ONTD Original™ - Christmas Edition: Make the Yueltide Gayer
Back in 2013, Hallmark caused some controversy when they released a Christmas ornament that switched out "gay" for "fun" when citing the lyrics of "Deck the Halls", because in our overtly-politically correct culture it's too stressful to stare at the word "gay" or perform basic human decency!
But it begs the question - where are our Christmas movies? When will we start getting our own trashy Hallmark gay romcoms? When will Netflix make "A Christmas Princess"? How many years do we gottta wait for trash people to die off and for capitalism to appeal to our demographics as the ice caps melt?
Out of morbid curiousity, I decided to venture out and bring the best (or honestly, least terrible) of them back to you. I had three basic requirements:
- If it isn't about Christmas, it has to be at least set around the time period or in the month of December.
- It doesn't have to be centrally gay, but it has to have at least one explicitly gay character.
- They have to physically speak.
Feature Films:
1
Carol
2015 Romance/Drama 1h58m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: You know what it is.
Therese Belivet (Rooney Mara) spots the beautiful, elegant Carol (Cate Blanchett) perusing the doll displays in a 1950s Manhattan department store. The two women develop a fast bond that becomes a love with complicated consequences.
No matter what other film I started this list off with it simply would've left you wondering, "Where's Carol? How's Carol doing? I haven't seen her in a while. I wonder if she still wears that green peacock coat I was always jealous of. I wonder if she's as great as I remember." She is and always has been. Time to get reaquainted, y'all. It's the holiday season.
Where you can watch it: Netflix, Amazon.
Warnings: Alcohol, nudity, brief violence, ONTD sympathizing with Harge.
Click to view2
The Family Stone2005 Drama 1h46m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Thad Stone (Tyrone Giordano) as the gay (and deaf) one in family with Patrick Thomas (Brian J. White) as his partner, interested in adoption.
An uptight, conservative businesswoman accompanies her boyfriend to his eccentric and outgoing family's annual Christmas celebration and finds that she's a fish out of water in their free-spirited way of life.
We've crossed Carol off the list, so it's all downhill from here. Thad and Patrick are supporting characters who play second fiddle to straight romance, Connecticut drama, and the homophobic and racist questions you'd expect, but they're cute and they're there. We're always looking for more reasons to complain about Carrie Bradshaw anyway, so what do you have to lose? For reference, this came out just after Brokeback Mountain.
Where you can watch it: Netflix, Amazon.
Warnings: Alcohol, light violence and sexual content, intense family arguments.
3
Precious2009 Drama 1h50m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Precious's mentor Ms. Raines (Paula Patton) is partners with Katherine (Kimberly Russell).
Pregnant by her own father for the second time, 16-year-old Claireece "Precious" Jones (Gabourey Sidibe) can neither read nor write and suffers constant abuse at the hands of her vicious mother (Mo'Nique). Precious instinctively sees a chance to turn her life around when she is offered the opportunity to transfer to an alternative school. Under the patient, firm guidance of her new teacher, Ms. Rain (Paula Patton), Precious begins the journey from oppression to self-determination.
While Precious isn't entirely set during Christmas, the scene in which it is is very light and moving in an otherwise relentlessly dark and exploitive film (Katherine just apperars in the one scene, you could just search the clip and be good tbh).
Where you can watch it: Netflix, Amazon.
Warnings: Abuse, assault, rape, incest, addiction, what you would expect from a Lee Daniels film.
4
Home for the Holidays1995 Comedy/Drama 1h44m
Christmas-themed | Set during around Christmas
Gay appeal: Tommy (Robert Downey Jr.) is the gay failure of the family.
When her teenage daughter opts out of Thanksgiving, single mother Claudia Larson (Holly Hunter) travels alone to her childhood home for an explosive holiday dinner with her dysfunctional family. Claudia quickly tires of her parents, her long-suffering sister (Cynthia Stevenson), her snobby brother-in-law (Steve Guttenberg) and her nutty aunt (Geraldine Chaplin).
These people hate each other, but much like the audience with this film, Tommy keeps returning to them for some reason year after year. This is cheating because it's set during Thanksgiving but this post wouldn't exist if I was being strict.
Where you can watch it: Amazon.
Warnings: Homophobia, drugs, alcohol, addiction.
5
C.R.A.Z.Y.2005 Drama 2h09m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: The film revoles around closeted gay Zachary (Marc-André Grondin).
Teenager Zachary Beaulieu is confused about his sexuality and is in conflict with his Canadian-Catholic upbringing which alienates his father Gervais and confuses his mother Laurianne. Forcing himself to like girls, Zachary also has to cope with his older brothers, who don't make his life any easier but when he finally accepts his true feelings, will his family still accept him?
Set across three Christmas Eve nights - 1960, 1975, and 1980 - Zachary struggles and eventually comes to terms with his sexuality and his family. Did you have to go so hard though, Canada?
Where you can watch it: Amazon.
Warnings: Abuse, homophobia, alcohol.
6
Breakfast with Scot2007 Comedy 1h49m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: ONTD DC TV fave Tom Cavanagh as Eric McNally living with his partner Sam (Ben Shenkmen) and forming a new family with his nephew Scot, a questioning gay child.
Eric lives for all things hockey. Now in his thirties, he's managed to turn his stint as an ex- Toronto Maple Leaf into a full-time gig as commentator for sports TV. He's living the dream! But when Eric's boyfriend Sam announces that they're to become temporary guardians of a young boy, Eric's comfortable world shatters.
Canada owed us something after that last hit, and naturally, it involves hockey. Scot pushes Eric to shake up his life and embrace his sexuality since he's closeted in his work life. This movie is so light and cute. Why aren't you watching it yet?
Where you can watch it: Amazon.
Warnings: None.
7
Un Conte de Noël (A Christmas Tale)2008 (French) Comedy/Drama 2h32m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: The grandson Paul (Emile Berling) is gay, and Rosaimée (Françoise Bertin) is a lesbian and ex-lover of the grandmother.
When steely French matriarch Junon (Catherine Deneuve) learns she has leukemia, she asks her ungrateful children and grandchildren at the family Christmas gathering to see if they are eligible to become bone marrow donors.
I can feel my gay electrolytes being refueled by this drama already. Full of dark twists, family hijinks, screwball comedy, medical emergencies, near deaths, and closets upon closets of skeltons, this criterion-selected work upends a lot of the simplistic and traditional family stories you've come to expect.
Where you can watch it: Netflix, Amazon.
Warnings: Light sexuality, alcohol, smoking.
8
En Underbar Jävla Jul (Holy Mess)2015 (Swedish) Comedy 1h48m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Centerd around Simon (Anastasios Soulis) and Oscar (Anton Ludqvist) inviting their homophobic family home for the holidays.
A gay couple invites their somewhat homophobic and racist families to meet for the first time during Christmas celebration. And they have a special gift in store for them.
We need to include one more normal movie here before going off the deep end after the French swooped in. Simon and Oscar invited the family to their home to announce a pregancy they've set up with their friend Cissi (Rakel Wärmländer).
Where you can watch it: Not sure.
Warnings: Alcohol. Idk.
9
Some of My Best Friends Are...1971 Drama 1h50m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: A bunch of LGBT people gather in a gay bar on Christmas Eve.
It's Christmas Eve 1971 in Manhattan's Greenwich Village, and the regulars of the local gay bar "The Blue Jay" are celebrating. Not much has changed since the Stonewall riots, and while the situation is not yet "peace on Earth, good will toward men," the times they are a-changin'.
This isn't so much a "consider watching this for fun" entry so much as a "consider watching this for history" one. The film is infamous for being very grim and depressing, going around to different groups of characters with no guiding central story. It's a demonstration of how much LGBT rep has changed (or in some ways, not) since its release.
Where you can watch it: Youtube.
Warnings: Assault, violence, homophobia, 1971 tragic cliches.
10
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo2011 Mystery/Drama 2h38m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: As we all know, Rooney Mara.
Disgraced financial reporter Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) finds a chance to redeem his honor after being hired by wealthy Swedish industrialist Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer) to solve the 40-year-old murder of Vanger's niece, Harriet. Vanger believes that Harriet was killed by a member of his own family. Eventually joining Blomkvist on his dangerous quest for the truth is Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara), an unusual but ingenious investigator whose fragile trust is not easily won.
Whether you prefer the Swedish or US adaptations, what better way is there to end annual traditions of wholesome family values then with a conspiracy story about revenge revolving around relatives who literally hate each other to death all living on the same tiny island ft. murder, international intrigue, and Fincher-esque montages of investigation?
Where you can watch it: Netflix, Amazon.
Warnings: Abuse, assault, pedophilia, alcohol, including a graphic rape scene with Lisbeth that you should skip.
Independent/DTD/TV Films:
1
Scrooge and Marley2012 Comedy 1h31m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: The title.
Scrooge & Marley is a modern variation on Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Recounted from a gay sensibility with heart, comedy & music, the magic of Dickens' timeless tale of a man's redemption comes alive from a fresh perspective.
Bob Cratchit is gay in this and has an adoptive family including Tiny Tim. Scrooge's nephew Fred is a lesbian now. Scrooge lives above and runs a gay bar called Screws. Need I go on?
Scrooge has always been gay. We been knew.
Where you can watch it: Youtube, Amazon.
Warnings: Wholesome gay fun.
2
Holiday Heart2000 Drama 1h40m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Holiday Heart himself.
Holiday Heart (Ving Rhames / Chandra Currelley) is a homosexual black man who performs as a drag queen at a popular night club in the city. After his boyfriend dies, he befriends a down on her luck, drug addicted, single woman, Wanda (Alfre Woodard) and her young daughter Niki (Jessika Quynn Reynolds, in her film debut). Heart offers them a stable home and becomes a much needed father figure for Niki.
This made-for-TV movie deals with a lot of serious subjects, and its treatment of them is also pretty dated, but its rare to see a character like Holiday in a Christmas movie.
Where you can watch it: Amazon.
Warnings: Abuse, assault, addiction, prostitution, homophobia, drugs, violence.
3
Too Cool for Christmas2004 Comedy 1h30m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Brooke Nevin with two gay dads.
A fashion-conscious teen (Brooke Nevin), who would rather spend Christmas with her boyfriend than her two days, gives Santa (George Hamilton) a makeover.
There are two nearly identical versions of this made-for-TV movie: A Very Cool Christmas where she has a father and mother, and Too Cool For Christmas where she has two dads. The writer and director originally had a father and mother, but it was changed to be gay while the straight version was sold to audiences overseas just in case.
Where you can watch it: Amazon for the straight version, but the gay version? Not sure.
Warnings: This erasure rn.
You can watch this video on www.livejournal.com
4
24 Nights1999 Romance/Comedy 1h37m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Cheesy gay romcom between Jonathon (Kevin Isola) and Toby (David Burtka).
When Jonathan Parker was 4 years old, his mother's words and a chance encounter with a Salvation Army Kris Kringle instilled in him a lifelong belief in the legend of Santa Claus. Now 24 and his parents long passed away, Jonathan is a spacey, pot-smoking college drop-out and multi loser in romance who has one shot left to find his true love; he writes a letter to Santa Claus. After meeting Toby, a new co-worker just moved to the city, Jonathan is convinced this is the one who was sent for him, even after he meets Toby's long time boyfriend Keith.
One of the earliest gay Christmas movies and certainly romcoms, it might have that low budget, late 90's cheese that you're looking for this time of year.
Where you can watch it: Amazon.
Warnings: None.
5
Red Lodge2013 Drama 1h18m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Romantic drama between Jordan (Joseph Kim) and Dave (Rich Pierrelouis).
Red Lodge is a perceptive look at how marriage equality has affected gay relationships. Jordan (Joseph Kim) proposes to Dave (Richard Pierre-Lewis), his boyfriend of two years, expecting an enthusiastic "Yes!" Instead, he gets a, "Can't we just be in love and leave things the way they are?" Hardly the answer our handsome hero was expecting, and not the best timed response either, just before the couple are to spend Christmas with Jordan's kooky Aunt Vanity (Diane Kylander) up in Big Sky country.
This one is told from a flashback perspective on the troubles of Jordan and Daves' relationship. Hold on y'all... we're almost out of the woods.
Where you can watch it: Vimeo.
Warnings: None.
You can watch this video on www.livejournal.com
6
Make the Yueltide Gay2009 Romance/Comedy 1h29m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Gay romcom between Olf (Keith Jordan) and Nathan (Adam Ruggiero)
The holidays get overly festive as Olaf “Gunn” Gunnunderson (Keith Jordan), an out-and-proud gay college student, crawls back into the closet to survive the holidays with his parents (hilarious performances by Derek Long & Kelly Keaton). He keeps his cool as his quirky Midwestern hale and hearty parents try to set him up with his high school sweetheart, Abby (Hallee Hirsh). But when his boyfriend, Nathan (Adam Ruggiero), shows up at their doorstep unannounced, Gunn must put on a charade to keep the relationship a secret.
This film has been cited as the go-to for gay holiday viewing needs the last several years.
Where you can watch it: Amazon, iTunes.
Warnings: None.
7
The Perfect Wedding2012 Romance/Comedy 1h29m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Gay romcom between Olf (Keith Jordan) and Nathan (Adam Ruggiero)
The film takes place over Christmas weekend at the Fowler's home where Alana Fowler is planning her wedding to Kirk. Alana and her brother Paul are both adopted by Richard and Meryl Fowler. One of Alana's friends, Roy, who is coming to help with the wedding planning, is an ex of Paul. He doesn't want Paul to see that he is still single all these years later so Roy brings Gavin along to pretend to be his boyfriend. However, Gavin and Paul end up falling in love. The family has to figure out how to cope with that while planning the perfect wedding.
This film is often cited as the second go-to for gay holiday viewing needs. Also, Joyce Summers is in this.
Where you can watch it: Amazon, iTunes, Vudu.
Warnings: None.
8
Camp Christmas1993 Sketch/Comedy 1h05m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: The title.
Several guests who are lesbian or gay go to a home for Christmas.
I mean... right?
Features a bunch of celebrity spots, including Sandra Bernhard, Ian McKellen, Stephen Fry, Lea DeLaria, and more.
Where you can watch it: Youtube.
Warnings: 1993 humor.
9
Those People2015 Romance/Drama 1h29m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Gay love triangle between Charlie (Jonathon Gordon), Sebastian (Jason Ralph), and Tim (Haaz Sleiman).
Charlie (Jonathan Gordon) and Sebastian (Jason Ralph) are childhood best friends now in young adulthood. Charlie is an art student, whose unrequited love for Sebastian influences his art, while Sebastian has been in a state of personal crisis since his wealthy financier father's (Daniel Gerroll) arrest on white collar criminal charges. After moving into Sebastian's apartment to help him through his bouts of depression and alcohol abuse, Charlie is drawn into a love triangle when he meets Tim (Haaz Sleiman), a successful concert pianist.
A story about unrequited love, Charlie can't help but care for his friend Sebastian even though he's a terrible person. Set across four months ending in December, Charlie struggles between letting go of Sebastian and embracing his new romance with Tim.
Charlie is actually Jewish, so an exception to the list! The film is visually beautiful and has a good story, and honestly it looks like if Gossip Girl had a budget and didn't straightwash its book characters so it's right up ONTD's alley IMO. I promise the resolution of the triangle is fine.
Where you can watch it: Amazon, iTunes, Youtube, Google Play, Vudu.
Warnings: Alcohol, depression, emotional abuse.
10
El Color de un Invierno (A Winter to Remember)2016 Romance/Drama 1h04m
Christmas-themed | Set during Christmas
Gay appeal: Gay coming of age story and romance between Lucia (Cecilia Valenzuela Gioia) and Olivia (Mercedes Burgos).
Twenty-one-year-old Lucia suffers from panic and anxiety attacks. But her chance meeting with Olivia, a budding young artist, while staying with her family during winter break in her hometown of Salta opens Lucia’s eyes to new possibilities. This unexpected romance gives her the strength to confront her past traumas and move forward. From writer-director Cecilia Valenzuela Gioia comes her first feature-length film, about self-discovery and self-acceptance. A WINTER TO REMEMBER may just make you want to fall in love all over again.
This Argentian film is a sweet coming of age story, and recent film school graduate Cecilia's directing debut, starring herself!
This literally has nothing to do with Christmas (it is set in December so not totally cheating) but I think ONTD might wanna know about it, plus it's important rep, has "winter" in the title, and I'm literally out of options.
Where you can watch it: I literally have no idea, I've seen on DVD outside of the US so good luck, but it still seems to be touring film festivals. It's Out There, somewhere, though. I Want To Believe.
Warnings: The pain of not being able to watch it anywhere.
Didn't make the cut for whatever reason:
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Mysterious Skin, The Houseboy, Rent, Jenny's Wedding, Love Actually (for its cut tragic lesbian romace lmao and the changed gay storyline from the original script fuck you), and a few others.
Prompt ONTD: If you could make any LGBT Christmas film, what would it be?
Also: Did I miss anything? Any favorites or recommendations?
Part 2: TV and more, coming soon... (I promise it'll be much more diverse I had barely anything to work with here)
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