[Lamento] Like the Sun
Title: Like the Sun
Fandom: Lamento - Beyond the Void
Pairing: Leaks+Shui
Rating: R
Warnings: Umm, a little blood. Some angst. Implied sexual situations. All good stuff.
Disclaimer: Nitro+Chiral owns them.
Like the Sun
Concentrating, Leaks closes his eyes and focuses on the sound of the wind rustling through the trees, the soft gurgling of the water from a nearby stream. His ears strain to hear the voice of the forest, the trees whispering amongst themselves. Usually, their voices are calm and soothing, blending together into something akin to song, but today, something has them agitated. They are speaking of evil afoot in the forest, so he has come to investigate.
The excited whispers are telling him that it is close, but he cannot derive the exact location.
Suddenly, a loud yell pierces the calm of the forest, followed by a bone-chilling roar.
He takes off in the direction the noises are coming from, and soon finds the source, a huge red-striped canine poised over its kill, jaws stretched to reveal rows of razor-sharp teeth. Something is still moving underneath it, struggling to push it away.
A well-placed icicle rams the creature, piercing its ribcage and flinging it against the nearest tree, where it begins to bleed out amidst howls of pain and fury. Leaks approaches it cautiously, performs a second spell to make sure it is, indeed, dead, when a soft voice interrupts him.
"Magic...?"
He whirls around to find himself face to face with the prey, bleeding badly from two large lacerations across his chest. The red-haired man is staring at him with wide eyes, shock the only thing that is keeping him on his feet.
"I won't hurt you," Leaks says simply, and knows it won't mean anything. It never does.
"I - I'm not--" But the man doesn't get any further than this; his eyes roll back into his head and he slumps to the forest floor, unconscious from the blood loss.
Leaks sighs and walks over, kneeling down beside the fallen man to inspect his wounds. The gashes are not as deep at they seemed at first, but the blood is still flowing, seeping through the man's clothes and dying them a rusty brown. They will have to be cleaned, too. A simple healing spell won't do it. He knows he should leave the man where he has found him - it's not like anyone has ever cared whether he lived or died - but he can't quite bring himself to be so cruel.
"Oh, for the love of..."
Sighing again, Leaks lifts the red-haired man into his arms, carrying him towards his home.
-----
It is evening by the time the man wakes up, blinking at the unfamiliar surroundings. Leaks lays the book he was reading face down on his knee and waits for his "guest" to compose himself.
He knows the man will bolt as soon as he recalls the events; Leaks just hopes to get a good threat or two in edgewise, so that he won't be faced with a group of angry catfolk at his door, demanding his head on a stake.
The man pushes himself up on one elbow, gingerly prodding the bandages across his chest.
"You... that monster... you saved me." He turns his head to regard Leaks, searching his face for signs of confirmation. Snorting inwardly, Leaks nods curtly. Any minute now. Any minute and the stranger will start hollering "demon".
To his astonishment, the man's face brightens with a grateful smile. "Thank you."
Leaks can't do anything but stare at him, too dumbfounded to react in any way. Nobody has ever thanked him before. They are usually too busy hating him.
"My name is Shui," the man ventures when it becomes clear that he won't receive a reply.
Okay. Breathe. Swallow. Try to form an answer. He finds his voice. "Leaks." Not the most brilliant reply in the world, but he doesn't think the stranger will mind.
The man is studying him, face guileless and friendly. "Are you a magician, Leaks?"
That breaks whatever spell has bound him. Straightening in his chair, Leaks fixes the man with a glare and hisses, "Yes, and if you value your immortal soul, you will not breathe a word of this place to anyone. Or else I will curse you until you'll be begging me to kill you."
The man's smile turns positively radiant. "All right."
---
A week later, something is knocking on his door.
It doesn't sound like a woodpecker, so he can only assume the foolish cat couldn't keep his mouth shut, after all. Then again, Leaks muses laconically, getting up and heading towards the entrance, angry mobs don't tend to go around politely knocking on doors.
He flings open the front door, prepared to chase off the perpetrator of the noise with a bolt spell, and then just forgets to breathe.
"Hello," the red-haired man says cheerfully. "I had a hell of a time finding this place."
---
In the end, Leaks finds himself wordlessly opening the door wider and letting his strange guest into his home once again. He directs the man into the parlor, which also doubles as a library, books upon scrolls upon books lining the walls, huddling in the corners, crowding the floor.
He finds himself preparing tea almost automatically, transforming a bowl into a second cup when he realizes that he doesn't have another one. Try as he might, he cannot wrap his mind around why the man has come to see him, why he doesn't show the least bit of fear. Numbly, he carries the cups into the parlor, where the man is studying his worktable, littered with parchment, bottles and ingredients.
"This is so fascinating," he exclaims, pointing towards the rows of potions and jars.
Leaks concludes, then and there, that Shui might be a bit stupid. "Don't you mean 'disgusting'?" he replies acidly.
Shui's eyes are dancing like a mischievous child's. "No, I mean 'fascinating'."
---
Shui ends up staying the entire day, filling the silence with tales and stories when it becomes clear that Leaks does not feel inclined to answer any of his questions. And even though Leaks glares at him and ignores him and even says, "Get out," once or twice, he does not stop being friendly and trying to have a meaningful conversation.
Leaks hides himself behind a heavy yellowed book and tries to pretend that this isn't the first guest he has ever received, or the first friendly face he has seen in his entire life. When he finds himself thinking that Shui's voice is something he could get used to, he slams down the book and storms out of the parlor, locking himself in his room.
When he opens the door again, Shui is gone.
---
Shui doesn't stay gone for long, though.
After another week passes, he is knocking on the front door again, and try as he might, Leaks can't convince himself to slam the door in his face.
By the end of the month, there is an enchanted path leading from the edge of the forest towards his house, and Shui has become a regular visitor.
Leaks can feel the house slowly changing to accommodate Shui.
A patch on the floor in the parlor has been cleared for a second over-stuffed armchair, amidst the stacks of books and scrolls. There is a pile of warm blankets rolled up in the corner, in case Shui wants to spend the night. The transformed cup is sitting next to Leaks' own on the drying rack, waiting to be filled with hot tea.
He can feel himself slowly changing to accommodate Shui, as well.
He has begun responding to their rather one-sided conversations, and tries hard to ignore Shui's quiet pleasure at his snappish one-worded answers. He has taken to studying outside more, because Shui likes the sunshine and feels more at ease surrounded by nature's sounds. He finds himself listening to the forest at the oddest times, hoping to hear word that Shui is coming to meet him.
This is surprising (frightening), since he has always been a steadfast individual and could never have imagined himself changing for anyone.
---
He tries very hard not to think about how lonely the house seems without Shui around.
That way lies madness.
---
One quiet morning, Leaks realizes that he has lost the voice of the forest.
No matter how much he strains his ears, he cannot pick up on the green's whispering anymore. All that is echoing in his mind is Shui's voice, wordless and warm, carrying him through his lonely days.
He knows he should feel troubled to find his ability gone, but instead he catches himself thinking that he would pay any price, no matter how high, as long as it means he can be with Shui.
This scares him infinitely more.
---
"You cursed me."
Startled, Shui strikes a discord on his lute, and looks over at him with wide, confused eyes. Up until then, they have been sitting in the parlor, Shui strumming aimless tunes and Leaks pretending not to be listening.
Leaks barely glances up from his book to acknowledge the other's confusion.
"I used to be fine, living like this. I wasn't content, I wasn't happy, but I could function."
Shui blinks. "Now you're content and happy, but you don't like it?"
He glares at him and Shui falls silent. "That's not the point. The point is..." He sighs. "...I would break, if I were to lose this."
"What are you talking about, Leaks? You won't lose me."
"You said so yourself, that the other cats are giving you trouble because you meet with me."
Shui's ears perk at that, and his smile returns. "So that is what this is about. I already told you, that won't stop me."
Leaks scoffs. "Of course it won't. And how do you think I feel, knowing what danger you are in because of me?"
"That doesn't matter."
"Of course it does! It's the very nature of this curse; I care more about what happens to you than what happens to me!"
Shui stays silent. Severely annoyed, Leaks immerses himself in his book again. He didn't mean to reveal so much, but the truth of his words can't be refuted.
Soft footsteps, and then something is wrapping around him and almost pulling him out of his chair, startling him into dropping the book. After a second, he realizes that the something is Shui's arms, holding him tightly against his chest. Shui's scent is filling his nose, Shui's chin resting on top of his head, and he flicks his ears to try and drive it away.
"I-Idiot! What are you doing?!" He hates the way his voice cracks embarrassingly on the last word.
Shui is chuckling above him. "I'm happy."
"That's not an explanation!"
"Yes, it is."
---
When Shui is not here, dreams visit him at night, as if to make up for his absence. They are much the same as reality, showing Leaks visions of quiet warmth and companionship. When he wakes up, the feelings of comfort tend to linger, images from his dreams visiting him intermittently, and more than once, he has caught himself preparing enough tea for two, as if Shui is bound to show up in the doorframe, sleep-rumpled and grateful for it.
Once, he wakes up from a dream to find his body in a most peculiar condition.
Honestly, he cannot remember the last time this happened, it must have been ages ago, maybe in his youth, but while he is still trying to remember the exact point in time, he is already sliding a hand down his body, under the sheets. Better to take care of this distraction quickly, before it becomes annoying.
He tries to summon something vaguely pleasurable to think of, as he has found it helps to speed things up a little, but what comes to him is Shui's voice, Shui's face, and although it feels like a blow to his gut, he cannot bring himself to stop after that.
His hand becomes Shui's hand, his own harsh breathing is drowned out by Shui's voice in his ears, murmuring soft, indistinct words. He imagines kissing Shui, with lips and teeth and tongue, imagines them fumbling in their haste to undress each other, imagines that Shui is pleased with his appearance, envisions them falling to the bed and doing it until they can scarcely remember their own names anymore, but what finally brings him to climax is the thought of Shui's warm, happy smile in the afterglow.
When Shui comes to visit him a few days later, Leaks cannot bring himself to look him in the eye. He feels ashamed.
---
Leaks is in love, and there is nothing he can do about it.
At least, this is what the books call it, poems he could never understand suddenly making sense, talking about a beloved as a being of insurmountable beauty and bringer of infinite happiness. However, he has discovered that the poets like to lie on occasion.
Especially when they describe love as the most wonderful feeling on earth. Leaks finds it to be sheer torture.
He does not know how to act, does not know what to say, becomes inexplicably tongue-tied in the most normal of conversations, longs for Shui to come when he is not here, and wishes for him to leave when he is, is torn between telling him everything and suffering in silence forever.
Love is a mysterious thing. It brings unending joy, yet in every love's shadow grows the hatred towards the beloved, who holds the only key to happiness.
Leaks closes the book. He may hate himself for feeling this way, but he could never hate Shui.
---
For some reason, Leaks has never tried to imagine the Shui that isn't with him, the one that exists outside of this house, this forest.
The thought that Shui might have other people he associates with and cares for has never even crossed his mind. For Leaks, there is only Shui. He always assumed it to be the same in reverse. Naturally. Stupidly.
To hear that Shui is married, has wedded - according to his description - the loveliest, most amazing girl with the most beautiful eyes only weeks before he came here, and that a baby is now well underway, to hear this sends a bolt of crippling pain through his entire being, so intense that he looks down and is surprised not to see a burning iron spear sticking in his chest.
And as Shui begins to talk about bringing his new family here when the baby is born, that his wife is utterly enraptured by the stories he has told her, Leaks wants to hurt something so badly that he digs his nails into the chair and rips the upholstery, leaving long shredded gashes in his wake.
Shui whirls to face him fully, eyes widening as he takes in Leaks' rigid posture, the damage, and his ragged breathing.
"Leaks?"
"I don't want to hear this," he presses out between clenched teeth.
"What...?"
"I don't! Want to hear this!" He gets up abruptly, walking briskly towards the exit. If he is only allowed a minute of solitude and silence, he knows that he will be able to calm himself. He will stop wanting to hurt Shui.
"Leaks."
Shui's quiet, serious tone, the hands gripping his upper arms, stop him. He can feel Shui's worried gaze on the back of his head, can feel the concern rolling off him in waves. He draws in a shuddering breath and tries to shrug off the hands. "Don't, please."
But Shui does not let go so easily. "I've done something to upset you. Please tell me what's wrong, Leaks."
It would not sound right in words - I want you to see only me. I want you to belong to only me. I want you to love only me - so Leaks doesn't try. Instead, he turns around and kisses him.
It is a tactless, desperate move, destined to fail.
Shui, at least, does not push him away, just stands there and lets him do it. Ashamed, Leaks withdraws, feels the warmth on his lips start to fade.
"Leaks..." Confused, surprised.
His hands clench into fists. "Don't say it. I already know. But don't say it."
"Leaks." Softer now, defeated.
A gentle pull, and he slumps against Shui, is enveloped in his arms. All strength seems to leave him at that - he does not resist when Shui holds him more tightly, allows himself to be pulled to the floor.
He is not consciously aware of how long they are sitting there, in front of the fireplace, with Shui stroking his hair and keeping him close. He feels tired. So tired.
"I'm sorry," Shui finally says, his voice barely above a whisper. He sounds pained. "I didn't know."
"You were not supposed to," Leaks replies, surprised at how steady his voice is. "It's not like it matters. I... Somehow I knew I was chasing a false hope, anyway. I knew you could never love a thing like me."
"That's not true!" Shui interjects, sounding agitated for the first time in all the time Leaks has known him. "I do love you. I do. Just..."
Leaks smiles, only half bitterly. "Just not the way I want you to. I know."
Silence again.
A small, horrible part of Leaks is rifling through all the spells he knows, pulling out the ones he could use to claim Shui as his. It would be so easy, he realizes, just a flick of his hand would make Shui stay with him, nothing more than a few words would make Shui love him, forget about everything else and be his, and his alone. He realizes he could do that. But he won't.
I'd never, he thinks to himself. I'd never. But he can't stop thinking about it.
"You should leave," he says finally, nothing betraying his shameful thoughts. "You should go back to your family, and forget you ever came to this place. It would be safer for you."
Of course, Shui misunderstands. The foolish man has never seen Leaks as a threat. "You already know I can't do that. You're my friend, Leaks. And one day, I will bring Mei along, and the baby, and we'll all be a family. Your family."
Leaks punches the floor, hard, is grateful for the clarity the pain brings. "This isn't what I want and you know it."
"No," Shui says solemnly. "But it is what you need."
Amazing, how easy it is to turn anger at himself into anger towards Shui. "Pushy bastard, why won't you go away?!"
"I already told you, I can't do that. You're my friend. I love you."
Even though the words don't mean what he wants them to mean, it is still nice to hear them. It is almost pathetic, how grateful he feels that Shui is such a loyal, foolish person. Somehow, it doesn't hurt quite as much, when Shui says things like that.
"...Bastard," he mutters again, but without any real rancor behind it.
Beside him, Shui smiles. "So you keep saying."
---
The catharsis is necessary on the way towards the ending.
Ironically, he does feel better now that his secret is not a secret any longer. He feels better now that Shui knows. He supposes he should feel ashamed for being so hungry for Shui's comfort, but then again, what pride does he have left? And it's not like pride has any value, or meaning, where Shui is concerned.
Shui promises to come again really soon.
But as days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into a month, he cannot help but wonder if Shui has lied. What if he has decided that he feels uncomfortable around Leaks, and doesn't want to see him anymore? The thought tastes like bile at the back of his throat, and he shoves it away whenever it makes itself known.
Shui is not like that. Shui will come again.
But as summer turns into autumn, and the first frost of the year draws its cloak across the ground, it becomes harder and harder to ignore.
---
One morning, he begins hearing voices again. At first, he thinks that it is the green's whispering, the forest song which has come back to him, but then he realizes that he is really hearing them, outside, buzzing angrily like a hive of wasps.
He pulls open the door, and the sight that greets him almost sends him to his knees.
There are cats outside, so many of them, carrying various weapons and torches. Some have already begun putting fire to the trees.
"There he is!" one of them screams, and the others huddle together, brandishing their swords and tools.
"The devil, the devil!" they shriek. "He's the one who bewitched Shui! Burn him! Burn the foul thing!"
They do not come closer, but instead hurl their torches towards his house, up onto the roof, into the bushes. He cannot comprehend what he is seeing. How did they know? How did they know where to look for him?
He desperately tries to deny the only answer. They know. They know because Shui must have told them. Shui, who said that he loved him. Shui the liar. Shui the traitor.
And as the flames begin consuming his home, dancing all around him, he can only keep standing there, a bitter smile spreading across his face.
He is watching his love burn.
---
A/N: Okay, first off, many apologies. I direct complaints towards Nitro+Chiral, because they were the ones who came up with the entire sad story in the first place. I hope, as always, that the characters were IC, or at least within reasonable range of it. Sorry if Leaks comes off as moody. Then again, he has all reason to be.
Two things worthy of note:
- I do not know the name of Konoe's mother. If it is mentioned in the game, I have not caught on to it. So if it is and you know it, please tell me so I can correct it.
- I also do not know if the events of Leaks meeting Shui, and the eventual betrayal, are described in great detail. I can't read that much Japanese, sorry. So if they are, feel free to regard this as "artistic liberty". (I always wanted to say that. XD)
That is all. Feedback makes the authoress love you, and the bunnies multiply. *bribes*
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Fandom: Lamento - Beyond the Void
Pairing: Leaks+Shui
Rating: R
Warnings: Umm, a little blood. Some angst. Implied sexual situations. All good stuff.
Disclaimer: Nitro+Chiral owns them.
Like the Sun
Concentrating, Leaks closes his eyes and focuses on the sound of the wind rustling through the trees, the soft gurgling of the water from a nearby stream. His ears strain to hear the voice of the forest, the trees whispering amongst themselves. Usually, their voices are calm and soothing, blending together into something akin to song, but today, something has them agitated. They are speaking of evil afoot in the forest, so he has come to investigate.
The excited whispers are telling him that it is close, but he cannot derive the exact location.
Suddenly, a loud yell pierces the calm of the forest, followed by a bone-chilling roar.
He takes off in the direction the noises are coming from, and soon finds the source, a huge red-striped canine poised over its kill, jaws stretched to reveal rows of razor-sharp teeth. Something is still moving underneath it, struggling to push it away.
A well-placed icicle rams the creature, piercing its ribcage and flinging it against the nearest tree, where it begins to bleed out amidst howls of pain and fury. Leaks approaches it cautiously, performs a second spell to make sure it is, indeed, dead, when a soft voice interrupts him.
"Magic...?"
He whirls around to find himself face to face with the prey, bleeding badly from two large lacerations across his chest. The red-haired man is staring at him with wide eyes, shock the only thing that is keeping him on his feet.
"I won't hurt you," Leaks says simply, and knows it won't mean anything. It never does.
"I - I'm not--" But the man doesn't get any further than this; his eyes roll back into his head and he slumps to the forest floor, unconscious from the blood loss.
Leaks sighs and walks over, kneeling down beside the fallen man to inspect his wounds. The gashes are not as deep at they seemed at first, but the blood is still flowing, seeping through the man's clothes and dying them a rusty brown. They will have to be cleaned, too. A simple healing spell won't do it. He knows he should leave the man where he has found him - it's not like anyone has ever cared whether he lived or died - but he can't quite bring himself to be so cruel.
"Oh, for the love of..."
Sighing again, Leaks lifts the red-haired man into his arms, carrying him towards his home.
-----
It is evening by the time the man wakes up, blinking at the unfamiliar surroundings. Leaks lays the book he was reading face down on his knee and waits for his "guest" to compose himself.
He knows the man will bolt as soon as he recalls the events; Leaks just hopes to get a good threat or two in edgewise, so that he won't be faced with a group of angry catfolk at his door, demanding his head on a stake.
The man pushes himself up on one elbow, gingerly prodding the bandages across his chest.
"You... that monster... you saved me." He turns his head to regard Leaks, searching his face for signs of confirmation. Snorting inwardly, Leaks nods curtly. Any minute now. Any minute and the stranger will start hollering "demon".
To his astonishment, the man's face brightens with a grateful smile. "Thank you."
Leaks can't do anything but stare at him, too dumbfounded to react in any way. Nobody has ever thanked him before. They are usually too busy hating him.
"My name is Shui," the man ventures when it becomes clear that he won't receive a reply.
Okay. Breathe. Swallow. Try to form an answer. He finds his voice. "Leaks." Not the most brilliant reply in the world, but he doesn't think the stranger will mind.
The man is studying him, face guileless and friendly. "Are you a magician, Leaks?"
That breaks whatever spell has bound him. Straightening in his chair, Leaks fixes the man with a glare and hisses, "Yes, and if you value your immortal soul, you will not breathe a word of this place to anyone. Or else I will curse you until you'll be begging me to kill you."
The man's smile turns positively radiant. "All right."
---
A week later, something is knocking on his door.
It doesn't sound like a woodpecker, so he can only assume the foolish cat couldn't keep his mouth shut, after all. Then again, Leaks muses laconically, getting up and heading towards the entrance, angry mobs don't tend to go around politely knocking on doors.
He flings open the front door, prepared to chase off the perpetrator of the noise with a bolt spell, and then just forgets to breathe.
"Hello," the red-haired man says cheerfully. "I had a hell of a time finding this place."
---
In the end, Leaks finds himself wordlessly opening the door wider and letting his strange guest into his home once again. He directs the man into the parlor, which also doubles as a library, books upon scrolls upon books lining the walls, huddling in the corners, crowding the floor.
He finds himself preparing tea almost automatically, transforming a bowl into a second cup when he realizes that he doesn't have another one. Try as he might, he cannot wrap his mind around why the man has come to see him, why he doesn't show the least bit of fear. Numbly, he carries the cups into the parlor, where the man is studying his worktable, littered with parchment, bottles and ingredients.
"This is so fascinating," he exclaims, pointing towards the rows of potions and jars.
Leaks concludes, then and there, that Shui might be a bit stupid. "Don't you mean 'disgusting'?" he replies acidly.
Shui's eyes are dancing like a mischievous child's. "No, I mean 'fascinating'."
---
Shui ends up staying the entire day, filling the silence with tales and stories when it becomes clear that Leaks does not feel inclined to answer any of his questions. And even though Leaks glares at him and ignores him and even says, "Get out," once or twice, he does not stop being friendly and trying to have a meaningful conversation.
Leaks hides himself behind a heavy yellowed book and tries to pretend that this isn't the first guest he has ever received, or the first friendly face he has seen in his entire life. When he finds himself thinking that Shui's voice is something he could get used to, he slams down the book and storms out of the parlor, locking himself in his room.
When he opens the door again, Shui is gone.
---
Shui doesn't stay gone for long, though.
After another week passes, he is knocking on the front door again, and try as he might, Leaks can't convince himself to slam the door in his face.
By the end of the month, there is an enchanted path leading from the edge of the forest towards his house, and Shui has become a regular visitor.
Leaks can feel the house slowly changing to accommodate Shui.
A patch on the floor in the parlor has been cleared for a second over-stuffed armchair, amidst the stacks of books and scrolls. There is a pile of warm blankets rolled up in the corner, in case Shui wants to spend the night. The transformed cup is sitting next to Leaks' own on the drying rack, waiting to be filled with hot tea.
He can feel himself slowly changing to accommodate Shui, as well.
He has begun responding to their rather one-sided conversations, and tries hard to ignore Shui's quiet pleasure at his snappish one-worded answers. He has taken to studying outside more, because Shui likes the sunshine and feels more at ease surrounded by nature's sounds. He finds himself listening to the forest at the oddest times, hoping to hear word that Shui is coming to meet him.
This is surprising (frightening), since he has always been a steadfast individual and could never have imagined himself changing for anyone.
---
He tries very hard not to think about how lonely the house seems without Shui around.
That way lies madness.
---
One quiet morning, Leaks realizes that he has lost the voice of the forest.
No matter how much he strains his ears, he cannot pick up on the green's whispering anymore. All that is echoing in his mind is Shui's voice, wordless and warm, carrying him through his lonely days.
He knows he should feel troubled to find his ability gone, but instead he catches himself thinking that he would pay any price, no matter how high, as long as it means he can be with Shui.
This scares him infinitely more.
---
"You cursed me."
Startled, Shui strikes a discord on his lute, and looks over at him with wide, confused eyes. Up until then, they have been sitting in the parlor, Shui strumming aimless tunes and Leaks pretending not to be listening.
Leaks barely glances up from his book to acknowledge the other's confusion.
"I used to be fine, living like this. I wasn't content, I wasn't happy, but I could function."
Shui blinks. "Now you're content and happy, but you don't like it?"
He glares at him and Shui falls silent. "That's not the point. The point is..." He sighs. "...I would break, if I were to lose this."
"What are you talking about, Leaks? You won't lose me."
"You said so yourself, that the other cats are giving you trouble because you meet with me."
Shui's ears perk at that, and his smile returns. "So that is what this is about. I already told you, that won't stop me."
Leaks scoffs. "Of course it won't. And how do you think I feel, knowing what danger you are in because of me?"
"That doesn't matter."
"Of course it does! It's the very nature of this curse; I care more about what happens to you than what happens to me!"
Shui stays silent. Severely annoyed, Leaks immerses himself in his book again. He didn't mean to reveal so much, but the truth of his words can't be refuted.
Soft footsteps, and then something is wrapping around him and almost pulling him out of his chair, startling him into dropping the book. After a second, he realizes that the something is Shui's arms, holding him tightly against his chest. Shui's scent is filling his nose, Shui's chin resting on top of his head, and he flicks his ears to try and drive it away.
"I-Idiot! What are you doing?!" He hates the way his voice cracks embarrassingly on the last word.
Shui is chuckling above him. "I'm happy."
"That's not an explanation!"
"Yes, it is."
---
When Shui is not here, dreams visit him at night, as if to make up for his absence. They are much the same as reality, showing Leaks visions of quiet warmth and companionship. When he wakes up, the feelings of comfort tend to linger, images from his dreams visiting him intermittently, and more than once, he has caught himself preparing enough tea for two, as if Shui is bound to show up in the doorframe, sleep-rumpled and grateful for it.
Once, he wakes up from a dream to find his body in a most peculiar condition.
Honestly, he cannot remember the last time this happened, it must have been ages ago, maybe in his youth, but while he is still trying to remember the exact point in time, he is already sliding a hand down his body, under the sheets. Better to take care of this distraction quickly, before it becomes annoying.
He tries to summon something vaguely pleasurable to think of, as he has found it helps to speed things up a little, but what comes to him is Shui's voice, Shui's face, and although it feels like a blow to his gut, he cannot bring himself to stop after that.
His hand becomes Shui's hand, his own harsh breathing is drowned out by Shui's voice in his ears, murmuring soft, indistinct words. He imagines kissing Shui, with lips and teeth and tongue, imagines them fumbling in their haste to undress each other, imagines that Shui is pleased with his appearance, envisions them falling to the bed and doing it until they can scarcely remember their own names anymore, but what finally brings him to climax is the thought of Shui's warm, happy smile in the afterglow.
When Shui comes to visit him a few days later, Leaks cannot bring himself to look him in the eye. He feels ashamed.
---
Leaks is in love, and there is nothing he can do about it.
At least, this is what the books call it, poems he could never understand suddenly making sense, talking about a beloved as a being of insurmountable beauty and bringer of infinite happiness. However, he has discovered that the poets like to lie on occasion.
Especially when they describe love as the most wonderful feeling on earth. Leaks finds it to be sheer torture.
He does not know how to act, does not know what to say, becomes inexplicably tongue-tied in the most normal of conversations, longs for Shui to come when he is not here, and wishes for him to leave when he is, is torn between telling him everything and suffering in silence forever.
Love is a mysterious thing. It brings unending joy, yet in every love's shadow grows the hatred towards the beloved, who holds the only key to happiness.
Leaks closes the book. He may hate himself for feeling this way, but he could never hate Shui.
---
For some reason, Leaks has never tried to imagine the Shui that isn't with him, the one that exists outside of this house, this forest.
The thought that Shui might have other people he associates with and cares for has never even crossed his mind. For Leaks, there is only Shui. He always assumed it to be the same in reverse. Naturally. Stupidly.
To hear that Shui is married, has wedded - according to his description - the loveliest, most amazing girl with the most beautiful eyes only weeks before he came here, and that a baby is now well underway, to hear this sends a bolt of crippling pain through his entire being, so intense that he looks down and is surprised not to see a burning iron spear sticking in his chest.
And as Shui begins to talk about bringing his new family here when the baby is born, that his wife is utterly enraptured by the stories he has told her, Leaks wants to hurt something so badly that he digs his nails into the chair and rips the upholstery, leaving long shredded gashes in his wake.
Shui whirls to face him fully, eyes widening as he takes in Leaks' rigid posture, the damage, and his ragged breathing.
"Leaks?"
"I don't want to hear this," he presses out between clenched teeth.
"What...?"
"I don't! Want to hear this!" He gets up abruptly, walking briskly towards the exit. If he is only allowed a minute of solitude and silence, he knows that he will be able to calm himself. He will stop wanting to hurt Shui.
"Leaks."
Shui's quiet, serious tone, the hands gripping his upper arms, stop him. He can feel Shui's worried gaze on the back of his head, can feel the concern rolling off him in waves. He draws in a shuddering breath and tries to shrug off the hands. "Don't, please."
But Shui does not let go so easily. "I've done something to upset you. Please tell me what's wrong, Leaks."
It would not sound right in words - I want you to see only me. I want you to belong to only me. I want you to love only me - so Leaks doesn't try. Instead, he turns around and kisses him.
It is a tactless, desperate move, destined to fail.
Shui, at least, does not push him away, just stands there and lets him do it. Ashamed, Leaks withdraws, feels the warmth on his lips start to fade.
"Leaks..." Confused, surprised.
His hands clench into fists. "Don't say it. I already know. But don't say it."
"Leaks." Softer now, defeated.
A gentle pull, and he slumps against Shui, is enveloped in his arms. All strength seems to leave him at that - he does not resist when Shui holds him more tightly, allows himself to be pulled to the floor.
He is not consciously aware of how long they are sitting there, in front of the fireplace, with Shui stroking his hair and keeping him close. He feels tired. So tired.
"I'm sorry," Shui finally says, his voice barely above a whisper. He sounds pained. "I didn't know."
"You were not supposed to," Leaks replies, surprised at how steady his voice is. "It's not like it matters. I... Somehow I knew I was chasing a false hope, anyway. I knew you could never love a thing like me."
"That's not true!" Shui interjects, sounding agitated for the first time in all the time Leaks has known him. "I do love you. I do. Just..."
Leaks smiles, only half bitterly. "Just not the way I want you to. I know."
Silence again.
A small, horrible part of Leaks is rifling through all the spells he knows, pulling out the ones he could use to claim Shui as his. It would be so easy, he realizes, just a flick of his hand would make Shui stay with him, nothing more than a few words would make Shui love him, forget about everything else and be his, and his alone. He realizes he could do that. But he won't.
I'd never, he thinks to himself. I'd never. But he can't stop thinking about it.
"You should leave," he says finally, nothing betraying his shameful thoughts. "You should go back to your family, and forget you ever came to this place. It would be safer for you."
Of course, Shui misunderstands. The foolish man has never seen Leaks as a threat. "You already know I can't do that. You're my friend, Leaks. And one day, I will bring Mei along, and the baby, and we'll all be a family. Your family."
Leaks punches the floor, hard, is grateful for the clarity the pain brings. "This isn't what I want and you know it."
"No," Shui says solemnly. "But it is what you need."
Amazing, how easy it is to turn anger at himself into anger towards Shui. "Pushy bastard, why won't you go away?!"
"I already told you, I can't do that. You're my friend. I love you."
Even though the words don't mean what he wants them to mean, it is still nice to hear them. It is almost pathetic, how grateful he feels that Shui is such a loyal, foolish person. Somehow, it doesn't hurt quite as much, when Shui says things like that.
"...Bastard," he mutters again, but without any real rancor behind it.
Beside him, Shui smiles. "So you keep saying."
---
The catharsis is necessary on the way towards the ending.
Ironically, he does feel better now that his secret is not a secret any longer. He feels better now that Shui knows. He supposes he should feel ashamed for being so hungry for Shui's comfort, but then again, what pride does he have left? And it's not like pride has any value, or meaning, where Shui is concerned.
Shui promises to come again really soon.
But as days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into a month, he cannot help but wonder if Shui has lied. What if he has decided that he feels uncomfortable around Leaks, and doesn't want to see him anymore? The thought tastes like bile at the back of his throat, and he shoves it away whenever it makes itself known.
Shui is not like that. Shui will come again.
But as summer turns into autumn, and the first frost of the year draws its cloak across the ground, it becomes harder and harder to ignore.
---
One morning, he begins hearing voices again. At first, he thinks that it is the green's whispering, the forest song which has come back to him, but then he realizes that he is really hearing them, outside, buzzing angrily like a hive of wasps.
He pulls open the door, and the sight that greets him almost sends him to his knees.
There are cats outside, so many of them, carrying various weapons and torches. Some have already begun putting fire to the trees.
"There he is!" one of them screams, and the others huddle together, brandishing their swords and tools.
"The devil, the devil!" they shriek. "He's the one who bewitched Shui! Burn him! Burn the foul thing!"
They do not come closer, but instead hurl their torches towards his house, up onto the roof, into the bushes. He cannot comprehend what he is seeing. How did they know? How did they know where to look for him?
He desperately tries to deny the only answer. They know. They know because Shui must have told them. Shui, who said that he loved him. Shui the liar. Shui the traitor.
And as the flames begin consuming his home, dancing all around him, he can only keep standing there, a bitter smile spreading across his face.
He is watching his love burn.
---
A/N: Okay, first off, many apologies. I direct complaints towards Nitro+Chiral, because they were the ones who came up with the entire sad story in the first place. I hope, as always, that the characters were IC, or at least within reasonable range of it. Sorry if Leaks comes off as moody. Then again, he has all reason to be.
Two things worthy of note:
- I do not know the name of Konoe's mother. If it is mentioned in the game, I have not caught on to it. So if it is and you know it, please tell me so I can correct it.
- I also do not know if the events of Leaks meeting Shui, and the eventual betrayal, are described in great detail. I can't read that much Japanese, sorry. So if they are, feel free to regard this as "artistic liberty". (I always wanted to say that. XD)
That is all. Feedback makes the authoress love you, and the bunnies multiply. *bribes*
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