FIC: The Best Laid Plans (Tin Man, gen)
Title: The Best Laid Plans
Author: oddsbobs
Rating: G
Characters/Ship: Ensemble (gen)
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Imagiquest Entertainment. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. (Though I did steal this disclaimer from amedia *shifty look*)
Summary: The one in which they are mice. No, really. Alternately - You don’t have to be a man to be a hero.
Warnings: Crack? And perhaps the most idiotic villains ever created?
Inspired by one of the images of a picture challenge at tm_challenge. It's a bit rushed in places, but I had to finish this now or it would never be completed. The blame lays squarely on the shoulders of koslorollo. Love you, hon. This is for you.
There was something decidedly off about the situation. Cain paused to consider it. Nothing seemed out of place - at least, he didn’t feel ill or hurt. He glanced around in all directions for any slight movement or hint of danger. All clear. Cain took a hesitant step forward. Then another. Then a quick scamper across the exposed area. He paused again once he reached a good hiding spot. What was that nagging feeling about? As he contemplated, he went about meticulously cleaning his whiskers.
Whiskers. Oh. He felt the beginnings of a headache form inside his little head.
The events of the last hour began to solidify in his memory. He recalled the boring state dinner, the altogether too jolly laugh of the man sitting next to him - and then an explosion at the door and chaos. Things were still a bit of a blur, but Cain remembered everyone being zapped by some strange wave of energy. Which apparently turned him into a mouse.
This would not do. There was no way Cain could protect the royal family when he was smaller than a baby Munchkin. Perhaps if he had some help…
“Glitch? Raw?” Cain called out. He heard some movement to his left. Was that someone talking? Warily, he set out across the table.
“Glitch?” Cain called out again. The muttering was definitely coming from somewhere nearby. What Cain did not expect to see when he rounded the tray of pastries was the back half of a mouse dangling out of a strawberry pie. “Come on, Glitch. We’ve got some royalty to save. Again.”
The back legs wiggled slightly to get better purchase on the edge of the pie plate. “Mmfuhm. S’good stuff, never had better…”
“Glitch,” he yelled once more. Cain squeaked in frustration. There really was only one option left under the circumstances. He bit Glitch. Gently. (Sort of.) The result was as desired, however, and the other mouse came shooting out of the pie.
Glitch curled up and cradled his wounded tail. “Yowch! What did you do that for? Do I even know you?”
“Desperate times call for desperate measures, sweetheart,” Cain muttered.
“Cain! Wow, was that weird. I thought I was a mouse, of all things. Well, obviously I’m a mouse, but I actually thought I was a mouse - ”
Cain sniffed the air, then headed towards the end of the table and what remained of the turkey. As expected, Glitch followed.
“ - and of course I couldn’t be sure, what with the addled brains and all. For all I knew I really was a mouse who had delusions of being human - or, maybe, a mouse that got turned into a human and then turned back again. Which would be quite the existential crisis, let me tell you…”
Raw was hiding within a tumbled mess of dishes. He was shaking so badly Cain feared he’d die of fright any second. He ducked under a saucer and crept towards his other friend, leaving Glitch rambling to the butter. “Raw? Raw, do you remember me?”
Cain tried to think calming thoughts. He knew the moment Raw came back to his senses. The shivering stopped and he cautiously made his way towards Cain.
“It’s okay, Raw. Things are a bit loopy, but we’ve got work to do.”
Raw sniffed at him. “Cain stubborn. Too Cain to be mouse.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he replied as the other mouse brushed past him. He was trying to figure out what to do next when it dawned on him that they were once again missing someone. “Glitch?”
There was a loud splash behind them. Cain turned quickly around. Glitch had jumped into one of the finger cleansing bowls and was rolling around. He emerged moments later completely soaked, yet free of strawberry pie filling.
“Much better. I really don’t care for being sticky.”
Cain stalked towards him. “Never wander off like that again! We have to stick together.” He had completely forgotten about being in the open, until Raw tackled him. Fortunately he was just in time to clear them both from the path of an oncoming Himalayan.
“Azka-dee!” Glitch turned and pointed a menacing finger at the cat. Well, as menacing as a mouse could be. “You nearly killed Cain! Shame on y-ahhhg!”
Apparently Azkadellia was thoroughly a cat. They bolted before she pounced again. It was a strange obstacle course they ran through. Once off the table, they had to deal with swans, a dog, a lion (which was thankfully almost completely sedated and only growled at them), and a very disturbed badger, among other things. It was quite the royal menagerie. Literally.
They arrived panting at one of the windows. Thankfully they had lost their feline pursuer somewhere along the way.
“Does anyone have any idea what’s going on?” Cain demanded.
“How can we? It’s really hard to get a good view when your only a few inches tall.”
As one, they glanced up the curtain. A rope extended from near the curtain rod to one of the chandeliers. Cain turned to the others. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
It took them several minutes to climb to the rope, especially with Glitch constantly balking at the height, but it was worth it. Cain glanced left, then right. He now had a good scope of the room, but still no idea what was going on and how to stop it. How could three men overpower the most powerful people in the OZ and twice as many guards? How did they even get into the palace? He’d have to talk to a few people once all this was over.
“Hey. Do either of you know what that thing is?”
A machine in the shape of a rather large gun rested on the table near one of the intruders.
“I know it’s what they used to zap us into another order of classification. I have no idea if they can use it for anything else, though.”
They stared forlornly at the scene far below them. DG was tied to a chair. She was the only human still around, not counting the three men.
“… And you, Princess, are going to help make the transition as seamless as possible.” The leader of the intruders was pacing directly below them. His arrogance made Cain bristle. “All you have to do is inform your loyal subjects that you have decided to restructure your support staff, starting with your advisors. Appoint me and Franz. In a few weeks, we will slowly remove all power from the monarchy and return it to the people.”
“You mean give it to you.” DG seemed a bit off. She was just as sarcastic as usual, but her voice had a detached quality.
“Vapors,” Raw whispered.
“Okay, so we’ve got three opponents, a vapored Princess, a room full of animals, and a device of unknown capabilities.” Cain paused to gather his confidence. “We can do this.”
Glitch was clinging desperately to the rope. He glared at Cain. “Do what? If you hadn’t noticed, we don’t even have opposable thumbs.”
“C’mon, Glitch. Are you a man, or are you a mouse?” Both Raw and Glitch moaned. “Sorry. Couldn’t resist.”
“Need to free DG.” Raw pointed to the princess.
“Right. That will be your job, Raw. And while you’re doing that, I think I know what Glitch and I can be doing…”
~*~
DG felt odd. Not a bad odd, necessarily. More like a floaty odd. She wanted to hum.
A man was talking. Was he talking to her? Or to the two swans wandering about the room? “The Dauntless Organization Opposing a Foul and Unworthy Sovereignty…”
“It’s Diligent,” another man cut in.
“I thought it was Diversified,” came yet another voice behind her.
“Diligent!” The man glared. DG tried to glare back, but it was a struggle focusing.
“We’re still working on it,” the leader of the strange men confided to DG. “What’s really important, though, is that we stop this disastrous monarchy from letting the OZ go completely to ruin.”
Oh, yes, DG thought to herself. The impending overthrow of the monarchy. She giggled to herself. They were explaining their entire plan. How typical. You just couldn’t find a good villain these days. “I thought things were going rather well, actually.”
“You would! You and your family, holed up in a palace away from the suffering of the masses. You have no idea what’s going on around you!”
Actually, DG rather thought she did know. Definitely more than the idiot trying to lecture her. For instance, he didn’t notice that it was raining mice. One had dropped into the gelatin dessert, bounced gently off, and quickly squeezed his way into the insides of the strange machine the men had put down. Another had dropped onto the man’s rather nice hat. A third hadn’t fallen from the ceiling - he’d climbed up her leg - but had just finished chewing through the ropes tying her hands behind her.
“What in the… Get it off! Get it off me!” The leader was twisting about wildly, trying to swat at the mouse - which was now crawling underneath his clothes. The second insurgent leapt forward to help. It was quite funny. DG started giggling.
The mouse that freed her climbed up to her shoulder, then jumped to her lap. It waved.
“Why, hello little mouse. You look awfully familiar. I think I’m having a déjà vu. How infinitely improbable.”
He pointed to her left. Mayor Merrywithers’ cane was propped up against the table.
“Perfect. Thank you so much.”
Before she made her move, a loud crackling noise emanated from the machine. In a burst of electricity, a mouse was flung from the contraption. DG couldn’t be completely certain, but it sounded almost like the mouse was shouting, ‘Wahoo!’ all the way across the room.
It was enough of a diversion for DG to grab the cane and sneak up behind two of the men without being noticed.
“Hey, DOOFUS!” She cracked one across his face just as he was turning towards her. He made a satisfying thunk when he hit the ground. A short jolt of magic took care of Mister Mastermind. She hoped it hadn’t hurt the mouse attacking him. “Why don’t you guys pick on someone your own size?”
The vapors must have really screwed with her head, as using that small bit of magic made her unbelievably dizzy. The third henchman - Franz, perhaps - had time to heft the gun-like machine into his arms and aim it at her. There was only a faint sizzling noise when he pulled the trigger.
“Not so powerful without your doohickey, are ya?” DG adjusted the cane in her grip.
The thug grunted and squeezed the trigger again. This time a surge of electricity coursed through the machine, backfired, and slammed into its wielder.
DG walked up to the unconscious man and poked him in the side. “Well. That takes care of that.” She turned to the two mice sitting expectantly by her feet. One of them was squeaking in a demanding tone and pointing towards the door.
“Alright, alright. Let’s go see where all those guards went.”
~*~
The dining room was being cleaned up, the attempted usurpers were confined somewhere secure, and a dozen of the Queen’s best scientists were studying what remained of the weapon. The Queen’s personal attendants were keeping a watchful eye on the royal couple while DG held onto Az. Things were getting back to normal. Well, almost.
“I’m sorry guys. You’re just going to have to be patient.” DG rubbed the back of Az’s ears absently. It was an odd sight - a princess sitting cross-legged on the floor and talking to three mice. “But on the bright side, you don’t have to worry about any work for the next few days.”
Glitch turned to Cain. “You know, I’d have figured out how that thing works in a matter of hours, and configured it to reverse effects just as quickly. Maybe.”
“Too bad they can’t understand you.” Cain sighed in resignation.
“Of course, I’m not exactly one hundred percent, but I’m sure I could figure it out.” Glitch flicked an ear. The tip of it was a singed brown. “I got a good look at the insides when I was sabotaging it. Did you see me fly across the air? Did you?”
“Too bad I can understand you.”
“Hey! That wasn’t very nice.” Glitch huffed and turned away. Raw snickered. The quiet only lasted a few seconds. “So. What are we going to do tonight, Cain?”
“Same thing we do every night, Glitch…”