Eldest Daughter Syndrome, Explained: Why They Get Parentified

[theemii]

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From Bridgerton's Kate to Shameless' Fiona to Encanto's Isabel & Luisa and beyond, being the Eldest Daughter can be a major struggle. She’s the backbone of the family, the third parent to her siblings, a matriarch in training - the person who organizes gifts and meet-ups, who smooths out issues, and who sets a stellar example for the rest of the

Comments

[wintersfire]

I feel for eldest daughters who get parentified. But I wish there was more talk about the only daughters in families. I have an older brother who definitely fits the eldest sibling vibes, but there's something about being the only daughter, even as a younger sibling, that comes with certain expectations simply because I'm a woman.

[la_loony]

They touched on that a little bit in the video and how this is - when it occurs - is very much a gendered thing. Someone in the comments above also mentioned how they are missing the cultural angle as well that can heighten this even further.

[halevy]

Only daughter and middle child as well in a brown family. So much therapy.

[insomniachobs]

Eldest daughter shit doesn't always bug me but it is def having one of those phases right now and I cannot watch a video telling me all about it. I will just sit there scowling at my screen lol

(I will say I didn't really get parentified by my folks, it more came up because I'm 10 years older than my sib, but I was just held to a very different standard. And still am in a lot of ways)

[la_loony]

tbh I think there neexs to be a clear distinction between eldest daughter shit and parentification. I feel the first part, but definitely have not been parentified since those are two very different things.

[insomniachobs]

I definitely feel like there's a pecking order of responsibility where I am continually my mum's understudy, but not to the extent of parentification.

[flogg]

Now tell me why I had to be eldest and youngest. Cause I was my Dad’s last kid and my Mom’s first. That shit is exhausting.

[blahhhnata17]

As a daughter of Colombian immigrants I am feeling this to the max. Luckily my siblings and I share the responsibilities of watching over our parents however in the Latino community there is a common belief that we have to take care of our parents and it just puts alot of pressure in my opinion on the children. I am living with my parents because they are elderly and they are able to fend for themselves they are very independent however I kind of regret at this point purchasing a home with my sister and to house them. It’s a whole long ass story but I have a wonderful relationship with my parents however I want to live on my own and blah blah blah it’s a whole thing but I hate that when I share this opinion my whole identity as Latina gets questioned because there is this Catholic guilt of taking care our parents and essentially sacrificing our own well being.

[blahhhnata17]

Also as a Colombian American of course the Disney movie about Colombia is about generational trauma because oh boy does my family have it and it’s projected to my anxiety 😭😭😭😭