The Parvenu Legacy: 9.1
Previously: Whistler began dating his friend Joni. This upset his older brother, Xander, who was currently being played by the town tart Juanita Marx. He began to develop feelings for the family butler, Susanna, and she the same. Embarrassed by her feelings, she quit her job. Vermont and Virgil grew into teenagers. Virgil began seeing Ellis Kalos, a good friend of his sister. Vermont had no luck in finding a boyfriend. She tried everyone in town and finally gave up hope. Virgil teased her and said that even lesbians wouldn't want her. This angered Vermont and she quickly fell for Loretta. Just when she was happy, an ex-school mate who graduated named James came by to confess his feelings after he heard that Vermont was in a relationship with a woman. Regrettably, Cadence and Jack passed away. And I had surgery so a hiatus was had, but so was an heir poll.
After an heir poll, Vermont wins with 32 votes. Coming in second was Xander with 23 followed by Virgil with 12 and Whistler with 7.
Yara: "Well well ex-maid, it sure looks like you won't be living in this house. I knew evil would win in the end."
Susanna realized what this meant.
Susanna: "I'm not going to have a crazed mother-in-law breathing down my neck demanding grandchildren. Oh thank you Vermont!"
Lyle was taking Jack's death the hardest of anyone in the family. They started their band together, but with Jack's passing Lyle disbanded the group.
Lyle: "Jack why did you have to go so soon? We were the unstoppable lady killers. There were so many women you didn't get to know while I watched and cheered you on because I would never cheat on my wonderful (and stalkerish) wife. I could just live vicariously through you."
After hearing through the grapevine that Juanita had 3 boyfriends at the same time, he was finally able to fully commit to Susanna. He proposed to her on the very spot she almost admitted feelings for him when she was still the family butler.
Xander: "I know I'm young, but will you do me the honor of being my wife? I don't have much money being a fledgling investigator, but I will love you and do my best to take care of you."
Susanna: "Are you serious? Oh wow, yes!"
Xander: "Let's get married as soon as possible, but not in your jammies."
Susanna: "Well, I'm not getting any younger. Why not!"
Everyone else was busy, so Xander decided he didn't need his living family to attend his wedding so he had his ceremony with Cadence and Jack in the backyard.
Susanna: "You do know this was your grandparents bedroom..."
Xander: "It's okay. I can assure you Grandpa Jack would approve of anything that involves ladies."
Xander: "Normally after people do.. well, you know, don't you like cuddle or something? But running to the computer?"
Susanna: "I can't do things like that in the home of my former employers ever again. We're moving."
Xander: "Well okay then!"
Whistler: "Today is supposed to be my birthday which will take me into adulthood. The most special of special days..."
Whistler: "So why do I have to feel all alone? Oh Jack!"
Everyone loved Jack. Well everyone except for Yara, who was still 100% in the red with him.
Joni had noticed she had put on a little weight since moving in, so she decided to use the treadmill which had never been used to try and lose a few pounds.
Vermont: "Joni dear. You know I've never liked you, but let me offer you one bit of advice before you kill yourself on that treadmill. You aren't getting fat, you are just pregnant."
Joni: "Oh come off it Vermont. We've only done it once. Whistler wasn't dumb enough to not use birth control."
Joni: "Oh all of a sudden I don't feel so good..."
Vermont: "I offer friendly advice and this is the thanks I get. It's your loss."
Joni: "Whistler, this is kind of awkward for me to ask... But when we did, you know, did you use protection?"
Whistler: "Why my dear Joni, I assumed that you were on birth control since you knew our relationship was getting serious. Was I incorrect in assuming this?"
Joni: "Oh yeah, of course! That would have been so silly of me!" (The odds are very unlikely that she was actually right. Right? Yeah, it has to be..)
Yara: "Do you guys mind? Your conversation just made your Father faint. You know he can't handle things like this."
Illinois: "I always thought with his personality he'd be the last to get any. Even after all these years I can still be surprised."
They were still quite in love despite not knowing that Joni was indeed, quite pregnant.
All the girls at school organized a girls only get-together Friday night at the cabin on the outskirts of town. Almost no one ever went there, and it had a hot tub so it was perfect to get away. Vermont arrives fashionably late in Parvenu style.
Vermont: "I'm going to ask, but I'm not sure if I want the answer or not. Why are you two doing homework in the bathroom?"
Loretta: "Ellis says something about an aloof old relative of hers is here and she is hiding in the ladies room until he leaves."
Ellis: "Don't judge me! You go out there and see for yourself."
It was just Shiki Kalos (mykaa ). Apparently his boyfriend had died and he had taken up drinking as a hobby to ease the pain.
Shiki: "Looookit you two LOVEEEEbirds. Lemmetellyousumthin it sure as hell doesn't last forever so you kids better go and enjoy *hic* it while ya can."
Vermont: "How many do you think he's had? Isn't drinking by yourself the first sign of being an alcoholic?"
Loretta: "By my count, that is his third, but who knows how many he had before we came out of the bathroom."
Vermont: "Hehe, I just had a delightful idea. ELLIS? It's all clear, he's gone! You can come out now!"
Ellis: "I better not be mistaken for trusting you."
Shiki: "Powhered by bwooze with mah wrench in hand. UNSTOPPABLE SHIKI!"
Ellis: "Liars."
Ellis: "I sometimes forget how cruel you can be Verm. I hope I don't turn into a raging drunk when I get old."
Vermont: "Really Elli, you flatter me."
Ellis: "Well, I don't know about you guys, but can't be out past curfew. See you Monday at school?"
Vermont: "We'll be fine by ourselves, right Loretta?"
Loretta: "Mmm-hmm!"
Loretta: "So what about those rumors about you and a guy named James?"
Vermont: "Just a rumor."
Joni was feeling rather insecure about what Vermont had told her, so she decided to hurry up the wedding.
Joni: "I'm sorry I'll be right back. All of a sudden I don't feel so good.."
Whistler: "Ah, is this what they call being stood up at the altar? I've read about it but never imagined it could happen to me."
Joni: "Get your head out of a book Whistler. I'm just going to go vomit, okay?? I'm still going to marry you."
It seems Vermont is 1 for 1 on her baby-dar.
Whistler: "I thought about it and remembered that in this television drama once the bride said she was going to go vomit, but in reality she ran off with another man. I mean I trusted you and all, but the other men I don't."
Joni: "If you want me to marry you in the bathroom, I will."
Is this the first Parvenu bathroom wedding? I can't recall, but it just might be.
Needless to say, the two quickly made it to the bedroom. Right after the deed was done for the second time, Joni popped.
Whistler: "This might be the record for the fastest comsummation to impregnation ever. I am going to the library to look this up."
Since everyone seems to be obsessed with the pool they never use, Joni decided to host a birthday party for her brother and sister-in-law. As you can tell, the guests showed up properly dressed for the occasion. Zahara actually isn't in her athletic gear for once. I believe the apocalypse is nigh.
Vermont: "Another birthday Virgil except this time you are showing your small package to the whole family!"
Virgil: "Someday Verm, you will regret not being nice to me. It might not be right away, but someday I can assure you that you will regret it."
Vermont: "Ooooh I'm so scared! Look! I'm shaking!"
At this point I have no words anymore to describe these feelings for this pool.
Virgil: "Ellis? It's your birthday too?"
Ellis: "I just got caught up in the excitement."
Rue decided that despite it being 4:00 in the afternoon, she couldn't miss a party.
Rue: "Nothing like a party to make you feel alive! I hope you don't catch on fire. Dad always told us the story of how they threw this sister's boyfriend a party and he caught on fire and almost died. Oh, but I'm sure that won't happen to you."
Ellis: "What in the hell is this outfit??"
Rue: "They called me crazy in my day, but even I wouldn't be caught in that outfit."
Xander: "Poor dear. I'm homeless and I can dress better than that."
Vermont: "You're homeless? Haha wow, this day just keeps getting better and better!"
Rue: "Pardon me, I need to use the little ghost girls room."
Vermont: "Are you ever going to go back to your grave Grandma Rue?"
Rue: "No dear, probably not. It's awful cramped in there and you kids are so fun to watch."
Ellis: "You can answer that call if you want. I don't mind."
Virgil: "But that would make me have to take my eyes off of you and I wouldn't want that not even for a second."
Vermont: "Did you really just say something that sappy? I think I feel sick to my stomach."
Yara: "Now that you are an adult and are staying in this home it's about time you think about something very important. You need babies."
Vermont: "Crap Mom, this talk already? Aren't you too young to be a grandmother?"
Yara: "That's not what I mean. I don't want to get into biology, but as you know two women can't make a baby. Have you thought of that? What about that young man.. James I think?"
Vermont: "I looked at our family tree and Illinois had a wife and children."
Yara: "Yes well, she adopted and also had a wild affair with a man which resulted in a love child who was picked as heir to the family name. Do you want to have a fling? I could probably support that."
Vermont: "I'll figure something out, okay. I won't officially rule out an affair if it will make you happy."
Vermont: "Loretta? Can we meet up later? Okay, my house at noon? Sounds good!"
Rue is around all the time now, it doesn't matter what time of day. She has taken a liking to the butler's bed. She also has decided that swimwear is more appropriate to wear around the house. Oh how like Rue.
Vermont broke the bathtub. Her day really wasn't going well.
Vermont: "Seriously? Why doesn't the ceiling just cave in on me too? That would make this day EVEN better! First Mom making me think of things I'm too young for, and now my favorite bathtub is broken."
Vermont went downstairs to wait for Loretta outside just in case the higher powers heard her threat about the ceiling. Rue saw her distress and followed her outside despite the full sun.
Rue: "Is something the matter? You seem distressed my child."
Vermont: "Mom wants me to have a ton a babies and I broke the tub and I know it will never get fixed because Dad only ever plays an instrument or is in bed with Mom. He thinks he can't hear, but we aren't deaf or stupid."
Rue: "I don't know how much comfort this will be to you, but my Eugene, whenever anything broke he'd be right there with his toolbox to fix it. It didn't matter if it was during a party or late at night, he'd be there until he got it fixed. He was the greatest husband and father in the world."
Vermont: "Actually that helped none at all. Thanks Grandma Rue."
Rue: "Let me try again. I had to have six children. How about that?"
Vermont: "Okay I do feel a bit better now."
Loretta: "Are you okay? You sounded upset on the phone."
Vermont: "Yeah I'm fine now. I don't have to have six babies, so I now know it could always be worse."
Loretta: "Okay?"
Rue: "Smile for the camera you two! This will go great in my family scrapbook."
Loretta: "I hate having my photo taken. Can you make her stop?"
Vermont: "And what is so wrong about having your picture made with me?"
Loretta: "It's not you, I just hate photographs. Ghost photographs have the WORST red eye."
Vermont: "This is 100% against my nature and it hurts me to do this, but I am going to apologize because I really like you. I'm sorry for the actions of my deceased relative. I will talk with her about your feelings."
Loretta: "It's not your fault. I shouldn't be so harsh. The fact you apologized really means a lot to me. I know it's against your nature."
Vermont: "Phew, what a relief. Make up woohoo?"
She didn't say no.
Vermont: "I was thinking double date tonight? Virgil can bring Ellis."
Loretta: "Well I have to work at 9:00 tonight, but I can swing by for a bit. That cool?"
Vermont: "Sounds like a good plan. Let me go break the news to Virgie."
Vermont: "Virgil darling. My most favorite brother. Do you have any plans tonight?"
Virgil: "When you use that tone with me it can only mean bad things, but as a matter of fact yes I do have plans. I am taking Ellis to a nice restaurant where I plan to propose to her."
Vermont: "Great! Just one small change of plans. Instead of a nice restaurant, we're going to a bar. Oh and Loretta will be there to."
Virgil: "I'm not sure I follow. You aren't going to be there and I am not proposing in a sleazy establishment like a bar."
Vermont: "I guess it is too bad then, really... I guess Ellis will just have to find out that you still have a bed wetting problem."
Virgil: "You wouldn't dare!"
Vermont: "Oh I think I hear Ellis phoning right now..."
Virgil: "Fine! Let's go to your stupid bar. I hope someday I get the opportunity to ruin your life like you have ruined mine."
Xander swung by the house one late afternoon looking for Yara.
Xander: "Hi Mother. I see you still have that really nice pool.. Living here in this nice big comfortable house with all the riches...."
Yara: "You obviously want something or else you wouldn't be here complimenting my home. Spare us all and get to it already."
Xander: "Mom, I'm broke and homeless. Susanna is pregnant and we have no one else to turn to. Can you help us out?"
Yara: "I don't want you kids thinking that your parents are some kind of charity organization. We have worked very hard to what we have and I expect you to do the same."
Xander: "Really Mom? I thought that you and Dad were living off Grandmas fortune she made by means of trickery and theft. And don't you make your money siting in a nice office doing nothing while exploiting your workers by paying them minimum wage with no benefits while the company, and you, make billions of dollars quarterly?"
Yara: "Here is 10k before I get angrier. I don't want to see you here again until you either aren't homeless or have me a grandchild."
Virgil did as he was told and showed up for the double date. A very pregnant Aimi was apparently visiting the same bar. For shame!
Virgil: "I hope you are happy tonight Verm."
Loretta: "Nice to see you too Virge."
I like to call this shot 'Lets see how many Parvenu or future Parvenus in an elevator."
Vermont ordered a pizza and had a drink with Loretta at the bar while Virgil tried to make an intimate atmosphere with Ellis as best he could.
Vermont: "Hey do you guys want a slice of pizza? We have some left."
Virgil: "Why is your girlfriend leaving?"
Vermont: "Didn't I tell you? She had to go to work. It's just the three of us. Let's PARRRR-TAY!"
Virgil: "I'm really sorry about all this. The women in my family tend to be in control of everything. At least Xander's wife showed up and distracted her."
Ellis: "Vermont is one of my best friends so I know what you mean."
Vermont: "Come on SIS! How about a round of shuffleboard. Loser buys drinks!"
Susanna: "I'm not feeling so well.. I'm never eating bar food again."
Vermont: "Oh it's not bar food. You're just pregnant. Presumably with my brother's child."
Susanna: "I don't understand. How can you know these things? My period isn't even late yet!"
Vermont: "Trust me babe. Call it evil intuition. Better run to the drug store and pick up a pregnancy test. Ah! Virgil is trying to run away, catch you later! "
Joni's pregnancy was going along quite well and Rue still showed no signs of leaving.
Rue: "My Eugene would have this dishwasher fixed. Yes he sure would!"
Whistler: "Not to be rude or anything ma'am, but I don't see your Eugene around anywhere and I feel you are indirectly insulting our manhood."
Rue: "Shoe fits. Wear it."
Unplanned as it was, Joni was getting rather excited for the new baby.
Joni: "You do realize this will be your parents first grandchild? I am so excited for you to finally beat your siblings at something!"
Whistler: "You mean beat them at something besides my intelligence, right?"
Joni: "Oh sure dear, if it makes you feel better."
Ironically, as teens both Vermont and Virgil rolled the lifetime want of being Leader of the Free World at the same time so I thought it was funny and let them have it. Vermont went directly to city hall to announce that they would be hiring her as the latest public servant.
Vermont: "Imagine seeing you here Xander. Food stamps?"
Xander: "Haha, very funny. We're doing quite well now thank you."
Vermont: "Well I hope you are doing VERY well because, guess what! Your wife is pregnant with what is likely your lovechild."
Xander: "When did you get to be such a kidder?"
Vermont: "Oh you know I'm always serious. But really, you should ask your wife."
Xander: "Well I guess it couldn't hurt... *dials* Hi honey, how are you? Oh I'm doing good. Actually I heard this really crazy rumor today that you are, you won't believe this, pregnant! Funny huh? You mean it's true??? I'm going to be a Daddy?"
Vermont: "I never lie. If you will excuse me dear brother, I believe that Whistler will be at the hospital at any moment."
Vermont was spot on yet again. It was time for the first child of generation 9 to be born.
Whistler got home from work just in time. He had been secretly preparing for this moment.
Whistler: "Your water just broke. Okay, I have extensively researched home births and I am fully confident in my abilities. First, boil some water and get some towe--
Joni: "We are going to the hospital. Just this once I am going to have to intervene in your intellectual episode."
Whistler: "But Joni you can't be serious! I am far more knowledgeable and care for you much more than a doctor who is PAID to care!"
Joni: "Hospital Whistler. I'm sorry."
Whistler: "But Joni..."
Joni: "Don't you but me when I'm in labor!"
Whistler: "I.. don't understand. I tried so hard, but if it makes you happy... I'm calling a cab."
And so the first child was born. He was a lively boy named by Whistler for his most loved author. His name was.. Faulkner.
And this is Faulkner. Whenever you may read Faulkner in the future, please think of this face. Overall, he had a good speedy birthday however...
Lyle just couldn't take it. Two ghosts at once? I think it's really cruel making a poor coward live in a legacy house.
Rue: "Dad you are in the way of the cake. And yes, I promise I will exercise it off with you later."
Faulkner has purple eyes like both of his parents. I was trying to figure out who they came from but they are too similar so I can't tell. Regardless, Whistler and company decided to move out on their own.
Lyle was very exhausted after the two ghost party so he went up to his room which apparently Illinois had taken a liking to.
Lyle: "Hi there. Anything good on tv?"
Illinois: "Cooking shows. Not that any of you in this house are capable of cooking."
Then Lyle realized he was talking to a ghost in his bed and promptly passed out from fear.
Illinois: "I assume that means I don't have to move. <3"
One night, Ellis invited Virgil over for dinner alone. It was likely the only way they could have a date without Vermont's interference.
Ellis: "Dinner is almost ready. In the meantime, something is wrong with my computer. It went all blue screen this morning. Can you take a look at it?"
Virgil: "I think my brother is a bit more qualified...I can ask him to come by tomorrow?"
Ellis: "Oh you'll be fine I'm sure."
Virgil: "No matter how close I get, I still can't see anything wrong with it."
Somehow, despite having no skill at all, he managed to not only repair it, but to do so without killing himself. It was a very proud moment.
Virgil: "I know it feels like this has happened a hundred times before for some reason, but will you, Ellis Kalos, marry me?"
Ellis: "For some reason it feels like yes has been said also a hundred times before, but yes! I will marry you!"
Ellis: "And your sister can't even get in our way. <3"
Virgil: "If you say that, I'm sure she'll find a way. She has this strange ability to hear what others say about her."
Meanwhile, back at the Parvenu house Vermont just had an idea.
Vermont: "I just thought of something! Mother will be so happy. Now to just get Virgil to agree...."
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Other story updates:
Juanita married a very old Shiki Kalos. Immediately he died. I'm pretty sure she killed him.
I fired the butler. I'm not sure why they are paid $1,200 a week to do NOTHING BUT MAKE PIES FOUR TIMES A DAY, but when the laundry hasn't been done in ages and dishes are everywhere when we have TWO dishwashers, I get angry. As you can probably tell from the teaser image. The last straw was when the counter top went into that super disgusting black crusted state. I fired him on the spot and we are only having maids. They at least don't make pie.
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I'm finally back at least somewhat! I imagine things will still be a little slow, but since the end is near I suppose that will be okay with everyone.
As you know, I had surgery on the 16th of December and I will be frank with you. Scoliosis surgery is PURE HELL. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You don't think about your spine and all those lovely muscles until they are shredded and you can't use them. I still can't lift things or bend, so I squat to pick things up. I squat to sit down. Squat, squat, squat. On a good note, my thighs are intensely toned compared to how they were.
My back was really terrible. I didn't even know how bad it was until after the surgery and I saw the before x-ray. If you have scoliosis and its around 60 degrees, please go ahead and have the surgery when you are young. Don't be like me and insist it won't get any worse and wind up 23 years old with a curve that's at 90 and getting worse each year. The before picture scares me, but if you want to see it I can show it to you, but here is the after. As you can see, it's still slightly curved but you can't really notice it. It went from 90 degrees to 37, so it was very drastic. My surgeon was very good! He only expected to get it to 45, but he managed a bit better!
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