A New Dawn 15
Part: 15/?
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Mentions of previous torture and rape
Genre: Angst, AU
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen, Tosh, Gwen
Summary: AU. The Torchwood team discover the truth about what happened on the Valiant and search for Jack. A dark fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
AN: As might be obvious, I don't actually know anything about heroin addiction or withdrawal, other than what I've gleaned from the internet. So please excuse any errors. Major discrepancies I put down to Jack's 51st century/immortal biology.
Previous chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/25067.html
Chapter 15
Jack woke after several hours of sleep. After the confrontation with Tosh, he had decided to bide his time and, having nothing better to do, had slept. Tosh still sat in the chair next to him. She was awake this time.
She smiled at him. "I've never known you sleep so much."
It was true. It was now years since the Valiant, but he had never returned to the sleep patterns he had had before that. He now slept long, and often. Jack assumed that there was some relationship between psychological trauma and the need for sleep; it was an escape of sorts after all. There certainly seemed to be in his case.
"It's 2pm," Tosh told him. "Everyone is back in. Owen would like you to come to his office for a meeting, when you feel ready."
Jack sat up blearily. "Is there a bathroom I can use?" he asked.
"Sure," Tosh answered brightly. "We've done some refurbishing. There's a bathroom right next door. There's everything you might need in there." She unlocked the door and showed him. "I'll wait out here for you."
As Jack used the bathroom, Tosh contacted Owen on the comms, to let him know that they would be up for the meeting shortly.
In the bathroom, Jack stared at his reflection. He looked terrible. He closed his eyes, and steeled himself for the meeting to come. If he was to get out of the Hub, in time to avoid the secondary stage of withdrawal, he would have to keep his wits about him. He would need to trick the team, as he had on the Valiant. At least, he thought wryly, he knew that he could do that.
b_b_b_b_b
When Jack and Tosh got to Owen's office, Ianto and Gwen were already there.
As Jack sat down he avoided eye contact with the others.
Nobody said anything for a minute, then Owen cleared his throat and began, hesitantly. "Jack, first I need to say what we all feel. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts, for what you did for us on the Valiant. I only wish that there was some way to take back the way we treated you, during that time, and after." Remembering just what Jack had done for him, Owen's voice broke.
Jack did not respond. He kept his gaze firmly fixed on the table. Underneath the table his hands were clenched tight.
"I know that you didn't come here under the best circumstances," Owen continued, "but I hope that you believe that we are on your side and just want the best for you."
Jack looked up at that. "And why would I believe that? You kidnapped me from my home, and brought me here against my will."
"We only want to help you," Gwen interjected. "Like Tosh told you, you've been pardoned, so you don't need to live that life anymore."
"And what if I want to?" demanded Jack. "For the first time in years, I had everything under control, I was content. And you've wrecked it!"
"How could you be content, selling yourself to support your drug habit!" Ianto cried.
Jack looked him straight in the eye. "It was a far better life than I had on the Valiant, or in that prison."
Ianto blanched. "Jack, I know that we ..., I, treated you dreadfully on the Valiant. I want you to know that I truly regret all the cruel things that I said to you. And I regret more than I can ever say, that I let you be taken by UNIT afterwards. I wish I could express how much I thank you for protecting me, and the others, from the Master." He trailed off. Nerves were making him overly formal. He wasn't getting across his true feelings; his utter remorse over what had happened, and the desperate wish to make amends. There was so much more that he wanted to say, but could not with a room full of people listening to his every word. He tentatively reached out towards the other man, but withdrew, as Jack flinched away.
Seeing Ianto in distress, Owen stepped in. He pulled a document out of an envelope, and placed it flat on the table in front of Jack. It was ornate, and written in flowery language. It was the pardon, signed by the Queen herself. "This is yours," Owen stated quietly.
Jack picked it up. He looked at it with something akin to wonder. "I didn't really believe you."
"It's less than you deserve," Gwen answered. "We would have tried to completely exonerate you, but the law is an ass. I'm sorry that this was the best that we could do."
"What grounds did you have for getting me pardoned?" Jack asked. "It's not as if I wasn't guilty of the charges."
"I told you," Tosh said. "When the Valiant was refurbished, they found DVDs recording what the Master did to you, and the deal you had to make with him."
"And why did that make any difference?" Jack asked bitterly. "I sold myself to the Master, body and soul. Why does it matter if I did that for my safety, or yours? Am I worth so much less than you?"
Gwen was quick to reassure him. "No, Jack. No! It wasn't because you did it for us, that you were pardoned! It was because you were under more pressure than any reasonable person could be expected to resist. Because you were immortal, and could suffer more than anyone."
Jack was unconvinced. "When did you start working to get me exonerated? Was it before you knew I worked for the Master, for your sake, or only after?"
"It was before," Tosh assured him. And it was only half a lie. They had started working to exonerate Jack before they found out about the deal. But for some of them, their hearts hadn't been in it until afterwards. The others remained carefully silent.
"It wasn't the reason you were pardoned, but we are all incredibly grateful for what you did," reiterated Gwen. "We all owe you a debt greater than we can ever repay. What you did for us ... "
Jack remembered only too well what he did for them.
"And the way we treated you," Gwen continued. "We are all truly sorry. You were so convincing that we all believed the act that you put on."
"Did you never wonder why you were never harmed?," Jack asked, glancing at each of them. "Threatened maybe, but never actually harmed, while all around you, prisoners were being tortured and dying."
All the Torchwood team were mortified that they had not.
Jack looked away from them in disgust. "If you are all so grateful to me, then let me leave. You've done your duty, and told me about the pardon. You've even rescued me from a life of prostitution. After all, now I have money, I can buy what I need without that. Let that be enough, and let me go."
"We can't do that, Jack," Gwen responded earnestly. "You still need help with the drugs. We can't just abandon you."
"I don't want your help," Jack shouted. "I just want you to leave me alone, to get on with my life the way I see fit. And you have no right to keep me here."
"It would only be for a few months," Owen put in. "You could go on a methadone program, here in the Hub. I could supervise it, along with Joanne. She's our new doctor. Basically, you replace the heroin with methadone. Over the first couple of months we'd aim to get you stabilised on a maintenance dose. Then we'd eventually taper the dose, very slowly, until you could give the methadone up. It should be done alongside counselling, and it would probably take about a year altogether, but you could move out of the Hub once you were stabilised."
Jack was utterly horrified by this suggestion. He knew that neither going cold turkey, nor dying, had any effect on the psychological aspect of his addiction. So there was no way that he believed that methadone would work. It might alleviate the physical aspect of the addiction, but not the rest. And his plan for escape depended on lulling the Torchwood team into a false belief that he was no longer desperate to get drugs, before the psychological withdrawal hit him. He estimated that he had two more days before physical withdrawal began, and then another day, or day and a half, after that ceased, before the real withdrawal. A long slow methadone program was out of the question. Time for some misdirection.
"You want to keep me at the Hub for months!" he exclaimed. "That's insane."
"We'll make it as comfortable as we possibly can for you," Owen assured him. "We could bring you anything you needed. It'd be like staying in a hotel."
"A hotel that I can't leave, you mean," retorted Jack. "I call that a prison."
"More like one of these celebrity rehab clinics," Owen insisted.
"Well I won't do it. I won't be a prisoner for months."
"Then we'll just have to keep you here until you agree," argued Owen. "I'm truly sorry, but you need to kick the drugs."
"So, you'd keep me as a prisoner, just like the Master and UNIT?" Jack accused.
"No! Not like them," exclaimed Tosh. "We would just be trying to help you."
"I keep telling you, I don't want to be helped!"
"Well, we're going to help you, whether you want our help or not!" yelled Ianto.
"So you won't let me go?" asked Jack.
"No," confirmed Owen.
Jack sat in silence for a while. He knew exactly what he had to do, but he needed to make it convincing. "OK," he finally said. "I'll kick the drugs. But I want to do it my way. I don't want it to take months."
"What are you suggesting?" asked Owen.
"I'll come off them right now. Go cold turkey. That way it'll all be over in a few days."
"Jack, no," Tosh exclaimed, "that would be awful for you."
Jack had lost count of the times he had gone through physical withdrawal in the UNIT prison. It was a walk in the park, compared to what the Master had put him through. As long as he did not reach the second stage of withdrawal, he could cope. "I'd rather do that, than spend months confined to the Hub."
"Coming off drugs should be done alongside counselling," Owen advised seriously. "Especially for someone who has been through what you have."
"We can discuss that later," argued Jack. "If you're going to make me do this, I want the withdrawal sorted first."
Seeing that Jack was adamant about this, and thinking that half a victory was better than none, Owen reluctantly nodded. "Alright, if you insist, we'll do it your way. But I'm going to have methadone to hand, in case you change your mind. Now, you know your timescales for doses. You had one yesterday, when will you need another?"
Jack was honest about that, as there would be no faking the physical reactions. "Two more days."
"Really?" Owen said, surprised. "That's a long time. Usually I'd expect withdrawal to start within a day."
"I guess it's my immortal biology then."
"Yes, probably," agreed Owen. "What dose are you on anyway?"
Jack didn't see any reason to lie about that either. "2.5"
"2.5 milligrammes?," checked Owen.
"No, grammes," corrected Jack.
"Jesus, Jack, " exclaimed Owen with horror. "That's enough to kill a horse. How the hell did you end up taking that much?"
That was something that Jack definitely did not want to discuss. "Immortal biology again, I guess," he lied.
b_b_b_b_b
That afternoon, after a very late lunch, Tosh suggested to Jack that he check out his assets on the internet. All the assets should now be available to him, but Tosh wouldn't put it past the snail-like pace of the civil service to have failed to complete the necessary paperwork.
As she watched him working on a computer across from her station, she noticed him glance briefly her way. She could practically read his mind. He was testing the Hub security. Secure in the knowledge that none of Jack's old codes would work, and that there was no way he could get round her security systems, Tosh allowed him to try.
Jack looked up to see Tosh, with a small smile on her face. She knows exactly what you're doing, he told himself, but, surprisingly, that did not worry him. And he had got nowhere, as she presumably expected. Knowing when he was beaten, he returned to checking out his various bank accounts. Amazingly, he could access all of them. That would be very useful when he got out of the Hub.
b_b_b_b_b
Ianto escorted Jack to his room, that night. He followed Jack in, and they stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Jack kept plenty of space between them, and did not look directly at Ianto.
"I've been trying to get you alone, all day," Ianto admitted.
Jack had noticed, and had been doing his best to avoid it. He just didn't know what to say to Ianto. On the one hand, he had loved the man totally, only a few short years before. But, on the other hand, that love had been crushed and obliterated by events, and Ianto's actions.
Getting no response, Ianto started to speak, tentatively. "I remembered, Jack. I broke through the retcon, and I remember that night on the Valiant."
Jack froze. Many times on the Valiant, and afterwards, he had prayed that Ianto would remember. But it was too late. Too much had happened. He had walled off that shattered part of his heart, long ago. He should have kept his cool, continued with his act, but emotion make him speak truthfully, and angrily. "And I remember too Ianto," he hissed. "I also remember that you stood back, and let that mob attack me. I remember that you denied that you ever loved me, as you let UNIT take me away. And I know that you moved on."
Faced with Jack's accusation, Ianto faltered. It was not as if he could deny what he said. It was all true. He seized on the one fact that he could argue with. "What do you mean, moved on?"
All Jack wanted was to end the confrontation. He didn't want to get into a heart to heart with Ianto. In a couple of days he would be gone, and would hopefully never see any of the team again. "I saw you with your girlfriend about a year ago," he sighed. "But, it's OK," he added, lying through his teeth, "we were a long time done by then. It was to be expected."
Ianto was stunned to discover that Jack knew about Ellie. "It didn't last," he finally stammered..
"I'm tired," Jack said, changing the subject abruptly. "I want to sleep."
"Oh, OK," Ianto said, with sorrow. It was clear that Jack did not want to talk to him. But he consoled himself with the fact that there would be other opportunities. Jack needed time, and the least Ianto could do was give it to him. He followed Jack's lead, and returned to mundane matters. "All your things that we brought from Manchester are here," he said, indicating the bag that they had used to pack Jack's belongings. The only things that had been removed were the drug paraphernalia. "You'd better use the bathroom then, before I," he blushed with shame, "lock you in for the night."
"You could just leave it unlocked," Jack suggested.
"You don't really expect me to say yes to that, do you?" Ianto retorted, smiling slightly. "I may not like having to do this, but I genuinely believe it will help you, so I'm going to make sure you stick around. And one of us will be on duty out here all night, in case you need anything." Or manage to get out and start looking for an exit, he thought sadly.
b_b_b_b_b
The next day, Owen escorted Jack to meet the new Torchwood employees. Jack was frustrated that he was never left on his own, even for a minute, except for when he was locked in his room. And then there was always someone outside, plus CCTV surveillance. He was also not over the moon to be meeting people who, he assumed, knew his history.
Owen took Jack down to the autopsy bay, where Joanne was working. "Joanne, I'd like you to meet Captain Jack Harkness," he announced formally. "He was leader of Torchwood for many years. Jack, this is Joanne Grainger, our new doctor."
Jack shook hands with Joanne, briefly.
Owen hesitated, but eventually admitted, "Joanne knows some of what you've been through, and about your drug problem. She'll be able to help with the withdrawal."
"Owen has told me that you want to come off the drugs quickly," Joanne commented. "But, I have to say, it would be far better for you to do it slowly, using methadone."
Jack interrupted her at that. "No, I've made my mind up," he said flatly.
"Then I think we should sit down and discuss what you should expect," she suggested.
Jack, who had no intention of letting on that he already knew what to expect, intimately, acquiesced.
He, Owen and Joanne then had a long session, where the two doctors warned Jack of all the potential physical effects of the withdrawal, and what could be done to minimise them. It basically came down to suffering through it, as he had many times, though this time there would be people on hand to provide comfort and nursing.
After the session with Joanne, Owen took Jack to meet Mark. Jack nodded politely to the other man, but kept a significant distance between them. He couldn't help dwelling on what Mark had seen of his time on the Valiant. At least, with Joanne, he had been distracted by the talk of withdrawal from heroin.
b_b_b_b_b
Later that day, the whole team, plus Jack, ate dinner together. They had ordered Chinese. In the past, Jack had shovelled down Chinese food like a human hoover. But now he merely picked at the food. Conversation was stilted. Towards the end of the meal, the rift alert sounded, and Owen sent Mark, Gwen and Ianto to deal with it. Tosh escorted Jack back to his room.
When Jack and Tosh had left the room, Joanne was left alone with Owen. "I've been watching Jack through the day," she commented. "Have you noticed how different his reactions to men and women are?"
Owen was surprised. "If you mean that he trusts Tosh more than the rest of us, that's not because she's a woman."
"Maybe not," Joanne continued, "but it's not just Tosh. He reacts differently to you, Ianto and Mark, than he does to Gwen, Tosh and me. It's his body language. It's quite subtle, he might not even be aware of it himself, but have you not noticed that he tries to keep a lot of space between himself, and men. He doesn't do that with the rest of us. And, he tries to disguise it, but he flinches if either you or Ianto touch him.
"It could just be that Ianto and I treated him worse than Gwen and Tosh on the Valiant," Owen pointed out. "There's a lot of history between Jack and Ianto. And you've never done him any harm."
"I think it might be more than that," Joanne continued. "That wouldn't explain his reaction to Mark. I know that, when he was on the Valiant, the Master and his guards abused him. Presumably they were all men?"
"Yes, the only woman he had close contact with was Tish," confirmed Owen. "She helped and comforted him, she never harmed him."
"And, very likely, in Manchester his clients would all be men," Joanne mused. "So, he would be subordinate to them, giving up control to them. It would hardly be surprising if he subconsciously associates men with the potential for harm. He may not normally react like this, but the stress of being kidnapped may have triggered it."
"It makes sense," conceded Owen. "If it is true, what do you suggest that we do about it?"
"Well, I could be wrong, but it wouldn't hurt to make sure that, when he's under a lot of stress, you get Gwen or Tosh, or even me to deal with Jack."
b_b_b_b_b
As Tosh escorted Jack back to his room, and prepared to lock him in, he surprised her with a question.
"Why did Ray let you take me?" Jack asked, quite calmly, though a lot was riding on the answer. His trust in others had so often been betrayed. He had hoped that someone would be worthy of it, and he had given Ray as much trust as he could now give anyone. He did not want to believe that Ray had simply handed him over.
Though Tosh did not understand the ramifications that her answer could have, she did understand that it was important to Jack. "He didn't want to," Tosh answered. "He kicked me and Ianto out, and left people to guard you, but we sneaked back later and knocked them out with tranquilisers."
So Ray had done his best to stand by him. A small smile appeared on Jack's face. Maybe trust wasn't a complete dead loss, after all.
Next chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/25411.html
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Mentions of previous torture and rape
Genre: Angst, AU
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen, Tosh, Gwen
Summary: AU. The Torchwood team discover the truth about what happened on the Valiant and search for Jack. A dark fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
AN: As might be obvious, I don't actually know anything about heroin addiction or withdrawal, other than what I've gleaned from the internet. So please excuse any errors. Major discrepancies I put down to Jack's 51st century/immortal biology.
Previous chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/25067.html
Chapter 15
Jack woke after several hours of sleep. After the confrontation with Tosh, he had decided to bide his time and, having nothing better to do, had slept. Tosh still sat in the chair next to him. She was awake this time.
She smiled at him. "I've never known you sleep so much."
It was true. It was now years since the Valiant, but he had never returned to the sleep patterns he had had before that. He now slept long, and often. Jack assumed that there was some relationship between psychological trauma and the need for sleep; it was an escape of sorts after all. There certainly seemed to be in his case.
"It's 2pm," Tosh told him. "Everyone is back in. Owen would like you to come to his office for a meeting, when you feel ready."
Jack sat up blearily. "Is there a bathroom I can use?" he asked.
"Sure," Tosh answered brightly. "We've done some refurbishing. There's a bathroom right next door. There's everything you might need in there." She unlocked the door and showed him. "I'll wait out here for you."
As Jack used the bathroom, Tosh contacted Owen on the comms, to let him know that they would be up for the meeting shortly.
In the bathroom, Jack stared at his reflection. He looked terrible. He closed his eyes, and steeled himself for the meeting to come. If he was to get out of the Hub, in time to avoid the secondary stage of withdrawal, he would have to keep his wits about him. He would need to trick the team, as he had on the Valiant. At least, he thought wryly, he knew that he could do that.
b_b_b_b_b
When Jack and Tosh got to Owen's office, Ianto and Gwen were already there.
As Jack sat down he avoided eye contact with the others.
Nobody said anything for a minute, then Owen cleared his throat and began, hesitantly. "Jack, first I need to say what we all feel. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts, for what you did for us on the Valiant. I only wish that there was some way to take back the way we treated you, during that time, and after." Remembering just what Jack had done for him, Owen's voice broke.
Jack did not respond. He kept his gaze firmly fixed on the table. Underneath the table his hands were clenched tight.
"I know that you didn't come here under the best circumstances," Owen continued, "but I hope that you believe that we are on your side and just want the best for you."
Jack looked up at that. "And why would I believe that? You kidnapped me from my home, and brought me here against my will."
"We only want to help you," Gwen interjected. "Like Tosh told you, you've been pardoned, so you don't need to live that life anymore."
"And what if I want to?" demanded Jack. "For the first time in years, I had everything under control, I was content. And you've wrecked it!"
"How could you be content, selling yourself to support your drug habit!" Ianto cried.
Jack looked him straight in the eye. "It was a far better life than I had on the Valiant, or in that prison."
Ianto blanched. "Jack, I know that we ..., I, treated you dreadfully on the Valiant. I want you to know that I truly regret all the cruel things that I said to you. And I regret more than I can ever say, that I let you be taken by UNIT afterwards. I wish I could express how much I thank you for protecting me, and the others, from the Master." He trailed off. Nerves were making him overly formal. He wasn't getting across his true feelings; his utter remorse over what had happened, and the desperate wish to make amends. There was so much more that he wanted to say, but could not with a room full of people listening to his every word. He tentatively reached out towards the other man, but withdrew, as Jack flinched away.
Seeing Ianto in distress, Owen stepped in. He pulled a document out of an envelope, and placed it flat on the table in front of Jack. It was ornate, and written in flowery language. It was the pardon, signed by the Queen herself. "This is yours," Owen stated quietly.
Jack picked it up. He looked at it with something akin to wonder. "I didn't really believe you."
"It's less than you deserve," Gwen answered. "We would have tried to completely exonerate you, but the law is an ass. I'm sorry that this was the best that we could do."
"What grounds did you have for getting me pardoned?" Jack asked. "It's not as if I wasn't guilty of the charges."
"I told you," Tosh said. "When the Valiant was refurbished, they found DVDs recording what the Master did to you, and the deal you had to make with him."
"And why did that make any difference?" Jack asked bitterly. "I sold myself to the Master, body and soul. Why does it matter if I did that for my safety, or yours? Am I worth so much less than you?"
Gwen was quick to reassure him. "No, Jack. No! It wasn't because you did it for us, that you were pardoned! It was because you were under more pressure than any reasonable person could be expected to resist. Because you were immortal, and could suffer more than anyone."
Jack was unconvinced. "When did you start working to get me exonerated? Was it before you knew I worked for the Master, for your sake, or only after?"
"It was before," Tosh assured him. And it was only half a lie. They had started working to exonerate Jack before they found out about the deal. But for some of them, their hearts hadn't been in it until afterwards. The others remained carefully silent.
"It wasn't the reason you were pardoned, but we are all incredibly grateful for what you did," reiterated Gwen. "We all owe you a debt greater than we can ever repay. What you did for us ... "
Jack remembered only too well what he did for them.
"And the way we treated you," Gwen continued. "We are all truly sorry. You were so convincing that we all believed the act that you put on."
"Did you never wonder why you were never harmed?," Jack asked, glancing at each of them. "Threatened maybe, but never actually harmed, while all around you, prisoners were being tortured and dying."
All the Torchwood team were mortified that they had not.
Jack looked away from them in disgust. "If you are all so grateful to me, then let me leave. You've done your duty, and told me about the pardon. You've even rescued me from a life of prostitution. After all, now I have money, I can buy what I need without that. Let that be enough, and let me go."
"We can't do that, Jack," Gwen responded earnestly. "You still need help with the drugs. We can't just abandon you."
"I don't want your help," Jack shouted. "I just want you to leave me alone, to get on with my life the way I see fit. And you have no right to keep me here."
"It would only be for a few months," Owen put in. "You could go on a methadone program, here in the Hub. I could supervise it, along with Joanne. She's our new doctor. Basically, you replace the heroin with methadone. Over the first couple of months we'd aim to get you stabilised on a maintenance dose. Then we'd eventually taper the dose, very slowly, until you could give the methadone up. It should be done alongside counselling, and it would probably take about a year altogether, but you could move out of the Hub once you were stabilised."
Jack was utterly horrified by this suggestion. He knew that neither going cold turkey, nor dying, had any effect on the psychological aspect of his addiction. So there was no way that he believed that methadone would work. It might alleviate the physical aspect of the addiction, but not the rest. And his plan for escape depended on lulling the Torchwood team into a false belief that he was no longer desperate to get drugs, before the psychological withdrawal hit him. He estimated that he had two more days before physical withdrawal began, and then another day, or day and a half, after that ceased, before the real withdrawal. A long slow methadone program was out of the question. Time for some misdirection.
"You want to keep me at the Hub for months!" he exclaimed. "That's insane."
"We'll make it as comfortable as we possibly can for you," Owen assured him. "We could bring you anything you needed. It'd be like staying in a hotel."
"A hotel that I can't leave, you mean," retorted Jack. "I call that a prison."
"More like one of these celebrity rehab clinics," Owen insisted.
"Well I won't do it. I won't be a prisoner for months."
"Then we'll just have to keep you here until you agree," argued Owen. "I'm truly sorry, but you need to kick the drugs."
"So, you'd keep me as a prisoner, just like the Master and UNIT?" Jack accused.
"No! Not like them," exclaimed Tosh. "We would just be trying to help you."
"I keep telling you, I don't want to be helped!"
"Well, we're going to help you, whether you want our help or not!" yelled Ianto.
"So you won't let me go?" asked Jack.
"No," confirmed Owen.
Jack sat in silence for a while. He knew exactly what he had to do, but he needed to make it convincing. "OK," he finally said. "I'll kick the drugs. But I want to do it my way. I don't want it to take months."
"What are you suggesting?" asked Owen.
"I'll come off them right now. Go cold turkey. That way it'll all be over in a few days."
"Jack, no," Tosh exclaimed, "that would be awful for you."
Jack had lost count of the times he had gone through physical withdrawal in the UNIT prison. It was a walk in the park, compared to what the Master had put him through. As long as he did not reach the second stage of withdrawal, he could cope. "I'd rather do that, than spend months confined to the Hub."
"Coming off drugs should be done alongside counselling," Owen advised seriously. "Especially for someone who has been through what you have."
"We can discuss that later," argued Jack. "If you're going to make me do this, I want the withdrawal sorted first."
Seeing that Jack was adamant about this, and thinking that half a victory was better than none, Owen reluctantly nodded. "Alright, if you insist, we'll do it your way. But I'm going to have methadone to hand, in case you change your mind. Now, you know your timescales for doses. You had one yesterday, when will you need another?"
Jack was honest about that, as there would be no faking the physical reactions. "Two more days."
"Really?" Owen said, surprised. "That's a long time. Usually I'd expect withdrawal to start within a day."
"I guess it's my immortal biology then."
"Yes, probably," agreed Owen. "What dose are you on anyway?"
Jack didn't see any reason to lie about that either. "2.5"
"2.5 milligrammes?," checked Owen.
"No, grammes," corrected Jack.
"Jesus, Jack, " exclaimed Owen with horror. "That's enough to kill a horse. How the hell did you end up taking that much?"
That was something that Jack definitely did not want to discuss. "Immortal biology again, I guess," he lied.
b_b_b_b_b
That afternoon, after a very late lunch, Tosh suggested to Jack that he check out his assets on the internet. All the assets should now be available to him, but Tosh wouldn't put it past the snail-like pace of the civil service to have failed to complete the necessary paperwork.
As she watched him working on a computer across from her station, she noticed him glance briefly her way. She could practically read his mind. He was testing the Hub security. Secure in the knowledge that none of Jack's old codes would work, and that there was no way he could get round her security systems, Tosh allowed him to try.
Jack looked up to see Tosh, with a small smile on her face. She knows exactly what you're doing, he told himself, but, surprisingly, that did not worry him. And he had got nowhere, as she presumably expected. Knowing when he was beaten, he returned to checking out his various bank accounts. Amazingly, he could access all of them. That would be very useful when he got out of the Hub.
b_b_b_b_b
Ianto escorted Jack to his room, that night. He followed Jack in, and they stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Jack kept plenty of space between them, and did not look directly at Ianto.
"I've been trying to get you alone, all day," Ianto admitted.
Jack had noticed, and had been doing his best to avoid it. He just didn't know what to say to Ianto. On the one hand, he had loved the man totally, only a few short years before. But, on the other hand, that love had been crushed and obliterated by events, and Ianto's actions.
Getting no response, Ianto started to speak, tentatively. "I remembered, Jack. I broke through the retcon, and I remember that night on the Valiant."
Jack froze. Many times on the Valiant, and afterwards, he had prayed that Ianto would remember. But it was too late. Too much had happened. He had walled off that shattered part of his heart, long ago. He should have kept his cool, continued with his act, but emotion make him speak truthfully, and angrily. "And I remember too Ianto," he hissed. "I also remember that you stood back, and let that mob attack me. I remember that you denied that you ever loved me, as you let UNIT take me away. And I know that you moved on."
Faced with Jack's accusation, Ianto faltered. It was not as if he could deny what he said. It was all true. He seized on the one fact that he could argue with. "What do you mean, moved on?"
All Jack wanted was to end the confrontation. He didn't want to get into a heart to heart with Ianto. In a couple of days he would be gone, and would hopefully never see any of the team again. "I saw you with your girlfriend about a year ago," he sighed. "But, it's OK," he added, lying through his teeth, "we were a long time done by then. It was to be expected."
Ianto was stunned to discover that Jack knew about Ellie. "It didn't last," he finally stammered..
"I'm tired," Jack said, changing the subject abruptly. "I want to sleep."
"Oh, OK," Ianto said, with sorrow. It was clear that Jack did not want to talk to him. But he consoled himself with the fact that there would be other opportunities. Jack needed time, and the least Ianto could do was give it to him. He followed Jack's lead, and returned to mundane matters. "All your things that we brought from Manchester are here," he said, indicating the bag that they had used to pack Jack's belongings. The only things that had been removed were the drug paraphernalia. "You'd better use the bathroom then, before I," he blushed with shame, "lock you in for the night."
"You could just leave it unlocked," Jack suggested.
"You don't really expect me to say yes to that, do you?" Ianto retorted, smiling slightly. "I may not like having to do this, but I genuinely believe it will help you, so I'm going to make sure you stick around. And one of us will be on duty out here all night, in case you need anything." Or manage to get out and start looking for an exit, he thought sadly.
b_b_b_b_b
The next day, Owen escorted Jack to meet the new Torchwood employees. Jack was frustrated that he was never left on his own, even for a minute, except for when he was locked in his room. And then there was always someone outside, plus CCTV surveillance. He was also not over the moon to be meeting people who, he assumed, knew his history.
Owen took Jack down to the autopsy bay, where Joanne was working. "Joanne, I'd like you to meet Captain Jack Harkness," he announced formally. "He was leader of Torchwood for many years. Jack, this is Joanne Grainger, our new doctor."
Jack shook hands with Joanne, briefly.
Owen hesitated, but eventually admitted, "Joanne knows some of what you've been through, and about your drug problem. She'll be able to help with the withdrawal."
"Owen has told me that you want to come off the drugs quickly," Joanne commented. "But, I have to say, it would be far better for you to do it slowly, using methadone."
Jack interrupted her at that. "No, I've made my mind up," he said flatly.
"Then I think we should sit down and discuss what you should expect," she suggested.
Jack, who had no intention of letting on that he already knew what to expect, intimately, acquiesced.
He, Owen and Joanne then had a long session, where the two doctors warned Jack of all the potential physical effects of the withdrawal, and what could be done to minimise them. It basically came down to suffering through it, as he had many times, though this time there would be people on hand to provide comfort and nursing.
After the session with Joanne, Owen took Jack to meet Mark. Jack nodded politely to the other man, but kept a significant distance between them. He couldn't help dwelling on what Mark had seen of his time on the Valiant. At least, with Joanne, he had been distracted by the talk of withdrawal from heroin.
b_b_b_b_b
Later that day, the whole team, plus Jack, ate dinner together. They had ordered Chinese. In the past, Jack had shovelled down Chinese food like a human hoover. But now he merely picked at the food. Conversation was stilted. Towards the end of the meal, the rift alert sounded, and Owen sent Mark, Gwen and Ianto to deal with it. Tosh escorted Jack back to his room.
When Jack and Tosh had left the room, Joanne was left alone with Owen. "I've been watching Jack through the day," she commented. "Have you noticed how different his reactions to men and women are?"
Owen was surprised. "If you mean that he trusts Tosh more than the rest of us, that's not because she's a woman."
"Maybe not," Joanne continued, "but it's not just Tosh. He reacts differently to you, Ianto and Mark, than he does to Gwen, Tosh and me. It's his body language. It's quite subtle, he might not even be aware of it himself, but have you not noticed that he tries to keep a lot of space between himself, and men. He doesn't do that with the rest of us. And, he tries to disguise it, but he flinches if either you or Ianto touch him.
"It could just be that Ianto and I treated him worse than Gwen and Tosh on the Valiant," Owen pointed out. "There's a lot of history between Jack and Ianto. And you've never done him any harm."
"I think it might be more than that," Joanne continued. "That wouldn't explain his reaction to Mark. I know that, when he was on the Valiant, the Master and his guards abused him. Presumably they were all men?"
"Yes, the only woman he had close contact with was Tish," confirmed Owen. "She helped and comforted him, she never harmed him."
"And, very likely, in Manchester his clients would all be men," Joanne mused. "So, he would be subordinate to them, giving up control to them. It would hardly be surprising if he subconsciously associates men with the potential for harm. He may not normally react like this, but the stress of being kidnapped may have triggered it."
"It makes sense," conceded Owen. "If it is true, what do you suggest that we do about it?"
"Well, I could be wrong, but it wouldn't hurt to make sure that, when he's under a lot of stress, you get Gwen or Tosh, or even me to deal with Jack."
b_b_b_b_b
As Tosh escorted Jack back to his room, and prepared to lock him in, he surprised her with a question.
"Why did Ray let you take me?" Jack asked, quite calmly, though a lot was riding on the answer. His trust in others had so often been betrayed. He had hoped that someone would be worthy of it, and he had given Ray as much trust as he could now give anyone. He did not want to believe that Ray had simply handed him over.
Though Tosh did not understand the ramifications that her answer could have, she did understand that it was important to Jack. "He didn't want to," Tosh answered. "He kicked me and Ianto out, and left people to guard you, but we sneaked back later and knocked them out with tranquilisers."
So Ray had done his best to stand by him. A small smile appeared on Jack's face. Maybe trust wasn't a complete dead loss, after all.
Next chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/25411.html