Fic: "Comforted" - Jared/Jensen, infantilism, plushophilia, caretaking
Disclaimer: This is pure fiction. Any resemblance to real people and/or situations is purely coincidental. I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters, or any of the names used in this fic. This piece of writing contains descriptions of sexual acts and kinks, read on your own discretion. Any flames or negative comments will not be tolerated.
A/N: This was meant to be slashy and hot, not angsty and sweet. Ah well, can't have it all!
Summary: After a long week of work Jensen tries to find some peace and comfort. And then Jared finds Jensen.
Comforted
It's a strange sort of headspace, Jensen thinks. Or maybe that's not the right word for it, he doesn't know. He feels heavy, slow. Lethargic and calm and comfortable.
Comfortable might be the key word here, or perhaps comforted.
And he knows a 31 year old man shouldn't want that. Shouldn't need it or crave it the way he does, but he made peace with that particular part of his personality years ago. Left is only the shame and instinctive need to hide whenever Jared.. Daddy closes in on his most protected secrets.
Open and found out as they may be these days.
These sessions don't always start out as sexual. Not really. Not even remotely so. Sometimes it's just him after a long, long day that's left him with that prickling feeling of anxiety and dread he doesn't want, that has him jerking awake in the middle of the night with sweat pouring off him and a heartbeat that just wont calm down. And things seem bigger, more dangerous. No matter how surmountable and fixable things are when he's calm and clear, they loom over him when he's falling into that headspace.
And then he craves it. Needs it. Needs to be little for a while, for worries not to be his own and distant enough that they can be ignored.
He doesn't even mean to go there. All he was going to do was sit on the bed to take off his boots and socks and rub his feet after the longest fucking day in history, shower off the dirt and work and stress of everyday life, but as soon as his backside touched the bed he knew he was lost. His boots tumbled to the floor haphazardly as he toed them off, and his hands were around the baby blue bunny sitting up against a white pillow before he could think it through. He folds it into the crook of his arm, feels the soft (so soft) fur against the bare skin over his t-shirt, and against his neck. His other hand closes around the matching blanket, silky smooth and furry with a satin lining.
He doesn't mean to rub it against his cheek. Doesn't start out thinking that's what he's going to do.
He just going to.. To play with them a little. Touch them. Then put them back, and be an adult for the duration of the weekend. Play golf. Or. Whatever.
And then he's just lost to it.
That's how Jared finds him, half an hour later. There are three bags of groceries abandoned in the kitchen, muddy paw prints over the kitchen floor from where he's let the dogs back in, and Jensen is nowhere to be seen. At all.
But it's Friday afternoon, and.. Jared knows.
If he hadn't been expecting it and known what he'd find behind their bedroom door, he supposes he would've giggled. Found it ridiculous and laughable and a very what the fuck, dude-kind of situation. Jensen is curled up with his eyes barely open, green slits fastened on nothing in particular, and his mouth is halfway open. Breathing hard, evenly. His right hand is deep in his boxers, the fly of his jeans open.
So far so good.
His left arm is wrapped around a powder blue bunny, about a foot long, with silky ears and a pink nose, and his hand is folded into a matching blanket. Soft and furry, the corners of it are held up against his face. Jared can see Jensen moving it slowly, knows he's rubbing the silky fabric against his face. Green eyes meets his, and a faint blush rises up over Jensen's cheeks as he realizes he's been caught. Again.
“Shh.” Jared whispers, closing in on the bed slowly.
“It's okay. It's all right. Daddy's here.”
It's another short moment that lasts forever before he can see that shift in Jensen's body that tells him it's okay, they've arrived.
All in all, he's learned to love this. Thinks it might have been hiding inside him all this time, or that maybe it's something in him that Jensen just brings out. It doesn't really matter, after all.
His hands grope in the nightstand drawer for a moment, and he has to look inside at the mess (papers, glasses, keys, empty gum wrappers, wipes, condoms and.. There!) to find the pacifier he's looking for, a pale shade of green with a bulb much larger than the average infant pacifier. Jensen takes it without complaint, sucks it in and bobs it up and down a few times out of habit. Jared strokes his hair back carefully, watches Jensen's eyes close at the touch.
“Let's get you changed, huh?”
Jensen shrugs, wants to be left alone, but Jared's pretty bossy when it comes to these things, and he's got Jensen wrangled out of his clothes without much more fuss. Jensen's dick is hard, straining against the damp cotton of his boxers, and it's all Jared can do to not throw himself at it.
But not now.
Not today.
Not even when Jensen's flat on his back, buck naked and hard with wide open eyes and...
Not yet.
He digs out a pair of grey sweats, soft and well worn and washed far too many times from Jensen's drawers, clean socks and a fresh t-shirt and from behind the drawers in the deep closet they share, he pulls out one of the diapers. White, crinkly, this was probably the thing it took him the longest to accept. To get used to or even like. He still catches himself wondering what the hell he's doing sometimes, but for the most part.. For the most part this is a part of it. And that's fine.
Even cute, sometimes.
And Jensen curls up in clean clothes, the lines of the diaper evident through the thin cotton, the papery edge visible over the drawstring lining of his pants.
Jared pulls away. Leaves Jensen to his thoughts, knows it's a jumbled mess of nerves and wants in there right now.
And that's fine. Jensen needs his time after a long week, and so does he right now. Just a little while, to collect himself and put himself back together so he can play their game. Be the part of this that makes it work.
Jensen watches him go with heavily hooded eyes that close the moment the door creaks to a halfway closed-position.
His dick strains against the soft insides of the diaper as he shifts back to his side, and his fingers close around the soft fur of his favourite items without hesitation this time.
It's all right, now. Daddy knows.
His hand strains against the tight wrappings of the diaper as he reaches down around it, and he takes his time. Slow, comfortable and soft in clean clothes, with his binky and the bunny and the blanket. There's no rush, no.. Point in finishing this. He drifts, his hand still stretched down under the diaper, his fingers moving lazily against himself. The end crawls closer, like it's riding on waves far out to sea and will grow in strength when it nears land. Behind it is the crawling thoughts of anxiety, dulled and calmed by the softness and comfort around him.
He sucks rhythmically, habitually. Feels the familiar motion calm him, soothe. Knows it's silly, but.. Doesn't feel it. Not now, not alone in his room, or in this house with the only person who's ever known and hasn't judged him for this. Not even once.
And the waves push closer, growing in strength until he twists onto his stomach and rubs himself against the blanket, the bunny still soft against his chest and the sucks on his paci almost feverish in strength.
Jared watches him, one hip leaning against the door jamb as Jensen brings himself off. Watches him rub feverishly against the bedspread, sees the glint of plastic in his mouth and the stuffed bunny trapped between his stomach and the bedspread until he stills, his hips pushing into the bed and his breathing hard around the rubber in his mouth.
And then it's his turn. His time.
Not to get off, but to be there and join in. Take comfort in the calm that follows.
Jensen's quiet when Jared crawls in next to him, watching him with wide eyes as he stretches one hand out and touches the bunny carefully.
“Did Bunny like that?” he asks, and his voice is soft.
Jensen nods, his paci bouncing once. Twice.
And then he's crawling closer, the diaper crinkling with the movement and the blue blanket getting caught underneath him as he goes. Jared catches him. Wraps him up and feels the calm catch onto him as well, seep into his pores and through his skin. Jensen's warm against him, the skin on his forehead only slightly clammy from exertion. The pacifier bounces as the bunny's wrapped tighter in his arms in a strangle hold, blue ears flopping over Jensen's arm.
“It's okay, baby. It's okay.” Jared whispers, his hand following the line of Jensen's spine until it meets the papery edge of the diaper. Knows that this right here is when Jensen feels most awkward, when the sexual part is over with and the kink is gone, and all that's left is the need to be little.
And knows that this.. This right here is his favourite part.
He kisses salty skin and rubs Jensen's back again. Lets his hand rest on a crinkly hip and closes his eyes. The groceries can wait. He's got a very important nap to supervise.