Only Child Syndrome, Explained: Why They're Not Just Weirdo Loners

[theemii]

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From Friend's Chandler to Gilmore Girls' Rory (& Lorelai & Paris & Lane...) to The O.C.'s Seth Cohen to New Girls' Schmidt and beyond, being an Only Child can be... interesting. There’s just something about only children that makes them stand out… Spoiled, self-centered, weird, and lonely - growing up without siblings shapes them in a way that

Comments

[iamkenough]

As an only child, I’ve always wanted siblings but since I couldn’t have them, I found friends who are like family to me and that’s enough now. Plus, you’re not guaranteed to like your siblings but friends you get to choose so in the end, I don’t feel like I missed out.

[nomoneyfun]

I think it would have been hard to have siblings as a kid, but I would love siblings as an adult, mostly to confirm that my parents are batshit!

[iamkenough]

Hahaha but maybe one of those siblings would’ve taken after your parents 😜

[nomoneyfun]

It would be just my luck to be the only sane one in the family!

[wwgrogudo]

I was an only child until my sister came along. Sigh

[scriptedending]

I swear, the main reason my bff had a second kid was because she didn't want her existing kid to be an only child. She cited every only child we knew as evidence it was better to have siblings, and I did not agree with her, but I am glad she had her second kid because I like that one better, lol.

I have two sisters, one just three years younger, so I never could relate to only children, but it seems like a good gig to me! Siblings do make you learn to share, but I imagine you get many more opportunities as an only child due to logistics/economics alone.

The biggest downside to me really seems to be dealing with aging parents alone. Not everyone has to do that, of course, and even people with siblings can end up in the same situation, but I feel for the folks that do.

[nomoneyfun]

IDK, I feel like a lot of people with siblings end up caring for aging parents by themselves. If you're a woman and only have brothers, elder care tends to fall on you. Even in families with multiple adult female siblings, the unmarried women or women without children tend to shoulder the burden of elder care.

[archersangel]

Even in families with multiple adult female siblings, the unmarried women or women without children tend to shoulder the burden of elder care.

Or it's the oldest daughter, whether she has a family or not.

[tinkerbellpixee]

I'm an only child and it is ROUGH. I had to take care of my dad, and now my mom and suddenly i went from 25 to 41, and I have no life. I've been so isolated from other people, that I can't relate to others, and they can't relate to me, so I gave up trying to hang out with friends. I feel like I have to put on a happy face, otherwise I make people uncomfortable, because they can't relate to my situation, and it is EXHAUSTING trying to appear normal, when I feel totally empty on the inside. The only people I can unmask in front of are doctors and people in the medical field because they understand.

[swimbee]

I’m an only child. Growing up I was the only one of my friends who didn’t have a sibling and I felt left out because of that, but I’ve always enjoyed being alone and was always able to entertain myself so I guess ultimately it was beneficial. I remember being on a school trip in eleventh grade and I had offered to share something with one of my classmates and my teacher told me she was surprised that I was an only child, which at the time I thought was a criticism but once I got older realized that it was a compliment lol.

My mom struggled with alcoholism and drug abuse and died when she was 43 - it was hard dealing with all that alone as a teenager but ultimately I was glad that I didn’t have a sibling who was subjected to it too.

[nomoneyfun]

I also had a mother who struggled with substance abuse. While I was primarily raised by my dad, if my parents had another child after me, I would've had to help raise that child, which really would have sucked.

[__onthebound]

My sister and I are 2yr apart and feel we raised each other. I'm the younger. Mum gets so offended when I say that. She might've been great at taking us from activity to activity. But she was passed out drunk every night and we took turns putting her to bed. She never acknowledged it. Now she says "I'm sorry you had to see me in that way" and I .....that is not helpful

[nomoneyfun]

I understand that parents don't have a time machine, but it is so wild that any discussion of how they failed us as children prompts this response. It's like...and now you're failing me as an adult because you're denying my reality and not taking any accountability!

[curlycutie016]

I am very fortunate my sister and I are friends now but there's a 4 year gap so growing up we weren't friends at all so my perspective about having one child and then having another 'so they will have a friend' is that it's a bonkers reason to have a kid.

lots of the only kids i grew up with in the 90s were 'miracle kids' i.e. their parents had a hard time conceiving or there were lots of factors why other kids weren't a possibility or didn't happen so the parents tended to be overprotective, treat them with kid gloves and tried to not let them have a struggle or whatever. these kids vacillated between being oddly mature because of interacting with just adults but then very immature when dealing with peers (not sharing, not being considerate etc.) but i think that's the result of how they were parented not the actual kid themselves.

i think there's more support and conversations around having well rounded kids regardless of how many siblings or no siblings at all, that are probably making improvements to these types of things

[originaru]

I am very fortunate my sister and I are friends now but there's a 4 year gap so growing up we weren't friends at all so my perspective about having one child and then having another 'so they will have a friend' is that it's a bonkers reason to have a kid.

my sibling and i have a bigger age gap and we also struggled with our relationship growing up. i definitely didn't think we actually became friends until we were both in our 20s and now we're very close. but if the age gap had been even bigger i shudder to think what we would have put our parents through lol.

[flyevita]

while age gaps between siblings are very impactful as kids, i have realized that as adults you have to put in the work like any other relationship. i'm the "middle child" but my siblings are 14 years older/5 years younger than me. as a kid i was super close with my younger sibling, and while my older sibling loved us, it was hard to relate to us as kids when they were in college/early 20s. now i'm in my 30s and it flipped a few years ago - i'm always on the phone with my older sibling and tell them everything, while my younger sibling leaves me on read & barely talks to us or our parents.

[curlycutie016]

i totally agree, a sibling relationship is like any relationship, if you don't put in time and effort without the proximity then it falls apart.