, he is dressed like a concession worker. Suddenly there is an
audience. Mostly Vamps, watching the action on stage.
Stefan: Popcorn! Programs! Blood!
Random Vamp: Hey I'll have a blood!
Stefan tosses a red can off screen.
Brian Connor dances to the music playing on the soundtrack. His dance style is much like Xander's. Two Vampires stop short upon seeing him.
Vamp 1: Is that, that Xander kid?
Vamp 2: I don't know. Where's that music coming from?
Cut To:
Fitz is blind sided by a huge vamp, and he is soon pinned to the floor by three others.
Announcer: Is this curtains for Fitz? How will he escape?
Fitz: Must...reach...pocket!
With great effort, Fitz reaches into his pocket and pulls a flask out. He unscrews the top with his teeth, as his other hand is busy warding off Vampire bites. He drinks from it.
Popeye music plays as Fitz throws his attackers off, and single handedly takes out all four.
Fitz then holds the flask up to camera and smiles.
Announcer: When in doubt, choose Booze.
Pan Camera to right, revealing the announcer, who is actually Dustin.
Cut To:
Steve Mossberg, Joe, Mickey and Talon are ambushed by Vamps. Soundtrack begins playing Auntie Grazelda (note: As you may or may not know, this is the song that is always playing during the Monkees' chase scenes).
Begin a chase montage. Three times during which, cut to scene of all four in Monkees' clothes (picture the usual monkees' background) and singing the aforementioned song. Just like the Monkees', some of themare only pretending to play the instruments. At the last time, have Angel and Drusilla burst into the scene. The cheesy 70's backdrop vanishes and the four students drop their respective instruments and flee.
Two vamps take a break from terrorizing. One sets a glass of blood on a set piece.
Vamp 1: Who would have thought a bunch of theater geeks would be so hard to kill?
There is a dull thud.
Vamp2: Wait, did you feel that?
Close up of the glass. On the next thump, the blood ripples. From off camera a very good imitation of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park can be heard. Vamps panic and run.
After they're gone, Dan O'Brian comes into sight, walking like the T-Rex. He does the roar again.
In the audience, Spike sits with Sam Richardson at tea. Or blood in Spike's case.
Sam: Look at them all, running around like savages.
Spike: I know. Sad really. I mean Angel I'm not really surprised is so excitable. But Dru's English. More tea?
Sam: No, thank you.
Spike: Shall we get to it then?
Sam: Yes all right.
Spike: Now then, where were we?
Sam: I believe it was, Ahhhhh!
Spike chases Sam off.
A Vamp backs into the theater, hissing as if he were being warded off. As he comes into the theater we see that he is. By a Star of David held by Matt.
Eric, Kevin, Kamau, and a random extra are standing calmly in the lobby. A Vampire walks up and attacks the random extra.
Kamau: Oh my God! He's killing Kenny!
Eric: You bastard!
Kevin: Oh, he's not dead. He's-
Off Screen Voice: All right! That's it! Stop it, it's gone much too silly!
The Col. from Monty Python steps into veiw.
Col.: Right! We wish to apologize for that last bit. Now, cut to the next little...bit.
Andrea and-
Col: Wait for it!.........Cue!
Andrea and Miriam stand their ground as four Vamps approach.
Andrea: Now?
Miriam: Wait...now! Belt!
Miriam and Andrea: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
All the Vamps are knocked off their feet.
Vince stands all tough and Football Quarterbacky.
Dru: Is that supposed to frighten me? (she giggles) The stars are screaming. Don't they sound pretty? (she approaches Vince in full Vampiric glory.)
Vince: (Jerry Lewis imitation) Hey Lady!!
Dru screams and runs away.
Announcer: (this time it's Marty Lynch) Finally, after a fierce battle in which no one really died, the cast and crew were rounded up and captured. And now a word from our sponsor.
(Commercial Break)
I Wake up in the morning and I think, I'm bald.
(Commercials end)
The cast and crew are tied up on the stage. Spike is no where to be seen, but Angel and Dru, the only remaining Vamps stand triumphantly before their captives.
Angel: Well, you put up a good fight. I hope you feel good about that as me and Dru drain you dry. But first, are there any final thoughts?
Ben: Oemaway, owemaway, owemaway, owemaway...
Fitz joins in on the higher part as Joe begins to sing.
Joe: In the jungle, the mighty Jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!
The others join in as the song progresses, including Angel and Dru. As the song reaches the third verse, all the cast and crew get up, shedding their bonds and conga line off stage. The music continues however as Angel and Dru dance the Cha-Cha, and Spike wheels on (think Dr. Scott in Rocky Horror)
Music scratches to a stop as Angel realizes what just happened.
Angel: Wait a minute! (he runs off)
Dru: That was fun. The souls of the dead joined in! (she follows Angel)
Spike: At least no one noticed I was wearing fishnets.
Off Stage Voice: Ha ha!
Spike: D'oh!
Cut To:
Spike grabs Mickey from behind.
Spike: I'm gonna eat at least one of you little freaks.
Mickey: Weren't you supposed to be in a wheel chair?
Spike: Oh yeah, well, this will be our little secret eh?
Mickey grabs the Pentacle around his neck and presses it against Spike's head. Spike screams and smokes. Mickey gets away.
Dru cuts off Joe's retreat.
Dru: You sing divinely. Won't you sing for me?
Joe gives her THE LOOK. She cringes away. He escapes.
Angel finds himself between Ziggy and Aaron.
Ziggy: Uh, hi.
Angel blinks, his soul returned.
Angel: What, what am I doing here?
Aaron: Ziggy that was amazing!
Angel blinks, his soul taken away.
Angel: Hey! How'd you do that?!
Ziggy: I don't know, It just happens.
Angel blinks, his soul returned.
Angel: What's going on?
Aaron: This could get weird.
Angel blinks, his soul taken away.
Angel: Now stop that!
This continues for several minutes till Angel (without his soul) screams and escapes.
Fade to Black.
Fade back into the girls dressing room:
Lisa, Kathleen and Christie lie sprawled on the floor. Dead?
Christie: Can we stop playing dead yet?
Kathleen: Yeah, are they gone yet?
Lisa: Shhh! They'll hear you!
Fade to Black.
End Scripted section.
Ben put down the script giggling. "Izzy this is hilarious!"
"I thought so." Izzy said. "It was hard to think of things for everyone to do. I ended up leaving out some usual plot threads."
"That's all right, I don't know how Nicole taking over the world would have fit in there."
"Well anyway it's a lot cooler than what did happen."
"What did happen?" Mr. Dean asked.
"The Vamps took one look at how weird we were, the spooky girl said we were all nuts, and they left." Ben answered.
To Be Continued...
Disclaimer by Casix Thistlebane (these days known as bellatemple): Hi, this is Izzy here. That's right, the deranged script writer. What do you mean "who?"? The script writer! I've been in there several times! Sigh. Anyway, I'd just like to clue you, our beloved audience, in on a few facts about my scripts: first of all, they are almost always like this one. Secondly, on the topic of Ziggy, whenever he has a line in my script, someone comes back to life (or in this case gets their soul back.) As for Aaron, whenever he talks, someone dies. Hey, it's my world, I can do what I want.