★ dream
She was running through the dark and the filth, and that wasn't right. She had left that behind years ago. She fled it again now, forcing it to the back of her; even if she couldn't forget it, she would escape it. A hand reached out to her, gentle, warm, and she took it gratefully, dragging herself up from her knees (had she been on her knees? She would never do that again, ever), getting to her feet. She held onto the owner of the hand that had pulled her up (a lovely young woman with blue hair and glasses and a polite smile) for a little while longer, then stepped forward of her own volition.
And so she emerged, out of the dim and into the light. It was such a bright light, and all around her she could hear voices cheering. Yes, this was how it was meant to be. She drank in the light like an exotic wine (although of course she wouldn't drink wine, she was too young for that and she was a good girl no matter what image she had to project), and she grew strong on it, until she could barely see the darkness in the distance if she looked behind her.
Snippets of song played, snippets of her songs, she knew for sure.
This world is an illusion.
If I cling to it, it will end.
But she could make out only a few lines here and there.
Embrace that goodbye!
Embrace that affection!
I want to fill this entire world with my feelings for you.
It didn't matter, for the moment. It was enough to know that she had her songs. And yet--
Something was missing. She didn't know what it was until the ceiling above her (there had always been a ceiling) cracked open to reveal a beautiful sky, and beyond it so many stars. Suddenly, there were people by her other than that one woman who had helped her along. Here was someone she could help along, someone she could inspire and care for, although she had never known before she wanted to do that: a girl younger than her but also determined, with green hair and a shy smile. Here was someone else--a young man who looked like a princess, who glared at her as much as he smiled at her. He was special. They were both special.
Stars rose up before them all, and because she felt it was right, she helped the other girl onto the stars and watched her climb up, feeling strange but pleased about it. But the young man, the princess, he didn't need to use the stars as stairs: he had wings, and he rose up on them into the sky. She reached out for him, wanting to fly into that sky alongside him.
But a spasm shook her body, and her strength gave way. Even though she'd sworn to herself never to do it again, she fell to her knees. Then she was wandering in the grimy dark again, stumbling and falling the whole time. She reached for the hand that had helped her once before, and that kind woman started to reach back for her, but then the hand turned into a vicious claw and swiped her away, shoved her down to the ground. Then she was truly afraid. It was over for her; she had nowhere else to go and nothing left to do. She was going to die here, in the misery she had once abandoned.
Then the man with wings, the one she loved (how terrifying it was to admit that, and of course she didn't dare say it to him), was pulling her to her feet again. This time, he even almost took her with him into the sky. Almost. Instead, he left her on the first level of stars. Song sprang into her mind:
Chosen by destiny, the Northern Star burns.
Though it snatched you away into the sooty darkness,
You continued to smile so gracefully. I loved that part of you.
She knew then what she had to do. Even if she was dying, she couldn't give up. Putting all her failing body's effort into it, she pulled herself up star by star into the cold and brilliant sky, until she reached as far as she could go, and everything else was out of reach. But she wasn't that afraid anymore. Instead, she had a song to sing.
She opened her mouth, and she sang out in a clear voice, "When I was in love with God, I never thought we'd part like this. If I had known I could never feel your touch again, I would have hoped to be embraced just one last time."
Was that it? Was that all she could remember? No, there was one more thing, and she'd sing it out into the darkness even if no one could hear her.
"It's a long, long goodbye..."
And so she emerged, out of the dim and into the light. It was such a bright light, and all around her she could hear voices cheering. Yes, this was how it was meant to be. She drank in the light like an exotic wine (although of course she wouldn't drink wine, she was too young for that and she was a good girl no matter what image she had to project), and she grew strong on it, until she could barely see the darkness in the distance if she looked behind her.
Snippets of song played, snippets of her songs, she knew for sure.
This world is an illusion.
If I cling to it, it will end.
But she could make out only a few lines here and there.
Embrace that goodbye!
Embrace that affection!
I want to fill this entire world with my feelings for you.
It didn't matter, for the moment. It was enough to know that she had her songs. And yet--
Something was missing. She didn't know what it was until the ceiling above her (there had always been a ceiling) cracked open to reveal a beautiful sky, and beyond it so many stars. Suddenly, there were people by her other than that one woman who had helped her along. Here was someone she could help along, someone she could inspire and care for, although she had never known before she wanted to do that: a girl younger than her but also determined, with green hair and a shy smile. Here was someone else--a young man who looked like a princess, who glared at her as much as he smiled at her. He was special. They were both special.
Stars rose up before them all, and because she felt it was right, she helped the other girl onto the stars and watched her climb up, feeling strange but pleased about it. But the young man, the princess, he didn't need to use the stars as stairs: he had wings, and he rose up on them into the sky. She reached out for him, wanting to fly into that sky alongside him.
But a spasm shook her body, and her strength gave way. Even though she'd sworn to herself never to do it again, she fell to her knees. Then she was wandering in the grimy dark again, stumbling and falling the whole time. She reached for the hand that had helped her once before, and that kind woman started to reach back for her, but then the hand turned into a vicious claw and swiped her away, shoved her down to the ground. Then she was truly afraid. It was over for her; she had nowhere else to go and nothing left to do. She was going to die here, in the misery she had once abandoned.
Then the man with wings, the one she loved (how terrifying it was to admit that, and of course she didn't dare say it to him), was pulling her to her feet again. This time, he even almost took her with him into the sky. Almost. Instead, he left her on the first level of stars. Song sprang into her mind:
Chosen by destiny, the Northern Star burns.
Though it snatched you away into the sooty darkness,
You continued to smile so gracefully. I loved that part of you.
She knew then what she had to do. Even if she was dying, she couldn't give up. Putting all her failing body's effort into it, she pulled herself up star by star into the cold and brilliant sky, until she reached as far as she could go, and everything else was out of reach. But she wasn't that afraid anymore. Instead, she had a song to sing.
She opened her mouth, and she sang out in a clear voice, "When I was in love with God, I never thought we'd part like this. If I had known I could never feel your touch again, I would have hoped to be embraced just one last time."
Was that it? Was that all she could remember? No, there was one more thing, and she'd sing it out into the darkness even if no one could hear her.
"It's a long, long goodbye..."