8/27/06 // IC!Alfons and Transmutey!Ed
Who: IC!Alfons and Transmutey!Ed
When: 8/27/06
Rating: PG
Category: Misc Happenings, Misc Pairings
Summary: Alfons and T!Ed go out to have their picnic and end up discussing their relationship.
T!Ed: *makes it up to Alfons' apartment and knocks on the door, basket on his arm*
IC!Alfons: ::yells:: One second! ::takes a batch of cookies out of the oven, then yelps, accidentally burning a finger on the cookie sheet, and tosses the hotpads on the counter before coming to open the door, shaking his burned finger a little:: Ahm, come on in, I had a bit of a delay and the cookies just came out of the oven so we should probably wait a few minutes before leaving... ::rather obviously distressed and lacking sleep still::
T!Ed: Ah, yeah... That's fine. You need any help? *steps inside the apartment, hand that usually wears the ring stuffed into his pocket, and frowns*
IC!Alfons: No no, I have it under control, really... ::closes the door and sighs softly, then sticks his finger back in his mouth for a second with a wince:: I think I need some cold water or something, excuse me. ::zips back into the kitchen and turns on the sink, holding his hand under the water::
T!Ed: *winces and sits down gingerly in one of the chairs, basket in his lap, and listens intently to the sounds in the kitchen, ready to jump in and help if he needs to*
IC!Alfons: ::emerges a moment later and collapses into a chair, exhausted:: Once the cookies cool down, we can go. Sorry, I am just a little out of sorts. I burned myself taking the cookies out of the oven in my rush to get the door. ::tired chuckle:: How are you?
T!Ed: *smiles wanly* I'm doing fine, I guess. *fidgets* You know, if you'd rather not go do this today or something, that's fine. I'd understand.
IC!Alfons: No no, I want to go, really. I have nothing else to do, and I certainly do not want to sit around the apartment and read like I usually do, because I have this much preferable alternative. I have been looking forward to it ever since we decided to go. I am not going to turn it down now just because of... ahm, well, not feeling so well.
T!Ed: If you're not feeling well, it'd be better for you to just stay here and get some rest. I don't want you getting any sicker or something just because you want to go out on a picnic with me. Besides, I could go pick you up stuff to help keep you amused, if you want.
IC!Alfons: No, Edward, I want to go. Really. I will be fine. ::sighs and gets up:: I bet the cookies are done now, too. ::heads back into the kitchen without giving Ed much of a chance to respond::
T!Ed: *makes a disgruntled noise and contemplates just getting up and leaving now, but ends up settling back in the chair, glaring at the kitchen*
IC!Alfons: ::works on putting the cookies into a tin container, then takes them back out into the living room with a sigh:: Sorry. Let me get the drinks, and then we can go. ::closes his eyes and runs a hand through his hair:: Is there anything in particular you wanted to drink? I have beer and probably some bottled tea, too.
T!Ed: Tea is fine, thanks. Look, are you sure you don't want to just stay here? I really don't want anything bad to happen to you...
IC!Alfons: Nothing bad is going to happen to me. ::shakes his head and laughs a little:: I have withstood worse than this by far.
T!Ed: *bites his lip* If you're sure, I guess...
IC!Alfons: ::smiles a little at him:: I appreciate your concern, though. Anyway, let me get the drinks... ::slips back into the kitchen::
T!Ed: *sighs and stands up, shaking his head and waiting for him*
IC!Alfons: ::comes back out with some tea for Ed and beer for himself:: Can I put these in the basket you have, there..?
T!Ed: Yeah, that's fine. *nods and slips his sleeve over his left hand to hide the missing ring, opening the basket for him*
IC!Alfons: ::takes no notice and puts the bottles in the basket, then bends down and picks the cookies back up:: So, shall we?
T!Ed: Um, yeah. Sure. *holds open the door for him*
IC!Alfons: Danke... ::steps outside and waits for him::
T!Ed: *closes the door and heads off down the street towards the park, in silence*
IC!Alfons: ::follows, trailing behind him just a little and to his side, looking at him worriedly:: I am sorry, Edward, if I said anything to upset or worry you. I really have been looking forward to this, like I said. I want it to be a fun thing to do.
T!Ed: *slumps his shoulders a bit* Look, you didn't upset me. You don't have to keep thinking that you did. I just think that you should stay back home and get some rest since you said that you weren't feeling well.
IC!Alfons: I am sick and tired of sitting around inside, Edward. The sunlight will be good for me, as will some company.
T!Ed: If you say so. *shakes his head and enter the park* Wherever you'd like to sit is fine.
IC!Alfons: ::nods, then looks around:: Well, there is a table over there... ::points:: Or we could just sit in the grass, either is fine with me.
T!Ed: How about the grass? Be more like a real picnic, anyway.
IC!Alfons: ::smiles a little:: I like that, ja. ::finds a nice open spot and sits down, yawning a little::
T!Ed: *sits as well, eyeing his yawning with concern, and spreads out of his coat to set the baskets on, taking out various fruit from his own*
IC!Alfons: ::sets down the tin of cookies and snatches up his bottle of beer from the basket, then selects an apple from the fruits and takes a small bite::
T!Ed: *sets out a couple of sandwiches and takes his bottle of tea, then pops out the cookie tin and nibbles on one of the cookies*
IC!Alfons: ::smiles a little:: I made your favorite kind again. They have really grown on me. Not that I ever disliked them, obviously, but I appreciate them much more than I used to. ::chuckles softly, then pops open his bottle and takes a sip::
T!Ed: They taste really good. You make the best, you know. *smiles sadly, finishing the cookie then having a sip of tea*
IC!Alfons: ::smiles softly:: You are always welcome to them. I can make more whenever you like. I am just glad you like them so much. ::takes another bite of apple and sighs, closing his eyes::
T!Ed: It's fine. Helping to make that medicine for me is enough for me, you know? *grabs a pear and bites into it, watching the clouds*
IC!Alfons: ::chuckles sadly:: Edward, I am not baking cookies because I feel like I owe them to you, it is because I want to. Honestly, if you ever want some, all you have to do is ask. ::smiles comfortingly and continues eating his apple::
T!Ed: Yeah, alright... I guess if I ever want some, I'll ask you, then. *eats his pear distractedly*
IC!Alfons: There we go. ::finishes his apple and sets the core aside, then peeks into the picnic basket to find something else to eat, pulling out a sandwich::
T!Ed: *shrugs and finishes off his pear, setting the remnants next to the apple core, then thumps back into the grass, staring up into the sky, not really feeling hungry anymore*
IC!Alfons: ::sips at his beer, then frowns sadly at him:: Is everything alright, Edward?
T!Ed: I'm fine. I guess I don't feel well today either. *shrugs, hands behind his head*
IC!Alfons: ::nods a little:: I understand. Is it anything I can help with...?
T!Ed: Not really. *sits back up with a stretch and sips from his tea*
IC!Alfons: Oh... Ahm, alright. Sorry, then. ::crosses his arms on his knees and watches him with concern for a moment before having a bite of his sandwich:: Really, though, we can talk about it if you want, but I am not going to press it any further if you are not interested in talking.
T!Ed: There's not much to talk about. Besides, I've already spoken to someone else about it. It's no big deal. *takes an apple and starts munching on it half-heartedly*
IC!Alfons: Oh. ::sighs:: Okay. ::frowns at the rest of his sandwich, knowing he should eat something but rather quickly starting to lose his appetite::
T!Ed: *actually finishes the apple and sets the core down along with the others, then draws his knees up to his chest*
IC!Alfons: ::drains the rest of his beer, then sets the bottle aside and closes his eyes, resting his face in his arms::
T!Ed: *glances over at him and sighs before looking down at the empty beer bottle*
IC!Alfons: ::looks up just a little, then yawns softly again before flopping onto his back in the grass, eyes closed::
T!Ed: *watches him* ...Did you want to go home now and get some sleep?
IC!Alfons: No, Edward, I wanted to have a picnic. I want to have a good time with you, and be able to talk like we used to. I do not need to sleep. I appreciate your looking out for me, though.
T!Ed: Well we just had our picnic, and it looks like neither of us are having a good time right now, you know.
IC!Alfons: ::sighs:: You need not be so bitter about it. Although the same goes for me, I know. ::shakes his head a little:: I am sorry, I really wanted to just enjoy this time with you, and I still do, but I am having a hard time getting enough sleep, recently, as you clearly noticed. Not as though that is a hard thing to pick up on...
T!Ed: Have you been drinking a lot too? I know we broke up, but it's not anything to lose sleep over or drink yourself to death with. There are other people out there for you, your brother being one of them, I'm sure. And I'm fine with that.
IC!Alfons: ...I have, ja. And maybe you think that, but I am having an incredibly difficult time with this. ::sighs shakily:: There are other people but I do not trust them the way I trust you. I cannot talk to them about anything. My brother included. Honestly, I have not seen him in the past few days. I have no idea where he is. I am all alone.
T!Ed: I'm trying to look out for you, you know. I really am, even though we did break up. You'll still have to find other people that you can trust, relationship like ours or not. It'll help.
IC!Alfons: ::curls up a little in the grass, staring blankly at a leaf:: I know you are. I am glad you are, too. But finding others that I can trust is difficult. I am not used to having many close friends, I am used to keeping to myself, and usually that is not a problem but I have never been in a situation like this... I do not know what to do... I have so many things I want to say and yet I cannot say them...
T!Ed: *runs a hand through his hair with a shaky sigh* So? Say them now. I'm listening.
IC!Alfons: ::closes his eyes tightly, then shakes his head, eyes watering:: I... ::gulps:: I do not know where to start... I do not know what to say. And I do not want to put all of the weight I am carrying onto you; you do not deserve it. Now that you are free of me, you do not need to share my burdens.
T!Ed: *looks at him levelly* I want to. You said you didn't have anyone else that you can trust, so who else are you going to be able to tell?
IC!Alfons: ::curls up more tightly:: There is so much to say... ::bites his lip:: I... It truly is not fair to tell you any of it, you will just get upset with me more than you are... I do not want you to be upset at me, Edward... I know we are separate now, and I respect that because that is what you want, but I do not know why you left me... I just cannot comprehend why, when we have always been such good friends...
T!Ed: I left because I was afraid of hurting you. If I stayed, especially with the way I was, you would have been hurt or worse. And then I was able to get away and be free, and I liked it. I mean, I know I'm getting off of house arrest completely soon, but it wasn't the same thing. I didn't have to worry about someone else trying to help me all of the time, clinging to me, not letting me do the things that made me happy... *shrugs* I guess I just missed being single.
IC!Alfons: ::shakes his head a little, staring at the leaf again:: It seems so simple, the way you say it, but I just... I cannot... After everything, after how truly devoted we were to each other, I cannot see how you would turn that down. ::frowns sadly:: I wanted us to be together forever... We seemed so perfect...
T!Ed: *sighs shakily, eyes closed* The real world doesn't work that way, Alfons. Some people stay together forever, but not everyone.
IC!Alfons: I know... I am sorry. Remember that I have never experienced anything like the relationship we had. I was naive and foolish to think that we could stay together, clearly. ::shuts his eyes tightly, tears spilling out the corners:: No wonder you left me, if I was being so stupid.
T!Ed: Don't say you were being stupid because you weren't. *snorts* I was the one being stupid thinking I could hold a relationship up with you when we clearly don't see the same way on the subject. You deserve better.
IC!Alfons: I do not want "better"... ::sighs:: What is it that you think differently that meant we could not be together?
T!Ed: A lot of things. I thought about it and didn't think it would work anymore. *stares blankly at the grass*
IC!Alfons: Why not? ::stares at him, hurt:: What went wrong? You could have said something to me if you did not like some aspect of our relationship, as you clearly did not... Why would it not work?
T!Ed: Everything. When you went out, you pretty much got a sitter for me or made sure that people checked in. I may be crazy, but I'm still capable of taking care of myself without a keeper. I felt like you didn't listen some of the time. I did and still do appreciate everything that you did for me, don't get me wrong. But things like that just made it not work. *shrugs*
IC!Alfons: ::sighs shakily:: Edward, I was scared... You were scared, too, you know... If I was about to leave even for an hour, you would often grow afraid of being on your own... And when I did leave you on your own, sometimes you... You hurt yourself. You saw those... Things... Far more often when you were alone than when I was with you. I remember times when you became so terrified at the concept of me leaving for the day, and given everything else, of course I tried to find any way to have some company for you. I did not want you to get hurt, and I did not want you to be afraid anymore. I loved you far too much to just abandon you. ::wipes tears away with his sleeve::
T!Ed: I had grown far too dependent on you than I should have. While I was away, I still had episodes, you know. I took a trowel to my skull when I was out gardening, but that was about it. There were the small things, but I was alone and having less. Maybe I had grown more used to them at that point, I don't know, but it could also have been because I didn't have someone there coddling me the whole time through them.
IC!Alfons: ::looks at him with a hurt expression:: Edward, if I had left you alone... Well, first of all I could never have done that, it would be cruel and heartless to just abandon you when something like that could happen... And how could I take the chance that you would hurt yourself? And if I had left you all alone, you would have hated me for doing it! ::breaks down into soft sobs against his sleeve:: I did everything for you, Edward... I could not have abandoned you when you needed help most...
T!Ed: If you had left me, I would have hated you for a while, yes, but it would have been better in the long run for the both of us, I think. *looks over at him with a pained expression, wanting to comfort him but not sure if he should*
IC!Alfons: ::shakes his head:: Better for both of us how? ::fighting his tears and losing the battle::
T!Ed: Better so that we can both move on. I'm actually happier now, Alfons. *bites his lip*
IC!Alfons: ::felt that one like a punch in the stomach; curls up tightly and shakes a little:: ...Good for you...
T!Ed: ...Alfons... I'm sorry...
IC!Alfons: ::grips a handful of grass so hard his knuckles turn white, crying harder::
T!Ed: *reaches out a hand to touch his shoulder before retracting it, thinking better of the action, and wraps his arms around his knees, sighing heavily*
IC!Alfons: I... I thought maybe I was done crying about you... I guess I was wrong... ::shudders slightly:: You were everything to me...
T!Ed: Alfons... You were everything to me too during that time, and that's a lot more than I can say about some of the people that I've been with...
IC!Alfons: ::rips out the grass held in his fist and squeezes it tightly:: I cannot... I cannot even comprehend how it is possible that... ::sobs:: That my love, that everything I gave to you, meant so little that you could just leave me... Alone, with... Nothing left... Gott... ::tries to regain control over his tears:: I am so pathetic...
T!Ed: *winces and backs away from him slightly* You're not the pathetic one, I am...
IC!Alfons: You are not pathetic, Edward, never say that... Never, never think that of yourself...
T!Ed: Then don't say that about yourself either just because I left.
IC!Alfons: Clearly I am, if you left me despite all of my efforts to do everything you wanted of me... Despite how completely I loved you...
T!Ed: That doesn't make you the pathetic one! That just makes me ungrateful and selfish for doing that to you.
IC!Alfons: ::closes his eyes tighter, face pressed against his arm:: It means that I was stupid and pathetic. I feel like an absolute failure. You are beautiful and golden and I am nothing.
T!Ed: *takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself before becoming angry* Look. I left. You didn't. You stayed and waited for me and tried to find me. I pushed you away, I yelled, I screamed, and I threatened you. That does not make you a failure at all. You tried as hard as you could, while I kept running away. Just because I don't appreciate those efforts, doesn't mean you failed yourself. It means I failed you and that it's over now.
IC!Alfons: ::cries harder, voice small:: I am so sorry, do not yell at me...
T!Ed: *sighs, shaking his head with a touch of disgust* At least I actually came back instead of staying away like I did with the others. Here. Let me help you get home and you can get yourself cleaned and take a nap or something.
IC!Alfons: I... I know... I am sorry, you are right, I need sleep and I need to stop drinking... It is just so hard to hold myself together... After everything we had together, it is hard to pick up the pieces... ::swallows, rubbing at his face and trying to stop crying:: I am so sorry for so many of the things I just said... I get so emotional and I just keep going, and none of it is anything I should have bothered you with.
T!Ed: It's fine. You needed to get it out and you yourself said you had no one else to talk to. *throws their things into the baskets and stands, offering him his hand* Did you want me to take the beer in the apartment and get rid of it for you, if it helps at all?
IC!Alfons: ::reaches for his hand and pulls himself up with some effort, looking rather bleary:: Bitte, that might be a good thing.
T!Ed: *offers a soft smile* It's fine. Let's get you home. *starts for the apartment*
IC!Alfons: Alright. ::trails behind him with his head down, stumbling slightly and still breathing shakily::
T!Ed: *holds onto his arm gently to help support him and gets him home, opening the door and leading him inside*
IC!Alfons: ::sighs heavily and unties his shoes, kicking them off, then rubs his eyes a little::
T!Ed: *squeezes his shoulder lightly and goes to put the stuff away in the kitchen, also removing the beer from the fridge and setting it on the counter to take with him later*
IC!Alfons: ::stands there awkwardly for a moment, then massages his temples a little and calls into the kitchen:: I am going to lay down, but if you could get me a glass of water...?
T!Ed: Of course! *gets a glass from the cabinet and fills it with water*
IC!Alfons: ::heads toward the bedroom and collapses on the bed, staring at the ceiling::
T!Ed: *waits a few moments before heading into the bedroom quietly and setting the glass of water on the nightstand* Did you want me to stay with you for a while..?
IC!Alfons: ::sits up a little and reaches for the glass, taking a sip:: If you want. That is up to you.
T!Ed: *fidgets a moment* It's up to you. It's your apartment.
IC!Alfons: ::sighs:: I would like you to, ja, but I am not going to ask anything of you that you do not want to do. I am just tired of being alone, that is all.
T!Ed: *grabs a chair and sits down in it by the bed* I'll stay with you until you fall asleep, then.
IC!Alfons: ::drinks some more water, then smiles weakly but genuinely at him:: Danke, Edward. You are a true friend.
T!Ed: *smiles back, an actual smile this time, and reaches for his hand* It's no problem at all, Alfons. Get some rest and I hope that you feel better.
IC!Alfons: ::squeezes his hand gently and nods:: Danke schön. I will try. ::downs the rest of the water in the glass and sighs softly, laying back down::
T!Ed: *squeezes back and smoothes some of the hair away from his forehead lightly, shifting to get more comfortable in the chair*
IC!Alfons: ::closes his eyes and sighs softly:: I am sorry our picnic did not turn out very fun after all.
T!Ed: *chuckles a little* It's alright. When things settle down, maybe we can try again.
IC!Alfons: I would like that. ::smiles softly:: Danke. ::squeezes his hand once more, then lets go of it, curling up a little in bed::
T!Ed: *fixes some of the blankets out and catches an envelope sitting beneath an empty beer bottle on the night stand, catching a few letters of his name*
IC!Alfons: ::sort of nuzzles into his pillow, already half-asleep due to utter exhaustion::
T!Ed: *waits a while and rubs his side slowly before messing his hair a bit, then sits back and carefully takes the letter, looking down at it*
IC!Alfons: ::smiles softly and finally falls asleep, rather content for once::
T!Ed: *watches him a while longer and puts the letter in his coat before moving the blankets up a little higher, tucking him in almost and smiles softly, then heads out into the kitchen and takes the beer, leaving the apartment and disposing of it along the way*
When: 8/27/06
Rating: PG
Category: Misc Happenings, Misc Pairings
Summary: Alfons and T!Ed go out to have their picnic and end up discussing their relationship.
T!Ed: *makes it up to Alfons' apartment and knocks on the door, basket on his arm*
IC!Alfons: ::yells:: One second! ::takes a batch of cookies out of the oven, then yelps, accidentally burning a finger on the cookie sheet, and tosses the hotpads on the counter before coming to open the door, shaking his burned finger a little:: Ahm, come on in, I had a bit of a delay and the cookies just came out of the oven so we should probably wait a few minutes before leaving... ::rather obviously distressed and lacking sleep still::
T!Ed: Ah, yeah... That's fine. You need any help? *steps inside the apartment, hand that usually wears the ring stuffed into his pocket, and frowns*
IC!Alfons: No no, I have it under control, really... ::closes the door and sighs softly, then sticks his finger back in his mouth for a second with a wince:: I think I need some cold water or something, excuse me. ::zips back into the kitchen and turns on the sink, holding his hand under the water::
T!Ed: *winces and sits down gingerly in one of the chairs, basket in his lap, and listens intently to the sounds in the kitchen, ready to jump in and help if he needs to*
IC!Alfons: ::emerges a moment later and collapses into a chair, exhausted:: Once the cookies cool down, we can go. Sorry, I am just a little out of sorts. I burned myself taking the cookies out of the oven in my rush to get the door. ::tired chuckle:: How are you?
T!Ed: *smiles wanly* I'm doing fine, I guess. *fidgets* You know, if you'd rather not go do this today or something, that's fine. I'd understand.
IC!Alfons: No no, I want to go, really. I have nothing else to do, and I certainly do not want to sit around the apartment and read like I usually do, because I have this much preferable alternative. I have been looking forward to it ever since we decided to go. I am not going to turn it down now just because of... ahm, well, not feeling so well.
T!Ed: If you're not feeling well, it'd be better for you to just stay here and get some rest. I don't want you getting any sicker or something just because you want to go out on a picnic with me. Besides, I could go pick you up stuff to help keep you amused, if you want.
IC!Alfons: No, Edward, I want to go. Really. I will be fine. ::sighs and gets up:: I bet the cookies are done now, too. ::heads back into the kitchen without giving Ed much of a chance to respond::
T!Ed: *makes a disgruntled noise and contemplates just getting up and leaving now, but ends up settling back in the chair, glaring at the kitchen*
IC!Alfons: ::works on putting the cookies into a tin container, then takes them back out into the living room with a sigh:: Sorry. Let me get the drinks, and then we can go. ::closes his eyes and runs a hand through his hair:: Is there anything in particular you wanted to drink? I have beer and probably some bottled tea, too.
T!Ed: Tea is fine, thanks. Look, are you sure you don't want to just stay here? I really don't want anything bad to happen to you...
IC!Alfons: Nothing bad is going to happen to me. ::shakes his head and laughs a little:: I have withstood worse than this by far.
T!Ed: *bites his lip* If you're sure, I guess...
IC!Alfons: ::smiles a little at him:: I appreciate your concern, though. Anyway, let me get the drinks... ::slips back into the kitchen::
T!Ed: *sighs and stands up, shaking his head and waiting for him*
IC!Alfons: ::comes back out with some tea for Ed and beer for himself:: Can I put these in the basket you have, there..?
T!Ed: Yeah, that's fine. *nods and slips his sleeve over his left hand to hide the missing ring, opening the basket for him*
IC!Alfons: ::takes no notice and puts the bottles in the basket, then bends down and picks the cookies back up:: So, shall we?
T!Ed: Um, yeah. Sure. *holds open the door for him*
IC!Alfons: Danke... ::steps outside and waits for him::
T!Ed: *closes the door and heads off down the street towards the park, in silence*
IC!Alfons: ::follows, trailing behind him just a little and to his side, looking at him worriedly:: I am sorry, Edward, if I said anything to upset or worry you. I really have been looking forward to this, like I said. I want it to be a fun thing to do.
T!Ed: *slumps his shoulders a bit* Look, you didn't upset me. You don't have to keep thinking that you did. I just think that you should stay back home and get some rest since you said that you weren't feeling well.
IC!Alfons: I am sick and tired of sitting around inside, Edward. The sunlight will be good for me, as will some company.
T!Ed: If you say so. *shakes his head and enter the park* Wherever you'd like to sit is fine.
IC!Alfons: ::nods, then looks around:: Well, there is a table over there... ::points:: Or we could just sit in the grass, either is fine with me.
T!Ed: How about the grass? Be more like a real picnic, anyway.
IC!Alfons: ::smiles a little:: I like that, ja. ::finds a nice open spot and sits down, yawning a little::
T!Ed: *sits as well, eyeing his yawning with concern, and spreads out of his coat to set the baskets on, taking out various fruit from his own*
IC!Alfons: ::sets down the tin of cookies and snatches up his bottle of beer from the basket, then selects an apple from the fruits and takes a small bite::
T!Ed: *sets out a couple of sandwiches and takes his bottle of tea, then pops out the cookie tin and nibbles on one of the cookies*
IC!Alfons: ::smiles a little:: I made your favorite kind again. They have really grown on me. Not that I ever disliked them, obviously, but I appreciate them much more than I used to. ::chuckles softly, then pops open his bottle and takes a sip::
T!Ed: They taste really good. You make the best, you know. *smiles sadly, finishing the cookie then having a sip of tea*
IC!Alfons: ::smiles softly:: You are always welcome to them. I can make more whenever you like. I am just glad you like them so much. ::takes another bite of apple and sighs, closing his eyes::
T!Ed: It's fine. Helping to make that medicine for me is enough for me, you know? *grabs a pear and bites into it, watching the clouds*
IC!Alfons: ::chuckles sadly:: Edward, I am not baking cookies because I feel like I owe them to you, it is because I want to. Honestly, if you ever want some, all you have to do is ask. ::smiles comfortingly and continues eating his apple::
T!Ed: Yeah, alright... I guess if I ever want some, I'll ask you, then. *eats his pear distractedly*
IC!Alfons: There we go. ::finishes his apple and sets the core aside, then peeks into the picnic basket to find something else to eat, pulling out a sandwich::
T!Ed: *shrugs and finishes off his pear, setting the remnants next to the apple core, then thumps back into the grass, staring up into the sky, not really feeling hungry anymore*
IC!Alfons: ::sips at his beer, then frowns sadly at him:: Is everything alright, Edward?
T!Ed: I'm fine. I guess I don't feel well today either. *shrugs, hands behind his head*
IC!Alfons: ::nods a little:: I understand. Is it anything I can help with...?
T!Ed: Not really. *sits back up with a stretch and sips from his tea*
IC!Alfons: Oh... Ahm, alright. Sorry, then. ::crosses his arms on his knees and watches him with concern for a moment before having a bite of his sandwich:: Really, though, we can talk about it if you want, but I am not going to press it any further if you are not interested in talking.
T!Ed: There's not much to talk about. Besides, I've already spoken to someone else about it. It's no big deal. *takes an apple and starts munching on it half-heartedly*
IC!Alfons: Oh. ::sighs:: Okay. ::frowns at the rest of his sandwich, knowing he should eat something but rather quickly starting to lose his appetite::
T!Ed: *actually finishes the apple and sets the core down along with the others, then draws his knees up to his chest*
IC!Alfons: ::drains the rest of his beer, then sets the bottle aside and closes his eyes, resting his face in his arms::
T!Ed: *glances over at him and sighs before looking down at the empty beer bottle*
IC!Alfons: ::looks up just a little, then yawns softly again before flopping onto his back in the grass, eyes closed::
T!Ed: *watches him* ...Did you want to go home now and get some sleep?
IC!Alfons: No, Edward, I wanted to have a picnic. I want to have a good time with you, and be able to talk like we used to. I do not need to sleep. I appreciate your looking out for me, though.
T!Ed: Well we just had our picnic, and it looks like neither of us are having a good time right now, you know.
IC!Alfons: ::sighs:: You need not be so bitter about it. Although the same goes for me, I know. ::shakes his head a little:: I am sorry, I really wanted to just enjoy this time with you, and I still do, but I am having a hard time getting enough sleep, recently, as you clearly noticed. Not as though that is a hard thing to pick up on...
T!Ed: Have you been drinking a lot too? I know we broke up, but it's not anything to lose sleep over or drink yourself to death with. There are other people out there for you, your brother being one of them, I'm sure. And I'm fine with that.
IC!Alfons: ...I have, ja. And maybe you think that, but I am having an incredibly difficult time with this. ::sighs shakily:: There are other people but I do not trust them the way I trust you. I cannot talk to them about anything. My brother included. Honestly, I have not seen him in the past few days. I have no idea where he is. I am all alone.
T!Ed: I'm trying to look out for you, you know. I really am, even though we did break up. You'll still have to find other people that you can trust, relationship like ours or not. It'll help.
IC!Alfons: ::curls up a little in the grass, staring blankly at a leaf:: I know you are. I am glad you are, too. But finding others that I can trust is difficult. I am not used to having many close friends, I am used to keeping to myself, and usually that is not a problem but I have never been in a situation like this... I do not know what to do... I have so many things I want to say and yet I cannot say them...
T!Ed: *runs a hand through his hair with a shaky sigh* So? Say them now. I'm listening.
IC!Alfons: ::closes his eyes tightly, then shakes his head, eyes watering:: I... ::gulps:: I do not know where to start... I do not know what to say. And I do not want to put all of the weight I am carrying onto you; you do not deserve it. Now that you are free of me, you do not need to share my burdens.
T!Ed: *looks at him levelly* I want to. You said you didn't have anyone else that you can trust, so who else are you going to be able to tell?
IC!Alfons: ::curls up more tightly:: There is so much to say... ::bites his lip:: I... It truly is not fair to tell you any of it, you will just get upset with me more than you are... I do not want you to be upset at me, Edward... I know we are separate now, and I respect that because that is what you want, but I do not know why you left me... I just cannot comprehend why, when we have always been such good friends...
T!Ed: I left because I was afraid of hurting you. If I stayed, especially with the way I was, you would have been hurt or worse. And then I was able to get away and be free, and I liked it. I mean, I know I'm getting off of house arrest completely soon, but it wasn't the same thing. I didn't have to worry about someone else trying to help me all of the time, clinging to me, not letting me do the things that made me happy... *shrugs* I guess I just missed being single.
IC!Alfons: ::shakes his head a little, staring at the leaf again:: It seems so simple, the way you say it, but I just... I cannot... After everything, after how truly devoted we were to each other, I cannot see how you would turn that down. ::frowns sadly:: I wanted us to be together forever... We seemed so perfect...
T!Ed: *sighs shakily, eyes closed* The real world doesn't work that way, Alfons. Some people stay together forever, but not everyone.
IC!Alfons: I know... I am sorry. Remember that I have never experienced anything like the relationship we had. I was naive and foolish to think that we could stay together, clearly. ::shuts his eyes tightly, tears spilling out the corners:: No wonder you left me, if I was being so stupid.
T!Ed: Don't say you were being stupid because you weren't. *snorts* I was the one being stupid thinking I could hold a relationship up with you when we clearly don't see the same way on the subject. You deserve better.
IC!Alfons: I do not want "better"... ::sighs:: What is it that you think differently that meant we could not be together?
T!Ed: A lot of things. I thought about it and didn't think it would work anymore. *stares blankly at the grass*
IC!Alfons: Why not? ::stares at him, hurt:: What went wrong? You could have said something to me if you did not like some aspect of our relationship, as you clearly did not... Why would it not work?
T!Ed: Everything. When you went out, you pretty much got a sitter for me or made sure that people checked in. I may be crazy, but I'm still capable of taking care of myself without a keeper. I felt like you didn't listen some of the time. I did and still do appreciate everything that you did for me, don't get me wrong. But things like that just made it not work. *shrugs*
IC!Alfons: ::sighs shakily:: Edward, I was scared... You were scared, too, you know... If I was about to leave even for an hour, you would often grow afraid of being on your own... And when I did leave you on your own, sometimes you... You hurt yourself. You saw those... Things... Far more often when you were alone than when I was with you. I remember times when you became so terrified at the concept of me leaving for the day, and given everything else, of course I tried to find any way to have some company for you. I did not want you to get hurt, and I did not want you to be afraid anymore. I loved you far too much to just abandon you. ::wipes tears away with his sleeve::
T!Ed: I had grown far too dependent on you than I should have. While I was away, I still had episodes, you know. I took a trowel to my skull when I was out gardening, but that was about it. There were the small things, but I was alone and having less. Maybe I had grown more used to them at that point, I don't know, but it could also have been because I didn't have someone there coddling me the whole time through them.
IC!Alfons: ::looks at him with a hurt expression:: Edward, if I had left you alone... Well, first of all I could never have done that, it would be cruel and heartless to just abandon you when something like that could happen... And how could I take the chance that you would hurt yourself? And if I had left you all alone, you would have hated me for doing it! ::breaks down into soft sobs against his sleeve:: I did everything for you, Edward... I could not have abandoned you when you needed help most...
T!Ed: If you had left me, I would have hated you for a while, yes, but it would have been better in the long run for the both of us, I think. *looks over at him with a pained expression, wanting to comfort him but not sure if he should*
IC!Alfons: ::shakes his head:: Better for both of us how? ::fighting his tears and losing the battle::
T!Ed: Better so that we can both move on. I'm actually happier now, Alfons. *bites his lip*
IC!Alfons: ::felt that one like a punch in the stomach; curls up tightly and shakes a little:: ...Good for you...
T!Ed: ...Alfons... I'm sorry...
IC!Alfons: ::grips a handful of grass so hard his knuckles turn white, crying harder::
T!Ed: *reaches out a hand to touch his shoulder before retracting it, thinking better of the action, and wraps his arms around his knees, sighing heavily*
IC!Alfons: I... I thought maybe I was done crying about you... I guess I was wrong... ::shudders slightly:: You were everything to me...
T!Ed: Alfons... You were everything to me too during that time, and that's a lot more than I can say about some of the people that I've been with...
IC!Alfons: ::rips out the grass held in his fist and squeezes it tightly:: I cannot... I cannot even comprehend how it is possible that... ::sobs:: That my love, that everything I gave to you, meant so little that you could just leave me... Alone, with... Nothing left... Gott... ::tries to regain control over his tears:: I am so pathetic...
T!Ed: *winces and backs away from him slightly* You're not the pathetic one, I am...
IC!Alfons: You are not pathetic, Edward, never say that... Never, never think that of yourself...
T!Ed: Then don't say that about yourself either just because I left.
IC!Alfons: Clearly I am, if you left me despite all of my efforts to do everything you wanted of me... Despite how completely I loved you...
T!Ed: That doesn't make you the pathetic one! That just makes me ungrateful and selfish for doing that to you.
IC!Alfons: ::closes his eyes tighter, face pressed against his arm:: It means that I was stupid and pathetic. I feel like an absolute failure. You are beautiful and golden and I am nothing.
T!Ed: *takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself before becoming angry* Look. I left. You didn't. You stayed and waited for me and tried to find me. I pushed you away, I yelled, I screamed, and I threatened you. That does not make you a failure at all. You tried as hard as you could, while I kept running away. Just because I don't appreciate those efforts, doesn't mean you failed yourself. It means I failed you and that it's over now.
IC!Alfons: ::cries harder, voice small:: I am so sorry, do not yell at me...
T!Ed: *sighs, shaking his head with a touch of disgust* At least I actually came back instead of staying away like I did with the others. Here. Let me help you get home and you can get yourself cleaned and take a nap or something.
IC!Alfons: I... I know... I am sorry, you are right, I need sleep and I need to stop drinking... It is just so hard to hold myself together... After everything we had together, it is hard to pick up the pieces... ::swallows, rubbing at his face and trying to stop crying:: I am so sorry for so many of the things I just said... I get so emotional and I just keep going, and none of it is anything I should have bothered you with.
T!Ed: It's fine. You needed to get it out and you yourself said you had no one else to talk to. *throws their things into the baskets and stands, offering him his hand* Did you want me to take the beer in the apartment and get rid of it for you, if it helps at all?
IC!Alfons: ::reaches for his hand and pulls himself up with some effort, looking rather bleary:: Bitte, that might be a good thing.
T!Ed: *offers a soft smile* It's fine. Let's get you home. *starts for the apartment*
IC!Alfons: Alright. ::trails behind him with his head down, stumbling slightly and still breathing shakily::
T!Ed: *holds onto his arm gently to help support him and gets him home, opening the door and leading him inside*
IC!Alfons: ::sighs heavily and unties his shoes, kicking them off, then rubs his eyes a little::
T!Ed: *squeezes his shoulder lightly and goes to put the stuff away in the kitchen, also removing the beer from the fridge and setting it on the counter to take with him later*
IC!Alfons: ::stands there awkwardly for a moment, then massages his temples a little and calls into the kitchen:: I am going to lay down, but if you could get me a glass of water...?
T!Ed: Of course! *gets a glass from the cabinet and fills it with water*
IC!Alfons: ::heads toward the bedroom and collapses on the bed, staring at the ceiling::
T!Ed: *waits a few moments before heading into the bedroom quietly and setting the glass of water on the nightstand* Did you want me to stay with you for a while..?
IC!Alfons: ::sits up a little and reaches for the glass, taking a sip:: If you want. That is up to you.
T!Ed: *fidgets a moment* It's up to you. It's your apartment.
IC!Alfons: ::sighs:: I would like you to, ja, but I am not going to ask anything of you that you do not want to do. I am just tired of being alone, that is all.
T!Ed: *grabs a chair and sits down in it by the bed* I'll stay with you until you fall asleep, then.
IC!Alfons: ::drinks some more water, then smiles weakly but genuinely at him:: Danke, Edward. You are a true friend.
T!Ed: *smiles back, an actual smile this time, and reaches for his hand* It's no problem at all, Alfons. Get some rest and I hope that you feel better.
IC!Alfons: ::squeezes his hand gently and nods:: Danke schön. I will try. ::downs the rest of the water in the glass and sighs softly, laying back down::
T!Ed: *squeezes back and smoothes some of the hair away from his forehead lightly, shifting to get more comfortable in the chair*
IC!Alfons: ::closes his eyes and sighs softly:: I am sorry our picnic did not turn out very fun after all.
T!Ed: *chuckles a little* It's alright. When things settle down, maybe we can try again.
IC!Alfons: I would like that. ::smiles softly:: Danke. ::squeezes his hand once more, then lets go of it, curling up a little in bed::
T!Ed: *fixes some of the blankets out and catches an envelope sitting beneath an empty beer bottle on the night stand, catching a few letters of his name*
IC!Alfons: ::sort of nuzzles into his pillow, already half-asleep due to utter exhaustion::
T!Ed: *waits a while and rubs his side slowly before messing his hair a bit, then sits back and carefully takes the letter, looking down at it*
IC!Alfons: ::smiles softly and finally falls asleep, rather content for once::
T!Ed: *watches him a while longer and puts the letter in his coat before moving the blankets up a little higher, tucking him in almost and smiles softly, then heads out into the kitchen and takes the beer, leaving the apartment and disposing of it along the way*