That's pretty good. I look forward to reading more.
I think the very start could be condensed. You've got it set up so that you introduce your introduction, and I don't think that's necessary. The juxtaposition of her glamorous description against her pedestrian reality is for me stronger if we just do one, then the other. If you wanted to accent that stylistically, you might back off from the vivid descriptions (hunched, vulture, etc.) while we're in the bookshop world. Save the really baroque stuff for the more magical things she encounters.
Thanks for taking the time to comment on my crazy attempt at fiction. I have also been thinking that the introduction could be condensed, and it's very likely that I'll do so in later drafts. The bookshop itself, as you'll see in later sections, is a rather baroque, strange place. I may end up toning down the language a bit, though, because I have a tendency towards purple prose.
JUST KIDDING. I haven't read it yet. I have to go to French Existentialism class (damn requirements!) and then four hours of lighting for film, then after that, i'll read.
Aren't you supposed to be on strike with all the other writers?
French Existentialism class sounds way more fun than this, honestly.
I don't get to go on strike until I actually get paid for my writing. Maybe I could go on strike anyway, and demand that the internet pays me a salary?
Comments 4
I think the very start could be condensed. You've got it set up so that you introduce your introduction, and I don't think that's necessary. The juxtaposition of her glamorous description against her pedestrian reality is for me stronger if we just do one, then the other. If you wanted to accent that stylistically, you might back off from the vivid descriptions (hunched, vulture, etc.) while we're in the bookshop world. Save the really baroque stuff for the more magical things she encounters.
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JUST KIDDING. I haven't read it yet. I have to go to French Existentialism class (damn requirements!) and then four hours of lighting for film, then after that, i'll read.
Aren't you supposed to be on strike with all the other writers?
-Kbot
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French Existentialism class sounds way more fun than this, honestly.
I don't get to go on strike until I actually get paid for my writing. Maybe I could go on strike anyway, and demand that the internet pays me a salary?
Reply
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